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saga
Canada
25 Posts |
 Posted - 11/28/2005 : 16:43:11
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Hi everyone,
First time poster so be gentle. :). This post could be very long so I'll try and be as succint as possible.
I'm 25. I suffered for about 3 years with various ailments. First being irritable bowel.. then urinary problems. Then came headaches, followed by Upper back pain and then (now) neck spasms.
I had not become privy to TMS until about 2 1/2 months ago when I was researching tension headaches online. I got Dr. Sarvos book "Mindbody Prescription" and had a euphoric awakening.
Before reading, I had endured neck spasms continuously for 1 month. I could barely work, and missed a lot of work. I loved my job but there were some very stressful situations with late pay etc.
Well, I began taking amitryptaline as prescribed by my doctor and was courageous and blessed enough to change my life a bit and land a new job. All the benefits of my last job but with out the pay insecurities.
The new job would start in two weeks. Coincidentally, the amitryptaline would take about two weeks to kick-in and with this new found knowledge I felt I had a very realistic chance of being free of pain with my new job and starting a new chapter of life.
Well I'm a skeptic by nature, but I 100% bought in to Dr. Sarvos diagnosis after reading "Mindbody Prescription". Within a few days I was making huge improvements with the books recommendations.
The first couple weeks of my job had some headaches and pain. But this was easily explained as the pressures of starting a new job.
After about 3 weeks after reading Dr. Sarvos book I was almost completely healed. For about 2 and a half months...
My life is pretty much perfect as a life can be... I have a great job in a career that I love that is both fufilling creatively and intellectually. I make great money with an incredible future outlook. I married my high school sweet heart and we love each other deeply. We have a beautiful house with lots of security and are making all the right moves in that regard. I have lots of friends and an incredible relationship with both my parents and my in-laws. I believe that I will go to Heaven when I die...
When I look at my life I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people in the world. I'm also doing incredibly well at my new job...
But then about 2 weeks ago the headaches started coming back... unexplainably. I couldn't see any difference in my life situation that would be any probably cause. The headaches have progressed and now I'm on the verge of neck spasms and being dehabilitated yet again.
But I know Dr. Sarvos book inside an out... I'm not letting it prevent me from doing things. I'm focusing on every negative thing I can think of etc.. rereading the book.. focusing completely on the psychological.
It has been a battle these past few days but I can't seem to shake this relapse. Does anyone have any recommendations on beating your first relapse after hearing my situation?
I really appreciate any help as I'm beginning to really struggle. I KNOW this must be TMS (i've already explored every other possible avenue over the past 3 years).
Thanks
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Andrew2000
40 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2005 : 18:06:07
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My life is pretty much perfect as a life can be... I have a great job in a career that I love that is both fufilling creatively and intellectually. I make great money with an incredible future outlook. I married my high school sweet heart and we love each other deeply. We have a beautiful house with lots of security and are making all the right moves in that regard. I have lots of friends and an incredible relationship with both my parents and my in-laws. I believe that I will go to Heaven when I die...
Hi Saga ... I'm not as experienced as others on the board, but have been making some good progress with overcoming some TMS symptoms over the past 6 months - thought I'd offer up an insight or two ... sometimes everything on the surface may appear to be "perfect" but there might be some deeper issues that are contributing to the overflow of rage that manifests as TMS ...
You may not be aware of what those issues are at this time, but I think the key is instead of saying to yourself that "everything is great" and wondering why you might be experiencing pain - try surrendering to the fact that there just might be some underlying pressures/resentments/burdens (even connected to maintaining the 'greatness' of the status quo related to family, job, spouse) that could be contributing to the TMS ...
According to Dr. Sarno, you don't have to solve all of your life's problems to feel better ... but I think step one is to acknowledge that the pain is a distraction from 'something' that's going on in the subconscious ...
Over time you might become more aware of what's really bothering you (through writing down your thoughts each day, meditating, whatever) ... for me, what worked the most was admitting and accepting that everything wasn't as perfect as it seemed ...
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2005 : 18:35:27
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I had therapy after a tms relapse, with Don Dubin, a psychotherapist.
he made me realize that childhood and teen issues were the root cause of my tms. I also have a great wife, like my job, 2 wonderful kids. The way I "organized" my present adult life is the opposite of my chaotic childhood. Sometimes even small things from your past can haunt you. Hope this helps. |
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saga
Canada
25 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2005 : 19:19:37
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I just wrote a huge long message and lost it.. talk about inner rage.. Let's see if I can remember here..
I identified very probable causes after reading Dr. Sarnos book the first time.
First, I was a teen underachiever, slacker and did the bare minimum to get by in life. I was depressed at the thought of an 'adult life' and avoided responsibilities of any kind.
I was about to fail out of college when I did a major life-change and changed from Mr. Slacker to Mr. Right Track.
Luckily I had done 'just enough' to not close any doors for myself. I fully expect there is deep, repressed rage because of these responsibilities I now have.
Going hand-in-hand I'm sure my illogical subconscious regrets the lost freedoms of a married, "right track" life. My brain probably wants to go out whenever I want, come home whenever I feel... not be tied down by anything.
To top it off, I am an extreme "Goodist" as described by Dr. Sarno. I want to do everything perfect so that no one can have one possible knock or bad thing to think about me.
I also hate conflict of any kind. Conflict that is out of my control like racism, the thought of "hate" bothers me greatly. I always feel the need to get everyone to get along.
There's no question that I have MANY of these TMS inducing personality traits. This relapse is just confusing to me. I'm still forcing myself out, doing everything I normally would, focusing on all the buried negatives. It has been a real battle this past week and I don't seem to be winning. This should be the absolute prime of my life and it's quickly being wasted (a tms inducing thought in itself)
I suspect I may need to see a psychotherapist. Does anyone know how to start going about trying to find one in your area that has experience in the mind-body connection?
I'd be very interested in hearing some posts on people that thought they were cured and then had their first TMS relapse and their experiences with that.
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the help. |
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Baseball65
USA
734 Posts |
Posted - 11/28/2005 : 20:02:23
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Hi Saga
What is amitryptaline? I always thought it was a Heart Med???
If your brain consciously or unconsciously linked any of your recovery to a med,you could well be having the 'placebo wearing off effect'.During my struggle through the medical world there were many times I thought I was getting better,only to find my repressed and Unconscious rage overpowered the placebo.
But...let's pretend it's not.
I have been recovered for around 7plus years.A week ago,I might have written a treatise not unlike yours.
"Hi...my name is Marc and I have a wonderful,beautiful supportive wife who I am on the same page with both spiritually and physically,we both have great jobs and are at the top of our respective careers in salary and prestige.We have two sons,both star athletes,"A" students and all around good dudes.
We have finally found a fellowship that we can both agree upon,are involved in our community and Family life.I Play guitar,Ride skateboards and play Baseball"
...but
why did my leg start hurting again wednesday afterwork?? It never hurts at work and I have a fiercely brutally physical Job.I just restored all the drywall,taped,mudded,sanded and plastered and painted an entire day care center by myself....ahead of schedule??? I have been getting better at age 40????
....the pain is just a barometer.Dr. Sarno specifically says that when an attack seems to come out of nowhere that one should look in one's immediately family...this is of course for a TMSer who has already had a good degree of respite.
What I always feel he should have added is "Look really closely at the people you DON'T suspect yourself of being angry with....it's subtle and creeping.....
I spent the weekend writing...the pain moved yesterday(means it's leaving) and was gone all 9 hours of intense labor today...but returned this evening,though not as intensely...it's on it's way out.After writing,what I might write now would be:
"Hi...My name is Marc and I have a beautiful wife who is completely absorbed in her work and doesn't really know how lonely and angry I've been.I don't make as much money as her,so she always treats my career as a part time job(43 hours a week),even though I'm the 'star' employee at my work and my boss is taking on bigger projects now that he's seen what I can produce...which is terrifying me..I am also the main childcare provider in our family and I feel like she takes me for granted..My wife chastised me for being too firm with my boys about their lack of discipline at the dinner table,so I'm in a faux king rage about our family dynamic....I feel like she's a total hypocrite and the very little time she spends at home,she's more like a visiting Grandparent who spoils the boys and makes me look Bad.Tonight I dodged dinner altogether and heard HER screaming at the boys too be disciplined and I was laughing inside...while I lay on the floor of my bedroom tallying how many times she had to raise her voice...I counted 9.
Oh yeah...she's been filling MY off days with social engagements when I'd prefer to go skateboarding...alone...I need to get away from my boys and have some 'guy' time"
...so...You see it's when we THINK everything is peachy that the relapses come....this ones on the way out,but it was the first one I've had of more than a few minutes in quite a long time.Now of course,I feel distant from her,but the emotional pain is much more tolerable than the leg cramp...and something that needed to be dealt with..INSIDE of ME...not by telling her all this crap.
-piggy
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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. |
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n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 02:22:34
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Amitriptyline is an old-style anti depressant medication - one that was used widely in the UK before the SSRIs took over.
It's not often used to treat depression nowadays, but is used in very low doses as a pain medication - much lower than would be considered effective for depression. It works on nerve pain, apparently, and is often prescribed in the UK in conjunction with another pain med.
I took it along with Tramadol (Ultram in the US) - a pretty effective combination, I have to say. It got me going again - I was prescribed these two meds. round about the time I first read MBP and took them for a few weeks, |
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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 06:53:49
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Saga, it's time to explore your deepest, secret fear: having kids.
Am I right? Your wife is dropping hints, the biological clock is ticking in the background, your friends are pumping 'em out like there's no tomorrow, your in-laws keep asking nosey questions...and you're terrified!
Believe me, I know what it's like!
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n/a
560 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 06:56:34
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| Nobody's life is perfect, even if it seems so. Responciblities in the job, marriage and family all generate internal tension which leads to unconscious rage. You need to think about those pressures because no matter how perfect you think things are your body is obviously telling you something different. In his book Fred Amir says something as simple as a dripping faucet can generate internal anger which leads to TMS. We all have our own personal dripping faucets. |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 09:20:32
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Baseball,
I loved reading your post - so helpful. It got me thinking as I am in the middle of a bizarre flare up - seems to have come out of nowhere. I am going to sit and write tonight and see what comes of it. I suspect that being dropped out of the blue by this guy I really liked has caused some serious inner rage. We were talking every day on the phone for 1 to 2 hours. After I chastised him (quite gently i thought) for making a date with me and then cancelling it half way through the day of at 2 pm - he never called me again. After a few days of not hearing from him, I was seriously hurt and angry. He didn't even have the decency to ever call me again - after 2 months of talking every day. So weird!
That is just a tiny excerpt of recent events in my life - I guess my brain had enough.
Phew! I can see how angry I am just by the tone of my post! |
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redskater
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 09:29:20
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just wanted to say that this is a great post! Baseball, I think you put it perfectly.
Just reading your post Saga, about how everything is so perfect sounded like a cry for help. Sounds like you've put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect that your child inside is rebelling, I know I would be. That's the thing about us TMS'ers, we are just such perfectionists and want the world to be right, but it's not. But the great thing is, we dont' have to make it so, we just have to acknowledge it.
Gaye |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 10:41:51
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Dear Saga,
I'm so glad you found this forum. Hopefully it will be a great support system for you.
My life is faaarrr from perfect but even when things seemed "good" I have had all of the TMS symptoms you described at one time or another, plus about a half dozen more. I think that when I thought things were okay, deep down there were issues I didn't even realize. I was married for 20 years and even when we were "in love" and building our life, I had one physical problem after another. Now we have filed for divorce and things are very stressful and I'm seeing new TMS equivalents popping up every single day. Headaches, dizziness, stomach problems, acne breakouts, hair thinning - all stress related. I'm about to move into my own place (scary considering I've never lived on my own), find a job, and be single all at once.
Have you ever read any of Louise Hay's books? You might want to check them out, specifically You Can Heal Your Life. She has an uncanny knack for pinpointing the mental thoughts behind the physical problems. Like, yesterday my knee was hurting really bad for absolutely no apparent reason. I knew that anything to do with the knees, legs, or feet have to do with a fear of "moving forward." Pretty much all my ailments are fear based. For tension headaches she writes "Invalidating the self. Self-criticism. Fear." What are you afraid of??? I know what my fears are about.
Louise Hay even goes so far as to say that there is no such thing as an "accident" - that we create them to punish ourselves. Last week, the day before Thanksgiving, I was sitting at my computer looking at jobs online. I started to become extremely overwhelmed by everything, realizing I am going through three big life stressors all at once. I stood up to walk down the stairs and I missed one of the stairs, resulting in a nasty sprain to my left ankle. I thought it was broken it hurt so bad (still does). I looked up sprains in the book and it says "Anger and resistance. Not wanting to move in a certain direction in life." Whoa!! I'm angry as heck at my husband (he's keeping the house, since I have not job and can't buy him out), and I'm scared to death to move forward.
Anyway, you might check that book out and see if any of it pertains to you - I'm guessing it does. Good luck to you and I'm glad you discovered the good Dr. Sarno.
Laura
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saga
Canada
25 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 15:56:04
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Thank you very much for the posts guys I really appreciate the assistance. Still struggling at work today to make it through the day.
Verdammt, I don't think I have any buried fear of having kids. I'm looking forward to it greatly.
My conscious mind wants so badly to enjoy the life that I have worked hard to achieve but my unconscious doesn't seem to want to co-operate.
I'll spend some more time writing tonight and digging into the unconscious. The headache today was horrible but the neckpain wasn't quite as severe as yesterday.
I do know my brain has incredible control over my body though. Just things like getting faint when I get needles are more proof of how my brain controls my physical.
Just going to take some more work. I think posting here and reading your responses is very helpful though. It's scary to see my body breaking down with all these illnesses at a tender young age of 25 (just turned 25 in october and have had these problems going on for a couple years now)
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yowire
USA
70 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 18:55:13
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From Saga:
quote:
It's scary to see my body breaking down with all these illnesses at a tender young age of 25
Hi Saga,
Its not a good idea to have images like this about your body. You could be setting yourself up for conditioned TMS responses. Your body is not breaking down. You are 25 years old. Your body is fine. It is strong.
Yowire |
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Susie
USA
319 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 19:23:26
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| Saga, even though I have not had a reoccurence of the terrible pain that led me to Sarno 2 years ago ,I continualy have equivalent symptoms pop up in in mild forms. They are really not that troubling but are more of an alarm to me that something might be bothering me. The main reason they are no big deal is because they NEVER frighten me. I feel that my brain continues to test me and when it finds it can't send me writhing in misery,it gives up.Even the suggestion of a symptom can sometimes cause one for me. I truly believe the secret to controlling tms is controlling the fear. Don't be despondent that your symptoms haven't gone away for good. You might have bits and pieces of tms forever. The main thing to remember is to keep in touch with yourself,do the work,write down your thoughts when you feel stranded,and don't be afraid of the pain and equivalents. They are harmless. Once this thinking becomes second nature to you,it's easy. I seem to remember that somewhere Sarno said he will have symptoms forever. Don't worry about a timetable. For me it's a way of life and a tremendous power over my well being that I never had before having this information. It really is a gift. |
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Jim1999
USA
210 Posts |
Posted - 11/29/2005 : 23:00:24
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quote:
Originally posted by sagaIt's scary to see my body breaking down with all these illnesses at a tender young age of 25
My TMS became severe when I was in my mid twenties. It was scary, not knowing what was wrong or how it might get worse. That's all in the past! Nothing was broken down that couldn't be fixed: I've been recovered for 6 1/2 years. I'm less scared of what might go wrong now than when I only had mild TMS symptoms in my early twenties.
Jim |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2005 : 14:03:27
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Susie,
I really liked your post. I am having a weird flare up of very painful sciatica. I think you are so accurate when you talk about the fear. Most of my progress comes down to overcoming the fear. When the pain is really bad (as it is right now) - my only fear left is the fear of standing up and walking and facing the pain. I know there is nothing structurally wrong but I still struggle with accepting that movement has no baring on how bad it gets.
You said that you have equivalents - what are they and what was your original pain? It has been a long time since I had a major flare up and I am quite thrown off - the trick is definitely in laughing at the pain - not being threatened |
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saga
Canada
25 Posts |
Posted - 11/30/2005 : 16:22:37
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Today was much better.. still there but going in the right direction.
This discussion has really been helpful. Thanks for everyone who contributed. |
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pault
USA
169 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2005 : 04:59:41
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| saga , remember even happy events bring on huge amounts of rage to the inner self.(unconscious mind)such as having children. Paul. |
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verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 12/01/2005 : 18:37:28
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"Verdammt, I don't think I have any buried fear of having kids. I'm looking forward to it greatly."
Good. Do it. It'll help you put things in perspective. |
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My life is perfect. I have TMS. Why?
