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Kareem
Canada
8 Posts |
 Posted - 05/25/2011 : 22:03:11
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So a little background first:
-I have a very deep and rich history of TMS: excessive sweating, hives, intense sciatica, high blood pressure, anxiety, tendinitis, sudden allergies, etc.
-I have all of the typical characteristics you'd expect from someone suffering from TMS: "good" person [go out of the way to help people], achievement striver (straight A student, engineering grad, now med student, athlete, musician, etc.)
-I treated myself with healing back pain and the divided mind about 2-3 years ago. Literally everything went away.
-I've begun experiencing setbacks lately. I "injured" my shoulder, my knee, my neck, my back and my left bicep in training. Of course, none of the pain makes sense, nothing shows up in any scan and some have gone away suddenly, only to return suddenly. Some of the pain I just "forget" when something has my attention.
-I used to show my anger, yell, etc. when I was mad. I learned to control that, but this has NOT been positive, as it's building and building up to a very high point.
-This paragraph won't be pretty to read. If you're easily offended or a sensitive person, don't continue because I will be completely honest with everything I feel deep down, It's not pretty to read at all. First, the pain started coming back about last summer, in the form of back tightness. It would manifest itself during my training, but my performance would not be affected. What's important to know here, is I crammed 1-1/2 years of university credit in engineering in only 1 year, on top of working a 9-5 job, preparing a 7 month relocation in Central Europe and training for my competitions.
I accepted the fact the pain was not that bad compared to the frustration all of this made me feel. Not to mention my parents are a pair of worthless beings that made sure they'd piss me right the hell off everytime I talked to them. I could also not maintain a relationship during all this time and did not have the time to date, which pissed me off even more because I love sex and need it. Just before I left, I got a more severe case of TMS, but it went away once I got off the plane.
The first week went extremely well and I banged an outstanding girl during the first weekend. But after that, I went a few weeks depriving myself of some opportunities that I wanted for stupid, stupid reasons and social pressure [as being convinced to do something I didn't want, instead of just going where the hell I WANTED and doing what I WANTED]. So on top of my usual anger, I added sexual frustration to the list. I got into a relationship which helped, but also annoyed the hell out of me because I did not want to care for it, I just wanted to continue sleeping with whoever the hell I wanted, but didn't for "moral" reasons which I truly don't care at all for.
I was also in an environment where I did not get angry at anyone, but was living with dozens of people. Some of which I wanted to punch in the face real bad. I blew up one time on one person who just went too far. I shoved him, but really wanted (and easily could've) to disfigure him. This was a classic case of me being too nice to someone for a long time, only to be betrayed again and again, and by some small weak dork who I should've physically put into submission early on and which is what he deserved. We made amends but I am not happy about it, he thinks he's my friend and that I owe things to him. Even now, I know he's coming back in a few weeks and he wants me to hang with him, but I really just want to beat him senseless [I won't obviously, if anyone met me, they'd never think I'd be capable of this, but this is how I FEEL about it].
Anyways, I loved my new city but had to come back to this dump. Had to stay closer to my horrible, worthless piece of crap parents as well. I despise them. Everytime I see them, I want to deck them. Both are mentally challenged individuals, stupid beings with nothing good to say in any circumstance. Putting everything I do or say into question and thinking I live to serve them, for free, and give them all of my hard earned money. My mother, that witch, actually had the nerve to demand 100 000$ from me. She lives well, she has no need of the money outside of wanting her mortgage to be paid off. She has always been a narcissistic bitch. This is on top of the fact I renovated that harpees house from top to bottom. Both my parents never miss an opportunity to put me down either, which makes no sense whatsoever. It goes deeper than this, I really cannot have any sort of conversation with my parents.
I am leaving my city in september and cannot wait to tell them to **** right off. I've been waiting to tell them off for a long, long time. I've despised them all of my life.
-So anyways, another negative event happened today, after a training session full of TMS induced pain. During the event, I realized just how insanely angry I am right now. I have deep, deep rooted anger and have no idea how to let it out. I noticed I was going to shut it down [which I just realized I was doing for the last year], so I let myself feel it and it was not a pretty, it was very real and it was intense. I need help, I need some way of letting this anger out. I've started my journal again and the things I write are horrible. I used to just rip into the people who pissed me off, but at this moment I can't do that or I'll get into a situation that will be worse than the pain. How do you deal with this type of anger?
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Edited by - Kareem on 05/25/2011 22:04:54 |
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tennis tom
USA
4749 Posts |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2011 : 04:15:01
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Hi Kareem,
I have had TMS come back 3 times, so I have learned a few things in the process.......now to the point.
One word...EGO. You have so much ego coming through in that post that it makes you sound unpleasant...maybe it's just me though.
You're ego/mind is the problem plain and simple! You sound like you're completely identified with it and are a VICTIM of it.....and I know a thing or two about it because I was exactly the same. In fact I was an aggressive, uptight egotistical w*nker ( I'm probably still that way, however I don't buy into it. They're just thoughts and don't have to be believed ).....this is not good and not for the reason you might think. I now choose to act and think in ways that serve me and my life better.
When one is completely identified with the mind, you give it permission to carry on with whatever rubbish IT chooses. Most of this stuff is negative made up stories, with negative personality traits.....in the end mate, this will not serve you.
Now I'm not casting aspersions on you, just trying to give you a break-through. So don't be surprised if this post rubs you the wrong way....it's just the mind feeling threatened
Here is the key......negative thinking of any kind creates negative feelings.....which you're trying suppress OR don't know how to experience. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN??? Of course you'll get tms again
Am I saying go out and express your anger at people.......well you can do that if you want to be a tool that no-one likes. 
However you have to find a way to clear your anger account. I wrote about this extensively in the success stories.
What is important is to CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING SO YOU DON'T GENERATE THE ANGER!
If something pisses you off change your perspective, so it doesn't get under your skin. This is THE ONLY way you will get relief.....sure you can go and release your anger and you'll get some minor relief. However you'll end up like I was where I was releasing anger everyday and in the end it didn't work because I was adding more to the anger account than I was releasing.
The more angry thoughts you have, the more angry you have in your body.....and the more angry thoughts you'll have. It's a downward spiral which leads to the mess you're currently in.
A crap event is still a crap event...but you don't have to let it burn you up....if it does burn you up, change the way you think quickly so you don't generate all the anger.
In the end it doesn't make a lick of difference to your parents or that guy you want to punch if you're angry or not....it only hurts you. All the complaining you're doing is going to make your life suck....
Being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die....stupid to say the least.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself 
Chillaxe dude...it aint that bad....it's NEVER that bad. It's just our mind, which is the biggest drama queen in the universe, that makes it sound bad.
D
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Edited by - Darko on 05/26/2011 04:20:50 |
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Goodney
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2011 : 07:50:56
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Darko, that is one of the best posts I have ever read here. No one has nailed the ego/mind problem (that we all seem to torment ourselves with) better than you. If I didn't know better, I would think you a Buddha. (Don't you dare let my compliments go to your head, you ****er.) |
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Kareem
Canada
8 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2011 : 12:35:48
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Darko, that paragraph was definitely filled with ego and I made no effort to hide it. I didn't even know I had those feelings until I looked. That's why I said it wasn't pretty, I don't enjoy thinking this way, but it makes sense when you think of how Sarno presents TMS.
What bothers me is I really tried learning how to manage those feelings and my perception of the world. And I think, I did succeed in doing that for a while, but for the last few months I noticed that I turned from having a healthy perspective to one that used "chilling out" as a means to repress what I was feeling. When you say that I either try to repress or don't know how to experience the thoughts/feelings... you are right on the money. I remember that the first time I got TMS, this was key as well. My 100% recovery came when I started doing activities that did give me a perspective on life that I truely enjoyed, but I think I didn't solve the root of the problem.
The first time I got TMS, I learned how to accept my past and I learned how to deal with events. Now it's the rest, dealing with every day life. I'm going to look for what you wrote in the success stories section, do you have any links to share though?
EDIT: I just found this one: http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2862 . I'm reading this and I can't believe just how spot on this is, and how much it applies. Thanks. |
Edited by - Kareem on 05/26/2011 12:43:29 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2011 : 17:23:25
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Goodney,
Aw cut it out mate......now I'll have to get all "up myself"  ( buff fingernails on shirt ) Seriously though thanks for the compliment, it is nice to hear that people are getting something from my efforts as it's not always easy to find the time to post.
Kareem,
quote:
I really tried learning how to manage those feelings
This my friend is the WORST possible thing you could do.....seriously! This is the DIRECT cause of TMS...in my experience anyway. Feelings must never be managed, bought into, freely expressed ( last one is the tricky one ). If you do any of these things then you are 'being' the feeling. The feeling owns you and you are unconscious.....what will server you better is to OBSERVE it. Watch how the event makes you feel and allow that feeling to flow in your body without unconscious, uncontrolled expression. This is high level stuff and not always easy, trust me.
Now, if you are generating feelings that are sooooo crazy that you are having loss of control....trying harder to control them is crazy. It's like putting a grenade in a pressure cooker, and hoping it's controlled.
Thoughts create feelings.....remember this important point!
If the feelings are overwhelming then the problem is the THOUGHTS......simply change the perspective of the event.
You were on the right path to manage and observe your thoughts and perspective......but learn to allow your feelings because once you have a feeling it's too late. Positive feelings are great, negative feelings do not serve us because we stuff them down and create TMS, negative thoughts create negative feelings.
master this concept......this is really what "think psychological" should mean.
Oh and you WILL be addicted to negative thinking and feelings.....and it will take over from time to time. You have to coach yourself, talk to yourself, don't take any crap from your mind.
- NO complaining in your head or out of your mouth
- No watching the news and talking about the economy....it'll all workout fine.....just get on with it, and look on the bright side
- All negative thinking must be replaced with more positive thought that SERVES YOU BETTER
- Forget about the pain and difficulty in your life....focus on positive thoughts
- You cannot push something away from you, you can only attract something different. The act of 'focusing on' draws you closer to the thing you're focusing on....it's just the way it works.
I don;t make the rules mate....I just follow them and my life is better, that enough for me
I hope this helps you
D
Also, yes that's the right post in the link, I have evolved from this a little as you can see in the above posts but it's still very relevant. |
Edited by - Darko on 05/26/2011 17:30:19 |
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golden_girl
United Kingdom
128 Posts |
Posted - 05/26/2011 : 20:54:17
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Darko, you're like a guru! Seriously mate, your posts are great (I especially like the Australianisms dotted throughout! - two major things in my life come from the land down under - my dad, and my love of Neighbours (no joke!) - I much prefer the latter...)
Anyway, I really see the genius in your posts, but it's so damn hard isn't it! A book once suggested writing the story of my life in a couple of paragraphs, and then re-writing it from the perspective of a hero. (This is an interesting thing to do, should someone want to try it, if they haven't already!)
It sounded so much better, obviously, in the re-writing, but it's so hard to believe it. I guess I have the opposite of narcissism, complete and utter lack of confidence and self esteem. Which is another sure route to TMS. Actually, I think I am really angry about the fact I don't have the balls to stand up for myself, and deep down I'm convinced I'm totally right, a lot of the time. But feeling like I was made to be the 'baby' of my family (they actually called me that, pity I did get put in the corner and Patrick Swayze never danced with me  ) I always feel like no one will take me seriously. It's all such a mess in my head, I don't know where to begin: anger, sadness, lack of confidence, insecurity, MASSES AND MASSES OF ANXIETY... I've got 'em all! And is so easy to believe the hype, I'm totally addicted to negative thinking, sometimes I don't even believe there IS another way of thinking.
Sorry, I'm hijacking Kareem's post here! Listen to Darko, Kareem - he's walked the walk!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2011 : 05:49:31
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GG...you like Neighbors??!!! Wow you're like the second person in the universe.....you should be proud of that
I'm no guru, seriously. I'm human therefore I suck just like everyone else, I know this stuff because I haven't had an easy time with TMS, and have been to hell and back a few times.
I guess what it comes down to is that TMS is a blessing in disguise......it has forced me to grow and evolve as a person. TMS is ultimately about PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT......there I said....yeah I'm one of those 'personal development' types.
If anyone thinks they will be able to free themselves of pain without change and PD....well...good luck to you.
More often than not, the worst thing in your life becomes the source of your 'gold'
Everyday TMS forces me to become a better person, by improving the way I deal with things and my thoughts. Embrace it folks, make the changes and stop the resistance. In the end the pain becomes irrelevant as a result of all the work you have done on yourself, pain free or not, your life will be better because your thoughts and feelings are better. I would rather live a positive life with pain than a miserable life with pain any day....but without the misery and negativity (and feelings) there simply is no reason for TMS to exist. So the end result is a WIN/WIN......and that's what it's all about!
I know it makes sense when you read it but then in the morning you get completely lost in the outside world and your thoughts. It takes effort....but from what I see none of us have any choice. The ONLY way to ease the pain is to march forward, and that takes action and effort in your head.
If you think it's hard...then it will be. Choose thoughts that serve you.....that is the only way you can tell if you should keep something in your head. If it doesn't serve you, delete it, challenge it, argue with it, laugh at it....whatever, just don't believe it.
We all have these stories....I'm this, I'm that and suffer from whatever. It's all BS. Look at all EVERY thought and ask yourself how it makes you feel....really look at it! If it makes you feel bad or simply doesn't add positively to your life.......why the hell would you want to keep that thought or belief!!??? Change the way you think about it, and yes sometimes it'll feel like a lie at first....but the truth is every INVOLUNTARY thought you have could be, and ofter is a lie.
Voluntary = yes, choose positive, serves you....FOCUS HERE
Involuntary = BS, usually negative, complaining, don't resist, allow to pass, don't focus here
BUT....don't believe anything I say....try it and see for yourself
D
Oh and if youre stuck in a "thought storm" as I call it, of crazy uncontrolled negative thoughts.....you need a life raft. Mine is FAITH, I just trust that the universe/God is on my side and here to support me...so really, what is there to worry about cause it'll be fine in the end??....I can handle it, whatever it is.
And if that doesn't work....just say "f*ck it" to it and get out into nature. Mother nature always puts things into perspective......
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Edited by - Darko on 05/27/2011 05:59:15 |
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Kullab
France
9 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2011 : 15:59:01
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Hello Darko,
This is crazy , but I really liked your post and agree when you say that TMS can be a blessing (even if I'm still in pain right now).
A few years ago I had panic attacks, it really disturbed me but forced me to go into psychotherapy to better understand who I was, and at the end it was positive cause I've learned so many things about me, my family, etc.
Now I don't have panic attacks anymore but I have TMS, I guess that means that I still have a long road to go...
Kareem, good luck with your anger, I feel a lot of rage inside of me too, sometimes it is so intense that all I can do is hit something : a mattress, a pilow... I don't know if this is good or not, I just can't help it. Maybe I need to understand where all this repressed rage comes from. |
Edited by - Kullab on 05/27/2011 16:00:30 |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2011 : 18:49:43
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| The repressed rage comes from your thoughts, conscious or not. The thought create feelings that you won't or don't know how to experience or feel, so they get stuffed down. This is TMS |
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Kareem
Canada
8 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2011 : 20:06:47
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Hey Darko,
I've already started putting the advice you gave in your success story to good use...
I already feel a tremendous improvement. The pain has already alleviated, the anger account is going down and putting things into perspective is much easier. The part where you mentioned asking yourself "why am I angry?" has helped more than you can imagine. I didn't notice my chatterbox was negative either, but it was, much more than it should be. It's now very positive, I have a lot to be positive about so I don't understand why I was putting myself up like that. You've made me realize a lot of things that I didn't realize the first time I healed from TMS.
Your very last post I think is right on the money. Man, it feels good to feel good |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2011 : 21:47:59
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Kareem,
mate that is outstanding! I got a real kick out of your last post, because you actually did the work and have made a positive difference to your life. Good on you for taking the advice and running with it so quickly.....I wish I was as good as that.
Remember, you will have to tweak and improve the process all the time, and you'll discover little things that work better for you. My way is not the only way, so don't be afraid to experiment. The most import thing is you GOT IT....you understand the concept and once you make this a way of life....you'll never be the same.
I use morning and evening rituals to help create the "positive success" habits. If you don't have it in habit, then you don't have it....and will forget to do it. Your mind will fight you ( as it wants to go back to it's old ways), so you need to make sure you get back on track when you fall off.
Good luck
D
Oh and when you have a bad day....trust me you will, don't focus on it. If you can allow 'negative' things to happen in your life without letting it control your thoughts, then you are really on your way to mastery. Your brain has no reason to create TMS pain because there is no negative emotions to stuff down...... |
Edited by - Darko on 06/23/2013 17:58:24 |
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kokolo
Croatia
11 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2011 : 16:03:35
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Darko I don't get it.
First you said "CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING SO YOU DON'T GENERATE THE ANGER!"
and later that you must not manage your feelings.
Isn't this little contradictory? What did you mean? Should I just try not to think much about all the negative things and focus only on the good ones? Will this produce just more buried emotions? |
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Darko
Australia
387 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2011 : 01:39:05
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No it won't......thoughts are what create the feelings. Example, say you get a flat tyre on your car, some people might get angry and complain which just creates negativity in the mind/body, because they think in a negative way about the situation. If you choose to think differently about the flat tyre you won't generate the negative emotion. no negative emotion, nothing to suppress right?
I feel you might have missed the point a little, perhaps read over my comments again and you'll see they're not contradictory.
Cheers
D |
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caligirl
22 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2011 : 16:51:50
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| Enjoyed reading the posts. Great information here! Another great reference is Feeling Good by Dr. Burns. Helps with changing the thought process through cognitive behaviour therapy. Best of Luck! |
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LuvtoSew
USA
327 Posts |
Posted - 06/06/2011 : 11:36:42
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I didn't read all the posts, but man could I feel your testerone or adrenaline going, anger in other words. your mad at eveyone and everything it seems.you sound like a high stiver, but my guess is most of all you have anger towards yourself also, and also some quilt.
oh we seem to all have some crappy childhood and our parents have let most of us down, they did the best they knew to do, let it go.
Remember when you get mad at someone they are just human just like you, one can be assertive awithout being aggressive.
I don't believe in what Sarno does about bringing up everything in the past, as the past is gone, forgive and let it be, you have now and hopefully a long life ahead of you which by the way will be full of people and even more difficulties, no one has a perfect life, but we can't let it bother us.
For angry people I suggest the Bible, even if just the gospels , you seem to want no emotional ties, just one nice stands,
hey I'm just someone who I know I use to be a real go getter, and perfectionist and was hard on people, but now I know I'm only human and so are they. I fear for you with so much hatred and anger in you, it is for sure hurting you deep down inside.
Peace and please do not take this defenselfly.
Wanted to add whatever in in the heart will go to the mind and come out in our thoughts and words. |
Edited by - LuvtoSew on 06/06/2011 12:12:32 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2013 : 08:53:20
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I really liked darkos advice on this about anger so I'm bumping it to the top
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2013 : 08:56:00
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| I think it's funny too ( both the original post and darkos advice) |
Edited by - Ace1 on 02/16/2013 09:58:17 |
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chickenbone
Panama
398 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2013 : 10:17:03
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I also thought Darko's post was right on about anger. I especially like the part about Kareem being "ego identified" with his anger. Observing the anger will create the gap between "HIM" and "the anger that he is experiencing". This is when we become truly conscious/aware. Healing requires awareness.
I would just like to make one point. It is certainly true that thought create feelings. It is just as true that feelings create thoughts. In the former, CBT Psychology is a good method because, in recognizing the causation, it allows you to monitor and change your thoughts to achieve more positive feelings. However, in the example of early childhood trauma for one, bad feeling precede thoughts because the child's brain is not developed enough to think about or think through the bad emotions created by the trauma. Therefore, bad emotion gets stuck in the limbic system and cannot be resolved. Later in life, whenever the person in question runs into a trigger, these emotions will surface, causing the person to behave or think inappropriately. These are more difficult issues to solve and may require psychotherapy. |
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shawnsmith
Czech Republic
2048 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2013 : 10:35:28
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Byron Katie wrote an entire book on what Darko said in one paragraph. She said every thought that ever came into her head, upon investigation, was total Bull- Sh-t. Can you imagine, EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT SHE HAD WAS A LIE WITHOUT EXCEPTION? And there is a woman who almost took her own life before she came to that startling revelation. Think of your thoughts as energy which produce things. If there is a negative or self-defeating thought then challenge it with a positive affirmation.
Thought = I am never going to get well.
Affirmation = Every day and in every way I am getting better and better. |
Edited by - shawnsmith on 02/16/2013 10:37:44 |
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Ace1
USA
1040 Posts |
Posted - 02/16/2013 : 12:54:17
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| I think chickenbone makes a good point here. While darko says is true, it is not sufficient. Some things are habits or conditioned reactions. You don't even have to have ANY thought but be placed in a similar scenario to the past (where you behaved intensely), and this alone will cause you pain. What you do now will either strengthen this habit (conditioning) or weaken it. Affirmations, good self talk, visualizations, acting normal all help to change this habit. Knowing what habit is happening is VERY helpful in breaking the bad habit. This habit for most on this board is usually impatience in whatever you are about to do. It is sometimes hard to see this because it is now so normal for you, but if you look enough you will see it. |
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Very high amount of 
