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catsinthecradle
USA
2 Posts |
 Posted - 08/07/2004 : 17:49:53
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Hello,
My name is Deborah and I am very glad indeed to have found this forum. All of this is new to me I came across this forum while researching for help online to my problems. I can only sit for a few minutes at a time so if I write in pieces forgive me ---> that shows I'm new, doesn't it, I should do it anyway LOL.
I have a long history of mild back pain and on July 1st I over-exercised on a hard surface. On July 5th I woke up with pain of such an intense degree I did not know such levels of pain even existed. The pain flooded down my leg so bad that I could no longer get to the bathroom. More about my journey later.
I am now dealing with moderate to severe pain, messed up discs, a contorted pirformis muscle bla bla bla but of course this is what I am being told, you know the drill, no doubt. half of my foot and part of my ankle is numb - very bad numb - and that has caused a great deal of my freak out along with profound fear that I will again experience the pain I felt on July 5th and 6th - they were giving me demerol and it barely touched the pain.
I now have fluctuating pain in my lower back, buttocks, parts of my leg, and foot. Sometimes my entire ankle feels like a wolf is chewing on it and it is very bad. By the way the bathroom thing was not problems "down there" but simply inability to stand up to GET to the loo.
I'm not sure which of my recent experiences turned me on to Sarno but definitely the Brazilian cranio person I am working with - she is VERY mind body connection, if you get my drift, as well as my acupuncture doctor who strongly beleives my type of pain is linked to feeling not supported, having repressed rage, etc. So I have been reading everything I can get my hands on. I do believe that my unconcious rage and resentment and past hurts - as well as present frustrations - are involved.
I am not a Goodist. Far from it! If anything I have more of a rebel/bum mentality. But after reading up on this and doing a lot of thinking I have recently come to admit that - at least this much - I am unbelievably hard on myself. Very very hard on myself, playing mental tapes like "you blew it, you blew your life, you just did not measure up" etc. As the ambulance struggled to get me to the hospital - between screams - I kept saying "I am so f***ed" which with hindsight speaks yards about how I feel about my life in general.
I come from a family of over-achievers, have been an over-achiever myself my whole life and now feel like crap. Additionally, my huband and family are entering year 3 of the worse business/financial crisis of our lives and I perpetually feel as if the world is about to collapse.
Finally, I went through a nightmarish 10 plus years on antidepressants and sleeping pills - I am now stridently skeptical of so-called allopathic or western medicine. But that's another story. I mention it because I had VERY bad experiences with therapists and psychotherapists and as I begin my Sarno journey I worry a lot about how to get help if the very thought of a therapist sends me running from the room screaming.
In varying degrees, my health care peopel are convinced that something is pressing on my sciatic nerve - hence the pain, the aching, the numbness, the shooting terribleness in my leg.
Okay, enough for now. I hope somebody will write back and say hi. I spend a while reading your posts and I have a great deal respect for your various journeys and successes.
I'm not sure what my next step is. I cannot afford any special treatments or visits and I will admit that I am scared.
I am going ahead with a little bit of care work (one on one pilates) but I only am going ahead with these people because they are big believers in mind body stuff.
Wow, I wrote a lot and could write more LOL sorry. My husband and I are really struggling with this. We were in the ER, we went to a couple of doctors, we have no health insurance and the county won't help for this type of problem. I tried acupuncture, oh yes, the local doctor said if I need an MRI I should go to Mexico! This is all very stressful.The pain in my buttocks and leg is bad.
I am having a hard time believing my pain and numbness are not caused at all by structural stuff - is that typical? Can it be both? Is there one particular workbook or book anybody suggests I start with FIRST?
Thank you so much!
Deborah  |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2004 : 18:09:17
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For starters, get a copy of Dr. Sarno’s book “Healing Back Pain The Mind-Body Connection.” Read it, then reread it. Read it continually for at least a month. In the book, he sets forth his contention that many, not all, problems are mind-body connected. The idea is to convince yourself that, though the pain is very real and very severe, it is harmless and that you can overcome the pain. Dr. Sarno claims a 95% rate of cure of his patients and that he has cured thousands of people. There is no reason you can’t be one of them.
Secondly, get a copy of his videotape, which gives you a program to follow.
Be of good cheer. This is a wonderful forum and many here are willing to guide you.
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2004 : 18:48:32
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| Hi Deborah--I strongly second allan's advice. Get the book immediately. From your description of your symptoms, you will recognise yourself in his book and that will help you to begin to dispell some fear. For me, as bad as the pain was, and it was horrible, the fear was worse. The numbness was scarrier than the pain. Sarno's book will help you to understand what is happening to you. It is very difficult to let go of belief that a structual mishap isn't the cause of your pain. We all fight structural verses psychological at the beginning. Once you begin to get relief from thinking psycological, it's easier to get on board. I, like alot of board members, began to feel slight relief while reading the book for the first time. This board is a terrific aid. It's good to know that you are not alone and there are alot of really smart people on here that can answer alot of your questions. Pain moving from one location to another is very common and a good sign that it is tms. Even though the pain is horrific, the cause of it is harmless. Get the book and check back. Let us know how you are doing. |
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catsinthecradle
USA
2 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2004 : 19:11:41
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Dear Allan and Susie,
Thank you so much for writing back. I appreciate it so much. Does it matter which book I start with? I thought the Prescription book ahd the most "how to" type of information. I will try to get one or more of the books in the next few days. They sound great! At this point I have refused all pain medication except ibuprofen - my doctors think I'm nuts - but what good does it do to get doped up. The ibuprofen is a struggle because I also have liver/gallbladder discomfort. Bla bla bla. I read some more on this great forum and a lot of it seemed very foreign to me SO I am guessing that I will make a good convert (kidding). Hey, I said "good".
Thanks again,
Deborah
p.s. My pain does not move around. Is that bad?
The pain is very clear cut in very fixed points although the intensity fluctuates (my rating system: no pain, mild, moderate, severe, call the ambulance). It does not go up and down with anything I can tell, it has a "mind of its own" no doubt my own mind ha ha.
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 08/07/2004 : 19:22:09
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| I misunderstood you on pain movement. No, that's not bad but you will probably find that as you start to improve , your brain will put up a fight and try to trick you. As you conquer one pain sight it will find another. It will often choose ,as Sarno states, a location where something psysical has happened in the past so you will buy it. At least my brain tried that on me. Get whichever book the store has. I think HEALING BACKPAIN is better to begin with but that's just me. Also, don't forget the video. It's around $90 but it's alot cheaper then an mri. By the way, I could get to the bathroom when I had the big attack, I just couldn't sit down. |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 08/08/2004 : 03:25:13
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Hi Deborah
You've come to the right place for what you are going through. I've had great support here. Sometimes it used to feel that I was the only person in the whole of the UK that had heard of TMS, but on reflection lots of people realise that there is a psychological element to physical pain - they just don't call it TMS. Your cranio person and accupuncturist have done you a favour by pointing you in the right direction. My psyiotherapist did the same thing for me - a rare thing in a manipulator of bodies, I know.
As to which book you start with - it probably doesn't matter. I bought them both at the same time, read Healing Back Pain first, then the Mindbody Prescription, which became the one that I referred to constantly, probably because I had other psychogenic symptoms other than back pain - IBS and cystitis symptoms (incidentally both of these things were checked out thoroughly and nothing was ever found). If possible, I would read both, if I were you and see which one you like better yourself.
Like you I had a dreadful attack of pain which was in my lower back only, brought on by the unpleasant checks for IBS, I believed at the time, and for a long time I lived in dreadful fear of having another attack of that intensity. I never have, incidentally and now, just over a year after finding out about TMS, I no longer fear it. It's been hard work to get to this point, and I now rarely have back pain, other than mild discomfort which goes quickly.
I have recently embarked on a programme of exercise to tone up my whole body - not focussing on my back - I have become pretty unfit because of enforced inactivity due to the fear of 'injuring' my back further.
When the fear goes away, it's a great feeling. I know that lots of people who post here will disagree with me that this is a good thing to do, but as well as reading and really working on Dr Sarno's advice, I read widely on anxiety conditions and that helped me a lot. I calmed down and learned not to fear the pain when it came. My recovery has been gradual, but I have recovered, to the point of returning to work part time after I had given up because of the unbearable pain and the anxiety/depression that accompanied it.
Take care
Anne |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 08/08/2004 : 08:42:55
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Welcome to the forum.
Clearly you have a lot of re-conditioning to do.
1. Forget the idea that the pain started because you "over-exercised on a hard surface." The exercise was simply a trigger; a trick by your mind to get you to believe that the pain had a real physical cause.
2. Forget all the diagnoses doctors have told you. Eliminate words from your vocabulary such as herniated discs, pirformis muscle, etc. It's time to stop thinking physical.
3. The fear of the pain is worse than the pain itself. Even if the pain subsides, the fear will distract you sufficiently enough so as to serve the same purpose of the pain. The fear is harder to banish, but it can be done in time.
4. You said: "I am unbelievably hard on myself." This is a common trait in TMS sufferers. Explore these feelings to the fullest extent that you can. These conscious judgements cause the child inside you to be in a BLIND RAGE.
The first thing you need to do is get Dr. Sarno's latest book and read it constantly. Forget all the physical explanations for the pain. Stop all physical treatments -- no stretching, no physical therapy, no ice packs, no heating pads, etc. Any time you are particularly aware of the pain, shift your thoughts towards your emotions. Think about the things going on in your life that may be troubling you deep inside, in ways that you don't understand yet.
It will take time but you will get better, provided that you truly accept the TMS diagnosis. This first step is often the hardest. It's time to forget about impinged nerves and other structural diagnoses and to think psychological. |
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JayP
USA
54 Posts |
Posted - 08/09/2004 : 09:32:02
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Hi, Deborah, and welcome to the Forum!
You have, indeed, come to the right place, and you’ll be amazed by how supportive and helpful this Forum will be as you work through the healing process.
About 12 or 13 years ago, after struggling with mild to severe back and neck pain for many years, I accidentally stumbled upon Dr. Sarno’s first book, “Mind Over Back Pain”. I read the book cover to cover the next day. I couldn’t put it down because I felt as if Sarno had written the book about me and just for me!
In the past I’d been told I had pain because of scoliosis, degenerated discs and would need a $10,000 operation. I was told if I didn’t regularly go to a chiropractor, and do my “prescribed” exercises, I would be crippled by the time I was 60!
After reading the book, I stood up and I actually felt better! My pain had subsided! I began doing what we call the “TMS work” and became my own therapist. I took a blank piece of paper and began writing down all the things that were or might be bothering me. The more I delved into some of the issues it brought to light how upset I really was over them. I would find myself circling and re-circling the big issues and writing “BIG” next to them. As I opened up and talked to myself about them, I became extremely emotional. One brought on such psychological pain, I cried for an hour!
I stopped going to the chiropractor, stopped all my special back exercises. I carried Sarno’s book with me wherever I went. I would read passages out of it and began to figure out for myself how to turn off the pain using my mind. I would scream at the TMS to stop inside of myself. Over a period of about a month or two I was able to turn the pain off in less than a minute!
Although I was “cured”, I unfortunately didn’t keep up the work. Years passed and I had bouts of back pain here and there. Usually, it would come on because I exercised too much or did something odd physically (so I thought!). I returned to the chiropractor and started down the physical road again. It wasn’t until last December that I had one of the worst attacks of TMS in my life. Severe muscle spasms that were so bad I had my husband take me to the hospital. Unfortunately, I was still of a physical mindset, and I was sure I had the flu and that it just happened to attack my back.
While the spasms finally ended and I began to feel better, the pain didn’t go away 100%. I had experienced about 4 years completely pain free and I wanted it back! That’s when I began to wonder if this so-called flu was really just a trigger and all the emotional pain I’d gone through in the past 2 years had finally caught up with me. But I began going down the wrong road again, the physical one, and booked a couple of chiropractic sessions. During the second visit as I was laying on the table, I kept seeing Dr. Sarno in my mind saying, “Come back to me”!
I began researching TMS again, and bought Sarno’s “MindBody Prescription”, which I highly recommend as a second book. I also bought Fred Amir’s book on back and neck pain. After reading them, I was finally convinced that my “flu” was a manifestation of TMS and I shouldn’t go down the physical road again.
I’ve been working at it for about a month and a half now. The worst pain is finally gone. All I have now is some stiffness in my lower back, but I am able to walk up to 3 miles twice a week, and I just bought a new bike! While I can’t say I’m 100%, I am 98%.
I hope my story helps you. The first “hurdle” to get over is to be convinced that you have nothing wrong with you physically. Once you understand that, you can begin to work on the psychological reasons for your pain. Don’t make the mistake I did by just merely saying, “Oh, it’s probably XXXX”. No, you have to delve much deeper. 9 times out of 10, it’s something you don’t even realize you’re upset or angry about. I have Dave on this Forum to thank for that. He made me realize I had to go much deeper and when I did, wow, I had some incredible breakthroughs, all which led back to my childhood. Also, those breakthroughs come over time. I know more about myself than I ever have, because I spent much more time this time around doing the work and getting at the real root cause to my problems.
You are on the right road. Don’t ever doubt that. Go to Amazon.com and buy the books and start your healing process now. You’ve suffered enough!
JayP
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kenny V
USA
268 Posts |
Posted - 08/10/2004 : 13:05:50
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Deborah,
Welcome I am glad you found a place and a solution for your pain. I am also excited to hear so many success stories as they reach out to help one another in need.
I do have to much to say that has not already said by Dave, who has done a fine job welcoming, comforting and clarifying questions of all the people who first come here for help.
An also personal testimony (AWSOME) by people like JayP who has shared that when applying the work of Dr Sarno there are answers to the suffering, and have concurred TMS being delivered from a terrible situation to return to a normal life. In return we learn much about ourselves.
The only thing I would like to add is
It is a process and also a life changing learning experience, always keep Hope and faith in your recovery, be patient and don’t fight the TMS learn it, apply what you have learned daily as you begin to be released of your pain.Be well
Kenny V
Always Hope For Recovery
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Hello, Newbie Deborah Here
