| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 06:48:35
hi,
i am incapacitated with tms ... it so bad that i have a 24 hour home health aid. it has been very difficult to have a stranger from another country and culture living in my home and taking care of me.
my family is very small and has not taken care of me at all.
the aids have a lot of passive aggressive behavior. some of their treatment of me is abusive.
i have two aids ... one for the weekend and one for the week days.
this morning the aids changed and the aid that came in is acting all angry and cold towards me. she is angry because i cant take the smells of chemicals and she takes it personally.
my reaction to this is that my symptoms escalated and my anxiety and depression skyrocketed.
i feel hopeless to get healed in such a difficult situation.
how do i get into peace and get healed with these people in my home?
i seem to be affected by other people's anger and moods.
thank you
Barbara
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| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 08:31:00
Barbara, in addition to what others have said, I would also offer you something I learned from my tai chi practice ... what is called the "80%" rule ... The "rule" states it is important to do ONLY 80% of what you think you CAN do IF you are well. If you are NOT well, then only do 40% at the start, until you are feeling better.
I would also offer that there should be a "5 or 10% rule" or a "baby steps rule" for people with CFS ... yes a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but often to prevent setbacks it is good for that step to be a very gentle one! I even think in terms of 1% progress... ideas I've learned from Kaizen, TinyHabits, etc... RSR |
| balto |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 08:10:54
Yep! Tennis Tom is right.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 07:58:43
Barbara, you have landed at the TMS Forum by hook or crook. Something in your mindbody is telling you, your PROBLEM is TMS. Listen to your intuition, it's usually right. No one on this side of the screen can dx you, but the odds are high in your favor that it is TMS. Start trying to do things for yourself and you won't need to be dependent on strangers for help.
Start slowly with the simplest of tasks. Within two weeks the mindbody can adjust to almost anything--including being well again. JUST DO IT! As Walt Stack said, "Start slowly and taper off".
G'luck! |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 07:26:35
Barbara, you are in a really tough spot and I wish I could say something helpful to you. I don't have any experience in your situation but a friend of mine has told me about hers, and if there is something helpful in her story, please take it ... otherwise, just discard it if it doesn't speak to you.
Anyway, this friend of mine has home health aids for about 4 hours a day and there is quite a few of them over a week's time all with different personalities, ways of doing things, etc. Also, I do believe she has encountered similar language and culture issues. She told me, however, that right from the beginning she had made up her mind to develop a *personal* relationship with each one and to find even small ways to connect with them as persons, because she realized how important each of these people would be to her wellbeing. Now, I don't believe any of them were outright abusive or acted passively aggressively towards her ... Just that if at all possible to get started 'on the right foot' with some warmth or a laugh about something or some way to lighten things or feel something positive ...
Hope things go better today. My heart goes out to you. RSR |
| plum |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 05:04:14
A good heart and kindness are a language of their own. Many carers possess these qualities and it is worth seeking such a one out, and cultivating these aspects in return. All relationships are reciprocal and vibrational. Someone out there will be both friend and aide.
Perhaps it is best not to explain your health woes as tms, to let them enter into caring for you without the additional burden of a new concept to learn, in a second language at that.
Hope things work out for you Barbara. Meantime and anyway it will be of great benefit to you to continue quietly with your tms healing path. |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/19/2013 : 01:26:43
Njoy
I think u misunderstood my point ... The problems are cultural and language.
Also it is hard for people to understand tms.
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| njoy |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 23:28:54
Your thing about "these people" who are from "other countries" may be part of your problem finding a suitable aid. I suppose you will just have to try harder to find a real American worker.
You might want to remember, though, that this is an international forum.
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 18:27:26
Hi
Most home health aides are from other countries. They see this as a job.
This one yelled at me and just does not understand tms.
The agency is changing her out tomorrow.
Hopefully things will be better.
Barbara |
| sue1012 |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 17:51:02
Hi Barbara,
I just want to say that I am very glad you are getting a new aide. Do not settle for anyone who doesn't treat you respectfully and with some kindness (if at all possible). I have been bedridden and know the terrible, vulnerable feeling. That is just not acceptable having them treat you coldly. You don't need another strain to work on caused by folks working for you....I'm sure you have enough on your plate without them.
Sue |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 16:32:48
Hi I read all that u write but can't reply to all.
Thank u all for ur help.
I am getting a new aide tommorrow.
I have so much to learn.
Help!
Barbara |
| Sam908 |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 13:40:50
RikR says:
"not everything is strictly psychological"
My retort is: True, not everything, but much (most?) IS strictly psychological/psychogenic. |
| Sylvia |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 11:10:31
I have been bed ridden for months on end, so I have a taste, but not unrelenting bedridden. I always got better, and took care of myself. I don’t know if this will be of any use to you or not. I offer it.
Call To Love Meditations by Anthony De Mello
Meditation 31 Divinity is all around you
Therefore you also must be ready; for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect. (Mt. 24:44)
Sooner or later there arises in every human heart the desire for holiness, spirituality, God, call it what you will.
One hears mystics speak of a divinity all around them that is within our grasp, that would make our lives meaningful and beautiful and rich, if we could only discover it.
People have some sort of a vague idea as to what this thing is. They read books and consult Gurus, in the attempt to find out what it is that they must do to gain this elusive thing called Holiness or Spirituality.
People pick up all sorts of methods, techniques, spiritual exercises, formulas; then after years of fruitless striving, they become discouraged and confused and wonder what went wrong. Mostly they blame themselves.
If they had practiced their techniques more regularly, if they had been more fervent or more generous, they might have made it. But made what? They have no clear idea as to what exactly this holiness that they seek is, but they certainly know that their lives are still in a mess, they still become anxious and insecure and fearful, resentful and unforgiving, grasping and ambitious and manipulative of people. So once again they throw themselves with renewed vigor into effort and labor that they think they need to attain their goal.
They have never stopped to consider this simple fact. Their efforts are going to get them nowhere.
Their efforts will only make things worse, as things become worse when you use fire to put out fire.
Efforts does not lead to growth; effort, whatever the form it may take, whether it be will power or habit or a technique or a spiritual exercise, does not lead to change.
At best it leads to repression and a covering over of the root disease.
Effort may change the behavior but it does not change the person.
Just think what kind of a mentality it betrays when you ask, "What must I do to get holiness?" Isn't it like asking, "How much money must I spend to buy something?" What sacrifice must I make?" What discipline must I undertake? What medication must I practice in order to get it? Think of a man who wants to win the love of a woman and attempts to improve his appearance or build his body or change his behavior and practice techniques to charm her.
You truly win the love of others not by the practice of techniques but by being a certain kind of person. And that is never achieved through effort an techniques. And so it is with Spirituality and Holiness. Not what you do is what brings it to you.
This is not a commodity that one can buy or a prize that one can win. What matters is what you are, what you become.
Holiness is not an achievement, it is a Grace. A Grace called Awareness, a grace called Looking, observing, understanding.
A. If you would only switch on the light of awareness an observe yourself and everything around you throughout the day.
B. If you would see yourself reflected in the mirror of awareness the way you see your face reflected in a looking glass, that is, accurately, clearly, exactly as it is without the slightest distortion or addition.
C. If you observed this reflection without any judgement or condemnation, you would experience all sorts of marvelous changes coming about in you. Only you will not be in control of those changes or be able to plan them in advance, or decide how and when they are to take place.
It is this non-judgmental awareness alone that heals and changes and makes one grow. But in its own way and all its own time.
What specifically are you to be aware of?
1. Your reactions and your relationships. Each time you are in the presence of a person, any person, or with nature or with any particular situation, you have all sorts of reactions, positive and negative.
2. Study those reactions, observe what exactly they are and where they come from, without any sermonizing or guilt or even any desire, much less effort to change them. That is all that on needs for holiness to arise.
But isn't awareness itself an effort?
Not if you have tasted it even once. For then you will understand that awareness is a delight, the delight of a little child moving out in wonder to discover the world. For even when awareness uncovers unpleasant things in you, it always brings liberation and joy. Then you will know that the unaware life is not worth living, it is too full of darkness and pain.
If at first there is a sluggishness in practicing awareness, don't force yourself. That would be an effort again. Just be aware of your sluggishness without any judgement or condemnation. You will then understand that awareness involves as much effort as a lover makes to go to his beloved, or a hungry man makes to eat his food, or a mountaineer to get to the top of his beloved mountain; so much energy expended, so much hardship even, but it isn't effort, it's fun! In other words, awareness is an effortless activity.
Will awareness bring you the holiness you so desire? Yes and no. The fact is you will never know. For true holiness, the type that is not achieved through techniques and efforts and repression, true holiness is completely unself-conscious. You wouldn't have the slightest awareness of its existence in you. Besides you will not care, for even the ambition to be holy will have dropped as you live from moment to moment a life made full and happy and transparent through awareness. It is enough for you to be watchful and awake. For in this state your eyes will see the Savior. Nothing else, but absolutely nothing else. Not security, not love, not belonging, not beauty, not power, not holiness - nothing else will matter any more.
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| Ace1 |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:41:42
Good one Tom, makes a lot of sense! |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:39:49
Right plum, if she can change, then my advice would be different. I assume that this is very hard, otherwise she would not be presenting this situation to us. And I do think she would benefit from the deconditioning as long as they are not harming her. THis is why I rec. deconditioning. To feel safe, add "I am safe" to your affirmations, this is directed mind power. Im sorry Rik, people overly sensitive to chemicals are suffering from TMS, plain and simple dispite whatever the physiology. Why do you act like you know what TMS is or not? I can't prove your wrong, but the same applies to you. Open your mind and take in what is said, ask yourself if it makes sense if it doesnt dont use it. I really dont care about the physiology as it doesnt change anything. I know that sensitvity can be overcome by TMS treatment. Obviously someone who is having severe reactions like anaphlaxsis that is a different story, I cannot comment on severe things because I dont know how to advise them except to get medical attension but I am not going to spell out things like that with every comment I make. Sensitivity usually means intolerance, or being bothered by something in my mind. I have overcome sensitivites myself doing TMS work, so has Balto. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:34:44
quote:
Originally posted by RikR
Chemical sensitivity may not be irritation with the people using them. This is one issue I have with some TMS groups – not everything is strictly psychological.
But Dr. Sarno, through his clinical findings says about 80% that ails man IS psychosomatic versus structural. Which would you rather have wrong with you, something that puts you into the tentacles of the medical/industrial complex to fix for you at great expense or something YOU can fix by changing your MIND? |
| RikR |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:28:49
Knowledge reduces anxiety – accurate knowledge even more and it provides pathways to understanding.
And Barbara allowing treatment that is less than kind is not OK. You are the employer !! |
| plum |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:17:14
Barbara love, given that you feel the situation is abusive at times I really don't think de-sensitising is necessarily the wise thing to do. Normally I would agree with Ace1 but in such circumstances your instincts are protecting you. For your own sense of calm, certainly practice the soothing techniques, but is there any possibility of permanently changing your carers? |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:03:21
Shawn its a deal!
Barbara |
| Barbara Carroll |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 10:01:35
Ace I agree with you but please understand how frightened I am by these people and I am incapacitated and so vulnerable. I am trying to forgive every minute.
It is hard.
How do I feel safe?
Thank u all for your help.
Barbara |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 03/18/2013 : 09:58:36
RikR,
How is such information going to help anyone here? I don't understand what you are trying to achieve, but I am trying to encourage someone who is currently suffering and not get overly technical about the physiology of what is taking place. Offer her some words of encouragement even if you don't feel all that well yourself. You will feel better about yourself and situation if you do.
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“Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that
other people have of you is inauthentic living – another unconscious role the ego plays.” -- Ekhart Tolle |
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