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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
 Posted - 12/27/2005 : 09:09:52
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OK...for the sake of consistency I'll confess that the reason I've been absent is..I'm sick as a dog.
Since I joined this forum last fall, texasrunner, stryder and a couple of others gave me some clues as to what was causing some of my REALLY physical conditions.By that,I mean to say that although I had recovered from all of my pain issues I still had ongoing cold/flu/brochitis issues,ear infections..stuff that I never ,ever connected with TMS.
Dating back to my joining the forum,this is only the second time I could not 'fend' off the symptoms with my TMS toolbag,and to be quite frank I'm a bit angry with myself.
About a week ago I noticed a pain in the side of my neck (lymph nodes)...having 'beat' this back before,I hit the paper and started thinking about it from a psychological perspective.It left,and I was fine.Than I began to have a tickle in the back of my throat.
Now..I sort of dropped the ball..everything was OK in my life(or so it seemed)...I had enough money to get through the holidays /new year adequately,things were cool at home,and I was looking forward to the 'slow' period my Boss had prophesied in the coming weeks...but I just couldn't get this damn 'tickle' out of my throat
Than...My Boss actually FounD some work for me to do...hurray.(I guess)....now I have NO financial worries.Fine...I'll go do this job instead of take a week off...like I always do at christmas...I went from having No work,to being asked to work on Xmas eve(No) and the day after(no)..pressure...responsibility...commitment.
So,I wake up on Xmas Morning with a fire breathing down my neck (literally)...I ignore it and we have a good morning with the kids and I spend the day assembling their toys.Everytime I'm not completely consumed with this task,I feel like I'm on the verge of crying....I'm scared.Starting last night and into the day,everytime I try to eat anything,it sticks in my throat..nothing is moving.I almost gagged to death on a piece of bread.
Also,as a Xmas present,my Mother had made me a photo album of my Father who passed away in an auto accident 1/27/71 (my sons birthdate minus 22 years)....I know she meant well,but it really cast a pall over them morning.The very last Holiday I ever had with a Father was Xmas,and he was waaaaaaaay into it....we did it twice,Dec 25 and Jan 6,as we lived in Europe where they do 'on the 12th day of Xmas'
suffice it to say there were a lot of 'undealt with' things floating around.
So,even though I am certain I have cancer and I am going to die immediately,the pain in my ear become unbearable and I hit the md's office yesterday morning.He took one look inside my ears/nose/throat and went 'Holy moley...you have a dandy of an infection...like a blast furnace all over your ears,neck,throat'
'Oh...so I don't have cancer...I am sick? ****..now what am I going to obsess on"
about 10 minutes of relief were interrupted by the beginnings of a panic attack.I have had these before and view them as sort of 'transitional TMS'...i.e. I only get them when My body won't believe anything else.In the middle of the 'terror' I finally had the 'epiphany' I was looking for.
I think almost all of TMS symptoms can be broken down into the following Question: What is going on in my life to necessitate this particular symptom ?
You will come down with whatever symptom is necessary to manifest the issue you are unaware of,or not dealing with,though I have found in 9 out of 10 cases awareness alone will suffice.
The Panic attack came when I reached for the phone to call work and say that I would be absent....hmmm....Like I REALLY wanted to be in the first place.
I have always worked in construction and I have always had the week after Xmas off....this is the first time in years that I have had a job to go back to...I have always spent the time playing with my boys and whatever 'toys' they got for Xmas..I did not want to work (childish) and was bummed when the boss found work(ridiculous) but was unable to say what I really wanted (Fear) so it never ever came to the surface....something stuck in my throat.Something I don't want to hear.
So..short of breath with imminent doom on my tail,I did what any clear thinking TMSer would do....I ran down stairs and had a vigorous workout...to challenge the idea that I am about to fall apart.
I know this may seem a bit absurd...when I found Sarno and TMS I was glad merely to be rid of the back pain..now I have learned so much that I feel any 'true' sickness is something I might have fended off by being more diligent and tending to my emoptional 'field' if you will.
I got caught napping.
Lesson Learned....
-p
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redskater
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 12/27/2005 : 09:25:38
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Thank you!
Hope you are feeling better now, and you got to play with your boys after all.
Gaye |
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I got caught napping
