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art
1903 Posts |
 Posted - 05/23/2005 : 00:53:25
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Like many of you, I'm in the midst of terrible struggle with this stuff. It can get very complicated, especially if like me you're having a hard time with acceptance and faith. I've not been sleeping very well lately (as I write this it's 2:30 in the am so if this doesn't make such sense please accept my apologies.
This afternoon I went kickbiking and worked very hard not to worry about a certain foot injury that the kickbike seems to aggravate. There's a certain way of kicking on the side of the foot that takes a great deal of the pressure off my foot, and I spent most of the ride fighting with myself about whether I should do this side kick and spare my foot, or whether adopting this method would be bad as it would be a demonstration of my lack of belief in TMS..
Well, ultimately I just used the whole foot and I've been very worried about it because I was riding/kicking pretty hard. Tonight I fell into this fitful sleep and immediately dreamt that by accident I'd ripped some clothes...This made me feel terrible and for some reason I started covering my clothes with hundred and hundred of little dots of paint..In my dream I was convinced that doing this would be ok (I told you it was weird) but then suddenly realized that it wasn't and that by my careless stupidity....by my incredible lack of judgement I remember thinking...I'd utterly ruined everything as in this dream these clothes I'd covered with paint drops were terribly important to my life and well-being
But then I had another, more important realization...that I was just dreaming and that no damage at all had been done..The relief I felt was indescribable, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders and that I'd been saved...
As soon as I as awake I realized that the whole thing was about TMS..The hundreds of little paint drops were a dream metaphor for the hundreds and hundreds of little kickbike kicks that I was so worried had cumulatively damaged my foot beyond repair...
I think the good news is its sounding to me like my subconsious has made at least a little progress in accepting that I do have TMS and nothing more serious, and that I can go kickbiking or running or anything at all and I can't do any lasting or important damage to myself..
I hope so, anyway..
Exhausted now. I'm going to bed... |
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 03:29:12
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Sounds feasible to me that the drops of paint were what you said. I also have dreams now that are really eye opening, very clear indications that my mind is at work with the TMS stuff. Like my subconscious is becoming more conscious via dreams, making me aware of stuff that I was not open to before.
So that's progress, Art! |
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celestica
Canada
38 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 04:56:09
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Dreams...
Hi Art,
sounds like you have a pretty good analysis of what the dream meant to you, and your unconscious mind is working overtime to resolve some of the struggles you're having.
I too, have found dreams to be very instructive in times of struggle. I'm 8.5 months pregnant and was having a lot of dreams about child abuse and terrifying situations where there were children in my dream that I was trying to help but could not.
The connection to my own childhood and fears surfacing over my own fitness to parent were uncanny. I too, struggled to accept the feelings the process of healing raised (believe me, there were some really disturbing emotions bubbling up)
I found it helpful to try not to stress over the dreams or get upset over the images but instead accept them as lessons for me telling me where the path to peace lay. Therapy also helps, someone to talk about this stuff without feeling afraid of overburdening them, etc.
take care,
Amelia |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 07:11:23
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quote:
Originally posted by art
As soon as I as awake I realized that the whole thing was about TMS..
Maybe, but not necessarily in the way that you describe.
If dreams are truly a window into the unconscious, the metaphor could be something far more profound. What do those clothes represent and why are they so important to you? What exactly was that "terrible" feeling you expericenced when they ripped? Why were you so hard on yourself for failing to fix them?
Or, maybe a dream is just a dream  |
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 08:28:05
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Dave,
I can't think of a better proxy for my outer self, my ostensibly injured self, than clothing, an almost literal second skin...I don't think dreams have to be "profound" necessarily, whatever that means..I went to bed thinking about TMS and very worried about my foot and an hour later had this dream...The terrible feeling you ask about was the exact feeling I get of worry and dread when I'm afraid I've got an injury that's going to effectively end my days as an athletic person...
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 09:39:52
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I just mean to illustrate that we need to try to transcend our conscious fears of injury and try to uncover the deeper feelings that cause our brain to manufacture TMS in the first place.
Many people would say that a primary ingredient of the unconscious rage is anger towards the TMS symptoms. But it is important to realize that the symptoms are a smokescreen for the rage.
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art
1903 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 11:18:29
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Hi Dave,
To be honest, I still have trouble with that aspect of Dr. Sarno's approach. I've never been too comfortable with the assumption that the underlying engine for this stuff has to be rage necessarily. It might be, but then again it might not. These things really can't be proven. I think I'm more comfortable thinking in terms of it being stress, fear, and anxiety that translates into the physical symptoms known as TMS.
Could be that I don't like the word. I've just never considered myself a rageful kind of person...Irritable as heck sometimes, impatient, but rage is such a big emotion. At the same time I'm mindful that it's generally pretty easy to assume the existence of rage. It's one of those things that's hard to deny. Deny it too strenuously and you might just find yourself looking and sounding pretty suspiciously angry 
I hesitate to make statements like this because I've not had much experience at all...and I've only read two TMS books. But I do have a background in psychology, and I've learned from all those books and courses that there are generally a bunch of different ways to interpret the same thing...What actually goes on in the subconscious mind is always a matter of some conjecture..
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marytabby
USA
545 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 11:45:34
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Art,
I find most of my TMS is anxiety-based and no matter how you slice it, whether one wants to call it rage, anger, tension, stress, anxiety, fear, etc. it's all SUPPRESSED emotions. If you read Sarno's "Daily Reminders" list, which I read daily, he says something akin to this: "TMS is a harmless condition caused by repressed emotions, the primary one being anger." In my case for example, I am not a "rageaholic" but I am a very impatient person, full of repressed emotions about stuff others do that irriates me. I admit I am an "irritable" person. That makes a lot of us angry people. We're certainly not happy go lucky if we're repressing negative stuff. I find that when others have enraged me and I have to suppress it, up pops the neck pain, etc. It feels more like anxiety so I see what you are saying. For me my pains can pop up from anger, over-worrying, anxiety, fear, on and on. NOT just anger. |
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Dave
USA
1864 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 11:46:48
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quote:
Could be that I don't like the word. I've just never considered myself a rageful kind of person...Irritable as heck sometimes, impatient, but rage is such a big emotion.
It's important to separate conscious 'rage' from the unconscious rage that Sarno speaks about. The latter cannot be felt.
No doubt that the Fruedian basis of Dr. Sarno's theory is difficult for many to accept, and maybe it is not an accurate metaphor. No one knows for sure what goes on in our unconscious mind. But symptoms-as-a-distraction is the key to his theory. It's not enough to say it's stress, or anxiety, or fear ... at least not the conscious versions of those emotions. TMS stems from deep-rooted emotions that we are not feeling, hence the need for the distraction: to keep us from feeling it. Part of the "cure" is to challenge yourself to feel those repressed emotions. |
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Allan
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - 05/23/2005 : 19:48:29
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Art.
On page 70 of Healing Back Pain, Dr. Sarno begins his suggested treatments including resuming physical activity. In my case, resuming physical activity was a major factor in realizing that the TMS pain was emotionally induced and not from a structural problem.
I suggest that the key here is to start slowly. Baby steps. Set short-term goals that are very easy at first and the progress slowly to more demanding. In my case it was climbing stairs. When I got up to four I felt exhilarated with joy that not only was I progressing and I "knew" that I would eventually recover, but then it hit me that it had to be TMS pain and not pain from a structural problem in my back. If it had been a structural problem, I never would have made to the second stair.
Are you going too fast? It sounds like the kick biking is pretty demanding. Is there some way that you can “ease” into it?
Allan.
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weird little dream
