| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 06/15/2006 : 14:05:12
Hi Folks,
So a few of my symptoms are actually beginning to fade, in that for a greater part of the day I don't feel them at all, only when I stop and think "huh, where'd that go?" is the feeling there. My main and most painful symptom is still around, but I'm finding ignoring everything much easier and I even was able to cry the other day (the second time in the past few weeks!).
I think what has helped me most so far is not trying to do the work perfectly, and realizing that I can and will get better by doing things imperfectly.
I'm purchasing my first apartment and will be signing the contract on Monday! Eeeeeek. Part of me gets scared at the prospect of living alone with this pain, I need help with this. Also, I often find myself trying really hard to imagine what it's like to live symptom free, but find myself drawing a blank. This is a bit distressing.
All in all though, things are beginning to look up!
: ]
Seth |
| 11 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 06/21/2006 : 21:33:34
Great,great advice. Ndb, I especially liked what you had to say concerning my uncertainties; it definitely put my mind at ease. I often forget how much I truly am learning about myself as a result of this disorder; things that I might not have ever confronted at this tender age. : ]
can't say it's easy dealing with all these anxities and fears being brought into light, and even though I'm ignoring the symptoms as best I can, it's still very hard much of the time. But there is a certain difference now: whereas in the past I might have gotten myself in a tizzy just for thinking these thoughts, now I know it's perfectly okay, normal even.
I just finished watching a two hour documentary on PBS about children with cancer and it made me realize how blessed I am, TMS and all. Really helped to put things into perspective.
Have a great night!
Hope everyone is feeling well.
Seth |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 15:33:55
I know what you mean Seth by trying to do the program perfectly...I have the same problem...I am stressing that i haven't done the written work yet and haven't finished all the books...But i guess that is just part of the whole symdrome being a perfectionist...Thanx for your post, reminds me i don't have to be perfect in this to start getting well... |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 22:28:31
Wow, ndb, you said just what I was thinking. My recovery came right as I was getting my first full-time job and looking for an apartment and there was so much to deal with. I got better quickly and that made me happy, but I didn't turn into some hyperjoyful person. Mostly I was just glad I was able to do things that I wanted and needed to do, and at the same time I was (and am) frequently worried or stressed or angry about daily things that happened, like finding an apartment and getting assigned my first project at work. I guess I was trying to convey that with my list of some mundane and some fun things that I have started doing since recovering. The key for me is that now when I think "Oh, the trash needs to go out" or "Oh, I'd like to go swimming" -- whatever I think to do, I can just do it. That's normal life in a nutshell. |
| ndb |
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 14:19:07
quote:
Originally posted by Seth
I find myself putting effort into trying to to imagine life without symptoms, to the point where I get frustrated when I can't remember the feelings associated with normal living, frustrated when I realize I'm not entirely exicited all the time at the prospect of a life sans symptoms; and because I feel this way, I think there's something wrong with me.
Hey Seth,
I thought you brought up two interesting points.
First, not being able to remember the feelings of normal living. I think we are both fairly young, and probably have a lot of life experiences ahead of us (I'm trying to say, without assuming too much, that we don't have a whole lot behind us yet). I am starting to think of tms as one of these, and just trying to think of it as something to learn from. i guess i'm trying to say, think of tms as a life-experience to learn from. Don't try to recall some feeling you had before...in reality, having been through tms, you are a different person. Just move onwards now, with this whole experience in mind.
Secondly, not always being excited at the prospect of living your life now. This may be some anxiety about setting up your life now...in my case, while I had symptoms I was spending all my time worrying about my body, and how to get better. I took time off from school, fortunately my advisors understood that I could not work in the state that I was in. But NOW...I actually have to finish my dissertation, apply for a 'real' job, and set up my career. I think these are all scary things I have to deal with instead of tms symptoms, and I'm not confident I'm going to breeze through all this, I'm definitely daunted by the complexity of getting it all done. So your lack of enthusiasm is totally understandable to me, but maybe all this is part of life. We will always have periods of self-doubt and uncertainty, probably everyone does, and we should just take this in our stride. There's certainly nothing wrong with you for feeling a lack of energy sometimes. Sometimes the fact that we are 'symptomless' is a lot of pressure to achieve the things we're 'supposed' to. Just be honest with yourself about what you want to do, and how you want to do it, and go at your own pace.
whew, :)
ndb
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 10:46:07
Seth and NBD,
Love reading your posts...thank you...I understand the fear of dealing with this alone..ALthough i have a roomie, he is gone alot sometimes for days...Lately my TMS is acting up alot since this recent bout, but I am healing and we all will heal! No doubt about that...This is a mind-body disorder and we just have to keep focusing on that! I cannot wait to be able to do the basic things you were talking about and hearing that you now can gives me hope! |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 08:56:25
ndb,
I like what you had to say concerning life without symptoms, i.e., how it's not productive to think of it as this blissful nirvana. This is problematic for me, because I find myself putting effort into trying to to imagine life without symptoms, to the point where I get frustrated when I can't remember the feelings associated with normal living, frustrated when I realize I'm not entirely exicited all the time at the prospect of a life sans symptoms; and because I feel this way, I think there's something wrong with me.
So, I'm going to take your advice and not put so much energy into imagining life without symptoms, in fact I'm not going to try and dwell on it at all.
Seth |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 08:22:34
ndb, that's great news, too!
SuccessStory for both of you, Seth and ndb.
Hilary N
PS: While we're on the subject, I haven't taken a day's sick leave in over a year. Previously that was unheard of for me. I always used to be off for at least a week with a cold/flu-like virus a couple times a year. |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 06/16/2006 : 00:59:03
To all those who responded to this message, a huge THANK YOU! It's taken me a while to get to this point, but I finally feel I'm on the road to recovery! So exciting, yet oh so scary...
Seth |
| ndb |
Posted - 06/15/2006 : 19:03:22
Seth, glad that things are looking up for you. Best of luck with your transition.
Life without symptoms: I'm still fairly new at TMS, and all my symptoms have not disappeared (or new ones keep appearing), but I feel its not too productive to think of it as a nirvana where everything will be bliss. Life without symptoms is daily life! Your life! You can make whatever of it you want! Develop interests you never did because you were too busy worrying about your body. It seems you are just starting an independent life, plan all the things you'll do. As armchair said, do the laundry, do the dishes, take pleasure in the things you can do now which you couldn't before.
I am writing a rather impulsive message...I have to tell somebody this. I went climbing on a climbing wall yesterday! For the first time too! A few months ago I couldn't wash my own hair because of the pain in my arms, and yesterday, I was pulling my own weight up the side of a rock...i am so weirdly happy :):)
ndb |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 06/15/2006 : 18:36:36
Hey Seth,
Glad to hear you're feeling better. Congrats on the apartment!
It can be hard at first to really think about what life is like without pain but it's worth thinking about. Maybe my experience can be helpful and give you some ideas:
I could not carry groceries or anything heavy so I always had to have a backpack if I wanted to carry anything much. Now I can carry whatever and moved a lot of boxes and stuff when I moved recently.
I could not lift normal dishes; I had to use very light or plastic dishes. Now I use normal plates, etc.
I could not hold a big milk carton so I bought small ones only. Now I can buy any size.
I could not chop a lot of vegetables, so I made only dishes where not a lot of chopping was involved, or paid extra for precut vegetables. Now I can make a stir-fry on my own, or take a cooking class.
I could not take out the garbage; now I can.
I could not carry a large laundry basket; hanging up laundry was challenging. Now it's easy.
I could not stand on public transport so taking it in peak times was very stressful. I could not drive for long. Now, no worries with either.
I would not run for fear of hurting my knees; now I run when I want.
I could not do many yoga or Pilates poses because I couldn't support myself on my hands. Now I can join in on those in a class.
I could not ride my bike or go swimming. Now I can.
I could not play my clarinet. This was a huge source of stress and pain for me; I love to play and it had been a major part of my life for 12 years when I stopped. I am just picking back up again.
Fred Amir's book Rapid Recovery From Back and Neck Pain is great for making you think of all the things you have changed to accommodate to the pain, and encouraging you to change back. His personal story is very inspirational as well as including examples of many things you may have stopped doing. |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 06/15/2006 : 15:13:49
It's great to hear of your progress, Seth. I'm sure you'll find it easier and easier as you go on.
Hilary N |
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