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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
 Posted - 03/27/2006 : 07:41:11
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A few weeks ago I shared my concern over the issue of recovery, namely that there was a part of me--a voice rather--that once was whispering and now was shouting. This voice would convince me that I did not want to get better, that the feeling of a life pain free was too scary and too forgeign. As you can imagine, this frightened me a whole lot.
After something reflection and discussing the issue with my therapist I came to realize that this voice was in fact the TMS gremlin trying to convince me to dance with it a little longer. Upon coming to this conclusion I felt much better in that my fear was greatly diminished. It was constantly worrying why I thought these thoughts, so much so that it got in the way of my TMS work.
I have two questions:
1. I understand where this voice is coming from, but feeling well is so foreign to me, it's been almost seven years. Instead of obsessing over my fear or feeling well, what can I tell myself?
2. This is similar to the issue I presented earlier. Sometimes this same voice tells me that I don't believe in the diagnosis, which also scares me. I understand that instilling the belief at a visceral level is a process and takes time. Should I treat these thoughts as merely my unconscious' way of keeping me trapped?
Wait, a thought just came to me. Could it be that as I become stronger in my TMS work that my brain is using every possible trick to try and keep me planted firmly where I am?
I truly feel like I've been making progress now that I'm doing the work everyday and trying hard. I'm trying hard not to fall into the "calendar phenomenon" trap, and every time I do, I accept the thought as merely adding to my rage.
Seth |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 07:57:41
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| You're thinking too much. Try feeling instead. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 10:02:16
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Thank you Dave. I needed that. (Seth, stop thinking [slaps himself])
Seth |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 03/27/2006 : 12:43:18
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You are making progress; don't lose sight of that.
Just remember that obsessive thinking is itself a TMS symptom. Treat it the same way, that is, when you are aware of it, try to stop, and instead turn your attention towards emotional issues. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 17:07:24
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Dave,
You're absolutely correct, I musn't ignore that I am making progress and that dips in the road are to be expected.
Even though I am overthinking, I still need advice on what to do about that voice that convinces me I don't believe in the diarnosis or want to get better.
It would be very comforting to know others have experienced this and I am not alone.
Seth |
Edited by - lobstershack on 03/28/2006 17:08:02 |
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Special One
USA
61 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 19:38:05
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| Wow! I just realized, thanks to you two, that I have been "thinking" my emotions rather than "feeling" them. I never thought to separate the two. I analyze everything including my emotions. I'll try this; when I start thinking psychologically, as Sarno says, I will then try to "feel" those thoughts. Hmmm...could this be the key? |
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Kristin
98 Posts |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 23:52:23
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Also consider, do you want to be the one to decide/control how you feel or do you want the "gremlins" to decide/control?
I think when we chose responsibility ( or response->ability) over reactivity we win and tms loses.
It might be hard to give up what we have grown accustomed to, but also we know what price we're paying. Sure, freedom is a big step and maybe scary, but think of the possibilities! Have you ever read "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess? |
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gevorgyan
115 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2006 : 02:28:27
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Seth,
I have very similar experiences. The more I tried to dig in my mind the stranger things I have discovered. There was also something like: do I really want to get better?
So I gave up digging.
You must remember that some of us suffer because of long term "trauma" some of us have one only or few traumatic events. And there is a reason why our mind serves us this pain.
Maybe we can be more hurt by the flow of repressed rage than hurt from the pain-I mean it is possible in some cases.
Yesterday I have spent 2,5 hour speaking with my priest also about Sarno approach. He suggested me that every time we want to deal with our psychical pain we should do it together with Christ. We can be hurt so deep that the only consideration of a rage will be not enough and we can even get worst by doing this (my own experience).
Remember, thinking, that we can become our own healer is out of God.
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Edited by - gevorgyan on 03/31/2006 04:24:42 |
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Indy
Canada
45 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2006 : 05:09:26
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I know exactly where you are. I've been healing from unconscious childhood trauma consciously now for 6 years. My experience is that my brain will try anything to distract me from "processing" painful emotions, the biggest distraction being migraines. But Dr. Sarno's work is helping me a lot.
I find it very difficult to retrain my brain. I think of my brain as a box full of unwanted chatter, sometimes overflowing with negative and useless thoughts. Affirmations don't work well for me; it just adds to the already overloaded mind, and when my mind is racing with foolishness, it's hard to "feel" anything in my body except what is screaming at me at the time. It's almost impossible for me to stop thinking.
What works really well for me that you might want to try is "brain dumping" on paper first thing in the morning. I spend anywhere from 30 min to an hour writing in my journal whatever thoughts come up. Whatever thoughts my brain is processing, I write down no matter how foolish, weird, hateful, etc. In other words, my writing follows my brain, and when the brain slows down or stops, I stop writing because my chatterbox is empty. Only then can I start to feel my emotions.
We all have what my therapist calls "subpersonalities" that make us all of who we are. Whenever I hear that voice within me say "That's stupid" or "That's not going to work", I know that Skeptic is making her presence known to me. So I say "Hello Skeptic. You're trying to throw me off course again. Please don't do that. I really want to follow through with what I'm doing here without your interference." Or something like that. It really works. Just as your Inner Child feels rage, Skeptic feels she has a job to do of protecting you from further pain.
I use other journalling techniques that have helped me tremendously in conjunction with my therapy. If you want to know more, let me know. Hope my thoughts have helped you. |
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lobstershack
Australia
250 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2006 : 07:20:22
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gevorgyan & indy,
Thanks for the insight. Since my biggest problem seems to be fearing the part of my brain trying to convice me I don't want to be well, it's nice to know others have experienced this too. At this point I do feel that it's really hindering my progress, and that to spend all day ruminating over if I really do want to get better is not helping matters.
I think what I will do is label these thoughts as such when they arise. After all, they're just thoughts. I must stop taking my thoughts as truths; something I've been doing for many, many years.
Whenever I find myself focusing or thinking about symptoms I get really upset because I feel that it is pushing me backwards. It's as if in order to get better I can't even have a thought pertaining to symptoms.
This is perfectionism, I know. Which leads me to my next point. I've really only been connecting particular events and situations to my TMS. I have not been connecting any of my personality traits that lead to tension--I have them all. It wasn't until my boss told me yesterday, "Seth you don't have to always be so nice" that this realization came to mind.
I think this will play an integral role in my recovery, because at this point, I don't even think I'm aware the degree which these traits are fueling my TMS fire. In fact, most of the time I don't I'm not conscious of the fact that I possess these traits, until told by others. Any advice on how I may integrate this into my TMS work.
Also, I just purchasted Fred Amir's book and am looking forward to working with it.
Seth |
Edited by - lobstershack on 03/29/2006 07:25:14 |
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Indy
Canada
45 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2006 : 20:27:27
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Seth
Good on your boss for being honest. What's the expression? You only hear what you're ready to hear.
I did a very brave thing when I was doing a lot of work on myself - I asked 4 good friends to write down 3 things that they liked about me the most and the 3 things that they hated about me the most. Now that was a learning experience. It helped me see things about myself that I was unwilling to look at. (Not recommended for the faint of heart.)
Good luck on your journey.
Indy |
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Tunza
New Zealand
198 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2006 : 13:22:23
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Oh, the Places You'll Go!
by Dr. Seuss
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.
It's opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...
...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!
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Edited by - Tunza on 03/30/2006 13:27:07 |
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AriG00
USA
16 Posts |
Posted - 03/30/2006 : 13:37:22
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TO everyone who has posted in here.
I have experienced the same phenomena, fear
of change, resistance to change etc.. for me
the most helpful thing has been meditation.
before it my mind was cluttered and
confused, and sarno's treatment was helping
a lot but I still had the fear of change and
my mind seemed to be stuffed with information
and never knew what to do with it, resulting in
anxiety, panic, worrying, more pain, weird
symptoms etc. when I began meditation, not to
cure the pain but to clear my mind, and train
myself to be more focused, I became much more
calm about everything, treatment, thinking.
My patience and outlook has imporved
dramatically. Take some time out to meditate.
My basic meditation is I sit and breathe in
deeply, and breathe out, just a general
relaxation response method. As I breathe out
I say the word one (you can use any word)
and when I start to think about other things
(this definitely happens a lot at first) I
just go back to repeating the word on my
exhale, its a practice, and you get better
at it, it helps dramatically with Sarno's
methods, and can help your mind become less
cluttered and thus relaxing your body, and
allowing you to rettain information (learn
sarnos method) easier and more efficiently.
I would also reccomend instead of FOCUSING
on HOW YOU CANT FOCUS, FOCUS on learning how
to focus better, instead of worrying about
your fear of change, focus on how you can
learn to be more acceptable to change.
Stop worrying about negative things, focus
on the positives, and do something about it.
Hope that is helpful, those things have
helped me a lot, and I've been through the
exact same feelings you've described.
G |
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Insight Needed
