| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| RikR |
Posted - 03/22/2013 : 11:23:32
I have been aware of this and it is written in many psychology books....guilt and shame from childhood that is kept alive with current thoughts and behaviors. Dr. Schubiner says guilt is a more powerful force than anger in TMS.
Talking with a young lady I know yesterday brought this to mind. She is from a poor family and she lies about it to her friends. She also steals from stores on occasion and she has IBS.
It is a curious human thing that we develop coping strategies and behaviors in childhood and while they once were beneficial they can be destructive when carried into adulthood.
It is also interesting that many of them are cloaked in denial and repression so we never see them for what they are. And here is the real smoking gun: they cause cognitive dissonance that tenses the body!
What are you thoughts about guilt and especially behaviors that cause unrecognized guilt? |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| RikR |
Posted - 03/22/2013 : 12:22:59
And most critical for some - stop the behaviors that create guilt |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 03/22/2013 : 12:06:42
Guilt has played a large part in my problems. I left home when I was 21 which was extremely inconvenient for the rest of the family. I won't describe the gory details. In fact, I think my sister blamed me for my Mother's death. My sister had everything to live for and yet was a complete toxic mess and died of alcoholism recently. My husband totally agrees with me on this and thinks my brother, the only one still alive, is the only good one in the bunch. My husband and I did not attend my sister's funeral and made no excuses to the family.
It took awhile to get over the quilt. But I finally did. All this trouble was THEIR DEAL, not mine. I did everything to get along with them while still exercising my right to live my own life. Every Therapist has thought that my family was psychologically toxic. I have also sincerely forgiven all of them.
I think there are 2 things one needs to do to get over guilt and shame. First of all you need to get over it. If you were to blame, then just admit it, make amends where possible. God does not expect us to suffer for ever from our mistakes although some other human beings do. Forgive yourself. If it was not your fault, just agree to disagree with the other party and leave it at that. We should pray that others can forgive and find peace. The other is forgiveness of yourself and others, and realize that we ALL make the same mistakes. |
| alix |
Posted - 03/22/2013 : 12:03:03
I completely agree. My TMS symptoms started a few months after my elderly mother was diagnosed with cancer. She was widowed in Europe, living by herself. I had left Europe 10 years prior to that and started my family abroad.
It is only when I started digging in the past that I realized the terrible guilt I felt over having left.
It was plain unconscious as on the surface, I felt that I had done things right to provide her with the help and support needed.
Of interest, my symptoms would often vanish when I would fly home to help her.
There are some expats on the forum (chickenbone, balto). I sometimes wonder of the effect of separation, regrets, guilt due to leaving.
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