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MuLLady244
USA
9 Posts |
 Posted - 10/08/2006 : 15:01:35
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So I go back and remember events then I connect with the emotions from the past now what do I do? Divided Mind pg. 162 We have no control over what we feel, but we can and must exercise control over how we respond to our feelings. The goal of treatment, then, is to enable the patient to respond to his emotional conflicts more adaptively- by means other than developing pain.
What I mean by what do I do is should I just FEEL them or do I direct them? If its justified should I act if its not should I beat up a pillow? What do we do with the emotions as they come up? Especially when they are being restrained by social rules that have consequences if not followed. As an example in business if I am about to close a deal but I start to feel intense rage my thought is to interrupt the pattern, close the deal and handle the emotion later. Does anyone have feedback on living life successfully and moving past psychosomatic symptoms?
Thanx,
MuLLady |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 00:17:16
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Hi,
I'm new to this so don't have a lot of suggestions to offer, but if you haven't yet read the article on repressed emotions that's currently on the board, that would probably be a good place to start getting some ideas.
Have you finished The Divided Mind yet? Sorry if you mentioned it elsewhere--I know I read another post from you, but can't recall just what it said. Anyway, what I got out of that book was that just acknowledging the repressed anger and sadness can be all you have to do.
I just read another book by a doctor who also learned about TMS from Dr. Sarno, and even though this other book is focused on Fibromyalgia, the journaling ideas would apply to anyone with TMS. She recommends that when you figure out the source of an emotion, it can be helpful to re-enact the situation with a different outcome in your journal. Re-script it with an ending that gives you the feeling of justice that you didn't get in the real-life situation.
I do remember reading in one of the books that it's not necessary to stop whatever you're doing the moment an emotion comes up, but to just acknowledge that it's there and tell yourself you'll focus on it later, when you do your journaling or whatever sort of mental work you're doing. It was recommended that the journaling be done each day for at least several weeks, then maybe do it once a week, just to keep on top of things that come up during the week.
Take care, Corey |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 01:26:09
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Mullady,
JUST ALLOW THEM!!! Allow those emotions and don't judge, understand, divert or project them. They are probably silly & childish. In your mind rise above them, so allow yourself to experience them and rise above and observe them. What can sometimes help is to make peace with the souce of the emotions. You need to forgive and make peace with whatever happened in the past, relax and move on. |
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Wavy Soul
USA
779 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 06:57:33
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Mullady, you said:
"If its justified should I act if its not should I beat up a pillow? "
I thought that was a pretty good start.
I use conscious breathing to move through whatever I'm feeling without getting into too much of a story about it. Separating the feeling from the story that seemed to create it is essential because otherwise the story keeps recreating the feeling and you are in an endless loop.
For example, I am still somewhat reeling from a major abandonment and betrayal that I went through 3 years ago. I have done a lot of mental inquiry, and have convinced myself MENTALLY that it was all for the best, that it was my soul's higher path to have this happen and the people involved were just cooperating with me on a soul level, etc.
For help with this side, read RADICAL FORGIVENESS by Colin Tipping.
Yet the feelings still move through like waves from time to time. My unhealthy tendency is to try to JUST deal with them by ignoring them, since I have mentally dropped the story. Except that mentally dropping the story doesn't immediately clear out all the backlog of feeling, which in my case was a reiteration of earlier abandonments, etc.
So what I do is notice that I'm feeling sad, angry, fearful, etc., remind myself that everything happened, is happening and will happen FOR me, not TO me, and keep going with my life. If necessary, I take time to cry or write or bang pillows or even tremble with the fear. Exercise is fantastic. Breathing into the feelings is good.
Bottom line for me is that there are TWO simultaneous practices: notice/feel the feelings + change the story. Peeling apart beliefs and emotions is the trick to not keep looping forever. You can change the beliefs/thoughts quite assertively, but the emotion needs to be lovingly allowed. Kinda like this (me talking to inner self):
"Yes, honey, I get that you feel angry and sad about all that. I'm okay with you feeling that way. You don't have to make my back hurt to stop me feeling it. And also, honey, it's all working out for the best. Everything happens for you, not to you. The universe is friendly, and even those people are okay, really... etc. "
BOTH allow feelings AND change thoughts
That's my formula
And hanging in there and staying with support (books/forum) as I walk this path less travelled into health.
xx
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
Edited by - Wavy Soul on 10/09/2006 07:02:45 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 09:17:20
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[quote]Originally posted by Wavy Soul
"I am still somewhat reeling from a major abandonment and betrayal that I went through 3 years ago."
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As they would say at my Jeep Message Board: "This post is worthless without the pictures." Tell us the story. 
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 10:44:02
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Wow, Wavy, you're my hero.
What a great Post. And such good timing, as I'm today FURIOUS at what my Immediate Female Ancestor did this weekend. I'd love to tell that story, but this is MuLLady's thread.
I'm going to pick up that book.
Thanks,
MuLLady, twisting a towel works well for me.
Beth |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 12:16:50
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quote:
Originally posted by h2oskier25
I'd love to tell that story, but this is MuLLady's thread.
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I find that whatever a thread starts out being, they usually all turn into TMS unconscious applesauce after-a-while anyway. H20, if you insist, then start a new thread--we need a good story!  |
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MuLLady244
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 14:02:14
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Let the thread go where it must I take no ownership
Littlebird you posted "read the article on repressed emotions that's currently on the board" Could you please tell me the title or anyone that knows which one they are talking about?
I am true believer I am not even done with the book my back pain has gone away or more accurately the fear and anxiety of what I might do which was the problem all a long. And even more importantly I have quit obsessing about my X-chick which has been a daily practice for 5 1/2 insanely long years. I have totally recognized this as a major ridiculous distracter. WHYYYYYYYYYYY waste so much energy when there are soooo many beautiful willing fish in the SEA, its complete insanity that is beyond me WOW!
It all happened by just acknowledging the repression and a few cries during a few movies holy _ _ it** was that real live emotion I can't remember the last time I felt any of that, its true I am alive and I am human who would have ever THUNK...
Crazy what few alterations can make,
MuLLady |
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Littlebird
USA
391 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 14:31:28
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Hi again,
The thread is called "Release Repressed Emotions Article" and it was posted by 2scoops. It's still near the top of the active threads. Sorry that I don't know how to put the link in a post as I've seen others do. I'll have to get my son to show me how to do that.
I have to say that your attitude about letting the thread go where it will is nice. Not that people shouldn't prefer that a thread stay focused on their question, since we're all individuals and entitled to different preferences, but I'm finding that I learn a lot from some of the wandering threads, as one person's thoughts trigger another person's thoughts. I haven't been here long, but this forum is such a great place, with all the mix of personalities and backgrounds, to get insights and ideas I'd probably never come up with otherwise. I hope you'll find it as helpful as I'm finding it to be.
Sounds like you're off to a really good start with your efforts in dealing with your emotions. It's so true what you say about the difference a few alterations can make!
Corey
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 10/09/2006 : 15:21:24
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Wavy Soul wrote:
quote:
Bottom line for me is that there are TWO simultaneous practices: notice/feel the feelings + change the story. Peeling apart beliefs and emotions is the trick to not keep looping forever. You can change the beliefs/thoughts quite assertively, but the emotion needs to be lovingly allowed.
That is said so clearly, Wavy Soul. I just read the book Eat, Pray, Love. by Elizabeth Gilbert. She's a travel writer, and this book is a memoir/spiritual journey sort of thing. Def recommend it to anyone on this TMS journey.
Here's a quote that I loved from p. 177:
"There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction. There are certain lottery tickets I can buy, thereby increasing my odds of finding contentment. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I am going to regard the unfortunate circumstances in my life -- whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on the occassions when I cant rise to the most optomistic viewpoint, becayse I'm feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and my tone or voice when I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts."
Emphasize mine. I have this written down and posted on my wall. :) |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2006 : 21:25:42
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quote:
Originally posted by Littlebird
Oops--sorry about the double post. The computer was being slow so I hit reply again--guess I shouldn't have.
Hi there, Just go back and view the 2nd post, and hit the delete (the little trash can icon.) -Stryder |
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Jim1999
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2006 : 22:48:57
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quote:
Originally posted by MuLLady244
So I go back and remember events then I connect with the emotions from the past now what do I do? Divided Mind pg. 162 We have no control over what we feel, but we can and must exercise control over how we respond to our feelings. The goal of treatment, then, is to enable the patient to respond to his emotional conflicts more adaptively- by means other than developing pain.
What I mean by what do I do is should I just FEEL them or do I direct them? If its justified should I act if its not should I beat up a pillow? What do we do with the emotions as they come up? Especially when they are being restrained by social rules that have consequences if not followed. As an example in business if I am about to close a deal but I start to feel intense rage my thought is to interrupt the pattern, close the deal and handle the emotion later. Does anyone have feedback on living life successfully and moving past psychosomatic symptoms?
MuLLady,
I don't think there's one answer to this. It depends on the patient and the situation. Some patients only need to become aware that the feeling exists without even feeling it. Others can feel it in private while some may express the emotion to others.
In your business deal example, is the rage related to the deal? If you feel you are always getting a raw deal from the same person, there might be a need to express some emotion immediately. That might cause the other person to stop taking advantage of you. Otherwise, it's likely a bad idea to express the emotion during a business deal. That could ruin the deal.
Jim |
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HilaryN
United Kingdom
879 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 13:51:36
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Wavy Soul, great posts. Pema Chodron says something similar about separating the story from the feelings in her book, “The places that scare you”. It can be tricky to do, though, I find.
Littlebird, if you click on the FAQ link at the top of the page you’ll find some useful info, including “Can I add a hyperlink to my messages?”
To get the URL, go to the page you want to post a link to. The URL is in the Address bar at the top. If the Address bar isn’t showing, click the View menu, then Toolbars, then Address bar. Best compose your message in Word or something so that you can do all this clicking around without messing up your message and you can copy the URL (press Alt+d to get to Address bar, Ctrl+c to copy it) into your message. I hope that isn’t too complicated.
Hilary N |
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MuLLady244
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - 10/12/2006 : 16:29:07
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Littlebird thanx I read that article and it was great.
Jim1999 you are correct I am grateful that you pointed that out if I am getting a raw deal I need to handle it.
What I read last night hit the nail on the head from Divided Mind pg. 200 "Those who repress emotions related to overwhelming stress or trauma, past or present often cope very well because they are not paralzyed by emotional distress. Repression enables us to move on and function in the aftermath of severe trauma. However, without sooner or later confronting the emotion consciously, we are more likely to ultimately suffer psychological consequences or physical consequences such as hypertension or other poorly understood psychosomatic conditions".
What I get from this is to repress temporarily in order to live life successfully BUT and this is a big BUT (some pun intended:):) I have to take alone time to confront the repression and allow the emotion the freedom to be expressed and then learn. It may be justified or I may need to shift a belief.
The big step for me is to learn HOW to express these emotions. I have been attempting to remember my dreams. In the past I have used some techniques to control my dreams with limited success with profound results. BUT I did not stick with it the more I learn about this the more I understand that I am distracting myself.
Today I attempted to remember my dreams. When I woke I could not remember my dreams so I back tracked my thoughts since I woke, in about 1 min I had 10 different conscious distracting subjects run through my brain. Then when it dawned on me that I am suppose to remember my one detail got through. No wonder I could not remember my dreams. I am certain this is the game going on to repress my thoughts and physical pain is part of the plan.
I am very excited about these new details I am becoming aware of.
Thanx for everyone's input,
MuLLady |
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I've discovered my past emotions NOW WHAT?
