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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
 Posted - 12/19/2006 : 12:26:32
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| OK, we've all found some repressed fear and anger and other negative emotions. Anyone else come up with repressed happiness in the mix? Anyone ever read anything on such a subject? Really, I'm not joking. I point this out because it looks silly as I type it. |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 12:39:22
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Yes, I have!
Hilary N |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 12:43:58
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| I guess for me it's kind of related to the "global shoulds" talked about in another thread recently. Sometimes you feel you shouldn't be happy just like that you shouldn't be angry. Much more pleasant when it breaks through than the others. |
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2scoops
USA
386 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 13:10:42
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| I read a book called Healing The Shame That Binds You, by John Bradshaw. He said some people feel guilty because they are happy. For instance you may have sick family member and you maybe healthy, but you can't enjoy your health, because you may feel you neeed to suffer as well. When something good happens, some people just wait for something bad to happen and cannot enjoy blessings. But it maybe repressed shame that is blocking ones happiness. |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 13:19:33
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| I like the picture here of a stack of repressions piled on top of one another. I wish we could include some metaphorical artwork! Yes, I think is is something like that. Or maybe even just a set of rationised ideas about what should be or lead to happiness tied in knots. Not sure yet but willing to play with all the ideas for a while. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 14:56:31
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| Alexis, for me part of the reason for repressed happiness is the fear that it's not going to last and knowing I will then feel pain and disappointment that it didn't last. It gets to be like a fear of love--you believe that if you don't allow yourself to feel a good emotion then you won't have to go through the pain of losing it if it doesn't last. |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 15:02:20
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| I had to think about that for a minute. For me it may even be something like "anything that doesn't last isn't entirely real". |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/19/2006 : 16:40:41
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Corey, that really rings a chord with me, being afraid to go wholly into happiness because I might lose it. It's easier not to get attached to being happy.
So yes, I think I experience repressed happiness. Some feelings of free, flowing joy happiness seems to come as I release more of my emotions, even the previously scary repressed ones, from captivity.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 12/20/2006 : 22:50:22
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quote:
Originally posted by armchairlinguist
So yes, I think I experience repressed happiness. Some feelings of free, flowing joy happiness seems to come as I release more of my emotions, even the previously scary repressed ones, from captivity.
This has also been my experience. It's paradoxical that releasing pent up rage and then the sadness behind it can then lead to a peaceful, connected, happy state. For me the happiness is a realization that I indeed survived the experience and an connected to my most vulnerable core self. Also that that core inner self is no longer alone with his feelings but can be supported and held by my adult grown up self. |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 12/20/2006 : 23:29:15
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Wow, Miehnesor, those words "my core inner self is no longer alone with his feelings" illuminates everything for me. It's definitely one of the keys to the pain my siblings and I have always struggled with--being alone with our feelings because it seemed too dangerous to let them out, even with each other. Thank you for writing that!
Corey |
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 09:22:44
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I agree too that we are afraid to show happiness. I LOVE Christmas to bits and when I am out and I see a great tree, I actually squeak with excitement (because all my Christmases in care as a child were horrible).
I know this sounds corny, but when I am out and see an old fashioned merry go round at a fair or in a shopping centre on a temporary basis, I have to get on and go round and round on one of those lovely painted horses. My husband has to drag me off and I am in my fifties. He says I actually glow with happiness.
So I say to all of you, if you love something and even if it is 'childish' do it!
We all need happiness, even a tiny dose if that is all you can allow yourself.
A lot of us are afraid of happiness being shattered, because many on the forum have had bad times and sometimes this is all we expect, because that is what has always happened in the past.
W B Yeats has a lovely line in a poem 'When I was a boy with never a crack in my heart'. Unfortunately as we grow our hearts often get cracked, but I believe we can be healed and enjoy lots.
I shamelessly sit under the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and press presents to guess what they are! I love all the childish things about it all.
I still have a knobbly stocking to open on Christmas morning.
All try and have a great holiday and may your God be with you!
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 11:17:27
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Oh, that's exactly it. Now that I know my inner child, and she knows me, we can experience things together, and I feel more whole, and less alone. I can be my own witness to my feelings, something that I didn't totally have as a kid. (Sometimes I feel a little funny talking like I am two people, so I'm glad that people on this forum know what I mean.)
Happy holidays to everyone! This can be a stressful (rage-inducing!) time of year, and sometimes I think the magic Christmas used to have when I was a kid is a little lost to be now. But the small things help me recover it -- listening to my favorite Christmas CD on repeat, making peppermint tarts, getting a Christmas card from a college friend now in the Marines, giving to the local newspaper's "Wish Book" collection, Christmas lights still sparkling faintly in the gray morning as I walk to work. The child is still in there, remembering getting up in the dark of a Christmas morning, eating Lucky Charms with my brother, trying to be quiet so we didn't wake up my parents too early. I wish these little joys to you all and to the world.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 11:47:03
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Hi ArmchairL and Phyllis,
Thank you for those lovely posts. I really enjoyed reading and visualizing them.
Cheers and Seasons Greetings,
tt |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 14:37:32
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I just read a little piece in a magazine called "Stop Being Such A Grown-Up" which says that we need to play like we did when we were children to counteract adult stresses. It mentions female executives who have pajama parties and soccer moms who bake cookies in Easy-Bake Ovens and recommends "reigniting your sense of fun by indulging in a childhood treat." So I guess we don't need to feel any guilt about the seemingly childish things that still appeal to us.
Corey |
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alexis
USA
596 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 14:46:10
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Hey Corey, I just got a packet of modelling clay last week under the partial excuse of "physical therapy for my RSI" (even I knew this was only partially true). And I should point out that I am not an artist and have no kids.
That was one of the most fun things I've done, and was probably the main thing that proved to me that my hands were pretty OK. I didn't follow any directions but just made what I wanted and went on for quite a while, arms feeling healthy and just having fun -- in this case all on my own. I like to hear that others are finding some other outlets...let's hear it for a more fun world for the grown-ups.
I would definitely recommend this to anyone to whom it sounds fun, but to RSI sufferers in particular for the hefty power of revelation it may bring regarding the health of your hands. Note--if you, like me, don't play with this stuff, its harder to manipulate than you might think. |
Edited by - alexis on 12/21/2006 16:41:34 |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 12/21/2006 : 16:38:57
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I have been drawing pictures lately, with colored pencils. I drew a self-portrait of Me/My Inner Child. Now I'm working on one of a church spire I used to walk by.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 12/26/2006 : 20:08:03
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happy holidays to everyone!
I was busy visiting (and supressing emotions  ) with my family for the past week, so I'm glad to be catching up with the board.
Alexis and ACL were writing about art projects and Corey was referencing an article about CEO pajama parties.
In the past, I've always felt bad about these kinds of things. Like they are a "waste of time" and "unproductive." Now that I have a new perspective from learning about TMS (and accessing some of that repressed happiness, too), I am trying to change that habit of thinking.
It's slow going, though. My roommate is into painting for fun, and I find myself jealous that she has the confidence to do it, even if it's not stellar work. I am still developing that level of confidence, and I'm ashamed of the fact that I'm lacking in confidence as well as being jealous.
Maybe the connection I'm missing is that it's "my inner child" who is jealous. My rational self is quite okay with her interests.
Now here's the question, is it my rational self or my inner child who is also jealous/angry that my roommate had a "better" upbringing than me? Where's the line here? This is a pretty sophisticated thought, but I think I'm answering my own question by remembering back to being a child and envious of other people's parents who always seemed more loving and affectate than my own.
Thanks a lot for this topic, Alexis.
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Edited by - carbar on 12/26/2006 20:09:20 |
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Topic |
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Repressed happiness, anyone?
