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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
 Posted - 04/09/2007 : 05:30:47
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Hi Everyone,
I am working on my TMS daily and reading and reading DR. Sarno's books. I have a question. Once you come to understand the intense pressure that certain personality traits cause, isn't it ok to work on changing them? I realize that my personality is not only making me have TMS, but making me pretty unhappy. It is unrealistic to try and do everything perfectly. Dr.Sarno believes that perfectionism is feelings of inferiority. Which I totally agree. I don't want to spend the rest of my life making myself miserable and putting unrealistic pressure on myself. I want to stop! Plus I don't want my kids growing up trying to be perfect. Isn't it good also to work on changing negative personality habits if you should want to?
Thanks. |
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sensei adam rostocki
USA
167 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 07:28:44
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Sometimes simply acknowledging imperfect or unwanted character traits is enough and sometimes, it is not. In my case, there were things about myself that I did not like, but I came to accept as being “inherently me.” There were other traits that I wanted to be rid of, so I consciously went about changing those things successfully. Yes, it is possible to change who you are, but only if you have a good reason and desire to change. If the change makes sense emotionally and logically it will be much easier for you to accomplish. If not, then you might just have to stick to simple acknowledgement. Best to you, Sensei
CURE-BACK-PAIN(dot)ORG |
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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 08:18:03
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Thanks Sensei,
I know that I want to lighten up and stop putting so much pressure on myself and others, not a fun way to live.
Thanks |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 08:35:15
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Hi Lita,
I can relate to this very much..I often wonder the same thing..Lately I am working hard to change the undesirable character traits I have..I suppose there is a fine line when it comes to knowing what parts are truly just 'you' and what parts need to change..None of us are perfect or ever will be..It took me some time to realize what a perfectionist I truly am..I used to think that because my art studio is a mess, for example, and I am unorganized w/ papers etc..how could i be a perfectionist? But now i realize that I am 100percent! And I do want to change all my character defects including the desire to change them all..What a paradox!
God bless and hugs,
Karen |
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Kristin
98 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 10:09:13
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Good point Singer Artist. Although we could be more gentle on ourselves if we accepted our imperfections as part of our perfection. As in there's a perfectly good reason we are the way we are!
I also have had to realize the different faces of perfectionism. I am a bit of a messy housekeeper, lazy in some ways but a perfectionist when it comes to my crafts and vision of how things should be. I am now begining Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way and am excited to discover how things like perfectionism create blocks. I think there's a lot of clues to TMS recovery along with artists recovery!
LitaM
I would like to echo Sensei, acceptance is the first method to try. It is more powerful than I ever thought. I have spend years trying to change my personality. One step forward, two back or three steps back, always. My goal now is to take those difficult traits and turn them into strengths using awareness and compassion for myself. I also don't want my negative traits to pass on to my kids. Lately I have found admitting mistakes to them is very reassuring, especially if I make an effort to improve. I would have to convince myself that changing a trait or habit would be better than fully accepting myself. |
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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 10:29:32
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Thanks Everyone,
I just know that I need to stop the constant pressure on myself and expectations of others. I do accept myself, enough to know that I need to not get myself so wound up. You are so correct, it all is a paradox. |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 10:51:05
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Nice post, Kristin. I agree that the best thing we can do for ourselves is compassion, acceptance, and understanding first. As perfectionists we rarely give ourselves these things, and we really need them. If we then want to change, we will be better able to take the necessary steps.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/09/2007 : 13:52:07
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| Thanx Kristen! Let me know how that book is when you are done..Maybe I will pick it up as well..:) |
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Kristin
98 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2007 : 14:08:54
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Karen,
It's like a workbook with exercises and a writing method called "morning pages". These are done every morning for as long as you wish, 3 pages, no more, no less, of basically unedited stream of consciousness flowing writing. Each chapter of the "program" takes a week. I'm only in week one but I find the work fun and interesting. Parts of it also appear very challenging! I can easily see how it can enhance and unlock many aspects of the creative and artistic process. There's a website with a forum and other information. I don't have the information here at work. I'm sure it's easy to google!
Cheers!
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/10/2007 : 15:20:51
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Thanx Kristin!
That sounds very valuable! Appreciate you mentioning it..:))
I may need this tool because for the first time in a very long time I feel blocked creatively...I have soooo much on my mind and I am dealing w/ so many conflicting emotions that I don't feel like painting..I have to somehow, someway get my butt in gear and finish the piece i am working on...I may end up using it as one of the two that will be in the magazine..so i am kind of under a deadline..Thanx again!
Blessings and hugs,
Karen |
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Topic |
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Stopping Negative Personality Traits!
