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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
 Posted - 03/11/2007 : 15:38:56
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Hi everybody,
i am pretty sure, that one of my biggest stressors is my perfectionism.
I am writing about my goals and planning and thinking about them almost everyday. I really wanne grow constantly, be successful financialy, spiritual, social, be perfectly health (oh, just being normal would be enough here  ). I wanne study every subject i am intrested in totally and wanne develop so many skills, wanne visit so much countrys, etc.
One the one hand i consider this as a gift, because i think about my future and what i want. I wanne create my life and develop myself.
On the other hand i think this generates HUGE stress and inner pain, because i am always angry and tensioned when things don't work out well or when i have conflicting wishes i can't resolve, like want to be an early riser, but also want to make party.
Always when i am unhappy with my present situation and set goals and strive to become better i notice how the tension and pain in my stomach get worse and my breathing becomes shallow.
My question is, is it enough to accept and recognize, that i feel anger and rage about not being satisfied with myself and demanding alot from myself or do i have to CHANGE this? Do i have to get lazy, set fewer goals, stop planning and thinking about the future? But this would be painful too, because i am proud about being self disciplined and striving to grow and become better.
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As you think, so shall you become. - Bruce Lee |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 03/11/2007 : 16:54:31
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Alpha
Are you not the same young man from Germany who was posting a few months ago and asking the extact same questions? I responed to many of them, but there were so many I could not keep up with them all.
You stated thar you read Dr. Sarno's books, but then ask the question here about whether you have to change your personality in order to recover. Dr. Sarno has clearly stated, as has other TMS writers, that it is NOT necessary to change anything about yourself in order to bring about a recovery. (read many of Baseball's postings which attest to that) You have to recognize the kind of person you are (personality traits) and make the link beteen how these traits contribute to your inner rage and ultimately the onset of physical pain. The recognition and acceptance of what is taking place is, according Dr. Sarno, the key to recovery and not trying to change yourself. There are times when it is wise to remove yourself from a situation that is causing your a lot of stress or anger, and even Dr. Sarno relates stories of people who have done so and which led them to a full recovery. But there was more to their recovery than just doing that.
I suspect, from reading other postings of yours, that you have some unrecognized issues with your parents which you may have a difficult time facing up to. (we all do, so not to worry here) Here are some questions:
How where you raised by them?
Where they overly strict?
Do they seek to control your life even now?
Are you dependent on them and secretly resent it?
Do you feel that somehow they owe you something but they did not give it to you?
Did your siblings get better treatment than you?
Did they ignore you our put your down when you were younger?
Where and are they hard to please and always critical?
These are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself. I would go ahead and say yes to all of them and write these feeling down in a journal. Begin by writing:
"I am angry and resentful of my parents because________________________"
Fill in the blanki g with the questions I included above. Even if you do not feel at first the statement is true, try to assume it is and continue to write why you are angry or resentful of them. Then read it back and see how it feels. Do it with each qyestion separatley.
Remember, you can love someone and be unconsciously be angry with them at the exact same time. It is natural and nothing to be ashamed of.
Think, my friend, think!!!
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Sarno-ize it!
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Alpha
Germany
43 Posts |
Posted - 03/12/2007 : 04:18:15
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hey shawn, yes i am the german guy and i posted some time ago, but not the same questions! :)
And yeah, i think i have much unconscious anger against my fathi even have conscious anger against him. :) I mean i love him, but he is really demanding and very success oriented.
Whatever, i will add your questions in my journaling. Thank you.
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As you think, so shall you become. - Bruce Lee |
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2007 : 03:32:09
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Hello from England. Your posting is interesting. It sounds to me like it might be a good idea for you, as well as having the knowledge of what is causing your problems, to try some breathing exercises. Because of tension the cramps in your stomach will feel horrible. Try lying down and doing some relaxing where you start with your feet, tense and relax, then your calves, tense and relax and work up all your whole body. It will only take about ten minutes. Try to do this about three times a day and then in bed before you sleep.
Have you heard of Paul McKenna the man who does relaxation CDs. They are very good, but you have to be disciplined and listen to the whole thing.
I feel if you could write stuff down and also do these exercises you would feel a lot better. Avoid too much caffeine as well, anything that will make you feel a bit hypo. Decaff coffees are often as good. I always buy the decaff ground coffee.
Good luck.
Phyllis |
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Kristin
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/14/2007 : 14:45:01
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I think recognizing the effects of stress as they happen is effective toward nipping symptoms in the bud. It sounds like you are prime for accepting and not fighting the ideas Dr. Sarno espouses.
My attitude also includes that this awareness is a gift. I try to go easy on myself especially when instead of getting up early to journal or meditate I only leave myself enough time to shower dress and get to work! I trust that when I gain more energy I will naturally wake up with enough time.
Those physical signs are good reminders to be easy on yourself. It may be good to re-examine your goals and figure out your priorities and discover what is making you happy and what makes you stressed. It's usually the expectations that I imagine others have of me that are the worse.
Good Health to you! |
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Is accepting enough or do i have to change?
