| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| dgreen97 |
Posted - 06/23/2013 : 10:36:32
I wrote a post a little while ago about a post that irritated me. Ace and a couple other people made some suggestions that this was the exact reason I have TMS. Every little things seems to bother me and i dont understand why. is it because im in pain and little things tip me over the edge and i blow up? or is it some kind of behavior perpetuated over many years that has caused me to respond to things this way. what i mean by the "little things" are like somebody cutting you off, having to do work you're not supposed to because of other people's mistakes, letting others get under your skin by what they say, a hole in the ceiling from a water leak, grass in the front yard being greener in some spots than others, etc.
ive been through some big life changes in the past couple months but it seems more like the day-to-day things that are keeping my pain alive. im becoming more and more aware of these things daily (as per that list above) and some of them seem really trivial... like greener parts of grass in the yard. what are you guys doing to control things like this? i know other people are having these same types of annoyances in their daily lives and i know its causing TMS. back when i first began learning about this, i thought like most people that it was one big event or emotion that is causing all of this but now im understanding each day that im creating a lot of this inner tension by how i respond to events. even when i tell myself to calm down and take it easy, my subconscious reaction to it is anger and frustration immediately.
monte speaks of this as well that its not one big emotion but whats going on with you right now thats causing the pain. what are your thoughts on this? is it truly necessary to make big life changes to see success or can you stay in the current situation you are right now and change things so you dont experience TMS symptoms anymore? |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| eric watson |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 19:17:26
you got it Darko
ive learnt a good bit of dodgeball
the ball seems to have a mind of its own at times
I wish to explain as much as I can to all the new
guys and gals. we have so much potential here with you and Ace1
TT. Bryan3000
and so many more its a lot of honest folks that just want to help
that's why I love coming back to tms help cause of the compassion
I know theres a lot of concerned people waiting
for there opportunity to help
look at /dr. alexander and steveo and Nicole sachs
I started here, im on the radio show at tms wiki too
its like once you get better and you learn how to walk with the issue and control it instead of it controlling you
its like why wouldn't we want to be the ones that help
when all these great minds come together we get some brilliant threads
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| Darko |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 18:09:29
quote:
the times I have told people its all in there head they
sounded mad
hahaha.......yeah its cause people automatically think you're suggesting they have issues. Getting people to take on a new concept requires a special skill similar to Dodgeball. You have to learn to jump and swerve past their beliefs and filters.
D |
| eric watson |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 17:58:10
Put well Darko, completely agree
I do the best I can to make sentences simple
the times I have told people its all in there head they
sounded mad and I didn't hear back from them
so I stopped saying that a while ago
Einstein said himself to make explanations simple but not simpler
the tms world is alive and kicken with lots of roads that lead to
healing, its good to get ideas from the site here
also look into other ways that lead doun the same rd and learn
from different perspectives to get your own
thoughts leading you in the right direction
I guess I've studied every tms book available
and still I
get more and more information as I dive into the mind and body world
life does change when you learn to
change bad habits or unconscious habits
sorry for the mix -up DG and chickenbone
ill fare better as time rolls on
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| Darko |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 16:02:37
The reason things might be confusing is that TMS is different for everyone, thus they put there own little spin on things. Never take one persons opinion as the right thing to do, but rather look for commonality within the successful people.
Look at a persons results.....if they're what you want, then emulate them.
You'll find that there are numerous people here that agree with what I'm saying.....that doesn't mean it's right for you, it's just a good credible place to start. At the end of the day there is no magic pill.....there is only "work". You will need to do something different to what you are currently doing to get a different result.
Cheers
D |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 13:20:37
I really can see why this thread is extremely confusing to new people. If I was on this site for the first time, I would be very confused by this advice.
I think that we need to FACE and ACCEPT our bad emotions, bring them into consciousness and examine them. Sarno said that you did not have to change yourself and not have them, but just realizing and accepting them is often enough to heal. He did not say anything about changing yourself. You need to change your internal reactions to your bad emotions, but I think we can all agree that, especially in today's world, it is certainly ok to have them. |
| eric watson |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 10:35:02
you didn't, I think you hit the nail on the head
we usually keep all the family members
and change our reactions
you get to the unconscious through the law of habit
like patience,peace, mindfulness
accepting in peace is what I do
we cant control others but we can control us with practice
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| indiana |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 08:34:35
quote:
Originally posted by eric watson
you have to change your life Indiana but not who we are.
for instance I can learn an exercise regimen and get good at it
without running from who I really am.
changing negative reactions to actions is just a thought away
ok I always got mad everytime my sister said its your fault
now I know its just a habit, I can reframe or change the thought because I don't have to let conditioning rule my reactions anymore.
hope your not more confused
im basicly saying what Darko is saying
we don't want to live in our past but if we have bad habits from the past we still have to fix em when we become aware that were reacting with tension anger or uncontrolled bad thoughts that create anxiety
its called many things
we have to be aware enough to catch the moments when were in the heat of carrying out one of these reactions, become aware of it, accept it as it is or reframe the scene.
we can accept the past or change it, its up to us
some don't know how to change the past so then you look at the
strength you have now and accept the thought through a im not going to let this control me anymore attitude
a reframe is looking at something differently from anothers perspective or differently from your own perspective
hope this helps
In my book to change my life would be moving to a new town, get a new job, leave my no good of a husband (just an example...). Maybe it is because I am not english speaking that I have misunderstood "change your life".
I never thought I could change who I am. As you explain it you mean
changing my habits and (old) reactions. I don't know how you can change the past because the past happened. All we can do is accept it and change bad habits from the past.
What confuses me further is actually Sarnos books. I thought he meant if we do not deal with the unconscious rage (from the past) we cannot
be healed. He actually suggests we make a list of what is making us mad (past and present) and at the same time says that the rage we feel is not the unconscious (which gives us pain) but how do we get to the unconscious? Just reading the above makes me confused.
I have since learned there are other (more down to earth ways) to change habits through practice, patience and mindfullness . Thanks for explaining. Hope I have not confused you.... |
| eric watson |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 07:37:54
you have to change your life Indiana but not who we are.
for instance I can learn an exercise regimen and get good at it
without running from who I really am.
changing negative reactions to actions is just a thought away
ok I always got mad everytime my sister said its your fault
now I know its just a habit, I can reframe or change the thought because I don't have to let conditioning rule my reactions anymore.
im basicly saying what Darko is saying
we don't want to live in our past but if we have bad habits from the past we still have to fix em when we become aware that were reacting with tension anger or uncontrolled bad thoughts that create anxiety
its called many things
we have to be aware enough to catch the moments when were in the heat of carrying out one of these reactions, become aware of it, accept it as it is or reframe the scene.
we can accept the past or change it, its up to us
some don't know how to change the past so then you look at the
strength you have now and accept the thought through a im not going to let this control me anymore attitude
a reframe is looking at something differently from anothers perspective or differently from your own perspective
hope this helps |
| indiana |
Posted - 06/24/2013 : 04:51:16
quote:
Originally posted by Darko
Hey DG,
completely changing our life so to avoid something is escapism....and that will end badly for you. You have to change YOU....more specifically you have to change the way YOU THINK about things. Change your perspective! I have written lots about an anger account
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6743&SearchTerms=anger,account
When a person doesn't have well defined emotional boundaries, external stimulus will cause internal upset. YOUR work is to not allow the outside world to push your buttons.
I have always said TMS is a personal development journey......and this is why.
understand that we live in a control world......we think we can control the outside, but we can't. We can influence but the only thing we control is us. Be very very very careful as to not suppress your anger. Feel it once you have it, but then change the way you think about things so you don't get it next time.
D
Replies from experienced members can sometimes be confusing for a newbie like me. I acknowledge of course that you can have different opinions on how to deal with TMS.
You write "completely changing our life so to avoid something is escapism and that will end badly for you. You have to change YOU..."
Eric Watson writes "you have to make life changes". The question is what he means by "life changes". If I guess he means becoming aware
and change your thinking but why doesn't he just write "you have to change the way you think."
Just confused
Marlis |
| Darko |
Posted - 06/23/2013 : 17:54:03
Hey DG,
completely changing our life so to avoid something is escapism....and that will end badly for you. You have to change YOU....more specifically you have to change the way YOU THINK about things. Change your perspective! I have written lots about an anger account
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=6743&SearchTerms=anger,account
When a person doesn't have well defined emotional boundaries, external stimulus will cause internal upset. YOUR work is to not allow the outside world to push your buttons.
I have always said TMS is a personal development journey......and this is why.
understand that we live in a control world......we think we can control the outside, but we can't. We can influence but the only thing we control is us. Be very very very careful as to not suppress your anger. Feel it once you have it, but then change the way you think about things so you don't get it next time.
D
|
| Ace1 |
Posted - 06/23/2013 : 14:31:26
Yes I am very happy that you have become this aware. The pain syndrome only made your irritation to things easier and it has made you impatient bc every little task you do is done with much effort and discomfort so anything extra you have to do irritates you more than it would most. Don't get me wrong, you were probably like that since you were a child and is a habit you learned from your parents. Yes Eric is right, awareness is the most important step followed by practice to stop straining to these things. It's all about practice. |
| eric watson |
Posted - 06/23/2013 : 10:42:30
you have to make life changes
you can do it in baby steps though
you don't have to finish in one night
theres lots of steps to take to heal tensive thinking
if you keep your awareness and keep accepting that you can control your reactions to bad situations then youll soon find with patience
that youll start to come around.
its defeating the conditioning with awareness and acceptance that you can do better and better you get..... |
