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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:00:33
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I was thinking today about how being indecisive and non-commital about certain things wreaks havoc with one's health..mine in particular..I wanted to talk about this a bit and see if anyone can relate..I am an over-thinker with hypochondriacal tendencies as well..We have been talking alot about that on here lately and I think it is really relevant to TMS..
When it comes to making big life decisions sometimes I feel frozen..And I was wondering if that 'frozen' feeling makes it's way into my neck in the form of tightness..I type better then I write so I thought it would be healing to talk about this on here..and..perhaps I might find someone who relates as well..
I have a complicated relationship with my significant other right now..Many of you probably remember that he has a dog allergy, for example, and I have 2 dogs I love dearly..I just took my 12 year old basset daughter to a Holistic vet for these benign tumors she keeps getting..She has one by her eye that concerns me..She and my Border Collie/Beagle are my kids..I don't have human children..Being in my 40's my bio clock is ticking like Big Ben..I still could have bio kids but I am still not sure if I want to..Talk about being a late bloomer, lol!
I know I do want a family, however..whether it be through adoption, fostering or biological..I feel quite lonely in life regarding family..The family i have is small and i have huge issues with my one sibling..My neices and I are very close and I am blessed to have them..but there are problems they are dealing w/ that are very worrisome to me and add to my reservoir of stress..
I am trying to lead a double life, going back and forth between my true home in NYC/NJ to Vegas..It gets a bit expensive but not as expensive as it would be to re-locate permanently clear across the country..So I remain in limbo and don't know what will happen or where i will end up..
I am holding on to the hope that this magazine article about my art and the exposure w/ the airline will open some serious door in my career..I am so tired of living like a college student, renting a room in my friend's house..I 'should' have my own home by now..Several years ago i had the funds to buy but didn't want to be too rooted in Vegas..once again..the non-commital, indecisiveness biting me on the butt..
It even shows up in my spiritual life..I have Jewish blood, but I am a Christian by faith..I go to Christian churches, Catholic Mass and to a Messianic Synagogue..Guess i am covering All bases...lol...(i know my atheist pals on here are probably laughing at me about now..) IN any case..I was wondering if anyone else has a hard time making decisions and focusing..
My dear surrogate mom (she is the perfect Jewish mom, 79 yrs old and loves and wants to fix me..she is the same age my real mom would be if she didn't pass away..) she keeps telling me that I am too fragmented..That i have to make some decisions and stick with them..All of these unknowns in every area of my life are tormenting..
When I am in NYC i am a singer and I love it! When i am here in Vegas, i have my easel, and all my equipment so i paint and i love it..My b/f is a musician/artist too and so we are both struggling financially until one or both of us gets a break..Sometimes i wonder if i should end up w/ a doctor or an accountant! I have never been a gold digger or based my decision to love on anything related to how much money someone makes..But..as I am getting older i am worried about my future..As an independent contractor, singer, artist, voice teacher...i don't have an IRA, 401K etc. etc..No security for my older years and that is scary!
Dr. Sarno talks about fears of aging as a big stressor for TMS..And with my birthday coming in June i am growing more fearful..I don't want to make the wrong decision in any area so i am sort of stagnating in many..
When my surrogate mom asks me where i would REALLY love to live, for example...my answer is Europe, of course! But living there is a major hassle unless you are a citizen...Ahhhhhh i am babbling..I am hoping someone gets something out of this, if not for entertainment purposes..If anyone has any words of wisdom for me they would be deeply appreciated!
Hugs and God bless..
Karen |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:18:22
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Karen, I vote you find a doctor or an accountant. If you and your b/f's ship hasn't come in by now, you have a long journey to the gold-fields. The dog allergy sounds like the deal breaker.
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:25:44
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Thanx Tom..:)
I wish it were that easy inside of me..I love the b/f very much but I also love my doggies and even after they pass on, unless he is healed of his severe allergies, I am going to have to live the rest of my life w/ dogs..I am a dog nut, so that prospect is painful..
As for our ships..ya never know..In the art world, especially anything can happen at any age...So I will continue to pursue my dreams even at this old age...lol...
I do appreciate your input!
Have a great weekend,
Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:27:55
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Oops..typo correction to my reply to you, Tom..I meant without dogs, not with..
PS..Georgia O'Keefe and Jackson Pollack made it in their much later years..And I am still hoping that something more will come from the exposure i will get soon..I just wish i weren't so in between worlds and indecisive.. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:42:26
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Yep, anything is possible Karen, but realisticly, making it rich as an artist or even paying the bills is a tough go. The art scene is very competitive, here in Southern Marin, the first thing every menopausal woman does is buy paint brushes and take art classes.
If a decent guy comes by who likes to hear you sing and is in a position to buy you paint and canvas for the rest of your life, grab the boat and sail away on it.
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 18:52:14
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| I hear you..But I am not menopausal yet...lol...And I have been painting for years...I make a more consistent living as a singer and a voice coach, however..The painting sales come in waves so it has been feast or famine, par for the course..thanks for chatting with me..What do you think about indecision and it's effects on TMS..or inner conflicts, etc..I still have to read TDM in it's entirety.. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 19:25:21
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Interesting topic, Karen. I think that indecision is often a form of perfectionism. We don't want to make the wrong choice so we become unable to make a choice. And since perfectionism is one of the TMS traits, it seems to me that indecision also relates to the TMS.
Indecision can also be related to aging, for me anyway. I feel more pressure to make the right decisions and not "waste" my time on things that aren't going to turn out the way I want, because I no longer feel like I have decades of life stretching before me like I felt in my 20's. The more pressure I feel to make the right decision, the more undecided I become.
Wishing you the best--Corey |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 19:35:33
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Sorry Karen, I wasn't accusing you of being menopausal, I was going to put in parentheses "(not talking about you Karen)" but forgot to.
More to your topic, indecision SUCKS and is a life waster (perhaps). I have done enough of that myself. I feel it leads to manic periods of feeling pressured to make up for lost time, followed by the corresponding exhaustion period of depression, from having gone over-board and done too much. I guess that's the manic-depressive cycle and I have it to whatever degree. When your nervous system tires of dealing with this b.s., your mindbody gives you TMS for a respite.
I recall a good movie from a few years back "Girl Interrupted" starring, if I recall, Winona (shop-lifter) Rider, Angelina (please call your father) Jolie, and Venessa REDgrave.
There's a scene where Winona has a chat with the Head Mistress of the mental institution her parents sent her off to for some trivial suburban offense. Winona states that she is in a condition of ambivalence. Venessa says the defintion of ambvivalence is having too many choices and not being able to come to a decision.
That's my thougtht on indecision, hope it's more on topic. Rent the movie it was a good flick, despite all the Hollywood neurotic hand-washers starring in it.
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Edited by - tennis tom on 04/06/2007 19:58:42 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2007 : 23:35:20
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Littlebird,
Exactly..That makes alot of sense..Indecision is related to perfectionism and is also related to aging! I am no longer in my 20's and definitely feel a major pressure to make the right decisions to hopefully enjoy the rest of my life..It is scary getting older, big time..I don't like it much, in fact..I am trying to embrace it, but it is difficult..Thankfully my spirituality helps me alot..Just knowing there is an afterlife for me and I will be joined with loved ones who have gone b4 me helps lessen my fears..But I am also very afraid of death and that sure is an unpopular subject to talk about..
Thanx for your input!
Hugs and God bless,
Karen
Hi Tom,
No worries, I shouldn't be so darn sensitive anyway..Thanx for the insight on indecision..I saw that movie, it was great! I should rent it again..thanks for reminding me!
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
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LitaM
Canada
54 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2007 : 05:47:31
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Singer Artist,
You have to ask yourself if today is the way you want to live the rest of your life. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will continue how you are living. Past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour. Your partner will behave the way he does now and will continue in the future, most likely forever. So if you are happy with this person, great, if not, change may be needed. You can't change people, they have to change for themselves, or we change. It seems to me that you are asking for everyones approval to change how you are living. You have to please only one person and that is yourself. You have to sit and think long and hard about what you want in your life. Listen to your gut instincts. Think only of what you want, not how it will effect others. You just can't please everyone. Ask yourself, " What do I really want out of life?" When you have to right answer for you, you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You need to make a choice and then act.
About children, well, I have two. I love them dearly, but, they definetly add stress to your life and relationship. Good always comes with the bad. So sit down and ask yourself some tough questions and then starting acting. Only look to please you!!
Best Wishes.
Lita |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2007 : 07:27:34
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Lita,
Thank you so much for your wise and supportive words...You are right and I am going to re-read everyone's reply here, over and over..To think of what I want, deep down looking to please myself is very tough for me..I have a bad habit of putting those I love way b4 myself..Have done this for years and now it's really hurting me..I still feel frozen in certain areas because I am afraid to make the changes i feel in my gut..My surrogate mom Ann keeps telling me that i have already made my mind up about alot of things, but now i have to act! That is the very hard part..I don't want to make a mistake, and I hate hurting anyone i love..
No matter what i do regarding say the geography issue someone is going to get hurt and feel pain..I don't know why (some say because i am a giver and have an open heart) but several friends are overly dependent on me emotionally speaking..I am the leader of the pack, so to speak, and everyone looks to me all the time for what to do for fun and more..Sometimes i just want to sell my 97 Maxima (probably only worth 5000) and take off to Europe alone..
Besides the humans that are dependent on me, my dogs are the biggest reason i wouldn't take off like that..especially my oldest basset..I don't know how much longer she will be on the planet and she is really dependent and bonded to me..She is my responsibility, although my roomie/brother loves her dearly and dreads me taking her away...She is very happy here in the house except when i am gone for several months..She never stops missing me, continues to pee in the house, for ex., until i return..She is 12 and i always promised her i would be there for her like she was for me so many times when i was sick or injures or layed up w/ TMS.. I get as much from her and she gets from me..And the pressure to put her first is astronomical..
Thanx for listening,
Karen |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2007 : 09:18:17
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
..I don't want to make a mistake,
Karen
Babe Ruth, when he set his long standing record for most homeruns, also had the most strike-outs.
some of my favorite excerpts from 'TDM' : http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 04/07/2007 : 11:14:38
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| Great point, Tom...I used to be so much more a risk taker,no I seem to have become a chicken! |
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the perils of indecision
