| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| mala |
Posted - 11/09/2013 : 00:22:51
India trip cancelled. Am in hospital. Severe burning in vagina/ urethra with no clear diagnosis. Got pills in emergency & had reaction to them as they were too strong & couldn't stop vomiting. Am at wits end.
Could this be tms?
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 11/16/2013 : 05:58:07
I have to say I didn't closely read the whole thread so maybe I missing something but I want to tell you why I think your TMS may have flared. I think the prospect of going on the trip did it. Maybe it reminded you of having to leave when you were a child to go to India to live with your grandfather. There could be other reasons, but I'm almost certain it had something to do with the intensification of your symptoms. This is a situation that requires deconditioning. Im glad your out of the hospital. |
| mala |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 21:02:39
Thanks all for yr very good advice. I think the hardest thing for me is to be calm & confident. I have for a long time been talking to my brain, telling it I'm not afraid but it's not true. I think I don't know how to be 'not afraid' anymore.
RSR I do realise that when the pain is at its worst to just go with it which is what I do. I don't know how others cope but I lie in bed and moan a lot. I keep saying this too shall pass but it's sounds hollow , untrue. I try watching tv, reading book but I can't focus on anything for too long. If I try to engage in some activity like going out, I usually pay the price for it later. Thx for yr great post, it was very comprehensive - I have read it many times and for yr concern.
Njoy, I can see you have done a lot of research on my behalf and I'm grateful . I have yet to fully digest and understand all of it. As to the bit about sexual abuse, I have to say that my sister & I were both very lucky. In his very own warped way, we were his darlings possibly the only people he loved. He never lifted a finger against us . All his rage was directed at our mom.
I hate this person I have become, this scared, frightened being who is constantly in some kind of pain & obsessing about it. I feel like a failure. I can't seem to move past this and I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. This was never how I saw myself . I cringe at the thought of being in this state for the rest of my days. I feel like I have gone from being superwoman to total wimp.
More later.
Thanks
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 16:24:46
Mala, so sorry to hear of your hospitalization. Wishing you a speedy recovery! |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 10:32:34
(I for one was not "extremely worried" nor am I feeling frustrated with mala's ongoing challenges in life. Just for the record. None of us here can know anyone's whole situation or what it means.)
Mala, I am very happy to hear you are home from hospital ! Have been wondering how you were doing. thanks for letting us know. Sending support and best wishes that you are feeling better and able to relax in the comfort of your own home .... ahhhhh is that not happiness? !
RSR |
| forestfortrees |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 07:27:24
Glad to hear that you are out of the hospital and hope you are feeling better. This will eventually pass.
quote:
Originally posted by njoy
This true Self is not a part! It is REAL while parts just help us get through the trauma of life. Imho, they may well be fictional and self-created. I don't know.
Still, they are our friends, sometimes our only friends. They help us when we feel neglected and alone and especially when trauma hits. They mean well but they are not capable of the big job of running our life. Nevertheless, that's exactly what they do. They take over (hijack is a good word) our lives. They usurp the power of the true Self -- which, in a small child is just learning the skills, understanding, values and goals we need to govern well).
Wow, you writing it that way really helped me understand the connection between parts therapy and TMS. I can almost hear Dr. Sarno saying that your symptoms are there because your TMS is trying to help you. The unconscious TMS sounds exactly like how you describe a part. Thinking of it this way, TMS is just an attempt by the unconscious mind to protect us from what scares it. Let's not hijack this thread, but I just thought it was interesting.
My Video Success Story
www.thankyoudrsarno.org
|
| mala |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 03:40:23
Thank you all for your love, concern & wishes. njoy I have read yr post just now. I am home now & will respond to all posts as soon as I feel up to it. Right now I am not up to it. Too many thpughts & emotions & just too darn tired.
Love
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
| njoy |
Posted - 11/15/2013 : 02:20:54
I suspect that many people here are extremely worried (and probably frustrated, as well) by Mala's many years of trouble with TMS symptoms and the fact that she is in hospital, in pain, instead of having a great time in India. I know I am, especially the worry, because I haven't been trying to help her over many years.
I wanted to know more about her situation so I read several threads including the one she started called "worst its ever been" on 05/18/2012. The final post is from Art who said "STOP WORRYING AND OBSESSING ABOUT YOUR BODY"!
Excellent advice that, perhaps, Mala was not able to take. I am going to put forward a theory about why.
Obviously, Mala is an amazing, tough-minded person. She has endured and triumphed over incredible difficulties her life. She is strength personified in many ways. Can anybody imagine an 11 year old girl demanding to leave her home in Hong Kong, going to India to live with her grandfather, building herself a great new life there and flatly refusing to return home until her alcoholic father dies?! I have known a lot about girls that age and, believe me, very few have that kind of will and determination.
Just a theory, remember, but perhaps that strength is her problem. I hope she is reading this so will switch now to addressing her directly.
Mala, I think you are too strong for your own good. You have overpowered yourself in ways that nobody else could!
How does this work? (I'll have to resort to talking about parts theory and apologize to any one who is sick to death of me and my parts. Too bad, lol.)
We all have a true Self (as it's called in IFS - Internal Family Systems) aka Soul or spirit or just "the real me". This true Self is not a part! It is REAL while parts just help us get through the trauma of life. Imho, they may well be fictional and self-created. I donÕt know.
Still, they are our friends, sometimes our only friends. They help us when we feel neglected and alone and especially when trauma hits. They mean well but they are not capable of the big job of running our life. Nevertheless, that's exactly what they do. They take over (hijack is a good word) our lives. They usurp the power of the true Self -- which, in a small child is just learning the skills, understanding, values and goals we need to govern well).
Why would the true Self hand its power over to some upstart part that really can't handle the job? Because it is sympathetic. Self loves you and wants to help. The part wants to take over, the true Self (out of pity and indulgence) lets it. Probably the true Self doesnÕt know what else to do. After all, how can a tiny girl know how to cope with an alcoholic father who is (MalaÕs word) ŅawfulÓ to her mother. She is sad, she is fearful, she gets angry. She rages. These parts have very strong ideas about how to cope and so real Self lets them. ItÕs a mistake but one we all make in times of desperation.
When Mala married her husband (this is in her posts) she decided to stop her tantrums and rages. She put a firm lid on her behavior so that she could have a good life and a good marriage. Great idea? No, because where does all that rage go? Š into the unconscious mind and the body, of course.
And that, I think, is what may have happened to Mala. All her formidable strength is repressing the towering rage she would still be expressing if she hadnÕt become determined to put a stop to it.
Of course, expressing constant rage is not good except for one thing. The rage is out in the open where there is some chance it can be dealt with. Mala didnÕt know of a way to deal with it (long term psychoanalysis might have worked) or else she decided not to. At the time, this seemed like a good idea.
Instead she repressed the rage. Not with any idea of the consequences but with resolution and all her strength. Now, she is in the hospital, perhaps in agony.
We certainly hope not.
One more thing and I know this is not a polite topic but it has got to be said. Anyone who has severe abdominal symptoms (and vaginal pain in women and perhaps prostate pain in men) should seriously consider the possibility of child sexual abuse. Many cultures are only now becoming aware of what a rampant problem the sexual abuse of babies and little children is and always has been. In China, it may be surfacing now but IÕve been there many times and there was almost 100% denial a few years ago, as far as I could tell. Same in India, no doubt. Same in Britain and America until very recently.
Why is this so? Because there are two kinds of men (women, too, but less often apparently): those who donÕt sexually abuse children (and might never have the possibility cross their minds) and those who do it and hide it. Often, too, the child victimÕs greatest rage is reserved for the parent who didnÕt protect him or her from the abuser.
I am certainly not suggesting that any such thing happened to you, Mala. I have no idea. But it is worth considering because ignorance is not bliss in this regard. People do not recover from sexual abuse (except perhaps in its very mildest forms). It is a huge betrayal of trust. It induces rage beyond anything that the mind can tolerate. It MUST be repressed.
Again, the answer to your question at the top of this thread is "yes, this could be tms". Of course it could.
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum
PARTS THERAPY
I have been studying and using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for several months now and have found it most helpful in digging out what is really going on with me to cause tms symptoms.
Over at tmswiki.org there is a NEW mailing list for those who want to try using IFS for TMS. I hope you will check it out. The conversations are already going strong and unsubscribing is one click if you don't like it.
You can find a form to sign up here:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/mailing-list-for-parts-therapy-tms.2868/
Learning to use IFS therapy for self help is pretty easy, as these things go. There is a lot of info available on youtube.com and various other web sites. If you search "Internal Family Systems", you'll find it. My recommendation for a book is Self Therapy by Jay Earley which costs less than $ 10 on Kindle (also available in paperback at amazon.com). It is well written and introduces all the basics.
Forums are a wonderful way to find support (I've loved tmshelp.com for many years)and to learn all the possibilities that have helped others in their recovery. The mailing list is specifically about parts therapy and good for connecting in a somewhat more private way. A CALL IN phone discussion is also in the works.
Finally, best wishes to tms-ers everywhere, especially those who are still struggling with symptoms. May we all find peace and comfort.
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| forestfortrees |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 21:17:47
I'm so sorry to hear this Mala and will be keeping you in my thoughts. I don't have much to add to the excellent advice all around except to say that while I'm sure it is awful, with proper care I'm sure it will pass whether it is TMS or not.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Forest
My Video Success Story
www.thankyoudrsarno.org
|
| andy64tms |
Posted - 11/13/2013 : 21:00:57
Dear Mala,
I came back to the forum to find your wedding trip cancelled and that you are in hospital, how very sad for you. You were in preparation several weeks ago when we spoke about your trip and I sensed you were really looking forward to it. I hope you are able to settle down and realize that this is yet another TMS issue and nothing really serious, and I wish you the peace and clarity of mind to deal with this.
Sending love and good vibes get well, get home.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 11/11/2013 : 17:56:21
Sorry to hear of your troubles Mala and I hope you soon find relief. Balto has given you sound advice. No matter what it is, stay calm and don't be overcome with emotions as it only makes matters more difficult for you. We have all made that mistake.
Regards. |
| njoy |
Posted - 11/10/2013 : 22:29:53
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, Mala. Yes, even this could be TMS. Or TMS could be making a bad situation worse (this happens to me a lot).
Balto said, "Your job is to remain calm and achieve a NO FEAR mentality. Accepting what happen." Great idea but HOW to do this? I repeat this mantra, over and over:
"This is just fear. Yes, I'm scared. Fear is an emotion and it will pass. It doesn't harm me. It is nothing but fear. I let it go. I let it pass."
Blessings, sweet Mala. We love you. Where's a smoochy emoticon when ya need one? 
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum
PLEASE READ!
I have been studying and using Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy for several months now and have found it most helpful in digging out what is really going on with me to cause tms symptoms.
Over at tmswiki.org there is a NEW mailing list for those who want to try using IFS for TMS. I hope you will check it out. The conversations are already going strong and unsubscribing is one click if you don't like it.
You can find a form to sign up here:
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/mailing-list-for-parts-therapy-tms.2868/
Learning to use IFS therapy for self help is pretty easy, as these things go. There is a lot of info available on youtube.com and various other web sites. If you search "Internal Family Systems", you'll find it. My recommendation for a book is Self Therapy by Jay Earley which costs less than $ 10 on Kindle (also available in paperback at amazon.com). It is well written and introduces all the basics.
Forums are wonderful (I've loved tmshelp.com for many years) to learn all the possibilities that have helped others in their recovery. The mailing list is specifically about parts therapy and good for connecting in a somewhat more private way.
Finally, best wishes to all tms-ers, especially those who are still struggling with symptoms. May we all find peace and comfort.
|
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 11/09/2013 : 11:42:43
Hi mala,
so sorry to hear this ... so sorry your trip had to be cancelled.
sending love and support your way... as much as I can !
wish I could say something that would feel truly helpful to you ... will try w/ a few things, but please just throw out anything that doesn't "ring" for you, OK?
I guess balto is right that no one can be really say whether this is TMS or not ... but I would venture to say that just on the info "severe burning in vagina/ urethra w/ no clear diagnosis" ... I would say it is certainly POSSIBLE that it is TMS... and especially if you had all the typical workup done (ie UTI been ruled out?) when you wrote this.
The pills in emergency with the reaction that were too strong and you couldn't stop vomiting: well that would make me at my wit's end too!! Adding insult to injury as they say! I always think "not-escalating is healing" and so I'm sure that didn't help AT ALL.
I do think "being calm and confident" is always a good way to approach *anything* but it might not be the first possible step. First, you might have to just BE w/ your "freakout feelings". In my Developmental Skills Training (DST)/ Emotional Brain Training" class we would call this "being at 5" ... in other words, in a full-blown stress reaction. If that is the case, just saying a mantra might be helpful. In DST, one that is used is: "Do not judge (yourself or others). Minimize the harm, Know it will pass."
I think a Claire Weekes' type of approach would be to try to float through it as much as possible ... ie to try not to resist or struggle against it, which will only cause more tension .. to be with what IS ... so that if what IS, is panic, then try not to resist or struggle against the panic. I guess Ace1 might say something similar ... (?)
Also ... a quote I got from Claire Weekes (I think): If you can't relax in your body, then try to relax in your *attitude.*
I think this one was from Ace1: "Breathe into what you are physically feeling, no matter how distressing the symptoms may be, and try not to resist or strain as you will work yourself up and undermine your recovery."
Whether it is TMS or not, I think that is probably good advice!
Another idea if you are in panic is just to set that as an expectation ie, "I expect myself to be in panic." In time, the feelings will pass, but right now it is reasonable that I am freaking out!
Another quote I like from DST: "Your prefrontal cortex is being doused with stress chemicals that make your thinking extreme, rigid and chaotic. In fact, you aren't in charge. The beast of the stress response is in charge, and you just come along for the bumpy and, at times, terrifying ride. "
And I think this is actually a quote from Balto (!): "However you feel, just accept it. Fighting your symptoms and trying to push them away just adds more tension to your already anxious body. I didn't fight it. I approached it with peace and calmness. when I had symptoms I just slowed my thinking down and observed my symptoms. I acknowledged that it is there and then I accepted the fact that it will be there for a while." (I do think a "symptom" could also be panic /stress ... so kind of approach the panic/stress with peace and calmness, if that makes any sense!
Also... MIGHT this be a way (a la Gabor Mate's ideas) that your "body is saying no?"
Hope SOMETHING in here might be helpful !! Thinking of you,
~RSR |
| altherunner |
Posted - 11/09/2013 : 11:12:13
So sorry to hear you are in the hospital and I hope you are back home in fine shape soon. When my health was failing and my doctor was retiring, I went to a Naturopath and had a bunch of tests done.
I had high levels of lead in my body. Maybe that caused my leukemia.
I had chelation and have been taking vitamin c since. Heavy metals can cause funny symptoms, a regular blood test may not reveal high
levels. My hair had been going grey, it regained some of it's color
after 6 months or so. I had been to Dr. Abram Hoffer's office for
dosage reccomendations of vitamins, and asked his nurse Frances Fuller about this. She has seen cases of severe lack of nutrients
causing damage to hair and skin. Just wanted to mention this, I
can't think of anything else that might help. |
| balto |
Posted - 11/09/2013 : 08:38:12
Hi Mala, I don't think anyone here can tell you with confident what you're suffering from is tms or not. I just think that whatever it is, you need to approach it in a calm and confidence attitude. Be an observer. Try to solve your problem like a youngster trying to do his/her math homework. Don't let your emotion get involve. Easier said than done, I know, but if you let emotion, if you let worry and fear involve, your symptoms (tms or not) will just get worse and intensify. Worry and fear don't do a damn good for anyone in any situation in this world.
Your mind will only listen to you and you alone. So keep telling yourself you're not afraid. This shall get better. I don't need to fear it, fear doesn't do any good for me and my body.... You need to convince your brain to believe in what you tell it. Let the doctors do their job. Your job is to remain calm and achieve a NO FEAR mentality. Accepting what happen.
Good luck Mala.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
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