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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
 Posted - 12/05/2006 : 07:25:51
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Hi Everyone,
I have not written in months, but wanted to share with you, that postings I wrote to you, my friends, many months back, concerning my frustrations with my TMS and frustrations over my sibling(s) have been printed out, I am told, by a sibling and spouse and mailed to another relative. Several relatives have now informed me of these print outs. I am hurt beyond belief. I do not know who else these have been shared with.
I do not know of anyone, who has not shared their frustrations with a loved one, to another, at one point in their lives. This does not mean that we do not love our brother, sister....just that we find difficulty in dealing with certain aspects. We all possess difficult aspects of who we are. We are, after all, all human and therefore have our idiosyncrasies.
Let it be stated, that despite it all, I love my siblings. That is who I am. I was blessed to be raised by the best parents. Why the world has turned upside down since our Mom's passing is, I suppose, a question to be asked.
I was initially diagnosed with an "idiopathic neuropathy" by numerous Doctors in the Boston area and then later diagnosed with TMS by another Boston Doctor. I do not even know if they know what TMS is or the difficulty one has in dealing with constant pain. Wonder no more why TMS exists.
COlleen |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 07:52:17
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If I were you I'd be in a BLIND RAGE about this. It's one thing for a relative to stumble across this site, but to print out messages and mail them to another relative? Wow. That is cruel and vindictive.
Perhaps if your family was comfortable sharing difficult emotions they wouldn't feel compelled to act in such a childish manner. If this is how your family "communicates" then it should give you more proof that you are suffering from TMS.
The cat is out of the bag, so to speak, so why not try to make this a constructive event. Explain how it is normal for human beings to be frustrated in one way or another (likely many ways) with those who they love. Facing these frustrations rather than bottling them up inside is healthy.
They probably won't get it, though, because they too are burying their forbidden emotions and refusing to face them. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 07:54:17
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Hi Colleen,
It is a hard thing for people to accept that you could love them and be angry or very frustrated with them at the exact same time, and that - in fact- this is a natural and common reaction. It seems it has to be, for most people, an either/or situation. "You either love me or you are angry and upset with me- you cannot be both."
I hope this all turns out for the best for you.
Shawn |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 08:18:10
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Hi Dave and Shawn,
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them greatly. I do not think I can talk to them as I have received notification from them to keep my distant, my husband, my children, my relatives (wouldn't that be their relatives as well?....and my friends' distant from now to forever....which is strange considering I have not seen most of them for ages. It is a mix of emotions now.....I will always love them despite this and I wish we could have all sat down, as Adults, and put on the table all our issues in an open, civic manner. Unfortunately, as much as I struggle with this, I think my children take the full brunt of it. I have never understood why people bring things to the level of children. Children are to be loved and protected. One of my children would not go to the Christmas tree lighting in our town common the other night for fear of seeing her Aunt/Uncle. This brings me such saddness. I think it may be time for us to move on. TMS is alive and kicking. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 10:53:49
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Colleen,
I invite you to read Byron Katie's "Loving What Is." It is ot a TMS book, but it may possibly help you to deal with some of the issues and your thoughts around those issues.
Yes, adults do use children as pawns in disputes and it is sad as these children grow up with a lot of emotional problems and eventual TMS of their own. |
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 12:01:21
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Wow, that's harsh what your family did. I can't help but feel that somebody is pretty jealous, to be so interested in your postings. My sister and Mom couldn't care less.
My father always used to say:
"The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about."
Pity them for being superficial enough to need to talk about you for fun.
And another thing -- We're still your friends 
Beth
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 20:16:26
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Colleen,
I truly empathize with you..First off, it was terribly inappropriate and immature to print out and share your private thoughts with other family members..I agree with what Beth and Dave said as well..Secondly, it is a good question why families tend to go crazy after a major loss..The same thing happened between my sister and I after we lost both parents 16 years ago..major problems..I think all the extreme and terribly painful grief must be a big part of it..I am hoping for you that somehow, this gets resolved amicably..I feel for you..
God bless,
Karen |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 20:24:38
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Shawn and Beth,
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words......and Shawn I am going to get that book as I do worry about my kids'(teenagers) emotional well-being here with all this going on. I wonder if this will turn up as TMS someday?? The whole thing boggles the mind, no doubt.
It is strange because they all have WAY more than I do financially and do not seems to share any of the other struggles I deal with and so I guess, I assumed that there lives were running smoothly and I (or my family) were not something they spent much time thinking about....was I wrong!
Thanks for your support. oh.....I saw another new Doctor today as I still have burning, tinglyness in both my feet. It went away for a bit, but returned.
Colleen
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 12/05/2006 : 20:32:50
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Karen,
My Mom passed away 3 years ago and my Dad just very recently remarried and then all this. Though my siblings seem to get along just fine with Dad's new wife.....my first introduction did not go well at all and I have not been given a second chance since.
I still miss my Mom everyday. She was such a centerpiece of the family. She died of ovarian cancer which was why I had my surgery shortly after her death as I had some such complications and then the "neuropathy" feelings in the feet followed the surgery.
Did you and your sibling ever resolve the issues? Such a loss for family not to be family!
Colleen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2006 : 06:58:34
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I understand how you feel Colleen..In time perhaps things will naturally resolve themselves..Cancer is a tough one to deal with, but don't let yourself think you are going to get it because your mom did..We have ALOT of control over that with how we eat, exercise, habits, etc...We really do..THey are finding this out more and more..Cancer is more environmental then genetic..and probably more mind then anything..So tell yourself all the time that you ARE and will remain HEALTHY and cancer free!! My sister and I are civil, but not close..
God bless,
Karen |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2006 : 08:29:03
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Your children feed off you. How you feel about this situation is how they will feel.
I understand you must be devestated by your family's choices but it's their choice to act in this manner, not yours. As much as it hurts, it is their loss. It's important for you and your children to face, head on, the feelings you have about this situation. But it's equally important to move on and not let the choices of other people, even those close to you, to add to the reservoir of unconscious rage. Life is too short. |
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Hilary
United Kingdom
191 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2006 : 13:35:37
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Colleen,
First of all, really sorry to hear about such a hideous situation.
Maybe I'm missing something, but why are you seeing a doctor about your feet if you have TMS? Or is this a TMS doctor?
And how are you doing with getting in touch with the rage you feel towards your family? |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2006 : 15:26:46
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Hilary,
I had been seeing a TMS Doctor in the Boston area....but he was not sure that it was TMS....so he sent me off to another Neurologist.
I am still having the burning, tingly pain in both feet.....it goes away for a few weeks from time to time, but once I start to take walks again or do a lot of standing, the burning, tingly pain is back again. This present family heartbreak does not help matters.
And yes....I do agree that my teenagers will feed off of how I react. We do talk about our feelings head on in this house! Thank You all for your wonderful, thoughtful advice.
Colleen |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 12/06/2006 : 23:57:18
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This from Dave sums it up:
"it's their choice to act in this manner, not yours. As much as it hurts, it is their loss. It's important for you and your children to face, head on, the feelings you have about this situation. But it's equally important to move on and not let the choices of other people, even those close to you, to add to the reservoir of unconscious rage. Life is too short.
Human life has come to seem more like a kind of university of waking up than a place where all our fairy-tale pictures (like how families SHOULD be) get lived out. The effects of not feeling and owning our unconscious emotions go way beyond the scope of TMS. That's just the way we "goodists" handle it. Others handle it by emotional and physical violence (and also by various addictions).
So your family members are just practicing their "TMS equivalent" - dumping their feelings rather than facing them.
xxx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
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Colleen
USA
138 Posts |
Posted - 12/07/2006 : 07:16:45
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Wavy Soul,
WELL PUT.
Colleen |
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Siblings re-visited
