| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| marytabby |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 13:25:17
Does anyone know what the "typical" age is that we all should be able to remember our childhood? Or is there not a "norm" age? I do not remember much of my childhood before the age of like 8 years of age, perhaps even 9. I mean I may have a few tid-bits here and there but not much. Not sure why, I always figure it's because I was too busy being a kid but I am trying to see if there's a correlation between loss of memory of the early years and possible abuse. Is it unusual that I can't remember my childhood before say 2nd or 3rd grade? To be honest, I couldn't tell you much at all of what went on but I do remember shows I watched, games I played, friends I had but just not before the age of 8 or so. I do know I was abused and remember that well, but I can't remember my years prior to age 8 and before. Anyone know the "clinical" measurement that is used to figure out if a person is repressing childhood because they can't remember before age X Y or Z? Thanks |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 04/05/2005 : 20:11:03
Somebody once told me that if you can't remember your childhood,it was because you had a good one...BS!!!!
I have scattered memories as far back as age 3,but no clear ones until age 5.In therapy,I had to piece it altogether and then face it and feel it.
I had a terribly lonely,ignored childhood.My Father passed away,Mom "checked out" and then I was raised by "the system"...school,the street,the LAPD and county halfway homes.
One of my greatest shames was that I did not cry at my fathers funeral when I was 5.I was smiling and happy,and didn't really "get it" until a few months had passed by.
My mother and I were talking about this recently and she said I went to great pains to explain to her that I wasn't happy that my father had died(I was obviously feeling tremendous guilt for not grieving properly)
My brother tells me my mother went into tirades against us all,telling us we were really bad children and that we should be put in an orphanage.....In adulthood,this all adds up to explain the enormous reservoir of self loathing and negativity I grew up with.
My mother traveled the world and left us to raise ourselves.
My brother and I have great compassion for my mother so we would never ever remind her of this.She was 40,alone and stuck with 3 kids.We were fed,clothed and housed...much more than a lot of children get.
The further down the psychological road I've gone following TMS,I've learned it is CRITICAL to learn about any bad experiences that you went thru,as they will explain a lot of the feelings you have about the world and yourself.I began to interrogate my brother after therapy.
However,after feeling good and angry about it for awhile(til the TMS is gone) I've found there is forgiveness and healing on the other side.I had to be really angry at my Mom for awhile,but now that I've "thought it through" I love her more than I ever did.She has/had her own set of Demons.
peace.
Baseball65 |
| Colleen |
Posted - 04/05/2005 : 18:18:26
Mary,
As a Nursery School Teacher and former Grade one Teacher, the age you are looking for is somewhere around 6 although it may vary slightly. This is why it is said that very young children (3 or 4) need to experience a Holiday or Birthday 2 or 3 times before it becomes a memory or even has meaning to them.
Colleen |
| marytabby |
Posted - 04/05/2005 : 16:00:43
Caroline,
I agree with Miehnesor. I set up an appt. with a therapist for this Friday so I can start to get going on delving into the things that may be upsetting me. Hell, I remember an abusive childhood clear as day, I just need help trying to figure out if that's the problem or if it's just my neurosis causing TMS. GOod luck. |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 04/05/2005 : 13:55:56
quote:
Originally posted by Caroline
I am clueless still but thanks to you and others who respond to my naive questions, I'm learning something every day!
Caroline
Caroline- your questions are not naive at all- they are very pertinent. If you feel you must dig up the emotions to deal with TMS it is a long difficult road but well worth it. I think it's close to impossible to do it alone, as much as we would all like, so try and get a support system set up for yourself. |
| Caroline |
Posted - 04/05/2005 : 09:29:56
quote:
Originally posted by miehnesor
[quote]Originally posted by Caroline
[brI
"The child is the instinctual part of us, our "gut" feelings. The child has sometimes been referred to as the unconscious, but it is unconscious only because we have paid so little attention to it (my highlight).
Now there's something I can relate to: my gut feelings. I think I'll try listening to that for a while. Thank you very very much Miehnesor for taking the time to post this detailed answer. I am clueless still but thanks to you and others who respond to my naive questions, I'm learning something every day!
Caroline |
| Laura |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 19:28:42
Mary,
I was abused as a child as well. My parents hit, yelled, and rarely if ever said the words "I love you." I also was molested, once by a neighbor that I had to go to court and testify against (I was 8 and he locked me inside his house), and the other time(s) by a grandparent. I learned the world was an unsafe place and it appears that now, as an adult, many of my issues center around fear. I feel for anyone who has been abused.
I didn't even remember the grandparent incident until I was pregnant for my first child. This is not uncommon as apparently repressed memories can be brought to the surface during life changing events. I cannot remember much before the age of five. I think part of me doesn't want to remember. It was not a good childhood.
Good luck to you.
Laura
|
| miehnesor |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 17:47:19
quote:
Originally posted by Caroline
[brI guess this is the part I am having such a hard time with. What kind of trick do you have to use to experience a feeling/emotion that is not associated with a specific memory?
Caroline- I agonized over this stuff for a long time. Unfortunately I have not discovered any quick trick for feeling. What I have found very useful is the whole concept of the inner child and making the commitment to the child that his feelings are the most important thing in the world and that the adult you is going to be the new advocate for that childs feelings.
Why does this work? I believe it works because many of us TMS'ers had to disconnect from our child to matter and to survive in the family system we grew up in. The child is yearning for attention- for someone to notice the hurt and pain that is there but not recognized by parents first and then you - your adult self. So the idea is that you can be the parent going back and providing that love and support that you never had when you had the right to have it. At first the child does not trust you. But over time if you keep at it he does start to trust and then you start to feel what his real feelings are. You must be patient and realize that this is a process and it will take time.
When I starting feeling this stuff it was kind of unreal. Like -wow - is that really me. Did I really feel this scared and this angry. But it is me and yes that is what I felt but completely repressed and up until then having absolutely no clue that those feelings were there. In comes TMS as the daily reminder that there is more work to be done.
This may sound bizarre to you- I can imagine. There are a ton of books on inner child stuff. One that I mentioned before is called "Healing your aloneness" by Chopich and Paul. There is a quote in that book at the very beginning that I thought summed things up nicely.
"The child is the instinctual part of us, our "gut" feelings. The child has sometimes been referred to as the unconscious, but it is unconscious only because we have paid so little attention to it (my highlight). The unconscious becomes readily available to consciousness when we wish to learn about it. Our Inner Child contains our feelings, memories, and experiences from childhood, which can be rememberedd when we seek to learn from the Inner Child."
I have run the gamut of emotions just responding in this post. Fear, anger, sweating, shaking and sadness. The chronic TMS does take a break when I feel this stuff.
|
| Caroline |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 15:41:51
quote:
Originally posted by miehnesor
But you can still experience the feelings because they are remembered all the way back to the beginning of your life. What i'm trying to say then is that if you commit yourself to getting at the feelings that you have repressed you can with time get to those feelings. I may never get to enough of them to cure my TMS but i've seen enough of them to know that it is very doable.
I guess this is the part I am having such a hard time with. What kind of trick do you have to use to experience a feeling/emotion that is not associated with a specific memory? |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 15:35:59
I've heard that around 7 is the typical cutoff for most people with occasions partial blips earlier then that expecially when it is traumatic. (for instance my earliest memory happened at about 3 when i got my stomach pumped because my folks thought I eat aspirin which i didn't. I felt like I was being suffocated to death so I can remember that quite qell)
The important thing to remember is that you can experience repressed emotion without actually having a memory that we normally think of when we say memory, like a specific scene where you can describe the scene. When you become more connected to that repressed or split off part of yourself you can experience the emotion without an associated scene memory to go with it.
This was something that I wondered for a long time. If my trauma happened in infancy and early childhood how on earth can I possibly remember that. Well you can't period. But you can still experience the feelings because they are remembered all the way back to the beginning of your life. What i'm trying to say then is that if you commit yourself to getting at the feelings that you have repressed you can with time get to those feelings. I may never get to enough of them to cure my TMS but i've seen enough of them to know that it is very doable. |
| Caroline |
Posted - 04/04/2005 : 13:55:34
quote:
Originally posted by Maryalma8
Does anyone know what the "typical" age is that we all should be able to remember our childhood?
I'm glad you asked Maryalma. I was about to do the same thing. The little research I have done on the subject seems to indicate that most people have memories dating back to 4, even 3 years of age. For me, there is just a big black hole before age 6. My mother was a borderline with a quick temper who did not hesitate to hit me and my little brother. I think I may have repressed a lot of rage and fear from those days. |
|
|
