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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 07/06/2006 : 16:58:20
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| Please forgive me Dave and the couple of others who probably are feeling frustrated with me right now for my over sensitivity and over posting...I had an epiphany and a good cry...I realize that I am in fact setting myself up for the more harsh feedback by being stubborn and self absorbed...I make no excuses for this other then to just own it...I am extremely grateful for every bit of feedback/advice I have gotten from each and every one of you, even the feedback that I took as harsh...I know now to the core that the advice was offered only to wake me up...Rather then beat myself up with guilt over this, I am merely going to apologize from the heart and work on doing better...I will not be breaking my crayons, so to speak, and leaving the forum...It has become very valuable to me...I will instead, read and re-read what you have all written to me and actually implement the suggestions right now...I do NOT want to live in this pain anymore...Thank you again, everybody... |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 17:12:41
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| Karen please read the post I JUST WROTE YOU ON RELATIONSHIP W/TMS, I like you ,was alone having just moved to a new city and was so anxious over the physical and emotional pain I was going through that sometimes I would sit in the hospital parking lot in case I might have a panic attack, the ativan broke me out of that mode, release the tighness on my muscles long enough for me to find solutions, I am not talking long term here but short term, there is no shame in seeking help, it only demonstrate the will to pursue whatever may work to get one over a hurdle. sending a hug, Micheline |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 17:22:06
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thank you Micheline...I am kind of a health nut and try as much as possible to stay away from meds..I have taken far too many anti-inflammatories for the pain and that has made my psoriasis act up (or perhaps it is also acting up as a TMS equivalent)...so I have some homeopathic remedies and can take some valerian root to calm myself...I guess i am concerned about covering up the feelings that I need to experience and release in order to get well...I think if i just force myself to start painting again, that will be a healthy distraction, I will feel productive in life again and i won't be obsessively posting on here just to feel connected...Appreciate your kind words and encouragement...I understand too about the waiting in the hospital parking lot...I did that when I thought I was having a heart attack...It wasn't a panic attack w/ breathlessness, etc...just chest pains that I was concerned about...but all it was again was stress...
Hugs,
Karen |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 17:43:50
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Hey Karen,
Well, you've created quite a stir in the short time you've been around here, eh?
For what it's worth, I honestly think you're going to get this, but you have to learn to get out of your own way...
One thing I've noticed, at least with respect to most of the suggestions you've been given (there's a lot of collective wisdom around here), is that you pretty much ignore them, preferring to talk about your pain instead...Which is why it's great to read that you're going to try harder to implement some changes,,,
Lame I know, but I'm a big Seinfeld fan, or was anyway...It's so old now...But one of my favorite episodes was the one in which George decides that since all of his decisions to date have brought him nothing but grief and failure, it must stand to reason that all his impulses were wrong...He vows from that moment onward to do the opposite of what he would normally do in every situation that comes his way...In short order he finds himself with a beautiful girl, a great job, a new apartment...
Point being, if you keep doing the same old stuff, and thinking the same old thoughts, nothing will change..
Conversely........
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Edited by - art on 07/06/2006 17:44:51 |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 17:50:40
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Thanx Art, I absolutely agree 100 percent...Lots of wisdom in your reply... |
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hsb
149 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 17:58:24
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Singer Artist-
I see alot of me in you and I bet many of us do. I have been following all of your responses to what everyone has offered you. I believe that you are "yesing" everyone to death. I am not criticizing because I am the queen of "yesing". Agreeing to every suggestion and saying that yes I am trying to do this and trying to do that and thanks for the suggestions, i need to do that, yada yada yada. Please do not get offended - I point this out because it is almost like a mirror into what I have gone through and do in the present often as well.
It is so true that you can see things easier in other people. It just seems you keep responding to all the posts with your promises to do this and do that and trying this and trying that.
As they say in Nike - "JUST DO IT".
I have yet to get a hold of things myself. I am kind of glad you are posting because it makes it so apparent what I have been doing.
Again Singer Artist, no criticisim but just someone looking from the outside in. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/06/2006 : 19:10:27
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| thanx hsb...If I say Yes to you too, will I be just doing more yesing? (I am saying that with a smile...:)) I appreciate your feedback and I don't take it as criticism at all...I have alot of work to do on myself which has become even more crystal clear thru this forum and some people's reactions to me on here...It's all good in the long run, even my therapist said that on a certain level it is Good if I feel rejected by some people on here...I need to FEEL whatever it is i am feeling..That is my biggest problem in all of my life..Not feeling my true feelings and not being REAL...I am soooo afraif of not being liked and not being cared for that I will just do that YESING thing to keep peace...I have done that within my family too...I have put up w/ stuff from my sister, for example that 90 % of the population would not have put up w/...They would have dropped her for good, but I did not...because dropping her could mean losing one of my neices as well...I have a hard time FEELING angry at people and it is risky to do so..And then when i feel real anger and they respond in kind, I end up backing off for fear I may be rejected...I won't judge myself for this I am just merely noticing it...Thanx for sharing w/ me... |
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miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 08:04:43
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
thanx hsb...If I say Yes to you too, will I be just doing more yesing? (I am saying that with a smile...:)) I appreciate your feedback and I don't take it as criticism at all...I have alot of work to do on myself which has become even more crystal clear thru this forum and some people's reactions to me on here...It's all good in the long run, even my therapist said that on a certain level it is Good if I feel rejected by some people on here...I need to FEEL whatever it is i am feeling..That is my biggest problem in all of my life..Not feeling my true feelings and not being REAL...I am soooo afraif of not being liked and not being cared for that I will just do that YESING thing to keep peace...I have done that within my family too...I have put up w/ stuff from my sister, for example that 90 % of the population would not have put up w/...They would have dropped her for good, but I did not...because dropping her could mean losing one of my neices as well...I have a hard time FEELING angry at people and it is risky to do so..And then when i feel real anger and they respond in kind, I end up backing off for fear I may be rejected...I won't judge myself for this I am just merely noticing it...Thanx for sharing w/ me...
S_A- This is the kind of self reflection that will accellerate your healing from TMS. I'm glad you decided to stay on the forum and I think you are making very good progress. Just be patient with yourself and realize you have a lifetime of thinking about yourself and your feelings that has to change and that you are on a process of making that change. It takes time so keep plugging away at it and you will be pleased with the results. Dubin sounds really good. I like his suggestions that you have shared here. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 08:14:40
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| Thank you for the acknowledgement Miehnesor...It's good to hear that I am on the right track...I am sure working on it...Yesterday was a tough day emotionally/physically but I suppose worth it...I feel calmer and more peaceful today inside...I know I have a ways to go, to say the least...but I am on my way and I feel it...Sometimes I think this whole neck thing is just an illusion and really it probably is on one level...A friend on here told me once that I may just wake up one morning and realize "Wow, I am feeling better, I can move my neck!!!" That sounds wonderful and I am hoping he is right! If not, gradual and steady improvement works too...ALthough thus far for me it's been more of a 2 steps forward and 3 back...I am determined to change that trend for the positive... |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 11:52:43
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There is no apology necessary. That's part of your goodism  |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 12:08:52
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| Thanx sweetie...Appreciate that very much, Dave! |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 12:21:00
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| Karen, You have really impressed me these last few days. Critique is sometimes very intimidating and really tends to put someone on the defensive. Instead, You used it to your advantage and I have no doubt that you will conquer your pain and do it in short order. You have created alot of conversation on this site and I think it we have all gained from it. I really feel like you have turned a corner. I don't hear the fear in your voice anymore. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 12:27:43
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Thanx for the awesome and supportive reply Susie!!! It makes me very happy to hear that others may have gained from my rantings... Oops...let me rephrase that and show a little self love...from my writings!!!
I think you might be right! I am just not going to let this pain keep me down anymore...I won't go out and jog today, but...I will NOT be focusing sooo much on the physical pain...I know now that it is really there as a distraction to what is underneath...And I have always known how important it is to keep track of one's thoughts/emotions because the mind does take things literally...Positive self talk, visualization, etc...goes a very long way...There is even scientific evidence of this...Have you ever checked out Masura Emoto's work w/ the frozen water crystals..QUite amazing...In short...he is a Japanese scientist who studied the effects on water crystals of positive or negative thought forms...Check him out on the web if you like...We are now believed to be 90 percent, not 70 percent water...sooo...our thoughts are of the UTMOST importance to our complete recovery...We must believe it possible or it will never happen...
Hugs,
Karen |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 12:45:43
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Thanx dear friend!!!!! You sure helped me ALOT...I am glad we are pals! Keep in touch w/ me and let me know how you are doing, okay??
Hugs,
Karen |
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redskater
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 14:26:13
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Karen,
my best advice to you is to not even acknowledge the physical pain, don't write about it, don't talk about it, don't continue to give it any power over your life anymore, especially in your journaling. You can't always ignore the pain but you don't have to verbalize it. If anyone asks how your neck is, say it's fine, period! Continue to focus only on the emotional, even if you aren't sure what it is. Just keep doing it, don't set a time limit on when you THINK you should be better, everyone is different.
It's taken me 11 months to get to where I am today. I went from being an invalid (in an arab country, no less) couldn't even get on a plane to get back to the good ol USA. (I won't go into everything that was wrong with me) but let's just say if there had been a way to end my life I would have taken it! Discovered Sarno in august last year, 6 mos. later I started teaching ice skating about 1 hr., 3x a week. Still had some pain and had good days and not so good days, but now 6 mos. later I am teaching 6 hrs. a day, demonstrating stuff I never would have dreamed I'd do again and go days without thinking about my back. I even took a good fall yesterday trying to demonstrate something I hadn't done in 20 yrs. (what was I thinking, Im 50!) Could barely walk when I got home and woke up today just fine. I've got my in-laws here for a week (big TMS stimulator) and I'm fine. I can even say that TMS is actually a good thing in my life now. It has taught me how to deal more effectively with people. I'm like you, I wanted to please. The heck with that noise anymore! I take care of myself first now, and my relationships are much better for it. You don't have to keep apologizing to anyone here.
Just remeber this is a journey for you and you can choose to look on it as a good thing or a bad thing. it's up to you how you perceive it. Make lemonade out of those lemons and keep doing the work.
Good luck,
Gaye
Gaye |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 16:16:02
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Wow Gaye,
Thank you for sharing that with me...Very Inspiring, indeed!!! Your advice about not talking/journaling/thinking about the physical pain is so good...I am trying to be better w/ this but it is hard, i must admit...I am not exactly sure why it is so hard, perhaps part of me likes the attention/love I get when people understand I am still suffering..(secondary gain)...Perhaps it is because by nature I am very detail oriented...(guess some of my longer posts have proven that, lol..) It helps to know that people understand whatever it is your are going through...BUT...I can see how it would very healing in more ways then one to Stop talking about the pain...Especially if it will help me to talk instead about what I am FEELING...
thank you! |
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redskater
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 17:39:44
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I understand about the secondary gain. I caught myself doing that more than a few tifmes not even realizing it. I would use it to not have to do something and it did get me out of a lot, but it only hurt myself in the end. even now I will sometimes think wow, wish i could blame it on my back! then I come back to reality and thank God and Sarno.
Gaye
Gaye |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 21:15:14
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| Gaye, it is heartwarming to read post like yours, intelligent, sound advice, without blame, bravo! Micheline |
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sorry 4 over-reacting to the tough love
