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turtle23
USA
13 Posts |
 Posted - 09/27/2006 : 10:20:22
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First I want to thank everyone who has responded and given me advice. This forum has been a wonderful place for me to go for support! I have thought about what people have written, read more about TMS through the links posted, and watched the 20/20 video.
This leads me to a discovery I have made and a question as to how others have deal with this. Since I have accepted (have been accepting) TMS as my problem I have had some serious feelings of failure. I feel a failure for two reasons: 1) because I have TMS, and 2) because I didn't figure out I had TMS sooner than I did. I know these feelings are classic TMS (perfectionistic, self critical, etc.), but could anyone share with me their experience of dealing with this issue? |
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 09/27/2006 : 10:33:39
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Turtle,
One approach is to remember the facts.
For finding out, very few people know about TMS. It's not widely publicized or described. Most of us stumble on it by accident. Many people never find it. Most practitioners don't tell us about it (while they're all happy to tell us we have a bad back/RSI/Fibro etc). Not finding it is not a sign of inadequacy.
For having TMS in the first place, remember Sarno says that TMS is epidemic in Western society and to have it is completely normal. Our society is set up to encourage the development of this syndrome. We're taught to have high standards for ourselves, to seek achievement however we can get it, to get the things that society says constitute success. It's not something we're at fault for if we follow these very powerful messages.
Another approach is emotional.
Acknowledge the pressure that the inner child feels in response to your feelings that you should have known better. Acknowledge that having, or having had, TMS is itself a source of rage and pain. Sarno says that we will not necessarily effect a large amount of change in our fundamental personalities and habits, that we are likely to remain goodist and perfectionist to at least some extent. So the key is simply to know oneself. To recognize the thinking that leads to TMS symptoms, and to recognize how the inner child feels in response to our various thoughts. To acknowledge those feelings and to the extent possible, feel them. This is what we don't practice doing in TMS, so practicing this applies to any feeling -- even those about TMS! 
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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JaneLeslie
USA
88 Posts |
Posted - 09/27/2006 : 17:29:32
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Hi Turtle,
I too feel like a failure. And I feel foolish for not "getting it" a long time ago. I wonder if this is part of our Perfectionistic Personality---a chronic feeling of failure.
It is also (I feel) an embarrassing condition that you can't speak to people about without turning red and stumbling. I can't, and I have said very little to anyone. If you have been disabled (on and off) for a long time it is embarrassing to tell people you were sick because of your mind!!! But it is the truth.
I personally am getting in touch with feelings of failure that I took on from my family. My parents divorced when I was an older teenager and that is when the very beginning of my TMS began in earnest. I started feeling inferior to others for reasons I couldn't understand. I felt humiliated, deep down, and then looked for external validity of why I was inferior.
Lately I am getting more in touch with these feelings and feelings of deep deep sadness and longing for my family of origin. I am letting myself feel pain, regret and loss. I never let myself feel those things when they split up. It's a bear. I know it is the only way to beat the pain and anxiety.
I am hoping that by getting to the heart of the subconscious emotions that were repressed for 20 or so years that the feelings of failure will lift.
Hope this helps.
Jane
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h2oskier25
USA
395 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2006 : 07:50:54
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Turtle,
I lived a stifled life for seven years over my TMS, and was scared to face the feelings of loss related to that. But I have to say, it wasn't as bad as I thought.
Also, my TMS enlightenment and previous suffering gave me a TRUE APPRECIATION for the fantastically healthy body God gave me, and sister, now I USE IT. I work my butt off, play hard, never hesitate to do anything physical.
The failure you mention is probably what keeps a lot of people from opening their minds to TMS. I mean they probably think "If I accept that there's nothing physically wrong with me, then I was wrong all these months/years and I can't face that."
Kudos on getting in touch with your important feelings.
Regards,
Beth |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2006 : 08:31:18
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Far from feelings of failure, I think those who "get it" can feel rightly proud. The deck is definitely stacked against us given the prevailing assumptions of the medical establishment...
It takes guts and wisdom to get here. I admire all who do, including myself. |
Edited by - art on 09/28/2006 08:57:35 |
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turtle23
USA
13 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2006 : 12:36:16
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Thank you all for responding! This forum has been so helpful for me. I appreciate the sharing of your struggles and wisdom. I agree that I have to feel my feelings, including the feeling of failure around my TMS. I also agree that we should all be very proud because this is not easy!
As for telling others, I have decided not to tell most people (just close friends/family) because they don't need to know how I got better - just that I am better. I am trying to become more confident, but I don't feel I need to put myself in a position of explaining myself to those who judge. It isn't worth my energy.
Turtle |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 09/28/2006 : 21:10:23
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quote:
I am letting myself feel pain, regret and loss. I never let myself feel those things when they split up. It's a bear. I know it is the only way to beat the pain and anxiety.
Interesting point, Jane. I've been feeling sadness REALLY hard lately, and I've been trying to figure out why. Thanks for pointing out that part of TMS is that the pain was to distract me from feeling those emotions. Now that the pain is gone, the rush of these emotions is so powerful and honestly frightening. I was definitely despairing in those painful days, but there was a layer in the way of relating it to just everyday life stuff. On the flip side, actually feeling real happiness and satisfaction and delight are AMAZING AMAZING things.
Turtle, I can definitely relate to feeling like I failed to realize this sooner. But, like what everyone is saying...this is NOT a mainstream notion, we really have no choice but to stumble upon it. And aren't we better off for it? I know I personally feel proud that my healing comes from MYSELF and not medicine, surgery or "professional" advisement. To be fair though, I should point out that psychotherapy has def helped me deal with this in a postive way.
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Feeling of Failure
