| Author |
 Topic  |
|
|
Caroline
USA
55 Posts |
 Posted - 06/02/2005 : 16:02:12
|
Hi everybody,
I haven't posted in a while but I have noticed some improvement in physical symptoms. I have also noticed that improvements are directly related to my ability to manage anger.
Example #1: a few days ago, a colleague treated me rather rudely but I was so taken aback that I did not react. I thought about it over the weekend and came up with a strategy to deal with it. To my surprise, I felt very good about myself instead of the usual guilt I carry around. I have since patched things up with the colleague.
Example #2: I decided to show a more positive face at work just to see if that would improve symptoms. I found that focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on problems made me feel good about myself again and reduced the pain.
Sooo, it seems pretty obvious that my problem with anger creates guilt feeling that in turn make me develop TMS. Problem is, I find it very difficult to control impulse reactions. Today, I left two angry messages for my husband over a mistake that it turns out he didn't make! Now I feel guilty and my neck is killing me!
Here's my question: does anyone know of any tricks to delay angry reactions and allow the mind to face adversity constructively? I know my life would be forever changed if I knew how to do that! Thanks in advance for your thoughts!
Caroline |
|
|
art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 16:41:01
|
Hi Caroline:
No miracle suggestions here, but the time-honored technique of taking ten deep breaths can be very effective.
The thing with me I've noticed is that there's a short term payoff for letting anger show...It feels good, but only for a second or two. After that, there's all that guilt and negative junk that lasts way longer than the few seconds of that fleeting good feeling.
What I try to do is just weigh the two options..following each to its inevitable conclusion.
Hope that helps. |
 |
|
|
marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 17:51:07
|
I did what someone suggested last weekend. I was in my car where I was safe from glaring stares and screamed really loud, telling my brain to stop it, I'm not tolerating it, etc.
Seemed to get me through the day anyway. |
|
|
|
JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 19:48:31
|
| well....in my opinion, not much good can come from expressing anger (with the exception of extraordinary situations), so what I do is let myself feel as angry as I want to no matter where I am, but only outwardly express it in a safe place where it cannot hurt others or myself |
|
|
|
JohnD
USA
371 Posts |
Posted - 06/02/2005 : 19:50:44
|
| What I meant is that not much good can come from expressing my anger to another person just because I happen to be feeling that. I do believe it is very important to express anger whenever and wherever it is safely possible. |
|
|
|
n/a
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 03:29:10
|
One thing I've learned from all the TMS understanding I have developed over the last two years - just feeling anger is enough - I don't have to express it. Somewhere along the line, during my childhood probably, I began to repress anger - to the point of when something happened that should rightfully have made me feel anger, I would feel something else - shame, guilt, unhappiness and of course, the inevitible happened - I began to get physically ill in many different ways.
I always seemed to believe that EVERYTHING was my fault. All the reading, thinking and discussing I have done in the last two years has turned that around and I can feel anger now.
I realise that for some people it might be necessary to express it, but as John D. says it needs to be expressed safely. My husband used to come in and rant and rave if somebody had made him angry - his anger was never directed at me, but in a way, I was his safety valve. He'd keep the anger under wraps until he came through the front door and then he'd let all the anger out - loundly and colourfully! It always made him feel better, but, guess what? It gave me TMS back pain.
He doesn't do it any more - I told him that he'd have to stop it because it made me ill. To his credit - he stopped doing it, completely. I'm not sure where all his anger goes now - he hasn't developed TMS because he can't release it to me any more, though.
|
|
|
|
verdammt
Canada
97 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 06:45:33
|
Here's a little tip I picked up at a training course years ago. The best way to get over being angry at someone is to think one good thought about that person. Anything that comes to mind: she doesn't smoke cigars, he's a good whistler, she once helped me out with a problem at work. I realize it's hard to do when you're furious, but after you've calmed down a bit, give it a try. It works. Your brain simply can't handle two conflicting emotions at the same time.
Life is short. Don't lose another day to anger or resentment. |
|
|
|
Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 08:05:39
|
| Consider that impulsive anger may be a smokescreen for repressed anger. It is easier to get mad at your husband for something trivial than to face what you are really angry about, possibly because the real anger is directed at yourself. |
|
|
|
miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 14:12:45
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
Consider that impulsive anger may be a smokescreen for repressed anger. It is easier to get mad at your husband for something trivial than to face what you are really angry about, possibly because the real anger is directed at yourself.
--- or maybe a primary care giver in your childhood. |
|
|
|
miehnesor
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 14:21:07
|
quote:
Originally posted by AnneG
I realise that for some people it might be necessary to express it, but as John D. says it needs to be expressed safely. My husband used to come in and rant and rave if somebody had made him angry - his anger was never directed at me, but in a way, I was his safety valve. He'd keep the anger under wraps until he came through the front door and then he'd let all the anger out - loundly and colourfully! It always made him feel better, but, guess what? It gave me TMS back pain.
Anne- my experience aligns precisely with what you are saying. I just have to feel the rage to get some relief.
Sounds like your husband, when he displayed his anger, woke up your repressed rage and caused it to get closer to consciousness and that that may have triggered the symptoms for you. I think this is one of the most important things that Sarno contributed in his work - the closeness of rage to consciousness being the trigger for TMS. |
|
|
|
brokenbow
6 Posts |
Posted - 06/03/2005 : 14:28:08
|
Caroline,
I highly recommend a book by Michael Edelstein called Three Minute Therapy. www.threeminutetherapy.com. This book contains amazing insight into how we feel being directly related to how we think. If we alter how we think, how we feel naturally will be less prone to anger, depression, etc.
Basically it is similar to that of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy or REBT. I re-read Chapter 1, Ending Your Self Inflicted Pain all the time! Believe me, it takes practice but it's been the most plain, easy to understand and direct way for me to control my thinking. |
Edited by - brokenbow on 06/03/2005 14:36:44 |
|
|
| |
Topic |
|
|
|
Any tips on anger management?
