| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| austingary |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 07:03:59
"Good and evil lie in a rational and social being's deeds, not in his feelings. Likewise, virtue and vice are terms applied to deeds, not feelings."
---- Marcus Aurelius
But, as we know, TMS is all about our emotions, rage in particular, said to be held deeply, constantly threatening to erupt into consciousness and destroy our lives, so threatening that we put up a wall of pain to keep it out. That's Dr. Sarno's theory, anyway, and as good as any for this mysterious malady.
Here on this board, as in the rest of our lives, we seem to divide up into thinkers and feelers, with the feelers more or less predominate. I am firmly in the camp of the thinkers and, at this stage of my life, generally resist indulging my emotions in public.
Certainly, we have to respect our emotions. We share emotions with other animals and consciously suppressing them can lead to serious mental problems. On the other hand, it is the expression, not the suppression of emotions that causes the most social harm. The murderer does not kill, the wife beater does not beat, because he suppresses his emotions but rather because he indulges them.
Some of us make the mistake of equating the anti-TMS work to the popular practice of indulging our emotions in public. Anti-TMS -- turning the mind from pain to the emotions -- is something we do in private, in our own thoughts, not in public. Dr. Sarno, in his books, does not recommend indulging ourselves in emotional purging in public. In fact, for him, it is cold, hard "knowledge" that is the primary key to recovery.
John Lee, in his book on anger, recommends many methods of finding and dealing with anger but they are all exercises to do in private, not among others. As any intelligent married person realizes at some point, indulging your every emotion in front of even the person you love the most is a recipe for disaster.
As a general rule, our emotions -- electro-chemical reactions that cause us to flee or fight or take some other action more or less unconsciously -- are something we must manage or fight in order to be good friends, spouses and neighbors, not something we can often afford to indulge. In fact, indulging ourselves emotionally at the expense of others is almost always counter-productive. Anger, in particular, is an emotion that, to my way of thinking, is almost never beneficial when outwardly expressed. I cannot think of a single instance in my own life when publically indulging my anger has led to anything good.
The only emotions that we can express in front of others without doing harm are the bonding ones -- love, caring, expression of shared grief etc. and we find that even those must be disciplined. There is also a tendency for those who value emotion to believe that a feeling about something is as good as an actual deed. That an apology erases a bad deed. That feeling the right emotion about doing something is as good as or better than actually doing it.
When we need to work on our emotions -- or, as in the case of the anti-TMS work, work on the effects of the fear of our own powerful emotions -- we do that in private or, when necessary, with a professional -- a psychologist or psychiatrist. In days past, we would have gone to a parent, grandparent, respected aunt or uncle, priest or pastor. Now that is less common. But even with the professional, family member or priest, we cannot indulge ourselves completely in the problem emotion -- we have to always consider the other person and hold ourselves in check.
The one thing that makes us truly different, as humans, from the other animals, is not emotion, but rational thought. The dog has his sense of smell. The whale has his sense of sound. We have our ability to manipulate symbols. With that ability, we have changed the face of the entire world. (For better or worse is another question.) But, in our world today, it seems that most people have more respect for the emotions we share with our furry cousins than they do for the rational thought that only we humans are capable of.
Marcus Aurelius divided the world up into rational beings (humans who value and use rational thinking) and irrational beings (pigs, horses, cows -- and humans who reject rational thinking). He believed that irrational beings were made to be used by rational beings.
Certainly, it seems that way for cows and horses. Likewise, one did not see Vladimir Lenin down in the streets ranting and raving with the Bolshevik mobs or the Ayatollah Kohmeni jumping up and down in the streets of Tehran, frothing at the mouth like his followers. Rational beings use irrational beings as "useful idiots", to use Lenin's memorable description of them. Politicians use emotion as their #1 TV advertising tactic to draw their followers to the polls and into the streets. Neither side in a political contest wants much to do with the independent thinkers among the populace. Rational beings are not so easily manipulated.
But the Feeling vs. Thinking divide is, as it has always been, a fact of life and it will continue to be -- in the world, in the nation, and here on this board. Those who value emotion above all will continue to counsel emotional purging, in public if possible, as a remedy for what ails you.
But do not be fooled. The "Feelers" just want you to join their club. Public emotional indulgence is not part of the anti-TMS prescription. |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| JoeW |
Posted - 07/03/2004 : 01:59:34
Thanks Gary - I certainly still have a few issues to work on in my life, and will continue at the psychological work.
The placebo aspect interests me at the moment - I've just started reading a book by Herbert Benson on the subject. I'll report back with anything relevant. |
| austingary |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 14:00:09
I'm gradually moving from blind faith to rational consideration. In the meantime, I'm starting to suffer again.
And you don't want that to happen. I think there are several possible explanations.
One is that you hung your hat completely and totally on blind, religious faith in the TMS idea, almost like believing in a divine healing. We know that people sometimes get "healed" by faith, prayer, touching by "holy" people, and so on. Most scientists think it is just "placebo effect". However it works, a strong belief + a strong emotion, sometimes = a strong result. Unfortunately, such healings often fade in time.
I suggest you think of the anti-TMS work, instead, as something you do that changes a habit your mind has gotten into of making pain -- for whatever reason, by whatever method. When you feel pain, you turn your mind to your emotions (especially anger) so that you start to equate pain with the unpleasant emotion rather than relief from it. That's the anti-TMS work, that's what helps you, not blind religious faith.
Of course, there could also be other factors. Probably not something you have, such as a structural problem, since those seldom cause pain on their own. Possibly something you are doing, some habit in the ways you sit, stand, walk, run, whatever. Maybe, as it was with me, something you are doing to "fix" your pain. I was stretching myself into terrible pain.
If your pain is largely emotionally-based, then perhaps there is some exacerbation of emotional factors in your life.
Perhaps if you journal, maybe do some "automatic writing" or something else to elicit thoughts from deep in your mind, you can come up with clues as to what's going on. It is very likely, that on some level, you know what the matter is and what must be done. Have faith that you do know this and that it will come out soon, so that you can act on it. |
| JohnD |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 10:01:53
some good points by mentioned by Gary and Anne
One thing I might add is that we can't base decisions on knee-jerk emotions. But at the same time, if we don't take our feelings into consideration then we lose passion and authenticity.
All thoughts are based on feelings and vice versa. Therefore we can talk about not wanting to express a feeling, but usually this is just the result of an underlying feeling that is being repressed.
Human beings are passionate by nature, and we must honor that emotional side of us but not let it rule us. If someone is passionate, that doesn't mean they can't be rational at the same time.
There are tons of "correct" or "rational" reasons that make sense, but alot of times they are just a compensation for a part of ourselves that is trying to hide, or be right, or whatever the reason.
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| n/a |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 09:38:38
Error in above - 'Touchy, feely' is most definitely an insult. |
| n/a |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 09:36:48
If you take thinkers - feelers as a continuum, I for one, think that I'm somewhere in the middle. My feelings impact on my thinking and vice versa.
What you describe as indulging our emotions in public is something that is certainly not encouraged where I come from. A description of someone who does this is that they are, 'touchy, feely', and that is not a term that is used as an insult.
Much harm, I believe, comes from too much encouragement. to be a strong, silent type. Perhaps things are moving too far in the other direction, I'm not sure, but I see more harm come to people who are afraid to say how they feel than those who can express their emotions more freely.
If someone has been repressing negative emotions for a long time and with psychological work, they find these emotions coming to the surface (whether they have TMS or not), might it not be the case that these feelings engender guilt and fear? If that is the case, describing their feelings in public, as you put it, Gary, might be a necessary step. It could be that they talk to a trusted friend, a counseller, or that they post on a board such as this, where they think that people will be able to 'talk through' these feelings.
Probably some people can work through something as difficult as TMS by rational thought, and that's fine for them, but some of us need the affirmation that feedback from others can bring. I don't consider this a weakness or a strength - it's just the way it is. |
| electraglideman |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 09:00:19
Well put Gary. Thats the reason I visit this forum. The post are very informative, articulate, and it takes the mind off of the pain and puts it where it belongs.
Thanks. |
| JoeW |
Posted - 07/02/2004 : 07:55:07
Well, you're certainly on a roll now Gary - very relevant - thanks.
I'm gradually moving from blind faith to rational consideration. In the meantime, I'm starting to suffer again. For me, the main sticking point now is the whole idea of repressed rage/emotions at all, whether expressed in public or not. I'm far more comfortable with the argument for restricted blood flow, than for the Freudian explanations.
Maybe a focus on anything rather than physical pain is the most important thing.
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