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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
 Posted - 05/19/2007 : 06:55:40
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Shawn,
Self acceptance comes first, no matter what you are doing with your life at the moment. Make small goals that are achievable, even small goals like cleaning off your desk. Then move on to larger goals. Use the class as a learning experience, study the people that annoy you and learn from them what never to be like. The only other choice that you have would be to blow off $ 500 and I don't think that's what you want. With regards to your visitors, people who act superior always feel inferior, they brag to convince themselves that they are successful. Everyones meaning of success is different. You care too much about what others think about you, until you get to a place where the only persons opinion that matters is your own, you will keep on having problems. Not an easy task, but one you can work towards. Also you need to negotiate with you SO about possibly not having this couple over since for you it isn't enjoyable. With her forcing them on you, this leads to problems in your marriage which doesn't benefit either one of you. Remember marriage is a compromise. Get working on your self esteem and self acceptance, then the world will seem a better place. Good luck, and you can do it!
Lita |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 10:05:25
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Jeez Shawn, give me that Grand and I'll teach you the ways of the world and guarnatee it won't be dry and boring. First we'll take a little road-trip on Old HiWay 50 'cross the state of Nevada and make a few pit-stops at some Pony Express stations.
I'll teach you about the "Three Date Rule". It would have saved you a lot of heart-ache with that Indian girl. Rule number one: Never date Indian girls, if you're hoping to get lucky. Their present day culture is more prudish and sexually repressive than ours.
All that Tantra stuff comes out of a long by-gone era in India's ancient past. India today is more about cell-phones, Bollywood, and out-sourced CS for Dell. There's more Yoga happening in Southeren Marin then in India today.
Cheers,
tt
Some of my favorite excerpts from " THE DIVIDED MIND " :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 14:15:17
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But they are soooooooooo preety.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/19/2007 : 21:24:11
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It may be frustrating for some when they feel they have made some good insights into what they feel is causing them inner tension and anger yet their physical symptoms continue to persist. They have journaled and journeyed well below the surface and hit on some real previously buried issues, but depiste all of this the pain keeps pounding on without let up.
It is very important not to get discouraged as their is a temptation to doubt the diagnosis of TMS at such times. There is- understandably - a real desire to recover quickly, but one must realize that with treatment of TMS we are unraveling a whole lifetime of behaviour and emotional repression. In essence, we are developing an understanding of ourselves, what makes us tick and how we emotionally cope. This is not an overnight job, but takes time and patience. Some recover more quickly, but that does not mean they have a firmer grasp of TMS principles than one who takes a longer time to recover, only that the repressed emotions may be more powerful and thus more stubborn to relent its strategy of creating pain as a distraction. Continue to do the work and slowly the results of your efforts will bare fruit.
Here is what Dr. Marc Sopher writes in his book
For reasons that are not entirely clear to both Dr. Sarno and
myself, there is great variability in the time required for symptom
resolution. This gets back to the notion of doubt. If someone states
they truly believe that TMS is the problem, that they have been doing
the mental homework and yet are distressed that their symptoms
persist, they may question whether they have TMS. This has the
elements of a catch-22. If you begin to doubt there is a psychological
cause, that there could be a physical cause, then the work is undone
and the brain’s strategy of creating a physical distraction will triumph.
This is part of what I refer to as The Calendar Phenomenon. By this
time, everyone may know of someone whose symptoms vanished
immediately after reading the book or shortly after seeing a physician
trained in TMS treatment. So, an expectation is created in their mind
that their symptoms should recede soon after incorporating this
philosophy. They look at the calendar and become upset as days and
weeks go by. This is where I tell people to look back at their
personalities. The calendar phenomenon is another manifestation of perfectionist tendencies – it is self-imposed pressure to succeed and
succeed quickly. If they can recognize this aspect of their personality and add it to their “list” of sources of stress, relief will be on the way.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 10:15:20
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Last night my wife and I had a talk. There was obviously something really bothering her as she was flabbergasted, but she was reluctant to let it out. When she did- after much promiting from me- she angrily told me two things:
1) I am not pulling enough of my wieght around the house and that she is expected to do everything, even after a long and very taxing day at work. I should say that I do some things, but not enough for her liking.
2) When she wants to spend money on something for herself I object, while I have no qualms on spending money on myself.
What I found interesting is that in the past I would get angry and hide behind the excuse of pain as a cover which would force her to back down. Last night, however, I did not respond in that way at all but patiently listened to her and understood her point of view. For me, this is progress.
The deeper question, however, is what makes me behave and think the way I do? The only answer I can come up with is that I am basically a selfish person who wants to be taken care of and only think of my own wants and needs. Not a preety picture to behold.
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 12:04:27
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That's a given. No one really acts against their self interests, not even the late Mother Theresa. Read the "The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa In Theory And Practice," by the - it would appear - mentally unstable Christopher Hitchens. Neverheless, Hitchens's book got a lot of negative responces, including this one: http://www.catholicleague.org/research/hating_mother_teresa.htm
*******
Sarno-ize it!
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 05/24/2007 : 14:37:17
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I read recently, but can't remember where, that self-esteem comes from the authentic experience of one's self, especially emotions. If we cannot experience ourselves, and feel that we are ok the way we experience things, then it is hard to get any real sense of self-worth, no matter what external accomplishments we get.
I do think that getting out and doing things can help, though, so maybe the accomplishments in that case are a part of experiencing ourselves. We experience ourselves and see that we are doing something we enjoy, and this helps our feeling of self-worth. Cooking and bike riding work this way for me, usually.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Ranting
