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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
 Posted - 02/08/2007 : 11:26:41
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One of the things that's helped me the most from the TMS material is the message that it's normal, healthy, and ok to have negative emotions. This helped me really integrate a lot of parts of me that I was trying to stuff away.
One of the consequences is that I also feel okay about having weaknesses. For example, I've always been shy and I don't like to meet new people and make small talk with them. I get really nervous, even though I know there's not much reason to and it's counterproductive. It's been really great to be able to acknowledge that I feel that way, and that's not bad. That allows me to get to productive thinking about why I feel that way, and the reason is pretty simple: I just have a personality characteristic that I'm shy. That makes it easier to make productive negotiations with myself about when I think it's worth dealing with it and meeting new people, and when to just avoid a situation because it won't really have enough benefits for me to go through the angst.
Similarly, I've recently realized that while I'm generally organized and good at tracking things, I tend to fall down on the details of tracking as long as everything is going okay. I find it really difficult to track daily spending, write down everything I do on a project, or keep a to-do list completely up to date. That's a weakness, and when I acknowledge it to myself, I feel like I can stop beating myself up for not being already perfect at it. It's not something I "should" be able to do, it's something I'm not that good at. And then I can decide to work on it as a challenge, without all the pressure that I SHOULD know how to do it. (There's that SHOULD.) That diminishes my self-created stress and makes the TMS demon less likely to rear its ugly head.
Just hoping this perspective might help some other perfectionists out there. :-)
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 02/09/2007 : 00:28:39
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| Helpful thoughts ACL; thanks for sharing. |
Edited by - Littlebird on 02/09/2007 00:29:16 |
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DitaH
United Kingdom
31 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2007 : 02:45:47
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Totally agree with you about the nervousness about meeting people. I get that too. Seems silly to me, but the funny thing is when i go through with it it always seems that I'm regarded with esteem and the respect I'm terrified i will not find. yeah accepting it is great. makes me feel great, admitting it to my wife that i feel nervous before we go and have dinner with someone. I celebrate this side of myself .. I say it makes me more artistic and creative to be sensitve  |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 02/10/2007 : 13:28:57
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I like that. In a way all our weaknesses are also strengths, and our strengths also weaknesses. When we embrace them wholly we can see both sides and I think this does help us relax about going into situations that we are challenged by!
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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Accepting your weaknesses diminishes TMS stress
