| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
Monte
USA
125 Posts |
 Posted - 10/30/2004 : 14:13:41
|
more Chopra. "Suffering is pain we choose to hold onto."
"These are the telltale feelings that arise in us when we are crossing the invisible boundary between ego and the real self. If you follow any emotion far enough, it will end in silence. But it's asking a lot to get that far every time. Your aim is to get to the frontier at least, the line where the ego's needs begin to lose their grip.
*When you laugh, you are losing the need to take yourself so seriously.
*When you shrug, you lose the need to blow things out of proportion.
*When you feel calm, you lose the need to feel agitated or to have drama.
*When you feel relief or fatigue coming out, you lose the need to hold on to stress. (This is also a sign of reconnecting with your body instead of living in your head.
*When you have the feeling of letting go, you lose the need to be vindicated--the possibility of forgiveness is in sight.
*When you suddenly realize that the other person may be right, you lose the need to judge.
There are other telltale signs of leaving ego behind. If you fall into the pattern of being easily offended, feeling either superior or inferior, wanting what is coming to you and begrudging what others get, or imagining that people are talking behind your back, each of these can be dealt with just as you did in the above instances. Relive the feeling, let your ego take it as far as it wants, and watch (observe in a detached way) the feeling expand until it fades away at the edge of infinity.
This exercise won't miraculously dispel every negative feeling. Its purpose is to give you a close encounter with your real self. If you try it in that spirit, you will be surprised how much easier it becomes in the future to escape the grip of emotions that have been in conrol for years." |
|
|
klc183
11 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2004 : 12:08:38
|
I have Monte's book and been active on the forums on and off for awhile now. Just yesterday, I had an experience that connected me with some of the concepts Monte talks about - perfectionism, judging, and low self-worth. I am a college instructor and I did a mid-semester evaluation with my courses yesterday. One class was quite critical of me, in fact, I felt a bit attacked and inadequate as an instructor, some comments were even personal - nothing I had ever heard in the past, nor can I really do anything about. I because very preoccupied with and upset by these evaluations, anxious, and feeling like I was "not good enough." Within a couple of hours, I developed pain behind my knee and into my calf - it is painful to raise up on my toes and to walk. I truly believe there is no physical trigger for this like my typical ability to attribute the pain to running, etc. Quite honestly, I am becoming obsessed with the pain, wondering if it will be a permanent thing, particularly since there was no trigger and I cannot talk to myself about my past experience in ridding myself of pain when there was a known trigger. I am trying to use the being aware approach that Monte set forth, and I am frustrated (I guess another thing to think about) because this is so clearly a TMS situation triggered by my deep feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough, perfect, etc. seeping to the surface, yet the pain is not going away.....
Any additional ideas/strategies???? |
 |
|
|
Louise
USA
68 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2004 : 16:48:46
|
KLC186 -
Of course there was no physical trigger - it's TMS. And, there is most certainly an emotional trigger. You were on the receiving end of criticism, both personal and professional and it probably made you very angry. You probably didn't express your anger. A big part of having a TMS-type personality is repression of anger. We don't want to look unprofessional, or uncontrolled, or uncivil. But, deep down inside, we feel like we want to punch somebody's lights out. So our unconscious minds distract us from our urge to be uncivil by making something hurt, so we can focus on the pain instead. And if our focus turns into obsession, TMS is all the more successful.
It's kind of funny that your new pain site is my past/present pain site. My TMS tends to revert to knee pain when I've managed to banish it from other locations. I think that its because my left knee has had surgery, and I still have some lingering thoughts of "physical damage." Lately, my work situation has been really stressful, so the knee pain has made a return.
Recently, I've had success in beating the pain back by thinking of the things in my life that I may be angry about. I use the pain as a signal to start thinking "I'm angry about so-and-so, or such-and-such." This may not jive with Monte's more "zen" approach, but it's been working for me. I was plagued with pain when I lay down in bed at night, and now, I use the pain as a call to focus on things that anger or serve to stress me. I find that I can diffuse the pain by thought, and at this point, I'm now challenging it - calling it out - when it starts to hurt. There is a great satisfaction and empowerment when you can make the pain go away, just by thinking. |
|
|
|
klc183
11 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2004 : 17:54:08
|
Thanks, Louise-
Your comments were very insightful. Having the experience of pain going away through simple thoughts is something I have yet to experience. There are lots of changes happening in my life right now too. When you talked about anger - it reminded me of how this incident yesterday added to other happenings that I think I am more angry about than I am willing to admit, as well as also cutting my self-worth - e.g., not being able to establish and maintain a healthy relationship, betrayal by my most recent boyfriend and the level of dependency I am now aware I had on him as well as the profound (and I mean profound) effect of his negativity on my outlook on life. Just these past few weeks, I was finally feeling happy, content, and ready to move on.....and now I sit here unable to focus, obsessed with the pain, and I do not have that one person I could talk about this to (The ex) to process this with, again more anger and feelings of loss. My knees/legs are my favorite site of pain like you. I always say that I wish the pain would go to my upper back, wrist, elbow, etc., but it will never go there because my brain knows that I will ignore it - it is not a strong enough distractor.
KLC |
|
|
|
tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2004 : 18:06:05
|
Dear KLC186,
I agree wholeheartedly, with Louise. You have had a classic TMS experience  . Your being took a great emotional bombardment. You sustained no physical injury due to trauma. You have outsmarted the TMS gremlin  . Your intuition is telling you it is TMS. The gremlin is not so smart afterall  .
Put the situation under a psychological microscope. Don't be distracted by the pain. If you need help to sort it out seek some. Go to a senior teacher, the dept. head, or a psychologist to help sort it out.
Sounds like you were ambushed by the class  . When I was in school, I don't ever recall having the opportunity to critique my teachers, (at least not to their face). Deal with the situation head-on. Don't miss this opportunity to learn about TMS and yourself.
It might help to discuss the emotional facts here more than the anatomical symptoms. That's entirely up to you. If the criticisms had some validity, take it constuctively and use it for growth. It's impossible to tell from here without your recounting the facts. If after reflection, there was no merit to the criticsm, try to put it behind you.
Don't underestimate the hit your psyche suffered. Treat it with TMS thinking. Good luck. |
|
|
|
klc183
11 Posts |
Posted - 11/04/2004 : 21:26:26
|
Thank you for reminding me that what I experienced was like an emotional beating. There was no doubt some thematic, constructive criticism; however, even that is hard to swallow because it means I am not doing it perfectly.  I am relatively young (29 years), teaching college students, which creates a bit of a credibility issue. This is the first stime, however, a student has referred to me as not being professional. I generally really love what I do, and know that I cannot please everyone, but it is sometimes hard for me to separate my responsibility from the students' for the learning experience. I admit I am a bit angry because there is so much entitlement in the attitudes of students.
I took pause when you suggested talking about the emotional stuff more than the anatomical - this is where I get into trouble with TMS and not being able to beat it. I become so obsessed with the pain, and I cannot seem to stop being negative - why me? why again? I didn't do anything for this to happen, etc?
|
|
|
|
Fox
USA
496 Posts |
Posted - 11/05/2004 : 14:09:05
|
| You need to keep focusing on that anger-producing event and keep telling yourself that the event was the precipitating factor for the pain -- not any structural reason. You need to try to get that anger out. Imagine in great detail beating the crap out of those students who wrote the cruel remarks -- and put your body into it. Try reading John Lee's book, Facing the Fire, regarding other strategies for getting the anger out of the body....For me what works is yelling in the car "at" the folks that I am angry with and striking the steering wheel as well. Also effective for me is punching and kicking my heavy bag for 30 minutes while imagining that the bag is someone who angered me. These techniques relax me tremendously and take away my sciatica for long periods of time. |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
suffering is pain we choose to hold onto...
