| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/12/2015 : 23:15:54
I couldn't resist posting, after all. I am up with what I think is TMS chest pain due to a few (I am being facetious) life changes like...
1) My wolf dog Kaya and I are moving for the 9th time since the tragic death of my brother in Vegas, 3 1/2 years ago. When you have a 142 lb dog it is nearly impossible to find your own apartment. And on a musician and painters (artist) salary I cannot afford my own home. I do the best I can to make sure I am moving in with 'normal' people..however..sometimes that is not the case, hence..all these moves.'
2) I just broke the ice and wrote to my sister after us being estranged for 1 year and 2 months. This need to 'fix' things came about because I am moving from New Jersey to Northern (Gulf) Florida the end of the month. I won't bore you w/ what happened between us, just to say there is a reason for the term 'sibling rivalry.' On top of that, she has been on Xanax for a long time for her own version of TMS she calls 'panic attacks.'
3) While I am more than blessed with tremendous friends all over the globe..my closest family members are either dead (mostly prematurely) or geographically far from me. I am trying to create peace w/ one other family member (my sisters' youngest daughter, my niece). She is a very unforgiving type soul..and..If i told u what she got so angry over, it would make absolutely no sense to you.
4) My dog Kaya was just diagnosed w/ lyme disease. (my worst fear in bringing him East from Vegas and I was over the top careful to keep him safe). The good news, no symptoms yet and many dogs never get them. The bad news..the incubation can be up to 5 months in dogs so I won't know til the end of May if he is going to get symptoms. I am waiting on urine results for him to make sure his kidneys are okay. He seems fine but i am worried. After losing my brother I had to put down 2 dogs in a row, followed by the house he willed me (the one we lived in for 14 years going into foreclosure in 2011)
5) I moved to So Jersey to sing in a 9 piece horn band. We play in Atlantic City and great, large clubs. I found out I was being cheated A LOT in pay..so that became history. There are many bands in Florida and a great art scene..so i am hopeful. As another stressor for an artist is always Money! These moves aren't cheap.
6) I did a search on here for 'chest pain' and my old post from 2013 about my two front teeth hurting came up! What a great thread that was..I was very helped by the responses..I say this for newcomers..This forum is WONDERFUL. You will be helped here!Here is why I named this "The Mind is So Powerful." As I read my old post, my tooth began to hurt and I told it to SHUT UP..it did..So, although I am having a bit of a kvetch session here, I just applied a TMS principle..(talking to my brain, in this case..really also talking to my tooth!) and it worked! The tooth pain disappeared like magic. The chest pains are going away too..just from writing this..Ahhhh..the power of writing about your feelings!Remember, however, that the mind is power in both the positive and the negative sense. If one focuses on the physical pain, it makes it so much harder to combat it, for example.)
7) To re-cap...especially for the male minds here:
TMS possible triggers I am dealing with:
MOVING (again!)
FAMILY dysfunctions unresolved and may never be
STRESS over my fur child
STRESS worrying about my best friend who has a serious, real heart condition
STRESS over making enough money in my new part of the country with my art and music.
FEELING ALONE despite having almost 3000 Facebook friends (many of whom are real friends)
PERFECTIONIST aims...trying to fix every problem I have with every person I have a problem with before leaving NJ
RAGE (repressed and aware of this simultaneously): at niece who is so stubbornly unwilling to even communicate directly to work things out.
GUILT: over my part in creating the discord..It always takes two.
(after I see if anyone responds..I may delete some of this post due to not wanting it to be on the internet for all to see too long..I will keep any parts I think might be helpful to others).
I have a feeling this post will either help some people or make some people roll their eyes saying 'here she goes again.' I hope it's the former. I know writing it is helping me.
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| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Peregrinus |
Posted - 02/01/2015 : 16:02:11
quote:
Originally posted by anniess
... people with a victim mentality, if they are not being a victim, they will actually position themselves to be the victim because they feel that being the victim of someone or somethng or circumstance is their lot in life.
Anne:
I can't disagree with what you say and moreover, this "victim mentality" is likely the cause of a lot of TMS. What do you think is the cause of this behavior? |
| anniess |
Posted - 02/01/2015 : 09:59:27
I read something once that applies to me, so I work on it. It said that people with a victim mentality, if they are not being a victim, they will actually position themselves to be the victim because they feel that being the victim of someone or somethng or circumstance is their lot in life.
I saw this most clearly in a neighbor. Despite having one job or good circumstance after another, he kept messing it up. I examined what he said he was doing, and I though: that is weird--I would not do that and then it dawned on me that he was making hismelf the victim in every circumstance and his life was a shambles.
I don't do it as much as that guy, or in the same ways, but I do it. In one relationship I wondered why "he always gets what he wants, i never do," but then I realized I was stacking the deck AGAINST ME! I was always made myself wrong, no matter what. Either I felt like i should give him mercy because he was wrong, or I should change myself because I was wrong. I never held him accountable! I always made myself "his victim."
I do not think it good to criticize our fellow sufferers and what they write. But if anyone has ears to hear this, please consider your life and hear it. It was a revelation to me!
ann shaffer |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/15/2015 : 22:03:12
Thanks John..I completely understand..If you ever change your mind I can be reached via my art website which is listed under my profile here..:) |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 01/15/2015 : 18:02:27
Dear Karen. At one point my email was available but I come to remove remove it for many reasons which I would rather not list at this time. . Please don't take it personally, I would love to be your friend and we still can be through this forum I just right now have decided not to really personally email anyone in this forum at this time. I however would be happy to respond to you anytime on this forum. I do check it periodically. It is also possible our conversations could help others. I wish you the best and hope you feel better, just keep practicing and never give up reaching a better state. I'm going to update my list today maybe it can help you as well. Talk to you soon. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/15/2015 : 05:49:24
PS: @John...I was looking for an email on you the other day to write you directly..If you are so inclined, drop me a line..(my email is in my profile here)..I would like to be friends..:) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/15/2015 : 05:38:17
Thank you, Ace..:) That is very kind of you..I realized in complaining about the lack of responses I was risking someone criticizing me for doing so..I really appreciate your response..I was just about to go in and delete everything..I'll keep it up now..I was reading some of your comments to others, they are awesome! Believe me, I still struggle with this..But I also work on in constantly..Hope your 2015 is going very well! |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 01/14/2015 : 20:41:27
Dear Karen.
I think your post is so insightful and you are so in tune to yourself that no one knew what else to add and that is including myself. Keep up the good work in practicing not allowing these situations to strain your nerves as best as you can. Don't let the lack of responses dissuade you from posting again, bc I'm sure your post is helpful to others. Also this forum as been a little slow as of late and it's nice to see some new insightful posts! |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/14/2015 : 20:38:58
Thanks Tom..:) I am just so used to this forum..it used to feel like coming home here..So many of us were regulars..it was nice..I miss that. To start up w/ a new place..I will look into it probably after this big move..too much going on right now to do that now..But thank u for the suggestion..As I read posts here..there are plenty of people chatting back and forth in a supportive fashion. I love Dave's posts..but he rarely responds to me anymore for some unknown reason. I'll get over it..PS: ever write something, say something and simultaneously know you kind of sound like either a kvetch or a baby..lol..That's what i am doing here..I am aware how I sound, but I am writing it anyway because there is some truth to what i am saying..and all of our feelings are real to us and valid. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/14/2015 : 17:46:19
Hi Karen, I really recommend you also post at the TMS Wiki. Both sites have their purposes, Dave has a great TMS knowledge, posting very accurate and concise TMS "penicillin knowledge" in a nut-shell. The TMS Wiki has many features including a SUPPORT FORUM which may be of more use to you at this time--check it out!
Edit: Karen, there's a new member over there, Lexylucy, who's also a singer/musician. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/14/2015 : 16:58:53
So the only responses I got were from my old friend, Tom (thank you, Tom) and someone I never connected w/ in the past here. I did put thought into this post and tried not to focus on my physical symptoms..I have to admit, when this happens here it brings me back to early childhood when I felt apart from certain clicks..I realize I don't come here on a regular basis and just stop by once in awhile, but still..Are old timers from this forum who stop by occasionally some how less important in terms of what they might be dealing with then regulars or newcomers? I am looking within at what this might be mirroring to me in my past or present. One thing for sure, it doesn't make one feel welcome to have stopped by. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/13/2015 : 16:28:05
With all due respect, Pere, I sense a cynicism in you that doesn't work well with my personality. So, while you may mean well and might even be trying to help in some way, I perceive you as judging and passive aggressively attacking me. Or, at the very least, putting my words under a microscope. Unless that is something you do with others as well. I doubt very, very much that I am the only person on this forum who ever 'complains,' about various life situations they find themselves is..after all, we are supposed to be exploring how we feel about things. That is all I was trying to do.
I wish you all the best as well. |
| Peregrinus |
Posted - 01/13/2015 : 15:54:58
quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
...
My wolf dog Kaya and I are moving for the 9th time since the tragic death of my brother in Vegas, 3 1/2 years ago. When you have a 142 lb dog it is nearly impossible to find your own apartment. And on a musician and painters (artist) salary I cannot afford my own home.
SA:
I apologize if I read more into your words than you intended. If useless public employees can earn $100K and houses are selling for $200K I figured a successful artist_singer could afford to buy a house (particularly in Nevada or Florida). I'm retired and could not imagine taking care of a horse-sized dog. Even a little one would cut into the time I spend painting and drawing not to mention the money!
I met quite a few people (mostly women) who identify themselves as an animal caretaker. I noticed it was the first thing you mentioned in your post and that (to impress us) it is an unusual breed. If you want to be the caretaker of a huge dog, be happy about it and don't complain about the poverty and poor living conditions.
I think it was Mushashi who said "think honestly".
I wish you all the best.
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 01/13/2015 : 12:24:49
Hey Tom! Thanks buddy..Nice to hear from you..I hope you are right..:)
Hi Pere, Wow..are you by any chance a pessimist? My career is not failing whatsoever. I gig all the time. In fact, I turned down 3 gigs for New years eve alone..but I wasn't in Florida yet. There is a lot of work there. I am just dealing w/ the financial ups and downs of being an artist. I also sold a painting for a very good price last month that paid for my entire month of bills..so..i am not failing, nor will I. I am also an award winning artist (Guggenheim juror)..Don't mean to be defensive to you trying to help..just the facts..As for my large dog..I rescued him..actually we rescued each other..and he is a huge joy in my life..a life saver overall..The good things FAR outweigh the struggles. As for the family...now that..you are probably totally dead on about..They are abusive and the one i am particularly struggling w/ is uncaring as well. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 01/13/2015 : 09:34:01
Hi Karen,
Florida is a good move, it'll be good for you!
==================================================
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation” – Plato
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
"...the human emotional system was not designed to endure the mental rigors of a tennis match." Dr. Allen Fox
"Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise" - Thomas Gray
"All my friends in Los Angeles are the sensitive type. They all have like all the diseases like Chronic Fatigue, Epstien Barr, Fibromyalgia. Like all the diseases where the only symptoms seem to be you had a really crappy childhood and at the prospect of full time work ya feel kinda achy and tired."
Posted by Skizzik @ TMSHelp from comedian Maria Bamford
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"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod
=================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Dr. Sarno is now retired, if you call this number you will be referred to his associate Dr. Rashbaum.
"...there are so many things little and big that are tms, I wouldn't have time to write about all of them": Told to icelikeaninja by Dr. Sarno
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
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| Peregrinus |
Posted - 01/13/2015 : 09:07:50
SA:
What’s the difference between TMS, pursuing a failed career, adopting a gigantic dog, and accepting abuse from uncaring relatives? The answer is “not much”. They all cause pain and distract us from our real problems. They are all futile efforts to establish a false identity.
Sorry for being so blunt but I’ve heard this story before. Good luck (from a fellow artist).
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