| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/04/2013 : 15:30:47
Because I succesfully battled 'dizziness' the last three months, not completely there yet but 80-90% cured, I find it time to share some information on this subject. I find it to be a typical example of a mindbody syndrome.
Another user of this forum informed me about an article by Sarah Edelman, PhD called "managing psycho-physiological dizziness". (kudos to Eliuri) This formed the base for my road to recovery. The article can be found on: sadly the only link I could find to this article is broken. If you have questions, send me a message via the TMSWiki forum, I will not respond to private messages on this board since it means I have to share my emailaddress
In order to reach other people with similar problems, I will summarize some information from the article below, especially the common symptoms, in order for the search engines to be able to pick up this thread and to give visitors a head start. If you want to learn more in detail I suggest you read the article. At the end I will shortly describe my own situation.
By the way, much of this is covered in the books by Claire Weekes. If you want some more guidance on how to work on this, I suggest you read her book 'essential help for your nerves'.
____
Psycho-physiological dizziness syndrome
PPDS refers to a cluster of symptoms that arises for some people in the period following either:
1. a vestibular event (such as vestibular migraine, labyrinthitis, inner ear trauma) OR
2. a period of stress (with or without panic attacks)
The syndrome is characterized by episodic dizziness or light-headedness (not spinning), in addition to other symptoms. These vary between individuals and may include:
- Periods of unsteadiness or a feeling of the ground being unstable. I personally describe this as a sensation of the floor moving below you or as walking on a waterbed.
- A feeling of rocking or swaying, or feeling like you are veering to the side when walking.
- A feeling of ‘fullness’, ‘cloudiness’, ‘fogginess’, or ‘heaviness’ of the head.
- Dizziness in response to particular movements, such as turning head from side to side, getting up from a chair, looking up, bending over, lying down etc..
- Tinnitus (ringing, buzzing or hissing sound on one or both ears)
- Visual disturbances (sensitivity to bright light or to motion stimuli; episodically out of focus)
- Numbness, tingling or ‘electrical’ sensations in hands, feet, face or scalp (often one-sided)
- Momentary dizziness or internal ‘shift’ sensations that last for a couple of seconds.
- Nausea
- Headaches
- Feeling hot or flushed
- Wobbly legs
- Tightness or clenching of the jaw.
- Heart palpitations or missed heart beats
- Body or situations may at times feel different or unreal
- Frequent fatigue
- ...
As you can see, these are all physical symptoms, the factors that maintain them are primarily psychological. People who visit their doctor with these symptoms are often sent home without a good diagnosis although the symptoms are very real.
PPDS is caused by a combination of perception (perception of threat), hyper vigilance (selective attention to perceived threat) and autonomic arousal (the body’s biological response to perceived threat).
Once dizziness is triggered, people enter a self-perpetuating anxiety cycle. The symptoms from autonomic arousal are perceived as a threat, which in turn maintains hyper vigilance, which in turn maintains autonomic arousal, and so causes the symptoms to keep occurring.
As the syndrome is maintained by a perception of threat, it is more likely to arise among people who score high on the ‘anxiety trait’, although some people are not aware of this aspect of their personality until they develop the syndrome.
Dizziness can be triggered by situations (social events, busy environments, certain locations like supermarkets or class rooms) or can come up spontaneous (recognition of a threat on an unconscious level).
Being tired, unwell or in pain usually increases symptoms, because in general it makes people feel more vulnerable.
The paradox in this syndrome is that trying to control the symptoms simply reinforces the perception that they are a threat and therefore the anxiety cycle is maintained. The key to recovery lies in doing the opposite – learning to perceive the symptoms as harmless and not worthy of any special attention. Once you stop trying to control the symptoms, they lose their power and gradually fizzle out.
The way to overcome the fear is to deliberately face it. Target the situations that are most likely to trigger symptoms. The goal is NOT to try to avoid the symptoms but to experience the symptoms without the emotional response that they usually evoke. Let the body experience the symptoms without resistance or fear. Better said: surf the symptoms. In time this will slow down the anxiety cycle and often the symptoms will completely disappear.
It is important therefore to stop avoiding any situations or activities because of dizziness, but the same goes for safety behaviors (lying down when symptoms appear, holding on to things to keep yourself stable, relying on others company when you go to certain places).
____
I myself suffered mainly from the feeling of the floor moving below me and wobbly legs. Looking back it was all triggered by stress causing an extremely painfull and stiff neck and upper back. This in turn caused a couple of episodes of spinning dizziness (triggerpoints in SCM and trapezius are reknowned for this effect). Later on I developed other mindbody symptoms and I got increasingly worried and stressed because of it.
Once I read this article about ppds, I slowly found myself improving and feel approx. 80-90% cured at the moment. It was difficult at first to face the fear of the symptoms and the situations/activities that made them flare up, but later on I even started to provoke my mind to give it its best shot. During a walk I learned that by using affirmations (kudos to Ace) I did no longer focus my thoughts on the symptoms, which kept them away. When they do come up, I don’t worry about them anymore, which usually is enough to make them disappear.
As with all kinds of TMS/MBS, acceptance of the psychological root of the problem is the most difficult. Therefore any similar experiences are most welcome as it may help people to overcome any doubts.
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 08/21/2016 : 08:46:19
Hi Katie, was wondering where you were and you popped right up. Sorry to hear about all your recent travails, but it sounds like with your TMS spirit, you've broken through. I tried PM'ing you from this site but it bounced back, also tried phoning but the number's been changed. PM me if you'd like and give me your new contacts. Are you still in NorCal?
Best Wishes,
tt |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 08/19/2016 : 17:19:47
I’m reviving this thread in the hope that there are some lurkers who can add some stories about their ”PPDS” that will encourage me to relax in my fear response. I’ve been having this dizziness, vertigo, walking on waterbed thing for... not quite sure how long. But it’s definitely been worse since some enormous stressors earlier this year that I’m still recovering from, namely:
1) near-fatal pneumonia in which I (duh!) was very close to not making it which didn’t turn around for weeks
2) the issues that came up around the fact that I’m single and needed absolute full-time care; e.g. I broke up with best girlfriend as a result of her bailing on me the day I got sick (as she had done a few years ago when I had the “C” diagnosis). Actually, in the end, I can say that many, many friends rallied around and helped me, but it emphasized the pain I feel around being single for quite a while (after much of my life as a cozy married person, with always at least one person there for me)
3) In the middle of being ill, and still unable to even get to the bathroom alone, I had to move house
4) when I got to the new place it was being remodeled (I couldn’t change any of this).
Months later I’m kind of better but have a lot of TMS-y symptoms that just feel like fear running through my body, or exhaustion, and the loss of a third of my hair which is the worst for a woman into my prettiness, but most alarming of the symptoms is the dizziness thing. I’ve been trying to treat it as TMS or specifically, now I know the name, as PPDS, but it’s hard. I have definite markers of low this and high that in my blood which I’m also trying to treat.
The pneumonia was about as “real” an illness as I’ve ever had. I spent weeks lying facedown, trying to relax and find my next breath. Feeling each feeling as it moved through. And so on. Of course it’s ALL psycho-physical at some level, but this particular manifestation was many generations removed from my usual roving symptom imperative non-dangerous but very difficult symptoms.
Anyway, anyone out there with a success story on this one?
Sending love to all my old TMS homies here.
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| cptusopp |
Posted - 01/20/2015 : 23:28:05
I see myself in the first thread..
I am so glad to see this thread , nobody seem to understand my condition and i am very sure it is TMS related cause of the following
- My symptoms are running (back/neck/shoulder pain /headache/dizzy/nerve tingling on body , faces,lips)
- Had MRI scan done on my back which turns out negative, Had shoulder checked as well with nothing found.
Doctor only gave me a reply as degeneration of my structure..i wasn't convinced
- Had MRI scan on brain from neurologist , and couldn't find the cause for my headache.
Doctor told me is due to stress.
Thank you for this thread. I am still on the road to recovery on and off after 4 years when i first had these symptom.
Best of Luck to everyone. I wish everyone recovery soon.  |
| icelikeaninja |
Posted - 07/03/2013 : 11:41:12
Whoa these things are so common. We are all hard wired the same on this board. It's reassuring to see these posts. |
| gigalos |
Posted - 07/03/2013 : 11:06:53
Happy to hear you benefit from it! Good luck |
| UmaLoo |
Posted - 06/30/2013 : 20:47:00
"The paradox in this syndrome is that trying to control the symptoms simply reinforces the perception that they are a threat and therefore the anxiety cycle is maintained. The key to recovery lies in doing the opposite – learning to perceive the symptoms as harmless and not worthy of any special attention. Once you stop trying to control the symptoms, they lose their power and gradually fizzle out.
The way to overcome the fear is to deliberately face it. Target the situations that are most likely to trigger symptoms. The goal is NOT to try to avoid the symptoms but to experience the symptoms without the emotional response that they usually evoke. Let the body experience the symptoms without resistance or fear. Better said: surf the symptoms. In time this will slow down the anxiety cycle and often the symptoms will completely disappear.
It is important therefore to stop avoiding any situations or activities because of dizziness, but the same goes for safety behaviors (lying down when symptoms appear, holding on to things to keep yourself stable, relying on others company when you go to certain places)."
Gigalos, I cannot thank you enough for this bit of information. It has given me great courage to continue to release and relax. It echoes what I feel completely, and is so timely. My days have improved greatly thanks to your post, so THANK YOU from the bottom of my whole being! I wrote it out on a flash card, and laminated it at work to carry with me as a reminder when I get wobbly, and start to react emotionally~
Rock On! Pun intended :) |
| gigalos |
Posted - 05/06/2013 : 15:48:34
Hi forfeet, thanks for your contribution,
Why did you have the colonoscopy? Did they find anything or could this also be attributed to just another mindbody symptom? |
| Forfeet |
Posted - 05/06/2013 : 13:26:40
quote:
Originally posted by gigalos
In order to reach other people with similar problems, I will summarize some information from the article below, especially the common symptoms, in order for the search engines to be able to pick up this thread and to give visitors a head start. If you want to learn more in detail I suggest you read the article. At the end I will shortly describe my own situation.
____
2. a period of stress (with or without panic attacks)
A feeling of ‘fullness’, ‘cloudiness’, ‘fogginess’, or ‘heaviness’ of the head.
Dizziness in response to particular movements, such as turning head from side to side, getting up from a chair, looking up, bending over, lying down etc..
Tinnitus (ringing, buzzing or hissing sound on one or both ears)
Momentary dizziness or internal ‘shift’ sensations that last for a couple of seconds.
Nausea
Headaches
Heart palpitations or missed heart beats
Frequent fatigue
[/list]
As you can see, these are all physical symptoms, the factors that maintain them are primarily psychological. People who visit their doctor with these symptoms are often sent home without a good diagnosis although the symptoms are very real.
Dizziness can be triggered by situations (social events, busy environments, certain locations like supermarkets or class rooms) or can come up spontaneous (recognition of a threat on an unconscious level).
Being tired, unwell or in pain usually increases symptoms, because in general it makes people feel more vulnerable.
Gigalos,
Thank you for writing this post. In my edit of your original post above, I included all the symptoms that have occurred in my particular case.
Beginning in 2009, I began having a variety of symptoms that seem to fit with those described in your post. To be more succinct, my symptoms combine a buzzing, vibrating, and sometimes clicking in the left ear and the left side of my head, primarily in the base of the skull but sometimes felt in the left side of the forehead also. A shaking of my vision and sometimes momentary difficulty focusing on what is in my line of sight occurs also.
These symptoms will come for several weeks and then disappear for several months before returning. Over the last 2+ months they have been persistent and seem to have lasted longer than usual. It may be due to the fact that I am undergoing a chronic period of stress and anxiety due to several factors including fear of aging and wondering what direction to take in my vocational life.
When they first occurred in 2009 I was not yet aware of TMS. I was in grad school and in a very stressful semester-a period where I had several physical TMS like symptoms and difficulty sleeping to the point where I even took a prescribed sleeping medication for a few days.
Not coincidentally I'm sure, the symptoms began about the time one of my roommates was talking about how she would go crazy if she had to deal with tinnitus all the time. Not long after I noticed a cricket like sound in the left ear after turning my head to the left. Later in the day the symptoms got worse and would occur on and off several times throughout the day and many days after. I first feared I was suffering a series of mini strokes.
Over time, I had hearing tests, a negative MRI, and several doctors visits with no real results. Hearing tests revealed some minimal hearing loss, but I think that has occurred over a lifetime of going to rock concerts and listening to loud music and not from this syndrome.
Since 2010, I've treated it as TMS and have often remained symptom free for long periods. I do believe some structural phenomena exacerbate the symptoms however, including sinus and allergies in particular, although I do not believe they are the cause. One period of symptom relief occurred the day after a routine cholonoscopy when I had flushed my system out in preparation. The symptoms had occurred for several months prior and well before I was informed I was going to have the cholonoscopy, so I don't think unconscious fear of the exam was the cuprit, but I'm open to any interpretation. Conscious anxiety also definitely exacerbates the symptoms. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 04/22/2013 : 17:57:42
Thanks |
| apace41 |
Posted - 04/22/2013 : 17:14:01
quote:
Originally posted by tennis tom
quote:
Originally posted by gigalos
When I told him about PPDS his jaw almost fell to the ground....
What is PPDS?
Psycho-physiological dizziness syndrome. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 04/22/2013 : 17:08:43
quote:
Originally posted by gigalos
When I told him about PPDS his jaw almost fell to the ground....
What is PPDS? |
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/22/2013 : 16:37:09
Just to add a story of somebody who I know from my table tennis club. Because I told him about my problems, he confessed he suffered from a similar thing two years ago. He didn't dare to share it with anyone because of the usual taboo on talking about mind problems.
His dizziness started after he passed out in the bathroom and banged his head on the floor. Since then he suffered numerous episodes of dizziness, it took him many many months of fear and worries to recover, mainly by trying to keep doing the things he wanted to do and by discovering patterns in his symptoms that somehow started to reassure him.
When I told him about PPDS his jaw almost fell to the ground.... |
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/18/2013 : 16:23:44
I am impressed about your analysis and self-knowledge, but it makes it more difficult for me to understand why you have so much difficulty with accepting the "evidence" and just go with it. I also have the occasional doubt, it isn't a big deal. The more you learn about your own mindbody connection, the easier it gets to wave any doubts goodbye.
Just adding some personal stuff that kind of mirrors yours. "Perfectionism taking the joy out of something that was fun." Well put!
I was actually experiencing strain from playing table tennis. I wanted to improve, I did in the beginning as is normal, but after a while the slope got steeper to improve and I was frustrated sometimes. It wasn't so much doing it for the fun any more, but more about doing it right and winning games. I decided two months ago that I want to enjoy it again, playing for the fun and enjoy the social event, not for winning or needing to become better at the game. I now train on my technique occasionally and deliberately join games with enjoyable people. I even thought about quitting the competition and just play for fun, but something withholds me as I rather develop myself to be able to get less strained from playing a game.
Two weeks ago I actually experienced a completely (TM)symptom free day. I somehow didn't know how to handle myself with this new feeling (fear for not experiencing any discomfort?) and the next day the symptoms started to slowly reappear...
thanx for this insight :) |
| apace41 |
Posted - 04/18/2013 : 15:48:58
quote:
You managed to describe your traits and how they fit the picture, which is a great start. I recognize them in myself. I only miss how you score on the anxiety trait.. especially your fear for the "dis-equilibrium".
I have a pretty high anxiety level, especially "health anxiety" (sounds so much better than hypochondria, no?  ). My family history sucks, especially around cardiovascular stuff and I've had some panic attacks that have most likely stemmed from that. So, I have a decent fear of the disequilibrium -- it's come down from where it was at one point, but it makes itself known a fair amount.
quote:
I feel that treating it as TMS can make your better on two fronts:
- you get rid of pain or other discomforts.
- you will become less strained and will become less sensitive for things that used to give you strain and therefore it will make life easier.
What have you got to loose from it? I don't know, do you? And if you know some, does it weigh up to the possible wins?
I kind of had the same view for the most part, i.e., since a lot of the "work" is a journey of self-exploration, it's hard to see how you go wrong doing it. The only concern is that if I don't go 100% into it, the concomitant failure would be difficult and hard on a perfectionist personality. 
quote:
I really advise you to read the keys that Ace1 posted here, they are a great tool. There are also books listed that you can read to learn more about TMS.
Yes, first thing I found when I came to the site before I was approved. I've printed them out and review them periodically. I have Healing Back Pain and The Divided Mind and just picked up What to Say When you Talk to Yourself. I'm a believer in mind/body so that part of it is easy. Connecting the dots and tying this situation to that principle and "buying in" is the harder part.
quote:
I have one last question: can you think of anything that (unconsciously) could have strained you when the dizziness hit? Did you start to work more? Did something change or happen? Think of anything, it might expose another key in the process of getting better.
Yes. I was working out with a personal trainer and was finding myself in new territory of "wellness." I had lowered body fat near 10% and it morphed from "let's get back into shape after the back problem" into a competition to regain my youth, I suppose. No room for not getting a workout in, push yourself, etc. Perfectionism taking the joy out of something that was fun.
Characteristic of self -- doing well on something brings a sense of "relief" not a sense of "joy."
Thanks for all your interest, Gigalos.
Andy |
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/18/2013 : 15:10:59
Your question is the most asked one on this forum. Is it TMS for sure or not? The only person able to convince you are you.
You managed to describe your traits and how they fit the picture, which is a great start. I recognize them in myself. I only miss how you score on the anxiety trait.. especially your fear for the "dis-equilibrium".
I feel that treating it as TMS can make your better on two fronts:
- you get rid of pain or other discomforts.
- you will become less strained and will become less sensitive for things that used to give you strain and therefore it will make life easier.
What have you got to loose from it? I don't know, do you? And if you know some, does it weigh up to the possible wins?
You could start journaling. Writing down when the intensity of any discomfort changed or shifted, then analyzing what situations, thoughts, emotions, locations etc. could have been responsible for it.
I really advise you to read the keys that Ace1 posted here, they are a great tool. There are also books listed that you can read to learn more about TMS.
I have one last question: can you think of anything that (unconsciously) could have strained you when the dizziness hit? Did you start to work more? Did something change or happen? Think of anything, it might expose another key in the process of getting better.
good luck to you
|
| apace41 |
Posted - 04/17/2013 : 21:17:36
New to the board, and came here as a result of a google search that called up gigalos' original post. I have suffered from virtually all of the symptoms listed in that initial post. I call it "disequilibrium" because "dizziness" doesn't really hit the mark. The walking on a waterbed analogy resonates. In my case, it is not all that intermittent, rather it seems pretty continuous.
I had multiple vestibular and ear tests, including MRI, EEG, VNG, hearing tests, etc. and all were negative. I have gone for vestibular therapy and was told my balance was "too good" for rehab. So, the two things that I have considered as the cause are either vestibular migraine (migraine causing vertigo without headache) or chronic subjective dizziness -- essentially Psycho-physiological dizziness syndrome which would land me squarely in the category of TMS.
I had heard of Sarno when I dealt with a back problem during most of 2011. Typical story of back pain, herniation on MRI, suggestion of surgery, etc. I did not "think psychological" to heal the back but it healed through yoga, inversion table and, most likely, time. Interestingly, after the back felt better, I wound up doing 3 months of a serious exercise program during which I got into the best shape of my adult life. The dizziness hit at that point. Could be a new symptom replacing the back problem -- I don't know.
I fit the personality class for TMS in that I have perfectionist tendencies, want to please and avoid confrontation, am tense and stressed much of the time. I have trigger points in my neck and shoulders and it is sore, tight and painful much of the time.
Looking for input from others as to how they got to the point of going "all in" on TMS as the cause.
Sorry so long.
Thanks for thoughts,
Andy
|
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/09/2013 : 16:43:05
Hi Kristen,
Kudos to eliuri too.. he found the article..
If you want the full text, send me a message.
You added your story which in turn may help others become convinced it is all coming from stress and therefore it is TMS/MBS. Thanks for that.
I still get that rocky swaying feeling once and a while when I just positioned myself in bed to go to sleep. I find it helps to first laugh, then compliment my unconscious about how clever he is and then make subtle movements that provoke the feeling. It usually dies down within a couple of minutes. Indeed when I am stressed, the chances are higher that this feeling visits me.
I hope you get the right answer, take care |
| KristenG |
Posted - 04/09/2013 : 15:51:53
quote:
Originally posted by gigalos
- A feeling of rocking or swaying, or feeling like you are veering to the side when walking.
- Tinnitus (ringing, buzzing or hissing sound on one or both ears)
- Visual disturbances (sensitivity to bright light or to motion stimuli; episodically out of focus)
- Momentary dizziness or internal ‘shift’ sensations that last for a couple of seconds.
- Nausea
- Feeling hot or flushed
- Tightness or clenching of the jaw.
- Heart palpitations or missed heart beats
- Body or situations may at times feel different or unreal
- Frequent fatigue
- ...
What a timely post ...for me anyway. I have been feeling all of the above symptoms in recent months. I had finally kind of gotten rid of most of these but in came neck and upper back pain. The symptom imperative at work!
Now the neck pain/tension seems to be making me dizzy at night when I lie down. I have had bouts of vertigo before. I was told it was BPPV. I told the doc that I noticed a pattern in the vertigo in that it came after I had been through a stressful time. He just dismissed that. I am convinced that the current dizziness/vertigo is from the tension in my neck which I KNOW is TMS. The wise SteveO told me before to work on the underlying anxiety not the actual pain, so that is what I am trying to do. I am supposed to get an answer this week to something that is very important to me....something I have years invested in. I feel like I am at max stress level over it. Yesterday I reminded myself that stressing over it does nothing other make me feel bad so let it go. Life will go on regardless of the turnout.
In the meantime, I had to sleep in the recliner last night because I couldn't stand to lie down flat. I feel confident that that will end soon. I've been listening to a hypnosis recording for self esteem every night. I am not sure if it is sinking in but the guy's voice sure does make me relax!
Anyway, I am not sure that I added anything to this conversation, but wanted to say thank you to gigalos for posting. I needed to read this.
Be well,
Kristen
Worry is the misuse of imagination. |
| abundance72 |
Posted - 04/06/2013 : 14:55:20
Thank you so much gigalos, that's a wonderful explanation. I will certainly make a copy of this and ponder on all this in the next few days. I really appreciate you taking the time out to write to me. This is a great forum and I appreciate everyone's input.
Keep smiling 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health
Loving myself heals my life. I nourish my mind, body and soul
My body heals quickly and easily
|
| gigalos |
Posted - 04/06/2013 : 08:33:42
Massaging and stretching are of no use is my opinion. I believe in only treating the trigger points directly by putting mild, static pressure on it to let them die out. When I went to the physical therapist, he used to set fire to my neck and back by massaging it. I mainly suffered from it the days after. Stretching a muscle that has a trigger point in it is totally useless. If you want to do it, you first need to get rid of the 'knot' in the muscle with the above described technique.
Since I learned about TMS, I rarely use TrP treatment, only if I get a head ache (scaleni) or front tooth ache (temporalis).
My first action was to make a large table. In the left side columns I wrote down the labels anxiety, anger, hostility, guilt, dependency, perfectionism, low self-esteem and goodism. To the right I made one column for thoughts/activities/actions that might give me emotions. Next to that one I also made a column to write down if and what I could change about those habits of doing and thinking. I began digging in my past and present and slowly started to fill the table with all kinds of things and crossed the boxes on the left about what traits were part of it. I gave me much insight.
I then made a short list of what I thought were the most important issues and went through it with my psychologist. One thing turned out to give me lots of problems and since I never addressed it before talking about it kind of liberated me. Since then I thought it over a couple of times and just accepted that 'thing' about myself. I had less pain in my neck and upper back. I do have pain in my neck once and a while. When I do, I start to think about what could have set it off. I also do it when I don't have pains, to see what is different about that day. Slowly some pieces of the puzzle start to fall in the right place. I am not healed yet, but I feel I am half way there.
An example: I have much trouble standing my ground when I talk with my boss. I used to say yes or no, just to be done with it and used to be tensed for days or weeks. I changed this habit, although I fell into the trap this week and voila... nagging feeling in my neck :)
I think it can be important to dig in your past. Certain events determine your behavior today. It is about finding a way to handle this in the present. 'forgive and let go' is an important affirmation when you do. An example: I used to be really mad at my father for certain things he had done and it gave me stress whenever I was around him. I decided to forgive him and let go. He's only human. It makes me less tense when I see him.
I think an important thing is to accept that you are not what you want to be. Nobody is perfect. Accepting that might be difficult to achieve, but you have to forgive yourself for that too.. Also you can slowly adjust this image of what you feel you need to be to a more realistic one.
Saying yes when you really don't want to is inevitable. Use the affirmations of Ace or make up your own. (I forgive and let go easily, I feel calm, relaxed, patient and confident. etc. etc.). I think it is also wise to once and a while let yourself go, but don't make a daily habit of it. You have to find some sort of balance. Be a bitch sometimes, be an egoist sometimes, just don't make a habit of it and apologize later if necessary. Stating your real feelings to someone can also have positive consequences... it sets borders on how far people can push you, they might realize that you are only human and don't have to agree with everything they like, it also might break relations that should have been broken up a long time ago.
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