| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 06:55:08
You are working in your house and your wife says a comment that you felt was rude, you strain automatically (from being conditioned) from irritation and you get pain in your back. Your in pain now and you still have to work on the house and your wife is there around you. What is the best approach here?
Obviously there is more than one answer, people can respond to this with what they think or they can not say anything and after a few days I will say what I think. |
| 13 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| andy64tms |
Posted - 11/03/2013 : 10:20:10
Hi Ace, I answered you on PMP Cancer thread. Thank's for the
offer of help. Our immediate concerns are lack of information, and we have
to self help and be patient.
Thanks Andy
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 11/03/2013 : 07:18:58
I'm sorry to hear about the lack of news. I'll say a prayer for her. I have blocked all emails from the forum to my email bc I am readily available on here to help. I really want to help people as a whole on this forum and would rather have whatever it is posted here. Your welcome to put on here whatever concerns you may have and I'll be happy to address it. |
| andy64tms |
Posted - 11/03/2013 : 00:37:05
Hi Ace,
Actually we are not doing so well, as we have heard nothing from my nephew in the UK for several days. My sister in law is still in ICU, we think, and my wife and I are trying not to agonize and get stressed over the situation. You must deal with this type of stress daily, my hat’s off to you.
Did you get my email by the way? I sent it to your edu email address.
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 11/02/2013 : 17:42:59
Hi Andy.
Lol I didn't mean those answers also. I'm glad this helped you that's a nice compliment. Thanks. I hope your doing well yourself. I see from your recent posts that you have become very good at understanding tms. Keep up the good work! I wish you and your family the best. |
| andy64tms |
Posted - 11/02/2013 : 13:28:50
Really Ace,
They weren’t all the “great” answers you were looking for, let’s be honest there was some sadness expressed by I think, some of the male personalities!
For those people if they know who they are, I recommend the following web site to Woman’s Own link. Please don’t ask me how I got there.
http://www.womansday.com/sex-relationships/dating-marriage/why-do-men-look-at-other-women#slide-11
I hope you are well Ace, and for reference I found this thread helpful even after 37 years of marriage.
By the way if the “the “Shocking French Video” link pops up it’s a lost leader, but I’m not admitting clicking it! 
Andy
Past TMS Experience in 2000, with success.
Charlie Horse on neck for 20 years, is almost gone.
Books:
Healing Back Pain
Unlearn your Pain
The Great Pain Deception |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 11/01/2013 : 19:03:50
Great answers! I am really impressed and they great correct answers.
Ok the first thing if possible is as your wife makes the comment you try not to have your body react by straining to the situation. This is very hard and takes practice, but this would be the best scenario. You have to break this conditioned situation. Remember in healing back pain dr Sarno says that you are trying to prevent future recurrences which is what I think he means.
The situation I describe is after you have already stained to her comment. Now you could tell you wife what you thought, but two scenarios could occur here. Either you were too sensitive in the first place and your wife will try to defend her stance, possibly further angering you. This is ok as long as you can practice not letting it strain you. In the beginning this may not be the best situation because your just beginning to start this practice. Another situation is you are right but your wife can't see this and despite your efforts, she continues or is adamant about being right. Knowing the TMS personality, this is likely once again to make you strain especially in the beginning when you are still a novice at this.
I would says choose your battles, you also know your wife and you know what reaction she may have. In the beginning you may have to see if you can make it no bg deal to you if its not that bad. Later as you get better at this you will be able to say anything and even get into an argument and not strain.
Say your affirmations and try to bring down your excited state of mind and body without forcing it.
Don't focus on the pain but accept it for a time period bc you have already stained and now its time to let it take its course.
Try if you can to complete your house task but don't do the task with the back pain in mind. Try to do it independent if you can. While the pain is subsiding when you have to bend, bend independent of the pain, with no feeling of challenging it in anyway. If its too severe, wait to calm yourself a bit more before proceeding with chore. Remember that the back is temporarily dysfunctional from the strain to your wife's comment.
Strains are additive, so if your used to doing the chore in a rushed manner, your wife's comment only added to what was already there. The reaction to your wife's comment will make you want to finish the chore even faster than before. Resist this urge and try to do in a slow, present state of mind.
You wil not be good at this at first and will take some time to be able to first do the chore without a hyped up rushed mindset and it will take time to be able to not strain to what you wife has said to you, no matter how bad it was. A lot of this is based on your childhood and your extremely sensitive nature.
Use the affirmations, they really do help, but you will feel like you don't want to, but its worth it and you will see faster results if your consistent. |
| balto |
Posted - 10/30/2013 : 08:12:12
I usually try not to hold back anything if I can, I would be nice and firm and tell her that her comment hurt and bother me and explain to her the best I can why I think it hurt. And if she don't stop I tell her I will hold my breath until I die. :)
Then I will tell my brain that all the symptoms were trigger by what just happen to me and they will go away soon, nothing to be worry about. It works every time for me.
------------------------
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| Racer |
Posted - 10/30/2013 : 07:58:36
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
What is the best approach here?
Don't get married in the first place. 
You are so lucky! |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 19:00:25
quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
What is the best approach here?
Don't get married in the first place. |
| stocktrader |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 12:58:44
I would use a positive affirmation and visualization (a picture of her in my mind)for at least 5 minutes and thru the day(s)if needed as follow:
"I forgive and let go easily"
Look at Ace's keys #19, #20, and #11 |
| eric watson |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 10:22:20
quote:
Originally posted by mala
1. Relax & take a few deep breaths before u react.
2. Try to examine why you felt the way you did.
3. If she was genuinely rude then you may have to tell her that you felt she was rude & take it from there.
4. If she wasn't rude and u got upset then u need to examine why u felt that way.
5. If it is a conditioned response that yr body has learnt then u need to find some way of desensitizing yrself & recondition yrself.
6. Since all this will take time & u still need to get things done, say something positive like 'I change the pattern in my thoughts & behavior that cause me to feel like this'.
7. Hopefully by now the back is better.
8. If u felt that u were harsh to yr wife then take the appropriate steps to calm the situation.
9. Focus on the task as best u can without straining & tell yrself the pain is psychological & it will get better.
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook
mala this is such a good reply - thanks |
| mala |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 08:19:53
1. Relax & take a few deep breaths before u react.
2. Try to examine why you felt the way you did.
3. If she was genuinely rude then you may have to tell her that you felt she was rude & take it from there.
4. If she wasn't rude and u got upset then u need to examine why u felt that way.
5. If it is a conditioned response that yr body has learnt then u need to find some way of desensitizing yrself & recondition yrself.
6. Since all this will take time & u still need to get things done, say something positive like 'I change the pattern in my thoughts & behavior that cause me to feel like this'.
7. Hopefully by now the back is better.
8. If u felt that u were harsh to yr wife then take the appropriate steps to calm the situation.
9. Focus on the task as best u can without straining & tell yrself the pain is psychological & it will get better.
Mala
"It is more important to know what sort of person has a disease than to know
what sort of disease a person has." ~ Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
Mala Singh Barber on Facebook |
| eric watson |
Posted - 10/26/2013 : 07:06:59
I love my wife, im calm in control
I see myself in no pain with visualizations
I imagine the feeling of calmness with my wife.
I stop my reactions by thinking about them.
I Stop the focus on the pain and do not fear it
Meditating in harmony with peace and self control.
|
