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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
 Posted - 07/03/2006 : 19:54:51
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Well...I really screwed up and I am so mad at myself...This is clearly not good for the TMS! I missed my third phone session w/ my TMS therapist today because my brain was all foggy from binging on sugar! I haven't had anything bad like sugar, etc..for 5 weeks and today I went nuts...I feel so guilty for potentially messing up his schedule and i probably won't be able to talk to him about it til Wednesday...My stomach is hurting from all the crap i have put into it..And believe me, this is very bad for me...My eating issues have lost me singing gigs and relationships in the past..It's no joke...I have realized it is probalby yet another TMS EQUIVALENT! So now it's the neck, the food addiction and who knows what else will crop up...Just feeling like crap today...Seems like everytime i move forward something happens either within or out of my control...Either way I just seem to be sabotaging my own recovery and it stinks...My roomie/bro is being very impatient with me lately and has become a pretty lousy nurse...I hate to ask him for things, but while in this acute neck attack i have no choice..How did my life become such a complete mess??? And when will it change? I just want to MOVE MY NECK and it's driving me nuts that i cannot...
I tried journalling w/ the non dominant hand...it was interesting and i am sure it helped...but nothing i wrote surprised me at all..Same old stuff...missing my deceased loved ones, wish I had a family, feeling all alone in the world... |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 22:06:07
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oh you poor man. Take your right hand and hold it up to your face........now slap yourself as hard as you can. SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!! You're rolling in your own pile of crap buddy, this is YOUR state and YOU created it. Get over it. Yes you feel really bad, allow yourself to feel it, so you made a mistake......you're human, that's what we do. We screw up every day...it's OK. The best thing about all of this is that you have the power to change it, image how someone who is crippled feels. I get like this sometimes but I wish someone would slap my face for me and tell me to snap out of it. So are you mad yet?? I hope you are, cause deep down you know I'm right. You can't believe that I have the balls to take the piss out of you, and there is nothing you can do about it. Well there is something you can do.
1. Climb out of your self sorrow rut
2. Go buy your roomie a gift and say thanks for putting up with my sorry arse
3. Take some time out and have a few stiff drinks
Look man, TMS isn't easy, but you can't let it beat you like that or you'll never get better. Allow yourself to experience those emotions but remember that you can rise above them. Stop all the negative thinking. Don't take things so seriously, life is just a game and you gotta play it. TMS can help you become a very strong and wise person, it's not a curse but a blessing in disguise. TAKE CHARGE and stop being a victim. Remember the times you've been pain free?? That's where you want to be, so what are you going to do about it?? We're all in the same boat my friend, so we don't need to hear your moaning, most of us do enough of that ourselves. :-) Do that on a piece of paper and then throw it in the bin. We want to hear solutions, positive things you did to bounce back. Remember one thing.........you're NEVER alone. There are loads and loads of people who also feel the same pain and misery. Now go and stand in front of the mirror and give yourself a good talking to. Don't let it beat you like this again........your negative energy is messin up my chi  |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 22:15:16
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| Oh I feel like such a sexist pig now. Urgh....evil me. |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 22:35:20
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quote:
Originally posted by Darko
...Look man, TMS isn't easy, but you can't let it beat you like that or you'll never get better. Allow yourself to experience those emotions but remember that you can rise above them. Stop all the negative thinking. Don't take things so seriously, life is just a game and you gotta play it....
Are you sure you are not from Nashville and ride a skateboard? -Stryder |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 22:40:56
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| Nah, I'm from Brisbane and ride a mountain bike. |
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bdystore
18 Posts |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 23:39:09
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quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
Well...I really screwed up and I am so mad at myself...This is clearly not good for the TMS! I missed my third phone session w/ my TMS therapist today because my brain was all foggy from binging on sugar! I haven't had anything bad like sugar, etc..for 5 weeks and today I went nuts...I feel so guilty for potentially messing up his schedule and i probably won't be able to talk to him about it til Wednesday...My stomach is hurting from all the crap i have put into it..And believe me, this is very bad for me...My eating issues have lost me singing gigs and relationships in the past..It's no joke...I have realized it is probalby yet another TMS EQUIVALENT! So now it's the neck, the food addiction and who knows what else will crop up...Just feeling like crap today...Seems like everytime i move forward something happens either within or out of my control...Either way I just seem to be sabotaging my own recovery and it stinks...My roomie/bro is being very impatient with me lately and has become a pretty lousy nurse...I hate to ask him for things, but while in this acute neck attack i have no choice..How did my life become such a complete mess??? And when will it change? I just want to MOVE MY NECK and it's driving me nuts that i cannot...
I tried journalling w/ the non dominant hand...it was interesting and i am sure it helped...but nothing i wrote surprised me at all..Same old stuff...missing my deceased loved ones, wish I had a family, feeling all alone in the world...
Where would you like to "move your neck" to? How much energy are you using to avoid moving your neck? If you are only able to "look" with your eyes? What do you "see"? If you could move your neck, what would you "see"? Are you feeling overwhelmed by your place in the world? Feeling needy, vunerable and out of control? Will you be OK?
Change is chaotic, A condition or place of great disorder or confusion |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 07:48:12
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| Karen, I have noticed you haven't responded to your post. Darko was sonewhat severe with you and must have upset you. We all have our ways of expressing ourselves and his seems a little blunt , but I must say very helpful if you use it to your advantage. We have all been trying to tell you the same thing in a less drastic way and I do think you are progressing. I think darko is just telling you to get up and move forward and don't keep obsessing about what makes you sad and anxious. Think about where you want to go and how to get there. After all, the misery and pain we have is not really caused by any actual structural problems, our problems are all fixable. There are so many with real problems and diseases without cures. Keep in contact and let us know how you are. You can choose to ignore Darko or take the essence of what he is saying and use it to your advantage. It might be very helpful to you. Come on back. |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 08:57:28
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| Thanx Susie, CJB, Stryder, and Bdystore..Appreciate your replies and input very much...THroughout this TMS hell we all go in and out of one thing I thought that was important in our ultimate healing was being REAL and HONEST, regardless of what that 'looked like..' My posts are not all dark and negative, I was just having a bad day yesterday..Perhaps I should have kept it to myself in a journal, but sometimes it's easier to journal out loud and get some valuable feedback. It never offends me when someone on here is venting about an acute attack, instead it makes me want to support and encourage them w/ love like the four of you have. As for Darko, speaking to me like that never does me any good, regardless of the content..If I want to be 'beat up' emotionally or otherwise I can either revisit my own childhood, or do a great job at it myself..I don't need my friends here or in real life beating me up too...especially ones that have never even written b4 and do not know my entire history...ie..the lack of family, the deaths, etc. etc. ad nauseum...Enough said...Happy 4th everyone...and thanx again for caring... |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 20:08:05
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| Singer_Artist, please don't take it that I was having a go at you in any way or beating you up. I certainly wasn't taking a swipe at you. I know exactly how you felt and I was just trying to give you a bit of a jolt. It didn't help that I thought you where a guy for some reason. It's easy sometimes to get caught up in your own emotions, and this didn't seem to help me when I've done it. You sounded very negative, and I was really only trying to help, I'm sorry that I came across as brash or you took it the wrong way. I'll be a little more sensitive next time I promise. I hope my post wasn’t a complete was of time, and you did take something from it. Having said that, it’s good that you seem to have improved |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 20:28:33
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| Thanx Darko, Apology accepted totally...:)) I did get something out of your reply and I am grateful to you...I was being negative and I am feeling negative lately...so against my true nature..This TMS thing is just driving me nuts lately...I want my life back...Thanx for understanding...I welcome your replies... |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 20:38:25
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| I know exactly how you feel. Something that helps me when I start to wig out like that is a mental health day. I take the day off, don't talk to people, turn off the phone. Get a massage, a DVD, doco or just a flick, something nice to drink, and just really chillout. I don't care about the world cause this is Darko time. This helps take the edge of it. Don't be afraid to have a FEW drinks as it really take the edge of it the next morning. BUT don't get into the habit of using alcohol as a way to cope, however it's a good tool when used responsibly |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 20:43:43
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Absolutely Darko..I agree..I wish I could bend down then I would take a nice epsom salts bath..but i cannot get into the darn tub..lol! I should get back to my painting, even if it hurts a bit to hold up my arm for awhile..That is my true therapy..my art and my music..I have not been painting at all since this neck flare up 6 weeks ago...I have alot of pent up/stored creative energy that isn't helping my situation..Maybe if i get lost in a painting i will stop for a while thinking about the pain...Where are you located? Are you in New Zealand? I don't know why I think that, perhaps it's an expression you used..If you are in Australia or New Zealand...I AM JEALOUS I have always wanted to travel there and hope to one day...I am not big on the US, to be honest...feel much happier in Europe..And I definitely don't like Vegas..But until i get a grip on this neck TMS sh*t, and sell more art..I am stuck here...and that 'stuck' feeling seems to have manifested itself right in my neck..
~Karen |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 21:16:14
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Don't find reasons why you CAN'T. Change you thoughts to 'How can I?' Take some pain killers, or have a bottle of vino....loosen up, then have a bath. You sound so stiff, and like you're taking every thing so hard. That's pressure....I MUST do this, I MUST do that. This is bad...etc. One thing I'm doing of late is just treating life like a game, I'm going to play it as best I can, to win in fact. If something doesn't work out then who cares "she'll be apples mate" Just let go!!! Believe in yourself, then you wont stress cause you know you can do the things you need. Don't look at TMS as a curse. (I hate this thing blah blah) I'll tell you what TMS has done for me
I've grown spiritually
confident
stronger
more determined
I know that I can achieve
learned about my negative traits - improved them
TMS has taken me on an amazing journey in the last 7 years. I have been at the very very bottom, sitting on my kitchen floor crying uncontrollably holding a very large knife which I wanted to drive into myself repeatedly. So just chillout about it, getting angry and frustrated with TMS/yourself is SOOOOO the wrong thing to do. You have to learn to relax....not like in front of a TV or something, but you have to learn to relax your mind and your thoughts. Be ok with where you're at right now, don't be so emotional about the pain or life. LEARN to do this, it will help you.
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 21:42:34
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I know what you are saying Darko...I have grown spiritually and as a person as well...But the dark times are tough..And I have also thought on and off thru the years of dealing w/ this and all the losses I have dealt w/ about taking my own life..I just wasn't brave enough or chicken enough, however you want to look at it..And I didn't want to leave my friends, dogs, and the little family i have left...But i understand how you could have felt as you did...The pain can definitely bring us to very deep levels of emotional madness...I have been there too...I'll try my best to apply what you are saying here as best i can...Believe me, I want to just fling my neck around and move it anyway..But if I do that b4 it's ready, i will just end up in bed flat on my back again, all day long..like i was for weeks..I cannot take that, this is bad enough..Again..i will be thinking alot about what you have said..Thanx... |
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shocksystems
USA
8 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 05:36:40
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Darko:
Just wondering, do you have TMS completely under control now? I was interested in your description. Does it affect your life in any way now? During the 7 years have you tried psychotherapy, was it helpful?
Cheers!
Jim |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 09:21:45
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| GEE Darko, just read your first post, did you get a cramp in your foot so that it ended up in your mouth, lol, kidding aside I know you meant well, there are times when I feel this is what I need to do, slap myself in the face I mean, I think we may all have gone down the self pity trip at one time or another , hard not to, still I agree with you that it is the worst thing one can do |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 09:35:57
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| That was funny, Micheline...You are right, he did mean well..And he actually apologized to me which was nice...I had a few others be pretty hard on me too, but I survived it...lol...Yes, self pity is a big one that will keep us stuck in our stuff...Hope you are doing well today...I am feeling much better then yesterday...especially emotionally... |
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miche
Canada
283 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 09:42:04
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| Glad to hear it kiddo,I am doing a little better also, positive thinking is what I am concentrating on right now, it does not come naturally to me so I have to retrain my mind, hugs, Micheline |
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Singer_Artist
USA
1516 Posts |
Posted - 07/07/2006 : 09:51:07
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Oh I hear you! You know what book is great for us to retrain our minds and get over this TMS??? It is called "Rapid Recovery from Back and NEck Pain," by Fred Amir...I am reading it now, very good book w/ concrete ideas on how to recover and retrain our thinking...Check it out if you don't already have it...
Hugs!
Karen |
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self sabotage
