| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| plum |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 02:10:58
15. The URGE to just be finished with something or to want to get somewhere quickly so bad is I think equivalent to the pain/symptom, but it has just become dissociated from its original meaning, which why it is just pain/symptom. (This is along the same lines of what is said in #14).
Another way to think about this is you have made (conditioned) yourself to be uncomfortable in almost every situation and the urge is to escape. Try not to reinforce this urge by going with it. Act as if you have no where to go. You have to just sit in these situations and make yourself comfortable again to get better.
It is also helpful to recognize and put your attention on this urge/strain if you can find it and try to bring back its meaning to it. Then use an affirmation in the background of this. A statement that could be used here is - I am here and now. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 09:05:35
Chickenbone Im impressed bc you show a profound understanding of the concept. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 08:22:10
Shawn, thanks for your comment. I realize that when I have trouble falling asleep, I have been worrying about it and giving myself more anxiety. I need to find things to do at night when I get up so that I will not be preoccupied with "not sleeping". I started to do this last night and then went back to bed after completing the task and slept well. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 08:17:39
Thanks, Ace. You are right. I need to work on sleep anxiety. I think that if I could approach it the same way as I approached my pain, I could free myself of it. This one is harder, but I think I can do it although it is going to take time.
I think one the beauties of the Keys is that it addresses "fear of symptoms" in an indirect manner. Fear cannot be approached directly. That will just make the fear stronger. All the keys, especially #15 address fear by asking you to be aware of what you are doing (rushing, intensity) that produces symptoms. As you are more aware and act appropriately, the symptoms lessen which gives you confidence, which is an opposite of fear. So the fear of symptoms automatically lessen without bringing up the issue of fear directly. |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 07:35:16
Chickenbone, the shift of symptoms in general is a good sign, Dr. Sarno used to say "youve got it on the run" THis however means you have a lot of work left. Remember in healing back pain, there was a woman who had a recurrence of pain while jogging and Dr. Sarno told her if it comes back again, she would need psychotherapy? Well what it means is that you are good at ignoring the symptoms, but the psychologcal need is still there. Remember that mindpower technques and changing of habits do take a lot of time, usually months to years. Your doing well. Just make sure your doing your affirmations at night and whenever symptoms occur. The more directed the affirmations are, the more effective. |
| plum |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 07:01:58
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
... by way of distraction, I worked a on bunch of housework that needed done and I felt fine afterwards. I went to bed with no anxiety at all and slept relatively well.
Anytime you want to pop round and wrestle with my laundry pile you are more than welcome. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/06/2013 : 05:15:45
quote:
Originally posted by chickenbone
Anyway, my sleep problems seemed to be getting worse the more I recovered from pain. Now I see something I did not before. I do not think I actually have problems sleeping, but I have severe sleep anxiety that often keeps me from falling asleep.
Yes Chickenbone, that has been my experience also. With the reduction of pain there is, for me at least, an increase in anxiety. I experienced an elevation of anxiety last evening so, by way of distraction, I worked a on bunch of housework that needed done and I felt fine afterwards. I went to bed with no anxiety at all and slept relatively well. In those moments of high anxiety try to distract your attention away from it by doing something constructive or some light exercise. Sitting and thinking about it will make matters worse. Remember, anxiety, although frightening, is still just a physical feeling or sensation and you do not have to let your feelings control your actions. If we acted based solely on how we felt we would be practically paralyzed a good part of the time. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 22:33:45
Thanks, Ace1 and All1Spirit.
Can I ask one more question?
First of all a comment. Healing did not happen the way I expected. My expectation was that the pain would just go away either gradually or quickly. But what actually happens is the pain is still there, but you become less and less concerned about it, you let it just be there and then you don't notice it much. This gives you confidence to not have fear of the pain and as your attention is drawn away from it, you notice the pain less and less until it is finally gone. So it is absolutely a mental process that causes the pain to fade into the background until it no longer grabs your attention.
About 6 weeks after the severe pain in my back, buttocks and legs went away for the most part, I was in the pool and had a foot cramp. I was not able to put sufficient weight on it in the pool, so by he time I got out is was painful. I got rid of the cramp, but of course, over the next few days, I experienced pain in my foot, but not bad. I recognized this as classic TMS and treated it the same way I treated the other pain and it went away about a week later. I assume the pain strategy is still at work. Of course, I do work on the Keys everyday since this started me on the road to recovery in the first place. Anyway, my sleep problems seemed to be getting worse the more I recovered from pain. Now I see something I did not before. I do not think I actually have problems sleeping, but I have severe sleep anxiety that often keeps me from falling asleep. I am beginning to see the sleep issue as another manifestation of TMS because of the distraction it provides. I am making less progress with this because, for some reason, I have more trouble giving up fear and attention regarding the sleep problem. I would like to know what you think about this. |
| All1Spirit |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 19:34:36
Chicken
Humans are programmed with a negative bias or the bias to imprint threatening or painful occurrences. This is why we don’t remember positives like we do negatives.
Example: if you find an extra $50 in your checking account – oh great! Now if someone steals $50 from you I would bet you will have a much more severe reaction and remember it for a long time.
This is how our limbic system protects us. Or primal brain could care less how much we suffer as long as the organism survives to procreate. If being constantly scared keeps the organism safe so you can have sex and start a new generation that is its prime purpose.
Good stuff...ahhh no worries! Bad stuff –the amygdala is etching into neural pathways with lots of juice! |
| Ace1 |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 19:24:26
Actually I don't think chickenbone was critical on herself at all. There is critism and reality and we have to be aware of reality. She actually saw ithis rush in herself. Typically in people like us, this rush is with us with EVERYTHING in the beginning until you can recondition yourself then it becomes less and less . I think chickenbone has made such good progress bc she has seen this and understands totally. Chickenbone your almost cured since you rarely have pain don't go off track there isn't anything that is so hidden that you need to find. You keep at it and the symptoms will soon stop completely. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 18:52:56
Thanks, Shawn. Your words helped me a lot. When I reread my post just now, I realized that I am probably too critical of myself without realizing it. Maybe this has something to do with my underlying emotional issues. I did have good times in my childhood also. Why does the bad stuff stand out so much? I didn't see this until you pointed it out.
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| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 17:51:54
Hi chickenbone,
Don't be too hasty to judge yourself so emphatically with the use of such language as, "constant, irrational need to rush through everything." It is most likely the case, if you thought about it more clearly, that you experienced moments in which you behaved in such a fashion, but at other times you did not, and that this irrational need to rush through everything was not as constant as you think.
For example, a person could tell themselves that they were an unhappy child, but the reality is, if they thought about their childhood more closely, they had moments of happiness as well as moments that were not so pleasant. We tend to go back and reinterpret the past through the lens of sorrow or suffering and fail to see a lot of the good which also happened to us. This kind of thinking, in my humble opinion, can also lead to profound suffering. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 17:37:39
This is probably the Key that helped me the most to, first of all, really see that I was doing this constantly and then to become consciously aware of it. Being consciously aware of this constant, irrational need to rush through everything and escape somewhere else is what finally allowed me to keep from doing it. Honestly, you would think someone was chasing me with a broom. My husband used to say to me often, "Slow down, you have all day (or night)." I never really "got it" It is really amazing what we can see in others but not in ourselves. Also, I would perform the most insignificant tasks with such intensity that you would think someone was going to kill me if I didn't get it right. I was never able to see this in myself until I retired. It was than that my behavior and emotional reactions seemed really irrational, even to me. No wonder I had pain for years. Of course, for many years I was clueless as to the real reason for the pain. I really thought it was physical. Of course, my husband being a doctor, had told me many times (after I had X-rays) that pursuing medical intervention for my pain would only lead to more pain, more problems. He always thought that most of it was the psychosomatic variety. So I resolved on self-help. That brings us to almost 3 years ago when, during one of my frantic Google searches, I happen to stumble upon Dr. Sarno's work.
Ace is right, this is the pain/symptom. If I kept it up, it would always become pain/symptoms.
Boy aren't I talkative tonight???? |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 10:20:14
quote:
Originally posted by cakeflowfatt
I make many bad decisions because of trying to get out of uncomfortable situations! You don't think clearly and end up buying that lime green car when you wanted the black one.
What, in your estimation, is a bad decision? The word "bad" is a value judgement which means you are expressing yourself in response to a particular set of personal values in which some things are considered "bad" while other things are "good." But can we know with any certainly what is good and what is bad? Sometimes it is the case that we make what we call a bad decision and yet it turns into our advantage in the long run. At other times, we make a so-called "good" decision only to find out later that it may not have been to our advantage after all. So my point is, good and bad is a matter of perspective.
Additionally, trying to determine with any accuracy why we behave the way we do in any particular circumstance can be a rather frustrating exercise as we can never be certain regarding our real motives behind anything we do. I may tell myself and others that I behaved in a given way for a specific reason, but mostly it is just a story I made up to satisfy myself and others as well. |
| plum |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 10:17:52
Shawn, I think you're probably right. I also have moments of astounding cheek and sass which don't jibe with the label shy at all. Thanks sweetie.
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 10:03:31
quote:
Originally posted by cakeflowfatt
I make many bad decisions because of trying to get out of uncomfortable situations! You don't think clearly and end up buying that lime green car when you wanted the black one.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/steve-brandon/2380070461/
Definitely go for the lime green car, much more practical to keep clean as a daily driver, black is the worst color, you'll spend your whole life keeping it clean. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 09:47:31
quote:
Originally posted by plum
This may sound daft but in some ways I've attributed a good many feelings of this nature to being shy. I was terribly shy as a kid and while it's nowhere near as bad now, I tend towards the introverted end of the spectrum.
I think it may be more of an accurate description of yourself to say that you have experienced shy moments in your life rather than placing the label "shy" on yourself. Again, it is most likely the case that currently you experience introverted moments rather than being "introverted." What do you think? |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 09:08:54
There is never a one size fits all approach to recovery. I am well aware of that |
| All1Spirit |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 06:55:12
Shawn I think you are speaking of exposure and extinction. This works for common anxiety and phobias. It is not used for highly sensitized nerves as it will cause more anxiety and further up regulation of the nervous system– we used to do a process called implosion therapy – sounded good and made patients much worse.
This is where one size fits all is not workable – you have to know the patients arousal level and the condition. Once the nervous system is toned down there is no need to sit in discomfort as there wont be any flee emotions.
Often the urge to get things completed and wanting the outer world to be in order and under control is because of the internal chaos. This then becomes a drive – it is also a symptom of overload and scrambling to keep the fires under control less bad stuff happens. |
| plum |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 05:40:12
quote:
Originally posted by shawnsmith
That feeling of un-comfortableness in almost every situation and the urge to escape is what I like to think of as anxiety. People who have never experienced anxiety can never know how wretched a feeling it is. But ACE1 is spot on when he says that we have to resist the urge to remove ourselves from the situation and sit in it even if the situation is very uncomfortable. Many non TMS writers on this topic I have read stated the exact same thing, the most notable being the late Dr Abraham Low in his book "Mental Health Through Willing Training." This book is so easy to read and understand that even a child could comprehend what he says. Also his book "Manage Your Fears Manage Your Anger" is very good. I need to dust them off again as he has helped me tremendously in the past to overcome numerous barriers.
This may sound daft but in some ways I've attributed a good many feelings of this nature to being shy. I was terribly shy as a kid and while it's nowhere near as bad now, I tend towards the introverted end of the spectrum. Interestingly one aspect of being an INFJ type is that our love of people can be interpreted as extraversion. Not sure how much stock I put in all this.
My other half is ridiculously outgoing and his exuburance carries me through a lot of situations I'd high-tail it from otherwise. I've experienced mucho tension in this regard over the years.
But I never considered the anxiety componant. I think I thought anxiety = panic attack. I have had these but not frequently. Hmmm. Methinks me need to think on this. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/05/2013 : 05:16:35
That feeling of un-comfortableness in almost every situation and the urge to escape is what I like to think of as anxiety. People who have never experienced anxiety can never know how wretched a feeling it is. But ACE1 is spot on when he says that we have to resist the urge to remove ourselves from the situation and sit in it even if the situation is very uncomfortable. Many non TMS writers on this topic I have read stated the exact same thing, the most notable being the late Dr Abraham Low in his book "Mental Health Through Willing Training." This book is so easy to read and understand that even a child could comprehend what he says. Also his book "Manage Your Fears Manage Your Anger" is very good. I need to dust them off again as he has helped me tremendously in the past to overcome numerous barriers. |
