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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
 Posted - 09/15/2005 : 08:51:06
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Hello all,
After 6 years of being ill with liver disease, my oldest brother age 52, passed away last Friday peacefully. The family has been told several times in the past three years that he would surely not live much longer and he finally did succumb to the illness. Since his death was long anticipated, and we're glad his pain is over, none of us were shocked at the news. I've been feeling pretty good all week, working and carrying on with my life. After all, it is what it is and it was long overdue. Now I'm noticing my neck is tightening up all around, everywhere, and the sadness is setting in. I am doing all the right TMS stuff, reading, talking to myself to get through it, etc. and I will try to journal as well. Can anyone make any suggestions? There will be no services because he donated his body to medicine and the remains won't be available for at least a year. I know the pain is coming because all week I've been dealing with and maybe somewhat not giving in to the grief but it's beginning to sink in now that the week is winding down. I'd appreciate any tips that anyone may have to thwart the muscle tightness that's beginning to set in. Thanks, Mary |
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Suz
559 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 09:28:23
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Mary,
I am so sorry for your loss - how devestating for you. I am glad he passed away peacefully. There is nothing that can prepare one for this even if it has been a long time coming. My advice - sit quietly and let the emotions come out - really feel the sadness and let yourself cry. It is repressing the sadness and emotions that leads the body to create the distraction of pain.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you
Suz |
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molomaf
119 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 11:06:47
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Mary,
I am so sorry for your loss. Suz is right. Just let it come out. We all need to grieve regardless of whether we think we are prepared or not. Everyone grieves in their own way but don't think that you shouldn't grieve because this was expected. I seem to remember Old Colony Hospice having a booklet that helped me when a good friend died.
Michele |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 11:44:01
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Dear friend Mary,
I don't have any advice really, but I just want to send you my love. You've been a wonderful friend to me and I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
I think the best I can offer is the suggestion that it might help to think about the things you talk of in your post, that it was inevitable, and that his pain and suffering are at an end. Take deep breaths, let yourself cry when you need to, and keep running!! One of the great blessing of this forum is that it's given many of us the courage to go out and continue running and exercising where previously we might not have. I think that must be a very good way to thwart that tightness you talk about.
We're all here for you.
Love,
A.
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Edited by - art on 09/15/2005 15:12:22 |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 13:08:10
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Thanks everyone. I will take all your helpful advice. And Art, I did run all week and this morning and will continue to. I am really just feeling those old feelings of constriction in my neck muscles and it blows. I am hoping to feel better soon.
THanks everyone. |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 15:14:44
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| That's great that you're still running Mary. Running has sustained me through many a hard time. God bless. |
Edited by - art on 09/15/2005 16:30:12 |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 15:43:41
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| I don't understand Art's last posting. It does not seem to fit in with the thread. |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 17:56:56
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Thanks Art. I fully understood your last posting
Not sure why it's so confusing. Running is great for clearing the head and getting blood and oxygen flowing through the body.
Thanks for the reminder. I plan on running tomorrow morning.  |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 09/15/2005 : 19:11:14
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quote:
Thanks Art. I fully understood your last posting
I'm very glad, Mary.  |
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Tunza
New Zealand
198 Posts |
Posted - 09/16/2005 : 23:50:35
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quote:
I am doing all the right TMS stuff, reading, talking to myself to get through it, etc. and I will try to journal as well. Can anyone make any suggestions?
Hi Mary,
I'm sorry I can't give you any advice on grieving as I think everyone has to do that iin their own way but I encourage you to do the journalling. I find I can get down to a deeper level when I write than when I just think about things and I also like the feeling of emptying my feelings onto the paper. It's different to just plain mulling things over in my head (when I do this even if I identify them the feelings seem to stay stuck inside. It's like I don't acknowledge feelings fully unless I write them down).
I hadn't journalled for a while and my latest TMS manifestation has been a really sore knot in my upper back that would hurt everytime I turned my head. It lasted several weeks until I knuckled down and decided to vent my feelings on paper. I did this several nights ago (and every night since) before going to bed. The next morning the knot and pain were gone. I was again flabbergasted by the power of the mind over the body.
I am going to make journalling part of my life every day now. I have discovered that it doesn't have to be any more than a few sentences to be effective but often the feelings can flow on for several pages.
Look after yourself.
Tunza
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Advise for a grieving sister?
