| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Northerner |
Posted - 06/12/2013 : 20:01:24
Six weeks or so ago, I changed cars after driving the same model car for 20 years, and when I got into it, my upper back felt uncomfortable and it was hard to breathe. Don’t worry – no heart attack – this has happened in years past now and then from what a physical therapist calls says is my ribs getting locked up. I can exercise freely, and exercise, which often makes the problem go away for a while. Sometimes I have some pain, but it is rarely excruciating.
A physical therapist looked at the car, said it was too short for me and would never fit me, so I gave the car (which my parents gave to me) to my wife and started driving her car. I was fine when driving her car, but we knew it was also on its last legs, so I bought a new car for me that has much higher clearance and sight lines. Both cars have a lumbar support which seems to bother me, forcing me into a position that is uncomfortable. I am also now uncomfortable in my office chair.
I can get the lumbar support removed, which would flatten the car seat to something similar to my old car, but am thinking that this is a recurrence of TMS.
I’ve been dealing for almost the last two years with something irresolvable. My teenage daughter died in an accident in 2011. To make things worse, a month later, our whole area got hit by a major flood (one neighbor said that I must feel like I was going through the Book of Job, and as we were looking at a cavity that used to be a road, another neighbor said, “I’m not sure how you’re even functioning.” The flood and my daughter are all connected in my mind in one long, agonizing event.
Over time, we’ve mostly recovered our property and town from the flood, but there is no recovery possible from the loss of my daughter. It is much worse than anyone who hasn’t been through it can imagine. Emotional states range from rage to trying to fix everything (called hypervigilance officially – an extreme perfectionism) to inability to concentrate to a feeling that somehow my life and my family’s life is now simply wrong. I could go on and on, but I’m still in a state of being overwhelmed by all of this. I’m mostly functional as far as work goes (I was enraged because I had to continue to work through all of this – there weren’t any breaks). Overall, the state is hard to describe, other than feeling deep loss, confusion, and countless other wild emotions.
A friend who went through this told me it was three years before he could really work again; another who was retired when he lost his son told me he simply sat there for the first year, staring at the walls.
I’m normally very physically active, but have cut back on my exercise, in part because I was trying to fix everything and in part because I was simply exhausted. I still exercise in some way almost every day, but not as vigorously or as long as I once did. I’ve spent a lot more time slumped in my office chair, staring at the computer, a habit I’m trying to get away from.
I’m going back to journaling, and writing to my daughter (something I’ve done periodically since she died). I’ve also started reading the TMS books and watching the videos again.
I’m just wondering if anyone else has been through some extreme type of emotional trauma, and had TMS come from it or had TMS return, and how you have dealt with it.
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| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Northerner |
Posted - 06/16/2013 : 18:41:52
Thanks, folks for your comments. (By the way, of course, I received counseling right away, but a counselor isn't enough).
Lesley, your post reminded me the most of how I've felt. Doing what I can to get through each day is all I can do - trudging. I'll continue, doing what I can to get better each day.
One member sent me a private email that makes a lot of sense:
"When the damn breaks hell, floods over us. There is light after darkness, but we have to want to see it."
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| pspa123 |
Posted - 06/13/2013 : 21:37:02
I wouldn't presume to compare my situation with yours, but 24 1/2 years ago my oldest son, a perfectly healthy and happy and normal 18 month old, sustained severe brain damage from a vaccine and has been severely autistic ever since -- no speech, no ability to self-regulate, too many other issues to describe. I don't know that one has any great choices in these types of situations. If one feels one's true feelings to their fullest extent, it is impossible to function. If one suppresses one's feelings in order to function, one pays the price because they just manifest themselves in other ways such as physical symptoms. I do think one mistake I made, in hindsight, was to withdraw from family and friends, unable to relate to them or anyone else "normal" because they could not understand what I was going through. Isolation just increases one's despair. It is also important, as you seem to grasp, to keep up with routine --work, exercise, other interests. It is unrealistic to expect things to be as they were -- in my opinion that would be an act of self-deception -- but on the other hand, it is logical and wise to maximize what you do have. As Tennyson wrote, "Though much is taken, much abides." Take care. |
| jegol71 |
Posted - 06/13/2013 : 20:59:30
I would also like to add nothing informationally new, but to give my heart and internet's shoulder to you, with arms wrapped.
I don't consider the following information like TT's:
I have a grief that does not resemble but a strand of yours, and while I choose not to express it out of respect for the involved parties, I would say that I have had to do my TMS healing immersed in something like acid (like many). It is possible to heal AND THRIVE if you understand that the equipoise maintained by your mind-body is one that simultaneously reconciles the past into your present, leaving a present restricted to worry and grief if that's what you have (and you do, plus anything else that has happened), making it profoundly hard to do or feel much else.
I wouldn't get caught up in any dialogs on here that say TMS must be micromanaged through past traumas or present thoughts, because then you compound yourself with more worry. That you know about TMS in grief is a blessing. Bless yourself in the other ways we have in life: friends (trading old for new if needed), any family that you can tolerate, fun if you can muster it, and any other social vectors that pack animals use to heal. Or none of this.
If you need anything, I'm at JEgol71@aol.com |
| lesley |
Posted - 06/13/2013 : 19:11:35
Hello Northerner, I cried as I read your message. I so connect with it all. My beloved granddaughter died 6 months ago in a train accident aged just on 18. I'm still in grief after my husbands illness fo 18 months and then his death, then my granddaughter. What we do? I just stumble through each day as it comes, not trying to do much beyond what absolutely has to be done. I cry a lot....the more crying, the less pain and other symptoms....the crying doesn't always come to bring the relief, it builds up. Meditation helps a little, relaxation stuff too, breathing exercises help....nothing takes away that feeling of the ripped, torn, broken heart, that overwhelming sense of loss. We learn to live with it 'cos there's no other way really. Grief counselling may help. It's better than it was. Claire Weekes helps very much with her easy simple directions. I use a tad of medication when in total despair, it helps me get through, to stay upright and breathing. Grief is an utter wild rollercoaster ride, extreme surfing, comes in waves of varying intensity
We also had the flood of epic proportions, no road access for 15 months...all is Ok now of course, just adds to the stress/tension levels.
I would put my arms around you and hold you if I could, cry with you....human physical contact helps me, comforts me.... a wee bit.
Love and hugs, Lesley. |
| 1koolkat |
Posted - 06/13/2013 : 10:13:44
Dear Northerner,
I am SO sorry for your loss, especially for that of your daughter. The personal possessions can be replaced. You have had major loss and trauma in a short span with no time to reflect; it's no wonder you are having symptoms again. Right now, I'm sending you a BIG hug and lots of Love (the great healer).
In no way should you stop grieving your losses until you are ready, in my opinion. But here's the deal: we are not allowed to reflect after tragedy (could you find a way to give yourself that much needed time?), nor are we allowed in this culture to have our feelings. And we DO have feelings. As Sarno says, they're mostly stuffed, hence, the symptoms of pain reflected in our bodies, and sometimes from the oddest things.
Obviously, you know about TMS, so I am not going to mention that at all (TT said it all anyhoo). I will tell you that even though I have not had the same trauma as you, I have been traumatized as a child. After years of depression, pain, and an underrealized life, I have come out of it. First, I found Dr. Sarno and believed and did what he said. Second, I found a book by Karla McLaren called, "The Language of Emotions: What your feelings are trying to tell you." I have been using that book for the past THREE WEEKS, doing the exercises she says to use on the hatred I feel for men, myself, the anger, rage, grief for the loss of this life that went underground from suppressed emotions, and shame. The results have been astounding! And I'm not anywhere near done with it all. No pain, no depression. Still dealing with some things, and I suspect I always will be dealing with something - who won't? Life happens.
My suggestion? Since you've got the piece on Sarno, get the other book immediately and dive in with what heart you have left and soon, I'd warrant, your whole heart will arrive to serve you and your dear ones and bring you back to Love. It's what we all want, isn't it?
I'm here if you need anything. I'm so glad you reached out to us.
Kat |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/13/2013 : 09:14:31
Norhterner, from what you say it's TMS. You can't hurt yourself due to a car seat. I have a Lotus Elise, it's the most difficult production car made to get in and out of--it's a Yoga class in it's self. I've never pulled a muscle getting in/out even with the top up. Never heard of ribs "locking up". Quite a "stretch" on the part of the PT. It's clear from thoughts/advice like that, why Dr. Sarno had to make a break from referring patients to PT's.
What happened to you sounds more like a mini-panic attack due to a "new" car after twenty years of having settled in to the old one--an assault on your homeostasis, (comfort zone). SARNO SAYS YOU CAN'T HURT YOURSELF SITTING!
You are sound depressed, (a TMS affective emotional equivalent), due to all the bad things that have happened to you--as well you should be. If you don't have someone to talk to about, it get some professional help for grief counseling.
I used to get nervous about driving over the Golden Gate Bridge after the 1989 Loma Prieta earth-quake. It took me a couple of years to stop thinking about it and being nervous every time I was on it and plunging hundreds of feet below. But, gradually it faded away and I no longer give it a thought (until just now but it doesn't make me nervous)--time heals all wounds--some take longer then others. You are on the right TMS track when you associate your pain with your emotional events.
SARNO SAYS YOU CAN'T HURT YOURSELF SITTING!
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DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8D7w0IUIPU
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
"The hot-dog is the noblest of dogs; it feeds the hand that bites it." Dr. Laurence Johnston Peter
"...the human emotional system was not designed to endure the mental rigors of a tennis match." Dr. Allen Fox
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"If it ends with "itis" or "algia" or "syndrome" and doctors can't figure out what causes it, then it might be TMS." Dave the Mod =================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Dr. Sarno is now retired, if you call this number you will be referred to his associate Dr. Rashbaum.
"...there are so many things little and big that are tms, I wouldn't have time to write about all of them": Told to icelikeaninja by Dr. Sarno
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
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