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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
 Posted - 10/13/2006 : 02:55:54
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I am fairly new to these forums and have not posted a lot of stuff. I have read up on the theories and have come to the conclusion that the books have changed my attitudeto the low back pain I was feeling.
I think that because of so much literature about back pain (I bought a book called Sarah Keys Book on Back Pain) This book was quite alarming with wonderful drawings of various parts of the spine and all that could go wrong withit. By the end of the book I had diagnosed about twenty things wrong with mine! I was also convinced that my back was about to break into a million pieces, surgery would be needed and the rest of my life would be spent wrapped in cotton wool with a regular trip to a very expensive physio (Sarah Keys is one)
Then I got a Sarno book from the library and just began to wonder .......
I realised that if I changed my ATTITUDE to the pain it might not be so bad. So I tried to push it away and be more positive about everything. My doc had told me he could not find anything wrong; I occasionally visited a therapist who pummelled my muscles with massage and they relaxed and I felt better.
Overall over about the past month I have not obsessed about the pain and I feel it has 'backed off' a bit and is no longer a central part of my life.
I know that possibly dealing with anger is also a key, but I also think that a lot of people on the site are extremely obsessed and they should try to not obsess so much. My back does hurt occasionally; I am not saying it doesn't, but it has certainly taken a lower place of my list of things to worry about.
I don't necessarily suffer from depression, so maybe I sound tough, but I have had an awful life in care. To survive, I had to get up each day, put on my school uniform and grit my teeth. I guess that has made me tough, and anger has turned to tension. I still feel that exercize (even when you don't feel like it) and positive thinking helps.
I was in Waterstone's the other day and picked up Larson's The Far Side book. I had to be led from the shop by my husband as I was weeping with laughter. I recommend his books as a wonderful tonic.
I was hysterical and had to have a huge mug of tea! That man should be employed by every clinic!
What I do now if I get to thinking about something horrible from my past? I say 'S-d off! I don't want you in my mind any more!'
I hope I have not been too critical - this is just my thoughts on all of this. So you are pretty certain you have TMS and it hurts to walk. You sit down and do nothing? Go for a walk with a Walkman on and sing as you go! I have been heard singing Sting all over the village. Do I care? No! I make people smile!
Another thing I have done - if I have had 'friends' who have not returned calls or kept in touch I have dropped them. Weigh things up up. Do you put more into a relationship than you get in return (emotionally) If you, drop 'em fair and square. Don't shout and argue - just take two steps back and eventually they disappear from your mental orbit. Too much brain energy. Anyway, it is a fact that most of us, despite having many acquaintances, only have about three really close buddies. I had a girl friend who I used to go and see about thrity miles away. I know she likes me, but will not keep in touch - ringing etc. We get on fine when I make the effort to go there, but she never makes the effort to come here, so I have not rung her this time - been about three months or so. We will see!
Nurture the people you really love and step back from the rest! It makes you feel a lot better. If they ever ask you why you have 'dumped' them explain calmly that you wish to move on and nurture the people who keep in touch and love you. I don't believe in confrontations which are arguments. I think we all have the capacity to make our lives calmer. We can all give ourselves a shake and say 'Hey, what are you doing?'
A long post!
Phyllis UK
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MikeJ
United Kingdom
75 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2006 : 09:52:38
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quote:
Overall over about the past month I have not obsessed about the pain and I feel it has 'backed off' a bit and is no longer a central part of my life.
This is very true, well said! I found that changing my attitude and focusing my attention on more productive things have been a key factor in my recovery. |
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JaneLeslie
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2006 : 12:18:39
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Phyllis,
You would probably appreciate Ron Siegel's book BackSense. I have also had the priviledge of meeting him. He feels that getting neurotic about eradicating symptoms can make the whole thing worse as the more energy/worry we direct at a particular body part may generate sensation which we will interpret as painful or "strange." He suggests doing the emotional work of TMS as a way to make ourselves happier and healthier but not as a way to "stop pain." This is sort of paradoxical because (duh!) why else would we do all this c***! But it makes sense in a way. Behavioral medicine says that if we stop being "attached" to sx. they will recede. He likens it to insomnia. The harder you try the worse it gets. A tricky art this TMS work! As for me, I WANT to know more about the process but I don't have to pressure myself to be symptom free. This subtle change of focus may be important for some of us stuck in the mud of obsessive TMS work that never seems to resolve.
Any other ideas welcome on this thought.
Blessings,
Jane |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 10/19/2006 : 15:09:56
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Carolyn said something very wise a while back, about becoming curious, taking a kind of relaxed attitude of inquiry toward the symptoms. This is very much like the attitude that is often described by meditation practitioners -- an open attitude where we can allow things to arise, acknowledge them, and gently slip away. It's the opposite of the kind of attachment that results when we really want something to either change or stay the same. It's about just being with what is. It sounds similar to what phyllis has said about just getting on with things while also not forbidding ourselves to feel bothered, happy, sad etc.
I have not gotten very far with this overall, but it sounds like it is the ideal attitude for healing from TMS, both physically and psychically.
Maybe I should practice it right now with the (sadly very much not psychosomatic) pain I am experiencing after a minor bike accident! :) I was quite upset after the accident and found myself particularly leery of getting shots (I am usually okay with it) and not wanting to cry in front of the doctor, because I didn't want him to think I was hurt worse than I was (bruises and a chin gash) or that I was a wimp or baby. It is strange how the TMS attitude is with me all the time, even, maybe especially in tough situations that aren't everyday kinds of things.
On the plus side of the accident a very nice man stopped to help me, gave me a tissue, disassembled my bike, and waited until my coworker came to take me to urgent care. Then he helped load the bike into her car. She stayed with me, took me to drop off my bike, and brought me back to work. So I am feeling very positive about humanity today, despite this pain that I can't think away.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2006 : 03:01:36
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Nice to see others agree. I have felt a lot better since I decided that this back thing was not terminal. What I have done is noted when it has been worse. For instance, I do a three hour lesson on a Thursday afternoon teaching 14 students shorthand at a University. This session is a killer. I walk up and down for all that time, looking at their work, whirling the lesson plan around in my head, disciplining them, writing on the board etc. It is exhausting and on a Friday morning my back always seems more stiff, but I try to ignore it and understand WHY it is happening.
Obsessing about it all is not good. I also had a 'back friend' think which I would not drive without. A rigid thing which is supposed to support your back. IN all honesty, I think it made me worse because it kept my back in the FRONT of my mind all of the time. I stopped using it and do you know I have not died or acquired a walking stick. I drive a long way to the Uni on a Thursday and I got our of the car and didn't even think about whether I was hurting or not as I did with the 'back friend'!
I am not saying all the twinges have gone. They have not and I was stiff this morning. However, I do know that this is definitely tension after yesterday. I met an old colleague in the Uni who has a high pressure job teaching and she said she has been ill for two weeks with headaches and a cold! She was completely stressed.
All her tensions are now manifesting in physical forms.
I once read that if you are fed up, put your coat on, go out and do something nice for someone - even a smile for an old person, hold a door open for someone, compliment someone.
I was in Ireland last year and in the B & B was an American man who was obviously very uncomfortable. We got chatting. Turned out he was an American Vietnam Vet who had lost both legs. What a man - he was so brave, flying to Ireland and hiring a car with his wife. He is well known, I think his name was Allen Clark. If anyone could make you feel that your problems were 'small stuff' it was him. He does have a web site and I will look for it. We had a great hour chatting about war etc. etc.
Good luck to everybody
Don't sweat the small stuff! Buy a Larson book!
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JaneLeslie
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2006 : 11:19:40
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Phyllis,
Sounds like that back friend was no friend! I was thinking about what you said about feeling more back pain/twinges as a result of a stressful class that you teach. Along the lines of having a detached attitude, but not preventing feelings from coming up, have you ever tried to check in with yourself (I don't mean kill yourself) to see if you are frustrated during the class?'
The reason I say this is because I have a (now mild) back issue too right now. I noticed recently that when I am frustrated I sometimes do not know it because the need to repress is great. If I "pop-off the top" a little I can encourage myself to feel it (encourage, not force) and it actually feels pretty good. Today I let myself feel angry at my 12 yr-old son because he was being a really selfish, rude, pain in the you-know-what, as 12 yr. olds tend to be. I would normally try to control everything when I discipline him (tone of voice, words, etc.) so that I sound completely "reasonable" and in control. Instead I dug around a little to see if he was making me angry and determined that he was, and I then told him that I thought he was being selfish and he was making me mad! This is not the kind of thing I would have done a few months ago. After I did it I felt a little guilty but I also felt emotionally better. Of course, I don't expect instant results in reference to pain but the emotional release was a sign I was on the right track. I don't know how it will all level-out. Maybe my "expression" is not good for him, but he is much better about expressing himself than am I---that is for sure--and he is not the one with the aches and pains. What I am saying is that maybe the approach has to be fine-tuned but the idea that I felt angry and was able to access it was positive for me. After all I can't help my kids if I repress myself and stress myself to the point where I am laid-up in bed!
The reason I mention it is that I wondered if, next time, you gently allowed yourself to feel the frustration towards your students, the subject matter, etc. to see what would happen. Forcing it is out of the question, but testing it and observing it might actually be interesting and fun! Obviously you can't yell at the students or anything (too bad!), but you shouldn't have to do that to get relief. We all have to do unpleasant things sometimes. Even the pleasant ones can be frustrating! I wonder if hte trick is acknowledgement of the feeling(?) It's seems that allowing feelings without holding the outcome by a "death grip" makes sense.
Last week I unexpectedly let myself get angry at my spouse. It caught me by surprise but I went with it a little, exploring it, and again, felt better and my back improved a lot the next morning. It is a little scary to let go of the anger controls but for me it is very instructive. Obviously we have to let go gently and not get too nasty , but what a revelation that a little anger won't kill me!
Easy to say, harder to do! Maybe you are already doing this. If so, please tell us how it is going.
Glad to hear how well you are doing coming along the path. And thanks for reminding us of our blessings. Oh, and yes I agree about the laughing. I think joy is a feeling I have pushed-down in the past and I miss it!
Jane |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 10/20/2006 : 14:08:18
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Hi Phyllis,
This is an interesting topic. Just before I learned of TMS, in a search for some way to reduce the effects of my symptoms on my ability to function I read a book called "Stop Being Your Symptoms and Start Being Yourself," which said what you are discussing, that our attitude and the amount of attention we give to the symptoms make a big difference in how we experience them. It's fascinating that we can have some control over the intensity that way.
Jane, I'm proud of you for being able to express your anger to your family. I think it's totally appropriate--as you said, we do need to express it in a mature manner, but I think it's actually good for them to know that they have done something that makes us unhappy. Our children learn how to behave in their future relationships from the relationship they have with us, so I'm sure your son will benefit from knowing that he has to consider the effects of his behavior on the people close to him. Good for you!
I was really intrigued by your comment that you have not just suppressed anger, but joy as well. I just started a book called "Surviving a Borderline Parent," which points out that it can be necessary for a child to supress the happy emotions along with anger and sadness because any emotion can trigger a bad response from the parent. I hadn't really given much thought to that before. Maybe that's why I feel that any happiness I might experience will just get pushed out by some new problem or crisis soon, so being happy triggers a sense of dread of the future for me.
Corey |
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JaneLeslie
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - 10/23/2006 : 09:45:07
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Hi Corey,
I hear you about how even a sense of happiness brings out dread because in some way in might get "killed." That's why life can get very colorless iwth TMS and we blame it on the pain! Look how much we have to supress---of course life is dull. Dull is safe. In a way pain is safe because it gives us a cover.
I know what you are saying and I feel that too---if I get too hopeful or happy I might "get it" down the road. I also get overwhelmed by other's emotions. What do they all want from me?
Thanks for the reinforcemnet about hte anger with my family. I am sure I don't always seem like a nice and sweet parent/wife, but at least this time I was angry and FELT it. It's so hard.
That book on borderline parents sounds interesting!
Thanks for your great input.
Jane |
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phyllis
United Kingdom
46 Posts |
Posted - 11/01/2006 : 04:35:16
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Hello everyone. I have been away and have just noticed replies to my topic. Will write soon - busy today!
Incidentally, my back is a lot better, not 100% I drive without 'back friend' and have been cycling.
Cheers |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 11/02/2006 : 16:42:41
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Hi Phyllis,
It's good to hear of your progress. I'm glad you've been able to ditch the back friend. A step on the road to freedom!
We build up all these restrictions on ourselves, one by one. They might not seem so bad, but it's great to be rid of them!
Hilary N |
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Book that changed attitude to pain
