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Sara
66 Posts |
 Posted - 08/19/2005 : 16:34:32
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Hey all,
It has been awhile since I have written. The last I logged in I wrote we were hoping to have a third baby. Well, I got pregnant and eight weeks later miscarried. This was my fourth miscarriage. I feel sad, but also worry I am not feeling enough. Sometimes it seems that when something bad happens repetitively there is a loss of emotion. Does that make sense? I almost feel like, "well I've already been through three, so what is another one."
Intellectually I know I have buried my anger and sadness deep inside just to cope, but I also can't and maybe don't want to bring those feelings to a conscious level. The first miscarriage I had was devastating. Physically, while it was happening, I thought I was going to die. I had never seen so much blood in my life. Emotionally afterwards, I had a hard time coping. Now I feel next to nothing.
I had someone tell me that miscarriages were a sign that one doesn't want a baby. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Sure when I found out I was pregnant I panicked some. What if the baby isn't healthy? I am about to have some free time with my other kids in school, now I am going to lose that freedom. Financially, can we afford a third child? Etc, etc.
I know I need to go into therapy and have had a hard time finding someone. Aside from the miscarriages I have some childhood issues about which I again feel I should be more emotional about. The weird thing is that I am an emotional person and extremely sympathetic. Perhaps I allow myself to feel others pain more than my own when it comes to the big stuff. Little stuff I can talk about and even overreact to. I know there are some serious issues buried in my brain and after the miscarriage I have come to the realization that I need to get myself into therapy sooner than later.
Thanks for letting me get it out.
Sara |
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molomaf
119 Posts |
Posted - 08/19/2005 : 17:43:21
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I'm so sorry Sara. I can only imagine how you are feeling. Please don't blame yourself.
Michele |
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Laura
USA
655 Posts |
Posted - 08/19/2005 : 19:11:12
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Sara,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I wish people wouldn't inflict their ideas on others - such as miscarriages are a sign someone doesn't want a baby. When I was pregnant with our second daughter (her name is Sarah) I almost miscarried and I was devastated at just the thought of it. I was in my 14th week and had finally stopped feeling nauseuous and then I began bleeding. It turned out it was only placenta previa but I truly thought I was miscarrying. That night before going to get checked out by the doctors was pure hell. I remember not wanting to stand up and walk for fear the baby would simply fall out of me. I also remember on the way to the doctor my mother-in-law saying "Well, if you lose the baby then it wasn't meant to be." That was little consolation to me. I was hysterical and that didn't help. Sometimes people try to say the right things but they don't.
You obviously wanted this baby. And, most everyone I know goes through that feeling of "Am I sure this is what I wanted" after they get pregnant. I had that feeling both times I was pregnant and I really wanted both pregnancies.
May I ask how old you are? I have a friend who is 41 and she has gotten pregnant three times and lost all three. I hear that is common the older we get. Then there's Christie Brinkley who had her third baby at the age of 46 or something. I think she suffered some miscarriages before finally giving birth to her third, a girl.
I hope you are able to find someone to talk to about your feelings. I also hope that eventually you are able to conceive a third child, if that is what you want.
Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad we have this forum to talk to one another and support one another.
Laura
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altherunner
Canada
511 Posts |
Posted - 08/19/2005 : 20:05:47
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I am so sorry for your loss. My wife lost her first pregnancy, also.
I have read since that minor infections can cause miscarriages. i read in on www.drmirkin.com. |
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Sara
66 Posts |
Posted - 08/22/2005 : 14:23:42
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Thank you all for your kind words.
Altherunner, I am sorry for your loss. I think miscarriages are very hard on the husband. Not only do you feel a loss, but your wife also really needs you during this time.
Laura, I am 36. The first three miscarriages I had occurred when I was 31. We were trying for our second baby and had three in a row in less than 10 months. A year after that I was pregnant with my daughter. The doctor does not seem terribly worried since I already have two children, but my age could definitely play a role. Although I am not in my 40s, my fertility success is on the decline. We are still hopeful and will continue to try. I am so glad to hear that all worked out with Sarah. It is a very scary thing when you think you may lose your baby. My first miscarriage, I too was hysterical. I was 11 weeks and looking forward to getting past the first trimester. I started bleeding a little and then just went into full blown labor. It was dreadful. We went to the hospital and right when we arrived I really bled and didn't stop. They finally ended up doing a D&C that night which they botched and didn't get everything out. The whole thing was a nightmare and for me the first miscarriage was the most traumatic. This last one the doctor wanted me to go through it naturally--not fun. Anyway sorry for babbling, but it does help some.
Thanks again for your kind words, and altherunner take it easy on yourself too. You too need to go through a grieving process of your own.
Sara |
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miscarriage
