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cindy_gail
22 Posts |
 Posted - 10/26/2005 : 19:54:50
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I've been pretty focused on tms for 6=8 weeks and have been seeing a turn around in my mind set, observing my thoughts, all the stuff that sarno et al talk about. Sarno does mention to make sure that nothing is physically wrong, tho, so I decided to see a shoulder doc just to make sure. I wanted an mri so I could definitively know that it wasn't any kind of underlying thing.
Bang, he says I have bursitis, (haven't gotten the mri yet), and sends me back to physical therapy, as I had the cortisone injections and was in the middle of this when I started on the forum here. Honestly, the shoulder feels a lot better, but who knows what is placebo and what isn't. This is majorly confusing!
After leaving his office I just felt horrible. After 8 months in physical therapy with no help, now he says go back because it will be more productive now that the shots have calmed the shoulder down. I just felt like crying because the pt always seemed to aggravate things instead of helping.
I have lower back problems as well, and am scheduled for epidurals for this. I'm afraid to get them, afraid to not get them, afraid of what you all will say against them, but am not having very good success calming down the lower back pain.
I feel like I need to at least check these things out, as the shots have helped, and I've never done the epidurals. I'm exhausted from trying to get past the pain ala Sarno, thinking all the time about my repressed rage, my feelings in the moment, trying to live in the moment and disengage from my thought processes, reading reading reading Sarno and all the others. I truly do believe, at least almost -- it's a tough switch to make. I'm probably making more progress than I realize, but the doctor thing today really did a number on my head. Any support would be most appreciated. Pardon my french but this is a real mind f#@@k. Thanks.
Cindy |
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ladyblue
United Kingdom
50 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 02:12:39
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Hello Cindy,
I've just got up, sat down with a coffee and read your post, and I so desperately want to say something very profound, very wise and above all very helpful...but the words and the answers just aren't there.
So I decided I'd just say what comes into my head, if it provides nothing else you'll at least know that you're in my thoughts.
You know Cindy it was just the other day that you were telling me about how you overcame your fear of tall sky scrapers, how you'd faced that fear head on, how you'd exposed yourself to it and realised you were still ok. That took tremendous courage Cindy. I have a fear of something that I'm not even going to name, enough to say that it's a very small creature, that can't do me any harm at all but the mere sight of it and I'm frozen with fear, I can't even look at it on tv or in a book.
Now I've never, to the best of my knowledge, had any experience with these creatures to cause such a reaction. So I assume that this creature just represents some issues I have, when I've dealt with them, the creature will no longer pose a threat.
In your own words your fear back then left you "feeling trapped"
Cindy I'm just wondering if you've re-created your fear, just in different circumstances? You sound trapped by what you've learnt v's what the doctors say v's what your intuition says v's the pain?
Switch it all off Cindy, put down the books, take the phone off the hook, turn off the inner voice that's distracting you. Take some time out to be with yourself again. Listen to what's inside, the part that's frightened, the part that's confused, be still a while and feel what's going on in there.
I think that TMS, at it's simplest, is about protection from the pain of what we have locked away and you've reached a stage of being so close that your mind and body are panicking in response, and Cindy, that's an incredible place to be.
Now, from a place of peace, find that enormous courage you have, get in the seat of a huge bulldozer and take that skyscraper and all it represented down, because when it's gone the view that it leaves will be breathtaking!
Trust in yourself Cindy, all the very best....Jane |
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Stryder
686 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 13:14:25
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Hi cindy_gail,
In order to follow Dr. Sarno's program, you need to discontinue physical treatment for your pain, since the cause of the pain is not from a structural defect. That means no PT, no steriod shots, no MRI's, no more Doc visits,,, going down this path just reinforces your misconception that the pain is from a physical cause.
As a start, consider canceling any remaining appointments you have scheduled. Since you have been checked out by a doctor, and there are no danger signs, you are not in an emergency situation, so you can consider it safe to discontinue all furthur treatments as they will not address your TMS.
You also need to stop trying to figure out, in your mind (like a movie playing over and over again), what is causing the pain and how to fix it and how long will it be until I am "normal" again. This is all part of the TMS trap. This is a circular arguement with no purpose and no end.
The "bursitis" diagnosis is a catch all meaning, "they have no idea what is causing the pain". The reason they have no idea is that they don't know how to diagnose your TMS.
Yes, I agree with you that the injection in your shoulder may have helped you because of the placebo effect.
It is ok for take a pain reliever to take the edge off.
Yes, the pain is real, but it is your brain that is causing the pain in your muscles. Keep in mind that even though the pain hurts, it is benign and will not harm you. Accept the fact that you will have some pain, ignore it as it is there just to distract you, continued activity will not harm your body, so you can safely ignore the pain without worrying that you are doing any damage to your body.
You should resume normal activities slowly as you work on your psychological issues that are the root cause of your TMS.
Take care, -Stryder |
Edited by - Stryder on 10/27/2005 14:43:38 |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 13:41:39
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quote:
I truly do believe, at least almost -- it's a tough switch to make.
No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have even considered following through on the doctor's suggestions.
Going to a physician to rule out a serious problem is one thing. But when he said "bursitis" you should have been comforted to know that there was no tumor, disease or other problem.
But instead you took the physical route. This means you do not truly believe.
Being honest with yourself is essential. And as Stryder says, discontinue all physical treatments for your pain. This is step 1. If you don't do step 1, there is no point to reading Sarno or doing any of the work he suggests. It won't do any good as long as you still seek physical treatments.
You let your impatience and doubt get the best of you. Now you're back to square one. If you truly want to follow Dr. Sarno's program, then do it. You're way off track. |
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cindy_gail
22 Posts |
Posted - 10/27/2005 : 23:10:34
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Well, the forum isn't letting me send and deleted my response, so I'll try the short version :)..... Thank you Jane for your support and kind words. It truly is a personal journey, and the facr that I want to rule out anything physical just makes sense to me. It doesn't mean I'm not 97% convinced about tms being the culprit. It just means for me, I won't have that nagging little thing hanging in my mind because I didn't check things out structurally.
Sryder, I am only going back to the doc one more time to get the mri results, and I'm going to pt once to see if they're going to tell me the same old stuff I went through for 8 months of pt before, which I know they will. If it takes a little longer, so be it. I'm still working Sarno and reading reading reading, esp Monte Hueftle's book which is phenomenal and very encouraging and engaging. I will read his book over and over again for sure. It was also funny to talk to the best Ortho surgeon in town, and when I mentioned Sarno and tms, he was clueless. You'd think they'd hear just word of mouth even if only to poo poo his ideas.
Thanks to all of you. I don't usually take things between the eyes that well, but in this instance it was helpful.
Cindy |
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Help - feel like I'm backtracking
