| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| RikR |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 05:49:58
My psychologist believes that mucking through old memories and emotions is just a recipe for getting upset and more suffering.
My wife has so few painful memories that she can only recall one or two – I have thousands and could fill books. So is revisiting this painful stuff really the part of the program that heals or am I just rubbing old wounds with salt.
Right now one painful memory leads to another and it feels like I am just self flagellating without benefit.
In spite of pain, hurt and disappointment all my life I managed graduate degrees and making a fair amount of money and toys I have forever felt like I was stuck together with string and chewing gum. Anyone looking on the outside of my life would conclude I had it made.
I need some help on this! |
| 18 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| eric watson |
Posted - 02/23/2013 : 17:55:08
rik do sarnos program all the way-as ace said take it slow at first-you dont have to dive for the jugular
heres my point-you have to start somewhere
you have to do sarnos program
or you can do aces program
or you can do eligantes program
but if you dont get busy in the direction of at least
the dr sarno-or ace-how will you know
come on Rik-youve heard tons-get to work with one program at a time
id do sarnos mixed with aces
throw in steveo-hes a great teacher-if you dont believe Rik-all this is for naught
do you think someone is not being straight with ya Rik
you have to forget everything you thought you knew and relearn
you gotta get off the what if and get on the how to
and stop trying to figure out the mechanism
its all about love Rik-love |
| pspa123 |
Posted - 02/23/2013 : 12:44:05
quote:
Originally posted by RikR
Plum
Do you understand how friggin crazy this makes me feel!!! Do this- no go this way - no this. Dig through the pain you never felt - no dont.
So whta is this guys program = what does he say to do
I hear you loud and clear. There is a tremendous amount of well thought and well intended advice here and elsewhere but there is simply no way to reconcile it all because much of it does conflict. In the end all one can do is take what is helpful and find ones own path. |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 02/23/2013 : 10:16:02
What monte says here is right on. Absolutely! |
| RikR |
Posted - 02/23/2013 : 09:40:58
Plum
Do you understand how friggin crazy this makes me feel!!! Do this- no go this way - no this. Dig through the pain you never felt - no dont.
So whta is this guys program = what does he say to do |
| plum |
Posted - 02/23/2013 : 03:54:44
Rik, further thoughts on this.
These come from Monte Hueftle.
http://www.runningpain.com/important_tms_updates
If I believe the TMS diagnosis and I am still in pain, does this mean I have deeply repressed emotions that are causing my chronic symptoms?
Absolutely not! This is one of the biggest un-truths of the TMS diagnosis and treatment programs being distributed by the TMS community. And one that I will continue to rage against until the TMS community (Dr./counselor/psychologist) wakes up and begins to address the real cause. The continued emphasis on deeply repressed emotions by the TMS community demonstrates both ignorance and a lack of credibility in actual experience of living with TMS or in working with people who are experienced in living with TMS.
Why is this important for you to undertand
Because continually searching for and trying to heal a deeply repressed emotion (that may or may not be there) keeps you in the strategy. You are consumed with it and it has you. This also sabotages your ability to change the real cause (how you are generating inner tension & repressing emotions every day). Many believe that once they find this big, huge repressed emotion and are aware of it and make peace with it, then they will be pain free and can forget about TMS and go back to living their life. This is not the way TMS works.
People, this is not theory, this is both personal experience and my experience is working with TMS patients.
Many who personally saw Sarno and a TMS psychologist 20 years ago. Some reversed TMS by reading a book, some needed therapy and then reversed TMS. Now they are back in pain and it is TMS and reading the old TMS book is not helping. So they go searching for repressed emotions and that isn't working either. Now what? You keep searching which "feeds" the pain strategy and/or you go into doubt/fear that maybe this isn't TMS which "feeds" the pain strategy and now you are really stuck. Do I have TMS or not. Is it deeply repressed emotions that we didn't uncover 20 years ago or what....And the TMS symptom cycle continues and the TMS strategy is at work and has absolutely no reason to stop.
Are repressed emotions part of the TMS syndrome?
Yes, of course, repressed emotional energy is one of the main ingredients causing inner tension in TMS! However, there are two big, huge factors that must be understood.
1. It is our day-to-day patterns of behavior and thought that are generating Inner Tension
2. It is our day-to-day patterns of behavior and thought that are repressing our emotions (emotional energy).
This is day-to-day, moment-to-moment repression of day-to-day, moment-to-moment feelings/emotions and not this big huge and in many cases fictitious deeply repressed emotions from your childhood. What makes this day-to-day repression such a big, huge contributor of the inner tension in TMS is that it is Chronic. A TMS person has been chronically generating inner tension and chronically repressing emotional energy for 10-20-30-40 years. When you start changing or affecting how you are generating inner tension and repressing emotions right now, in the present, you can begin to reverse this cause/effect - mind/body syndrome right now, in the present.
TMS is a day-to-day, moment-to-moment chronic mind body syndrome with a strategy attached to it.
The key to reversing TMS and living with TMS is understanding that the most important element is becoming aware of and affecting change in "how am I being right now".
--How you are being right now means you are either being distracted and "feeding" the strategy or you or genuinely thinking psychological.
--How you are being right now means you are generating a quality of energy that is communicating tons of tension/stress/pressure or you are generating a quality of energy that is being more open/flexible/balanced/aligned/allowing a little more often.
--How your are being right now means you are repressing emotional energy or you are being more open/allowing and experiencing your emotional energy more often.
--How you are being right now means you are in the future or past (unaware of the quality of energy you are generating and unaware that you are repressing emotional energy) or you are becoming more present-moment based where you are able to deliberately affect the quality of energy that you generate and you can intentionally choose to allow yourself to experience emotions instead of deny or avoid them. This is why the statement -Your healing practices are more effective and greatly enhanced in present time is Truth! |
| jennypeanut |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 23:37:19
quote:
I think in the process of seeking to reconstruct the past we should should always be kind and gentle to ourselves. Remember, however, that our recollection and interpretation of the past is usually distorted and thus cannot always be trusted. We tend to always look at the so- called bad or disturbing things which have happened and never see any good at all, and that is defeatist as well as counter-productive to achieving healing.
This hits a particularly sour note with me, I'm sorry to say. Part of my childhood pain was the constant denial of what was really happening in my home, which was abuse. I was flat out told I was imagining things, elaborating, fabricating. Reconstructing my past was a way of validation for all those terrible things I was feeling and experiencing as a child. In a way I was saying "yes! this did happen!" The good I see in digging in my past is that my thoughts and feelings were valid as a child. And they are valid now! I can stop stuffing my feelings away and thinking I'm elaborating reality. We all have different stories and do not fit into a neat box of what to do to get better. Just sticking up for another point of view here.
I do think that constantly combating the negative memories with affirmations boarders on stuffing feelings. Which can cause physical symptoms. For me, I have to be careful not to do this. I find that going through the old memories has helped me in the long run, to see reality for what it was, to give my inner child a voice, and to gain the strength to move on. I've found that these things have led me to a place of wisdom: I need to forgive the people that abused me as a child. I too feel like I could write a book with the hell I went through. But now I can offer my forgiveness. And not live as a victim or as someone in denial.
The "so called bad or disturbing things" which you reference, Shawn were definitely bad and disturbing in my childhood. The family members who inflicted this crap on me should have been jailed. But I had no one to turn to, no one to tell what was happening. Sorry, but I can see absolutely no good in what happened to me.
The good that has come to me has been in surrendering myself to God saying "I can't live like a normal adult! I'm damaged goods! Help!" And I've been allowed to have great therapists who have taken me into the past and helped me see through the mud with clarity. Yes, I believe it prompted my TMS, or exacerbated it most likely. But that was a necessary thing for me to go through. And in surrendering myself to God and asking for guidance I was led here - to find out about TMS, which has led to almost an enlightenment of sorts - for lack of a better word. Am I losing you?
I'm just saying there is no formula. We all have different stories, different paths. But there are truths that are universal. Such as forgiveness. |
| balto |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 19:21:40
quote:
Originally posted by RikR
Balto
Looking at others who have it worse is just another way to deny what I am feeling. We each deserve to have our feelings no matter who has it worse.
Hi Rik, life is all about choices Rik. You are the product of your thoughts, of what you choose to put in your mind.
I am different, I think I deserve to feel happy, at peace, and contented all the time.
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| alix |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 09:49:23
Yes, for me it was key. I had false perception due to what people were telling me about my father (that passed away when I was a teenager) for example.
It was crucial for me to get to a realistic view of what my childhood was and then just let go of it. The "let go" is the key. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 09:18:19
RSR
I began reading that article by Peter Walker. I feel he over complicates things and I don't care for his comments at all. But each to their own. |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 08:49:10
Interesting comments ... thanks everybody!
I also think that this is also another area where one size does NOT fit all. We all start from different places and what may be appropriate / would work for a severe trauma survivor would NOT be appropriate for a more "normal" person.
Just to add to this discussion, here is my current favourite article about "forgiveness":
http://www.pete-walker.com/forgiveness.htm
I especially like this: "... the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive... When forgiveness has substance, it is felt palpably in the heart, and is usually an expansion of the emotion of compassion. "
RSR |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 08:33:07
I think in the process of seeking to reconstruct the past we should should always be kind and gentle to ourselves. Remember, however, that our recollection and interpretation of the past is usually distorted and thus cannot always be trusted. We tend to always look at the so- called bad or disturbing things which have happened and never see any good at all, and that is defeatist as well as counter-productive to achieving healing.
Ace makes a good point about dealing with where you are right now in this present moment. He has provided us some preliminary tools and I hope they will be of some assistance to you. Develop some positive affirmations around those disturbing memories as a way to counter the incessant negative mind-chatter such as, "I forgive and let go easily."
All of the comments on here are from people with quite a lot of experience with TMS, and I hope they too will be able to offer you some much needed guidance. |
| RikR |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 08:07:03
Balto
Looking at others who have it worse is just another way to deny what I am feeling. We each deserve to have our feelings no matter who has it worse. |
| balto |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 07:35:33
quote:
Originally posted by RageSootheRatio
BUT if doing it in a way that leads to resolution, peace, calm, then how can that NOT be helpful?
Before we can get to the resolution, peace, and calm part (if we ever get there) we have to bring back those memories. We have to becareful about doing this. For a "normal" person, this probably not too bad, but for an overly sensitive tmser's, "bringing" back memories usually would trigger a MB symptoms way before we get to the resolution part. Because every thought, every memory, every emotion have a corresponding chemical/electrical respond in the body. And those responds are usually very unpleasant.
In my own experience, I found that preparing myself to "forgive", getting myself to agreed to forgive before I bring back those memories is very helpful. Forgive or acceptance and stop allowing ourself to feel like a victim is helpful. When we stop giving those memories any value, when we are able to say to ourself: what happened happened, sh.. happened, accept it, forgive it... that is when we can start to heal old wounds.
Don't cry over spilt milk. Don't compare your past with other, the grass is always greener on the other side. Don't feel sorry for yourself, don't be a victim.
Volunteer for a month at one of mother Terresa's organization in India and you will realize how good you have. You will see that the thing you considered "bad" or "terrible" in your past is nothing compare to what those people over there going through every day their whole life. It is just like compare a paper cut to the lost of limbs.
http://www.motherteresa.org/07_family/Volunteering/v_cal.html
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No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 07:30:24
Deconditioning yourself to old bad memories can be helpful, but this has to be done graudally and in small doses at first. I think Shawn once accurately described how a bad memory (or someone your angry at) can be relived in the present and cause a mental strain now. The now however is more so important to be your focus and this is where most of your primary work should be. |
| plum |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 07:18:16
quote:
Originally posted by RageSootheRatio
I think this whole topic is MUCH more nuanced!
I believe it depends on HOW one "mucks" through ... it can be done in a helpful way, or harmful way, just as with any "tool."
If it just leads to more upset and more suffering then how can that be helpful?
BUT if doing it in a way that leads to resolution, peace, calm, then how can that NOT be helpful?
(It does seem to "colour" the answer by framing the original question as "mucking through" rather than say, 'resolving old memories by expressing their emotions and coming out the other side to a better place?!' )
RSR
Aye, it is nuanced and you raise a great point.
My response was based on the assumption that Rik has been working through this for a while but maybe that is not the case?
RSR, thanks for adding a positive spin. Our intention and approach is vital. It is after all an emotional space-clearing and while that can seem like an awful, messy or overwhelming chore, it need not be.
I'm glad I did it, irrespective of my pain levels. I feel cleaner, lighter and brighter. |
| RageSootheRatio |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 07:01:49
I think this whole topic is MUCH more nuanced!
I believe it depends on HOW one "mucks" through ... it can be done in a helpful way, or harmful way, just as with any "tool."
If it just leads to more upset and more suffering then how can that be helpful?
BUT if doing it in a way that leads to resolution, peace, calm, then how can that NOT be helpful?
(It does seem to "colour" the answer by framing the original question as "mucking through" rather than say, 'resolving old memories by expressing their emotions and coming out the other side to a better place?!' )
RSR |
| plum |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 06:03:56
Rik, I honestly don't know if fighting the good fight in this way is beneficial in the long run. On a different thread I mentioned that I asked Dr. Schubiner about this with regard to journaling.
Here's the link:
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8218
Maybe Dr. James has some thoughts on this? |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/22/2013 : 06:01:15
Personally, I agree with your psychologist on this. I fail to see the point of digging through these old memories, which are most likely a total distortion of reality in the first place. You pick and choose the most negative aspects of your past and overlook the many good things which have happened to you. No wonder you suffer! As your psychologist stated, doing this "is just a recipe for getting upset and more suffering." So why do it to yourself?
I don't believe doing all this excavation from the past is going to help you in your healing, but only make you feel worse about yourself. Did you read my previous response to you? For quick reference, here it is: http://tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=8225
Best wishes!
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