| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| RikR |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 09:09:22
HOW BIG IS YOUR SACK OF EMOTIONAL PAIN?
grief ~ anxiety ~ depression ~ saddness ~ self-pity ~ bad luck ~ unfulfilled dreams ~ shame ~ humiliation ~ unhappy relationships ~ betrayal ~ regret ~ loneliness ~ low confidence ~ guilt ~ frustration ~ feeling stuck or held back
Was there no one to go to for comfort in times of trouble – no where to go for guided reflection, validation and intimacy. No place to cry for hurts, mistakes, accidents and betrayals. No place that reflected back to us how precious and loveable we were. No way to learn what it was like to trust and be loved without cost.
No way to learn to self-soothe and no sense that in many ways we were not totally alone!!
"A wound not fully felt consumes from the inside. We must run very hard if we want to stay one step ahead of this pain" Oriah Mountain Dreamer |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 06:42:34
"The primary cause of
unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the
thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always
neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here
are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.
For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from
taking effective action. “I have fifty cents left in my bank account” is a fact.
Facing facts is always empowering. Be aware that what you think, to a large
extent, creates the emotions that you feel. See the link between your thinking
and your emotions. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the
awareness behind them." -- Ekhart Tolle (A New Earth) |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 03/01/2013 : 06:19:21
"A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it
seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, “me and my
story.” Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such
as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am
identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't
want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an
end to its “problems” because they are part of its identity. If no one will
listen to my sad story, I can tell it to myself in my head, over and over, and
feel sorry for myself, and so have an identity as someone who is being
treated unfairly by life or other people, fate or God. It gives definition to my
selfimage, makes me into someone, and that is all that matters to the ego." -- Ekhart Tolle (A New Earth) |
| njoy |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 21:59:26
quote:
Originally posted by RikR
There are implicit emotions also called reactive or process emotions and then there are thought based emotions. An Implicit emotion example is fear – if you have a close miss in an accident you don’t have a conscious thought but fear is the immediate reaction.
Current psychology theory holds that emotions follow thought – now that thought can be a nano-flash or an unconscious memory trigger. Most of time it is a thought or a thought script that can unfold in a split second.
A few years ago, I had the experience of going back into the womb (during a simple meditation, nothing deep) and found myself as a young fetus who was in a perfect rage at God (no doubt at all about his existence, btw) for forcing me into the coming world which I could clearly hear was a very bad place.
I wouldn't believe me, either. Of course, it could be a flight of imagination but it seemed like a memory to me.
I worked with abused kids for many years (as a foster parent) and I have no doubt that the smallest babies may experience rage (and perhaps more) when they are abandoned and abused. A few clearly remember how they felt. My own son talked about his birth very accurately when he was about three years old. Someone asked him if he remembered and off he went with a lengthy and graphic description. Better than I could have managed since I was "out" at the time.
My take on which comes first, thoughts or feelings, is that the matter is complex and they are probably intricately interwoven. That said, I do believe we must express our emotions but control our thoughts. Otherwise we can set up an endless loop that doesn't serve anything.
For example, I am prone to depressions: rage and despair or just sadness, that last a few hours to a few days. These are triggered by something difficult to identify but there is a form of thought involved. Sometimes it is partly conscious and sometimes I have no idea what I just thought beyond knowing there was a thought.
Most people in my family have something similar happening and it's quite distinctive. Is this inherited or learned? Well, I have a cousin who was adopted away almost at birth and didn't meet the rest of us until he was 14. He is exactly the same. |
| balto |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 20:42:58
pspa, I think it still has to be created by thought. Your memory, implicit, explicit, unconcious or not, all were created by thought at one time. Babies don't experience fear emotion in near miss accident, they learned it later. Some implicit emotions were the product of humam evolution, like fear of loud noise (thunder)... the rest is the product of our thoughts.
An old soldier had suffered severe damage to his hippocampi that he could not recognize his doctor, even though he saw him every day. Every day, they shook hands and introduced themselves as if for the first time. One day, to test a hunch, the doctor placed a thumbtack in the palm of his hand before extending it to his patient. When the soldier saw it, he pulled his hand back suddenly. The next day, when he and the doctor were about to shake hands again, he pulled his hand back at the last minute. When the doctor asked him why he had done so, the only explanation he could give was that he had experienced a sudden sense of fear. The doctor assure him that it is safe to shake hand. After a few more days, the soldier doesn't pull his hand back anymore.
implicit memory can be reprogram and/or erase or make it more acceptable to us. Exposure therapy, compassionate therapy... can be of great help.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| pspa123 |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 19:34:57
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
Psychiatry is more interested in pushing pills as everything is seen through the lens of a chemical imbalance. Why would it not seem obvious that the thoughts you think would have an impact on how you are feeling? It is not even tenable that someone would believe otherwise.
I never said they dont have an impact. I am questioning whether all emotions derive only from thoughts and i dont think that is obvious at all. |
| RikR |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 18:52:17
There are implicit emotions also called reactive or process emotions and then there are thought based emotions. An Implicit emotion example is fear – if you have a close miss in an accident you don’t have a conscious thought but fear is the immediate reaction.
Current psychology theory holds that emotions follow thought – now that thought can be a nano-flash or an unconscious memory trigger. Most of time it is a thought or a thought script that can unfold in a split second. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 18:45:53
Psychiatry is more interested in pushing pills as everything is seen through the lens of a chemical imbalance. Why would it not seem obvious that the thoughts you think would have an impact on how you are feeling? It is not even tenable that someone would believe otherwise. |
| pspa123 |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 17:18:39
Does psychiatry universally accept the proposition that emotions are created by thoughts? That does not seem obvious to me. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 17:04:53
quote:
Originally posted by balto
[quote]Originally posted by RikR
Emotions were created by our thought, it can not exist all by itself. We have much control over our thought. We practice we can master our thoughts and reclaim our health.
I have placed dozens of posts on this message board in the past few weeks saying the exact same thing, Balto, but people just don't want to hear that. I just don't understand why people would not want to free themselves from suffering when offered a way out? Instead they want to wallow in the past which makes then feel downright miserable. This is never conducive to healing. See: http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8097 |
| balto |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 15:59:38
quote:
Originally posted by RikR
HOW BIG IS YOUR SACK OF EMOTIONAL PAIN?
as big as I can carry with ease.
Emotions were created by our thought, it can not exist all by itself. We have much control over our thought. We practice we can master our thoughts and reclaim our health.
a couple weeks ago I heard a wonderful gentleman in my company told a crying coworker: "I think you should just let go of that house and move to an appartment for a while. bugeting, downsizing, control your spending and be happy. with less expenses your situation will be better in no time, no used crying and holding on to some thing that hurted you so much".
I went out to lunch with him and we have a long conversation. He told me he was orphan and passed through foster homes after foster homes. He was abused physically and mentally for years. Ran away from home and live on the street for a while, got caught stealing and put in a group home then went to Vietnam. He got back to the US alive but without an arm and some shrapnel in his skull. Went to college on GI bill and got a wonderful job. Got marry, have 2 kids, make good money, now he is 72, in wonderful health, haven't get sick for decades, love his life and look forward to every weekend when he can drive to his range and spend time with his family and horses.
I asked him if he every feel angry and bitter about his past, if it ever bother him physically or mentally. He said: Oh yes, it bother me alot, but only when I let it to, and for years I didn't let it. Remember son, your past can only bother you if you let it."
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| pspa123 |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 09:45:26
Rik have you looked into the Hoffman process? |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/28/2013 : 09:26:10
Good morning RikR,
I see that you are wading through a lot of emotional pain in search of healing and wholeness. I have found the book "I Need Your Love-Is That True?" by Byron Katie to be very helpful. Perhaps you too may find something useful in it. It can be listened to online at:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL141BF3767543BB15
I am also going through Ekhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" for the second time and it is like a flashlight has been directed at my soul. This time around I am listening to it at: http://archive.org/details/EckhartTolleANewEarth
Perhaps you have a favorite mindfulness teacher you prefer. I highly recommend you listen and reflect on what that person has to say and relate it to your own current situation.
I am at the point where physical healing takes a back seat to my overall goal of achieving health and wholeness both mentally and psychologically, with the physical in a distant third place.
Like me, you are an intellectual with all of your formal education. But all that book learning and analyzing things can act as an impediment to healing. One must learn not rely too much on the intellect alone if they want to achieve overall health and well-being.
Everything you have written I have already been through it, so I am merely offering you what has worked for me. The only thing I know is what hurts and what doesn't, and I prefer that latter, but sometimes the former is necessary for growth.
Shawn |
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