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iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
 Posted - 08/11/2006 : 16:41:22
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I there,
I myself have a form of TMS but i have a questions about it. Suggestions perhaps.
I feel the whole subject of emotions is a complex one with many many impoderables and so many combinations due to differing personalities there is sometimes not the vocabulary to define certain 'states' people get themselves into, there are just 'situations' based on people, and peoples experiences, thoughts and feelings leading to whatever current state they may be in.
I find TMS to be a pretty interesting subject. It certainly falls into one of these very complex categories as its quite a broad diagnosis. I think the idea of 'distraction' is an interesting one. Quite plausiable, but as Sarno says, not nessacarily logical. I think its a long shot saying it, but its a possibilty. To be honest im not sure it really matters, he says it does and patients benifited when that explanation was added, but i have my own idea on what may be happening.
Stress, i feel, is a very broad term. It includes a sort of 'anxiety', as when ones stressed you feel cornered and do put pressure on yourself. You do this based on one what you expect of yourself and also, what others may expect of you but mainly its always YOU. As in an ideal world, if you didnt wonna do something, you wouldnt do it, but jobs are such as if you dont do something you dont want to X and Y may happen and it equals = negative, so you DONT listen to own feelings, and pressure yourself. Situations arise which will cause you to question your ability to emotionally handle yourself in a given circumstance. This can be any situation, social settings like conversations absolutely ANYTHING. It will cause 'stress'. Now, stress is created on what we believe. Once the emotion has been caused, its because our body cannot do anything else, its all we know in a given situation. By re-eductating ourselves and realising the 'truth' about certain things, we dont react the same to that situation the same way. I believe stress causes biological changes that yes create physical symptoms, no doubt what so ever, but its the concern for them and the resultant stress that keeps them there. Its a loop. Why the pain is created doesnt matter, apart from realising its harmless. Its just a loop one can get oneself in if your vulnerable (stressed). Is it anymore than that? I think the concentration on 'unconcious emotions' actually makes alot of people MORE stressed trying to look into their past to find stuff that really isnt relevent, if you have an intrusive thought, its bad enough trying to pay it no attention in the first place with its bull**** idea of relief once you have thought about it enough and found a 'solution', let alone the idea of actually banashing your symptoms and finding the 'magic traumatic experience'. I really think its about the power of NOW. Its about the thought loop that happens, and i believe it happens in the order i talked about above.
This website on Anxiety/Panic, Agrophobia talks about loosing the fear of the fear, the idea that having bad feelings is a bad thing. Its true, ive seen it in myself. Its the 'fear of failure', the fear of feeling the fear, i believe THAT is the true 'fear of failure' Sarno needs to talk about. I do not believe its an unconcious thing. I believe of course stuff is unconcious, but stress IS consious, the feeling, and once we look back on experiences we can see why it occured, but what keeps TMS ongoing is, i think, certainly CURRENT emotional crisis, not this mystical stuff. Its about loosing your fears, and dealing with NOW issues that are causing you emotional discomfort NOW. Yes the 'inner child' does exsist, its YOU, but it is reacting to NOW issues and causing you stress. The child can be reassured by telling it the truth.
The whole subject is a confusing one, but the one thing that seems to stay true is a belief thing, the belief that the feeling is harmless. If believing, TRUELY believing from the bottom of your gut that the situation you experienced as a child was the cause of your current suffering is enough to let you loose the fear of your stress (anxiety), then it will go. I think though for most people, if you look at this page and the idealogy of loosing the fear of the feeling.
Its easy to see how people can end up in these states. Its not hard. The underestimitation of the power of stress and pain, and the anxiety loop that gets created in you mind with -apparently to your mind- no way out. . . .
I think of TMS almost like a 'long' panic attack, with the concern of the stress-induced symptom as the eventual feeder for continued stress, keeping the symptoms going. You can get yourself into some pretty serious states like this, and its easy to see how it perpetuates. I really think its no more complicated than that though, it doesnt need to be. . .
http://www.paniccure.com/Short_Essays/Reframing_panic.htm
These disorders require 2 things to fix them. Understanding the symptoms you are experiencing are stress induced and harmless, so no need to get stressed about them, and also, reducing the stress response in the first place, by changing the beliefs that are causing this huge internal pressure and telling yourself the truth about stuff.(tip. its easier to do this if you have a way of relaxing in the first place). The first part is easiest, and the second part, slightly harder. . .but not impossible by anymeans. . .
Im NOT going to say its hard, because its not. Its bloody easy, its the easiest thing in the world infact to see this loop you mind creates for yourself, its the fear that makes you think its not. See it for what it is. . .embrace it. . .ask for it. . . it involves no self-talk, no shouting at yourself, just a subtle shift of understanding, and it comes with no effort, if someone says it does, their doing it wrong 
when you can see it for what it is, and catch youself doing it, falling for the fear of fear, the fear of failure, you can laugh at it, with a big smile 
Let me know what you think . . . .
Jamie |
Edited by - iamwhoiam on 08/12/2006 04:04:51 |
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Scottydog
United Kingdom
330 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2006 : 11:57:10
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"These disorders require 2 things to fix them. Understanding the symptoms you are experiencing are stress induced and harmless, so no need to get stressed about them, and also, reducing the stress response in the first place, by changing the beliefs that are causing this huge internal pressure and telling yourself the truth about stuff.(tip. its easier to do this if you have a way of relaxing in the first place). The first part is easiest, and the second part, slightly harder. . .but not impossible by anymeans. . ."
With hindsight (which is a wonderful thing!) I agree, but "Understanding the symptoms you are experiencing are stress induced" is extremely hard - if you've had TMS symptoms for 20 years you accept them as part of your self. A problem you have to live with as there is, apparently, no medical cure. The leap to realising it is self induced is huuuuuuuge - unfortunately.
Anne
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Hillbilly
USA
385 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2006 : 14:02:53
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Jamie,
Great post. I happen to agree with you about the thought loop that all of us anxious types are stuck in, especially when we are suffering. I don't know if there are others on this board who have visited anxiety forums such as the one on anxietycentre.com or anxietybusters.com, but I must say that the overwhelming majority of those posts are related to symptom problems. "Is this just anxiety?" is the title of soooooooooooooo many posts, then a description of headaches, trembling, heart pounding, leg weakness, stomach problems, intestinal problems, etc. I think it would be eye-opening for many who have just pain in the neck, hip, back or shoulders to join and read these things. Then glance through this forum's first few pages and you will see the exact same thing.
They will make you sad because the fear has them gripped so tightly that they can't see the similarity in the theme of the posts. They can only focus on the symptom itself. If it is described by someone else differently than they would, they immediately think what they have is catastrophic and worthy of worry. Time tells them a different story, though, doesn't it? If it were organic in nature, it would've killed them by now, after 20 years of suffering, right? Same thing with back pain. It would've crippled them in the past ten years if it was progressive.
I'm not sure that I am one to say the thinking pattern is easy to change, because I too get caught up in the loop when I get pain or fatigue or anything else that goes with the anxiety state, even after paying thousands for books and therapy that helped me become aware of the thinking faults that lead us into this prison. I, personally, am grateful to Dr. Sarno for including back pain in the loop of stress-related physical ailments as he did. The reassurance I got from the book got me back to work and functioning again.
The finishing touches were provided by active relaxation on a daily basis, cutting back on the pace a bit, working out anger in a constructive way (journaling, punching bag, exercise), and forgiving my dad and the many others in whom I have been disappointed over the years. Letting go of the fear lets go of the grip on ourselves, and brings down the tension (which put the T in T.M.S.). The "T" is all we can control, through our thoughts and attitudes. The MS will take care of itself once the T is dealt with.
F.E.A.R. = T.M.S., I.B.S., R.S.I., G.E.R.D., G.A.D.
N.O. F.E.A.R. = N. O. T.M.S., N.O. I.B.S. N.O. R.S.I., N.O. G.E.R.D., N.O G.A.D.
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Edited by - Hillbilly on 08/21/2006 14:55:18 |
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iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
Posted - 08/12/2006 : 14:05:28
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One way to look at it like is this.
Test the theory
Your in pain right? and not only that, your MENTALLY preoccupied with it, what is it, oh this damn pain, why wont you go away, blah blah blah. Its got your full attention hasnt it? You cant let it go, when you try to, it grips you harder. . . .
Your sure the concern for it is genuine and rational. . . . its not. . .
Look at it like this.
Introduce the idea that if your mind wasnt so concerned about it, it wouldnt be there, and you wont believe the pain is real unless you have a relaxed, clear mind with no racy irrational thoughts. Understand that PAIN in the real world is one thing, and the reaction to it is a seperate entity, thus it is entirely possible to have pain, and not have 'racy thoughts' about it. Tell yourself, you wont believe the pain is real, until you can think about it calmly. Your find they are weirdly linked as it is just an expression of stress.
If its got your full attention, its TMS. Simple.
Im slowly learning to 'feel' again. Feel a sadness, and a depression, an anxiety and not feel like its the end of the world like i used to. Its really strange, to me, to allow myself to do this. I notice, when i do, allow myself to feel the apparently scary depression or sadness about something, and think sad, depressing thoughts about a relevent life subject, the pain goes, and my attention is turned to where it needs to be, on the subject that is causing me mental discomfort. Its very, very odd, and very cool :o)Its un-nerving though. The biggest hurdle for me seems to be allowing myself to do this and not think 'oh i shouldnt think this way, otherwise ill end up even worse.' By allowing yourself to feel the emotion and the thoughts that go along with it, you can work through it and come out the otherside. Just allow yourself to feel the feelings you thought were 'wrong' and 'unjust.'
quote:
Originally posted by Scottydog
"These disorders require 2 things to fix them. Understanding the symptoms you are experiencing are stress induced and harmless, so no need to get stressed about them, and also, reducing the stress response in the first place, by changing the beliefs that are causing this huge internal pressure and telling yourself the truth about stuff.(tip. its easier to do this if you have a way of relaxing in the first place). The first part is easiest, and the second part, slightly harder. . .but not impossible by anymeans. . ."
With hindsight (which is a wonderful thing!) I agree, but "Understanding the symptoms you are experiencing are stress induced" is extremely hard - if you've had TMS symptoms for 20 years you accept them as part of your self. A problem you have to live with as there is, apparently, no medical cure. The leap to realising it is self induced is huuuuuuuge - unfortunately.
Anne
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Edited by - iamwhoiam on 08/12/2006 14:22:17 |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 08/13/2006 : 14:56:28
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quote:
Im slowly learning to 'feel' again. Feel a sadness, and a depression, an anxiety and not feel like its the end of the world like i used to. Its really strange, to me, to allow myself to do this. I notice, when i do, allow myself to feel the apparently scary depression or sadness about something, and think sad, depressing thoughts about a relevent life subject, the pain goes, and my attention is turned to where it needs to be, on the subject that is causing me mental discomfort. Its very, very odd, and very cool :o)Its un-nerving though. The biggest hurdle for me seems to be allowing myself to do this and not think 'oh i shouldnt think this way, otherwise ill end up even worse.' By allowing yourself to feel the emotion and the thoughts that go along with it, you can work through it and come out the otherside. Just allow yourself to feel the feelings you thought were 'wrong' and 'unjust.'
Whoa. I am coming back to the forum after some time off. I appreciate this post. Yes, absolutely TMS is a vicious cycle. I recently met a girl who started having panic attacks and when she talked about them, it reminded me of the repetitive thinking involved in my own "repetitive stress injury."
I've had this on my mind today. I'm starting a new job soon, and I'm just off-the-wall thinking that I am not good enough to do it. That I'm not well-prepared enough for the challenges, that someone else would be better, and how could they trust me with this responsibility. Now, in the past, I've felt a similar degree of anxiety, but then suddenly I would also feel the pain in my arm worsening and it was like PROOF to me that I couldn't do this thing that scared me. Like, how could I have anything I wanted if I had this pain that would hold me back and make me unqualified.
But, now...I'm taking the step back. I feel my heart racing and these looping kinds of thoughts and I at least begin to approach the place where I label them and step back.
Mental dialog: "Look, this is me feeling anxious. I am feeling anxious because there's a big change happening in my life. This would make most people feel anxious. Look at the symptoms, wow. there's a little headache, there's a racing heart, there's the depressed mood. There's a stomach ache. This is anxiety. Not a recurrence of pain that will never go away. It's normal, and I can just do things that make me feel better to change these sensations. I can exercise, cook, call a friend, journal, sing, etc."
This is really positive.
Every since I have been recovering, I like to wake up each morning with joy. I say every morning that this is a glorious day and I am thankful to be alive and pain free. I've been so anxious the past few days taht i've been waking with anxious thoughts instead. So, that's something I need to work on.
Thanks for posting! Thanks for listening!
Carbar |
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iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2006 : 01:48:22
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I think its just a case of accepting the anxiety for what it is, like you say. You have huge life changes, and yes, there is a degree of uncertainty. You dont feel up to the job, and why should you, you havnt done it before. Its just a warning sign, and one you should own as YES I AM UNCERTAIN, not dis-own the feeling, and its good, your not doing that. Humans are very happy to disown feelings, negative ones and tell oneself 'oh im not feeling this', or 'oh theres something wrong with me, mentally', or 'this feeling is so bad, it must be something wrong with me.' We seem to mis-read them. Its odd though that we dont mis-read happy thoughts. . . .we dont say. . . oh i must have a problem because im feeling this sensation of happiness. Most of tim, we are even happy to say what is causing the sensation, the outside even thats triggered it.
I wouldnt really try to 'work on' the anxious thoughts, i really wouldnt. They are there because of an unconsious assimilation of your abilties, fears, likes and dislikes. I think its un healthy to try and push it away where its actually there to protect you, as odd as it may sound.
Just keep tabs on it. Yeah sure, do things which may heignten your mood, but still accept its presence.
I hope im not sounding like a do this/ do that kinda person, but im just trying to put across the idea that it is there for good reason, and not to deny it, or try and cast it aside.
It will go when you challenge it head on, as you will, and put to rest the concerns you unconcious have. Their 'unconcious', but there if you think about them, like the thoughts that pop up are because of your unconcious concerns, your concerns.
Most people, will not want to admit to themselves, or anyone else that an outside event has made them have a feel a 'bad feeling'. This is a key also, many people, i feel including myself, didnt actually realise what negative emotions were in their entirity, and what to do with them. So every time i felt this bad feeling, i didnt know what to do with it. It honestly was a full on error, because i genuienly didnt know it was possible to feel so bad without thinking i was somehow 'broken'
The reason is that at an unconcious level, emotions arise, based on past experiences, like and dislikes etc, and, as long as you OWN them, thier truth begins to emerge as to why there there. You can begin to explain them. The feelings make it more possible to find the reasons as to why you are in this state in the first place.
The true fact i think that we as a western society have to realise is, that its OK to feel anxious, and its ok to feel depressed. The current societys obsession with perfection i think for many people, make it easy to 'push' themselves far to hard, without actually listening to what they as individuals are actually feeling.
I think the problem is our societies way of 'labelling' everything. Now, this obviously has a good and a bad conotation, but take this example.
There is a man and a women, they have just met, and are madly in love. They think about each other every moment of the day, and lust after the moment they can be alone together again. Unfortunelty, the man has to go away on a buisness trip abroad and thus the women cannot go with him. They know they are going to miss her, and why wouldnt they, their both in love. The day before he has to leave, they spent every minute of the day together, telling eachother just how much they mean to eachother. The next day, the man leaves to go on his buisness trip to go abroad, hes very upset about having to leave her, he wishes she could come too. The man arrives in New York and checks into the hotel ready for his buisness meetings the next day, but he cant stop thinking about her. He doesnt phone her, for fear of smothering her, but he misses her so much that it hurts to his stomach. The weekend goes well, but he cant wait to get back home to see his beloved. He returns home, and his new gorgeous girlfriend is there to greet him at the airport. There so happy he cries with happiness.
Cute little story ha. . . i know i know. . .and i just made it up. Its a story thats been depicted many many times, in films, in magazines and even in real life. Everyone go ahhhhhhhhh. . . . they even went on to get married. . . .
Show most psychologists that and they will say that the man was suffering from 'Seperation Anxiety.' Such a terrible ailment, and maybe he should have even taken some Xanax to relieve some of this interfering stress. . . .in-fact they both should. . . their obviously so co-dependant on each-other they both need to learn some life skills so they dont feel they need to depent so much on each other for their enjoyment in thier lives.
So, tell me, which one is right?
The explaintion if you ask me is simple. There were rational reasons for them both feeling these emotions, and they were there to be worked through. Would it really have been any good if he had taken some cognitive therapy while he was gone to lower his anxiety. . .? No, because he wanted her, he cared for her, in his heart, he felt she was what he needed in his life. What is wrong with that? Its natural . . . .Why would you want to deny your own feelings to yourself???
So why do we do it when we get anxiety at work or in a disfunctional relationship? Its there as a signal. . . something to be sat with, accepted, and explored. . . NOT denied.
Its a human flaw that is eons old, but for ultimate happiness, i believe embracing emotions is the way forward. What ever happened to just LIVING?
Id love to hear if this makes sense to anyone
Jamie
quote:
Originally posted by carbar
quote:
Im slowly learning to 'feel' again. Feel a sadness, and a depression, an anxiety and not feel like its the end of the world like i used to. Its really strange, to me, to allow myself to do this. I notice, when i do, allow myself to feel the apparently scary depression or sadness about something, and think sad, depressing thoughts about a relevent life subject, the pain goes, and my attention is turned to where it needs to be, on the subject that is causing me mental discomfort. Its very, very odd, and very cool :o)Its un-nerving though. The biggest hurdle for me seems to be allowing myself to do this and not think 'oh i shouldnt think this way, otherwise ill end up even worse.' By allowing yourself to feel the emotion and the thoughts that go along with it, you can work through it and come out the otherside. Just allow yourself to feel the feelings you thought were 'wrong' and 'unjust.'
Whoa. I am coming back to the forum after some time off. I appreciate this post. Yes, absolutely TMS is a vicious cycle. I recently met a girl who started having panic attacks and when she talked about them, it reminded me of the repetitive thinking involved in my own "repetitive stress injury."
I've had this on my mind today. I'm starting a new job soon, and I'm just off-the-wall thinking that I am not good enough to do it. That I'm not well-prepared enough for the challenges, that someone else would be better, and how could they trust me with this responsibility. Now, in the past, I've felt a similar degree of anxiety, but then suddenly I would also feel the pain in my arm worsening and it was like PROOF to me that I couldn't do this thing that scared me. Like, how could I have anything I wanted if I had this pain that would hold me back and make me unqualified.
But, now...I'm taking the step back. I feel my heart racing and these looping kinds of thoughts and I at least begin to approach the place where I label them and step back.
Mental dialog: "Look, this is me feeling anxious. I am feeling anxious because there's a big change happening in my life. This would make most people feel anxious. Look at the symptoms, wow. there's a little headache, there's a racing heart, there's the depressed mood. There's a stomach ache. This is anxiety. Not a recurrence of pain that will never go away. It's normal, and I can just do things that make me feel better to change these sensations. I can exercise, cook, call a friend, journal, sing, etc."
This is really positive.
Every since I have been recovering, I like to wake up each morning with joy. I say every morning that this is a glorious day and I am thankful to be alive and pain free. I've been so anxious the past few days taht i've been waking with anxious thoughts instead. So, that's something I need to work on.
Thanks for posting! Thanks for listening!
Carbar
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Edited by - iamwhoiam on 08/14/2006 11:07:25 |
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carbar
USA
227 Posts |
Posted - 08/14/2006 : 12:59:45
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quote:
Most people, will not want to admit to themselves, or anyone else that an outside event has made them have a feel a 'bad feeling'. This is a key also, many people, i feel including myself, didnt actually realise what negative emotions were in their entirity, and what to do with them. So every time i felt this bad feeling, i didnt know what to do with it. It honestly was a full on error, because i genuienly didnt know it was possible to feel so bad without thinking i was somehow 'broken'
Yeah, I was just rereading Divided Mind, and I came across this quote in Chapter 9 by Douglas Hoffman, on pp. 311-12:
"Societal influences are numerous and quite powerful in shaping the psychosomatic process, not only for a given individual but also for a society as a whole. Culturally, we are a society that promotes and rewards those individuals who blunt their emotions. Being 'cool, calm and collected' is a positive value in our culture....Our society is emotionally well-defended. However, the difference netween how we think we should feel about a situation or event in our lives (our conscious emotion) and what we really feel (often the unconscious emotion) becomes psychogenic."
To me this is interesting, as is the greater focus of Divided Mind on the psychology behind TMS because I think I could always intellectualize any bad feelings I had. When I was in talk therapy while suffering with RSI pain, I definitely gained the skill of identifying emotional reactions, but it was on a much more abstract level. My therapist was not aware of TMS, of course. These days I can actually feel emotional pain, like heartache kind of feeling, and it's wild. I mean, it's a bad feeling, but to actually experience it in my heart and body and mind as a feeling is incredible. And when I can have that breakthrough, it's NOT debilitating like my RSI pain. I don't have to lay with ice packs or heat packs or my arm elevated for hours.
In fact, last night I went out after having a kind of wonky day emotional when I finally cried around 6:30 and my plans were to get to the pub at 8...I at first thought, ****, that's it. No plans coz now I'm a wreck, but really I felt fine. Better. Realer. Like, I could be with my friends and just let out my happiness with them, coz I had experienced this sadness with myself that was plaguing me all day.
And of course labeling is terrible. Hoffman talks about that in the rest of chapter 9. How TMS becomes a tangible thing because of over-simplified, shock-value media coverage of medical conditions, as well as the workman's comp/injury lawsuit mentality that's sweeping billboards and the backs of phonebooks all over the USA.
Clearly, that's why I developed RSI in high school, coz I was very well read in terms of current events at that time in my life. So, RSI was something I read about and knew about in this limited current events way, and so when my symptoms didn't get better like the doctor promised, it seemed to make sense. Particularly coz the doctor was rather dim and spent all of 5 minutes with me, so it was up to 16 year old me to fill in the gaps in my diagnosis. Yeah, that worked out great....thanks HMOs. Ah, that's anger right there. Feel that! :->
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armchairlinguist
USA
1397 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2006 : 11:07:25
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This is a great thread. Learning to just feel and own my feelings of anger and sadness and inadequacy and others has been an important step for me. I haven't totally gotten there by any means, but what I've been able to do has been really liberating. And knowing that so many others (everyone, but especially talking with fellow forum members) have similar feelings, makes me realize that I am not 'broken' or terrible, just that we all have many sides to our psyche and we need space to feel things and be ourselves and have that be okay.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about anger. It seems that anger is always a secondary emotion. We get angry because we feel something else -- fear or sadness or loss or pain from an insult or poor treatment, or not getting something we desperately want or need. I've read the secondary-emotion theory in lots of books, which usually then tell you not to express the anger because it's not what you 'really feel'. I think that's bunk. I think we need anger. I think what anger does is CALL YOUR ATTENTION to your feelings. It makes you aware that you are in pain, and it gives you energy and power to take action if you need to -- to say that you do not find some treatment acceptable, to say that you don't want to lose someone, whatever. It wakes you up. But it is a scary feeling, and not one that is really acceptable in our society, so we get used to choking it off. The energy stagnates; we don't experience flow, we experience bottled-up pressure. Which is very unpleasant. So finally we stop experiencing our anger and stuff it away. Without it, it's hard for our other feelings to get the attention they need, because if they did, they would bring up that scary anger. Eventually we don't really feel much of anything. This is where the emotions become unconscious. So I think we do have to do some digging. Not to find some magic trauma, but to reacquaint ourselves with feelings that have gone underground.
I have noticed that I often feel extremely stagnant and stiff, and that I find myself not breathing deeply or holding parts of my body very tight. When I try to let things flow, emotions start to flow as well. It feels scary but I am trying to let it happen more.
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Wherever you go, there you are. |
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iamwhoiam
12 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2006 : 16:40:55
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I couldnt agree more. You deny being 'you', if you do not express anger.
Its very true, because, denying these feelings is denying what is essentially 'you', and you set your self up for unhappiness, as you end up in situations that shouldn't 'be', just by being in touch with 'yourself'. I dont mean you should always 'speak up', but i mean, its something that can become SO unconcious, you end up not even being able to say to yourself, inside, yeah i was angry about this situation, but i felt i had to let it go this way because.. . . .
Its very un-empowering to do this. You go through life just experiencing it and not LIVING your own.
Catching this trait early in life i think is truely a good thing.
I can completely understand how stuff like 'childhood abuse' can cause people to bottle up emotions. A child may cry, so his hit, or shouted at. Kids then assume that the emotions are unvalid, and thus unconciously 'scold' themselves when the feeling emerges again. This certainly is VERY dis-empowering and leads to people feeling very anxious, lonely, and numb to many feelings, untimately, TMS. There are many reasons why people many be lead to believe feelings are illegitimate, but the truth is NONE are. They are all legitimate, whatever there origin. They should be allowed to flow, they 'just are'.
quote:
Originally posted by armchairlinguist
This is a great thread. Learning to just feel and own my feelings of anger and sadness and inadequacy and others has been an important step for me. I haven't totally gotten there by any means, but what I've been able to do has been really liberating. And knowing that so many others (everyone, but especially talking with fellow forum members) have similar feelings, makes me realize that I am not 'broken' or terrible, just that we all have many sides to our psyche and we need space to feel things and be ourselves and have that be okay.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about anger. It seems that anger is always a secondary emotion. We get angry because we feel something else -- fear or sadness or loss or pain from an insult or poor treatment, or not getting something we desperately want or need. I've read the secondary-emotion theory in lots of books, which usually then tell you not to express the anger because it's not what you 'really feel'. I think that's bunk. I think we need anger. I think what anger does is CALL YOUR ATTENTION to your feelings. It makes you aware that you are in pain, and it gives you energy and power to take action if you need to -- to say that you do not find some treatment acceptable, to say that you don't want to lose someone, whatever. It wakes you up. But it is a scary feeling, and not one that is really acceptable in our society, so we get used to choking it off. The energy stagnates; we don't experience flow, we experience bottled-up pressure. Which is very unpleasant. So finally we stop experiencing our anger and stuff it away. Without it, it's hard for our other feelings to get the attention they need, because if they did, they would bring up that scary anger. Eventually we don't really feel much of anything. This is where the emotions become unconscious. So I think we do have to do some digging. Not to find some magic trauma, but to reacquaint ourselves with feelings that have gone underground.
I have noticed that I often feel extremely stagnant and stiff, and that I find myself not breathing deeply or holding parts of my body very tight. When I try to let things flow, emotions start to flow as well. It feels scary but I am trying to let it happen more.
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Wherever you go, there you are.
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My thoughts on TMS
