| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lesley |
Posted - 03/02/2013 : 15:31:08
I am one of the many lurkers here. I'm following/practising Ace's Keys and I have questions about what to do when doing the "sitting" he recommended in an earlier post. i.e. to go somewhere quiet and warm, away from busy-ness and to just sit for 3 hours, if possible and to observe the surroundings and my inner reactions. Or, if not warm, maybe go to an art gallery, sit in front of a painting and do the same. I need some further 'what to do' instructions on the details of the observing/noticing.
I've tried this exercise a little, and yes, it's VERY difficult to do!! I've not yet managed even one whole hour.
I live in deep rural isolaltion by a very pretty small stony-bottomed rushing river, lots of green quietness, with many and varied birds, a few animal noises, only far-distant animal noises, no people, no traffic. Do I just watch the birds, the leaves moving on the trees, the bees, the clouds moving overhead? do I listen, note, whatever sounds I can hear? thoughts come as I sit, what do I do about those?
As I'm watching etc the physical natural surroundings, I'm also to pay attention to my inner reactions - does this mean I observe my breathing, my heart rate, pains or other symptoms in my body, the discomforts of the sitting? and my reactions to them? what emotions (or not) that may rise up in me? or all of the above?
Oh, such TMSing "having-to-know" perfectionistic angst!! |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 18:30:14
Lesley, it sound like we have a lot in common. My first husband and I did not have any children. His doctors did not want us to get pregnant while he was on Chemo, which was a lot of the time. We had been married only 3 years when he died. I consider myself so fortunate to have known and been close to such a wonderful human being. I didn't date again for 2 years and was remarried after 6 years. By that time, I was pushing 40 and my new husband (8 years older) and I felt that starting a new family was not the thing we wanted to do. He had 2 children of his own from a previous marriage. So I only had stepchildren, no biological children.
Thank-you for your colorful and creative description of how you deal with sleep problems. I guess you know what it is like to have them all your life. I like the idea of creating stories. Sometimes I inject myself into my favorite western movies and TV shows. I have always loved horses and the country. Thanks to the wonderful people on this forum, I am becoming much more circumspect about this issue and better able to put things into perspective. After starting with Aces's Keys to work on my TMS problem, my pain left rather quickly, almost too quickly. It was really kind of creepy. I kept thinking this can't be so easy. So then the TMS strategy attacked my sleep, where I was most vulnerable to anxiety. I couldn't see this at first. I can't tell you how much better I am doing. I only take a small dose med about once every 3 or 4 night now. That is real progress. |
| gailnyc |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 17:05:37
quote:
Originally posted by chickenbone
It is the resistance to a condition that I cannot consciously control that causes me problems.
Ain't it the truth! I think this is my biggest problem. I have very serious control issues. The more I learn to let go of control, the better I feel. But it is so, so hard. |
| lesley |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 16:38:22
Hello Chickenbone,
It's so good to have your support, your kind words of understanding...you surely know grief well, as I now do. I presume you rebuilt a life after the death of your first man when you were much younger. Did you have a long time on your own? children? I become eligible for NZ's Age Benefit later this year, which is just wonderful, will relieve my financial angst a lot. My 3 children a long gone to their own lives, partners, and grandchildren for me. In no way am I looking for another partner, although I am lonely, alone feeling, often enough.
I have struggled too with sleeping problems for most of my life, even as a child. My mother tells me I didn't sleep well as a baby!! I think I've got used to it, don't stress about it, I just lie in bed, sometimes I make what I call 'golden dreams" in my imagination, with lots of totally imaginary scenarios, people, very detailed, usually works. I also, imagine houses I was familiar with as a child, or throughout my life. I do this with great detail, all the rooms, their sequence, the furnishings, the ornaments and so on, that also works very well. I have quite a repetoire of these to call up. Meditation type CD's work for me too, the boring, droning of all-night talkback radio in NZ is also OK. There's no-one but me to consider now, but headphones are good too, and won't disturb your man. I hate getting out of bed when having one of those wakeful times, so I don't. My sleeping is OK enough now....I'm still using a smidgeon of sedative regularly, quarter of a 1mg tablet, which is so low it's acting as a placebo, but that's just fine by me at present.
When I gave up being exasperated about being awake and took it as an opportunity to go in my imagination to somewhere alluring, it all changed. Wakefulness stopped bothering me. I regard it now as a rather delicious opportunity to my golden dreams etc. If I'm a bit spacey and foggy-headed the following day I'm now able to accept that and will lie down for a 'grandma nap', usually sometime in the arvo, that's very enjoyable too. Acceptance is ALL. Maybe a bit of this might help you Chickybone.
I alive an hour's drive from the ocean. I'm inland amongst the lower hills of a main range, truly deeply rural, very close to a small creek and a small river, like you, very quiet, great for sitting and meditation stuff. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 18:12:35
Yes, Ace, it does sound familiar. I guess I thought since I was doing so well during the day, the nights didn't count. I didn't realize that I was still in my old habits at night without realizing it. Old habits die hard. Chalk this one up to sensitized situations and conditioned responses. It was so close to home that I did not see it. Thanks for all you have done for everyone! |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 17:38:17
Your starting to understand chickenbone. It is the strain of feeling that you should feel bad the next day after not sleeping accounts for about 95% of the feeling bad the next day. This strain becomes a habit. Does this pattern sound familiar?
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| chickenbone |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 17:22:48
Lesley, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. 25 years ago, I lost my first husband to cancer. We were practically still newlyweds. I was a young widow. My heart goes out to you. I am glad that you started posting and am so happy that you are doing so well with Ace's Keys.
I had not specifically worked on the sitting exercises. I also live by the ocean with no other houses around in a very peaceful setting. Because I have been so driven all my life, I have never really enjoyed it the way I should. I had an AH! AH! moment when reading your posts about doing the sitting exercises. If you have been reading this site, you probably know that I constantly whine about having trouble sleeping. It could be the last nut to crack. I realized that what really bothers me about not sleeping at times is not that I think it is bad for my health, it is my impatience and my tendency toward boredom. What really pisses me off is that I can't do much of anything during these times because I don't want to awaken my husband. As this happens, I am becoming more and more used to the idea of just "sitting" with it, which I probably would never do if not forced to by the condition of not being able to get to sleep. Last night, I just capitulated and spent about 4 hours just sitting in the living room listening to the silence, the ocean and the wind (and petting the dogs). I never noticed before what silence sounded like. How refreshing! I am realizing that if I feel bad the next day, that is caused by cursing and complaining about not being able to sleep, not because of being awake a good portion of the night. It is the resistance to a condition that I cannot consciously control that causes me problems. I feel that once I can just "sit" with sleeplessness and not fight it, I will be cured of the problem. Thanks so much for your thoughtful posts. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 16:08:17
God bless you Lesley.
For clarity I should say that I affectionately refer to my hubby as my boy. He's one of life's innocents and that brings out my maternal side. I almost lost him to illness a few years ago (Parkinson's Disease, but he was given five to seven years), so I do empathise with your situation even though I do not know the loss. I do know how it changes you forever though and in this I would hold you close for all time. Feel free to mail me angel, there's strength in friendship. Much love x
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| lesley |
Posted - 03/14/2013 : 15:36:45
Plum, thankyou for empathy and blessings.....life has been so painful and difficult for so very very long and still is.....I continue to cry although not so instensely and long as I was. I am profoundly changed, forever. I understand the bible beatitude now which I never used to, for those who suffer are blessed. From your reference to your son I presume you know this too. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 18:06:12
Sometimes I do fall back to sleep, sometimes I tumble into the well of dreams and sometimes I rest on the edge. Shamefully I suspect it's a Mastery born of much practice. I like been in bed very much.
To answer your question though beyond chance factors (and it would be remiss not to flag these), a feather-soft intention plays a great part. You have to gently invite the waking while holding sleep close. There is a natural phase in the sleep-wake cycle that helps.
Have a peek at this link:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnopompic
So basically it's a case of engaging with this state of consciousness. Be playful. Enjoy it. And if you do slip back in sleeps welcome arms, enjoy that too. |
| gailnyc |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 17:34:23
quote:
As for lying in bed each morning, this is a practice I culled from a naturopath in the early days of healing my boy. This healer suggested lying in bed peacefully every morning as a way of calming mind and nervous system; it was the first of a host of recommendations not dissimilar from your own. Aside from the boons it is a beautiful way to start the day.
Thanks for your continued support.
Plum, how do you do this without falling back asleep? I'm afraid that's what would happen to me. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 16:40:48
Lesley, think we were posting at roughly the same time. Just read yours and my heart aches for you. Much loss and no easy words of consolation but sending blessings your way. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 16:34:01
quote:
Originally posted by Ace1
So plum, doing anything without an agenda, and sitting still for a long period of time. No Tvs no phones, no conversation, outside of your comfort zone,(usually outside the home, although lying in bed in the morning works bc most people want to jump out of bed), it shows you what type of impatience you may have. This also helps in reconditioning. I do think it gets you in touch with God.
Leslie, you dont want to set yourself up to just living in your comfort zone. Try to be ok in what ever situation your in, including in other people's company.
Ace1, don't watch tv and until recently didn't bother with internet at all. I kicked it into touch circa 2007 and only set-up wifi this year. Not fussed about phones either. I say this because distraction wise I'm pretty good at letting things go. However I do take your point and will 'fess up to impatience. Funny old thing but I endured a masterclass in that of late so your nudge is timely.
As for lying in bed each morning, this is a practice I culled from a naturopath in the early days of healing my boy. This healer suggested lying in bed peacefully every morning as a way of calming mind and nervous system; it was the first of a host of recommendations not dissimilar from your own. Aside from the boons it is a beautiful way to start the day.
Thanks for your continued support. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 16:20:43
Lesley, I have a hunch that people *need* meditation because they are disenfranchised. The natural life is peerless. I also believe much of this stuff is over-intellectualised. You sound free of the chaos of the world and that is beautiful. One day I shall find my way back there but for now I have the urban jungle as my noble adversary. Who knows, maybe I'll even miss it.
I'm not too hot at the sitting, much better at lolling in the morning...more anon...but I do sometimes. It inspires me that you do. One can feed on such things.
And thank you so much for your kind words. The way I see it is that we're all in this together and I have a fondness for this little community. Shame you can't all come round for dinner, I love feeding people. We could eat and chat and simply sit and be.
Love to you Lesley, enjoy your tiny stream and be sure to send a merry wish along her. Downstream such goodwill finds form. |
| lesley |
Posted - 03/13/2013 : 15:57:56
Hello njoy,
It's nice to have a smidgoen of interest in the sitting.....yesterday I managed 40 minutes quite easily and would've been able to go longer if I wasn't compelled to go and watch a fav TV show!! That wouldn't happen if I wasn't at home with access to it! I did get bored when I started but don't now....it's fascinating me, just observing what's happening around me, my thoughts, opening up a whole lot of things, about myself, the natural world. Each time I sit it quickly gets easier and better..... the fidgeting subsides, ditto the itching, the boredom was quick to disappear. I rug up against the pesky bugs, although in NZ they're not too bad at all Do give it go....my tension/stress levels are reducing nicely, and this is just the biggest inducement to continuing for me.
Shawn...thank you for the website but it won't download for me, probably because of my lousy net connection service here in my isolated rural situation, sigh..
Ace....I became very fragile after nursing my beloved husband through 18 months of terminal cancer and the consequent grieving that began with all that and has continued on after his death 2 years ago. I'm very slowly adjusting to this loss and the overwhelming change it has made in my life. Just before Christmas last year my almost 18 year old granddaughter died in a train accident in Sydney, compounding my grief load. It's all just appalling....she was to be dux of her school for the second time, beautiful, musically talented, terrific athlete, popular, just so lovely.....oh woe....such senseless waste.
Too much of other people is too draining emotionally when I'm overwhelmed.....a little is OK, depending on the person, how long I'm around them and so on, large groups just impossible. Tme will take of it, it is very slowly improving. |
| njoy |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 22:24:34
This is fascinating. I also live in a quiet, rural and beautiful setting and I can't imagine sitting for 3 hours without being driven mad by bugs in summer and my own internally-produced itches the rest of the year. Not to mention, the bordom!
People who can do this live on a different planet than my own. Obviously, must give it a try. Good to hear, lesley, that you can manage 30 minutes. Gives me hope.
*****
"It's worth considering that tms is not a treatment but rather an unfolding of the self, and a way of living as an emotionally aware and engaged soul." Plum |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 17:41:21
Hi Lesley
You may like this little book of drawings:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/92281844/Eckhart-Tolle-Guardians-of-Being
*************************
“Living up to an image that you have of yourself or that
other people have of you is inauthentic living – another unconscious role theego plays.” -- Ekhart Tolle |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 16:49:58
So plum, doing anything without an agenda, and sitting still for a long period of time. No Tvs no phones, no conversation, outside of your comfort zone,(usually outside the home, although lying in bed in the morning works bc most people want to jump out of bed), it shows you what type of impatience you may have. This also helps in reconditioning. I do think it gets you in touch with God.
Leslie, you dont want to set yourself up to just living in your comfort zone. Try to be ok in what ever situation your in, including in other people's company.
|
| lesley |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 16:18:34
Hello Shawn,
Thank you for your supportive words....my bible says somewhere, "Be still and know that I Am God", I feel spiritually close to whatever God is very often in my sittings. The more I do the more I develop an urge to do so. There is a pulse sensation in the evening sky as the sun disappears, is this my eyes being tricky or does the earth pulse? I'm becoming more and more reclusive, not wanting social encounters much, and when I do, not particularly enjoying them. |
| lesley |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 16:04:47
Hello Plum,
I've been reading your lovely posts now for a while, again, so supportive and encouraging, like heaps of others. Do you do the sitting? I know how abysmally cold UK is, my daughter has been living in London for a few years now and I really don't understand how she can, given that she spent all her growing up years right here.
I'm very close to a perpetually running tiny stream as well as the river, sitting by them makes me become quite trance-like, even better than the evening sitting....is this Zen meditation? I've been reading the TM meditation discussion that's going on right now, which is interesting, as I had no understanding of it. I think any sort of meditation is OK, reducing the stress/tension levels is my aim, until my mind and body has atrophied the old way and grown new neural pathways. Finding what does that for me is the challenge.
You a blessing to us all Plum, with your loving, accepting words. |
| plum |
Posted - 03/12/2013 : 08:25:22
quote:
Originally posted by lesley
Ace, thank you again for the interested supporting message. Yes, I'm with you, I think I must be the only poster here, out of the many who do, that is doing the sitting exercise. I wonder if it's too hard for others to find the right physical setting in which to do it. I'm VERY privileged to live in such a quiet green paradise, away from all city-ness, so it's easy for me. I only have to step out of my door into it - place my chair wherever I choose and that's it, totally stress-free access to our natural world, just so easy - although the evenings are getting a bit chilly now. I can move to daytime sitting of course.
Each day it gets easier and easier to sit for longer and longer lengths of time. It's so very very peaceful, relaxing, reducing my symptoms noticeably.....I do encourage those who can to give it a go.
Hi Lesley,
You're not alone in following this practice. A natural environment certainly helps. A handful of years ago I lived on the edge of a farm. There was a huge back garden into which I placed a cushioned garden swing, westward facing. My favourite thing in the whole world was to spend summers days out there, alternately reading, cloud-watching or simply watching the sunset over the fields. Majestic. Good, good days.
I envy you the beauty. We're meant to dwell timelessly in nature. As it cools on your side of the world, it warms here, although recent weather betrays the familiar seasons. It's so cold one's nether regions could fall off. All the best sweet child of nature. |
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