| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| plum |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 03:10:56
13. Recognize you are bringing your tension level set point down over time from a very high level and breaking habits which will take time. You are doing this treatment not for the moment but for the future.
Until you get far along enough, you will not be able to stop the symptoms at will and that's ok. Most people with severe or consistent symptoms will a lot of times need months to years for full resolution. |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 20:07:38
Sorry, Shawn. I misunderstood. I guess I am glad it did not happen to you. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 18:45:26
chickenbone, that was not about me or written by me. I gave the url at the beginning of the story. Sorry to hear of your loss. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 17:58:53
Shawn, that is an incredible story. It took a lot of courage to share it with us. I feel the same way about marriage. People who get divorced just end up swapping one set of problems for another. The grass is never greener. You made the right decision for your wife and son. You have nothing to feel badly about. My first husband, who I loved dearly, died of cancer. Even though I am remarried, I will never stop missing him. He was such a wonderful person. |
| chickenbone |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 12:40:03
Plum, I haven't read Shawn's long post yet, but will later when I get time. I just wanted to tell you how right you are about getting into your senses. This a really good way to slow down and relieve the mental strain. In fact a great form of meditation is to concentrate on your senses, hearing, sigh, smell, etc, one at a time and try to pick up as much sensory information as you can. I found this works really well for mental strain. It will really clear your mind.
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| plum |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 06:17:43
Utterly heartbreaking.
I started crying when I thought it was about to end happily. The turn is too much.
Thanks for posting this. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 05:54:20
MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...
Source: http://www.nairaland.com/797191/married-not-should-read
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. #9829;
Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love. #9829; |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 05:43:55
Five Simple Rules to be Happy
Source: http://www.ebrew.com/Jess/inspirational/5_simple_rules_happy.htm
Free your heart from hatred.
Free your mind from worries.
Live simply.
Give more.
Expect less.
**********
No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.
Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!
When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God has thought of something better to give you.
When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.
There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.
You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.
It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.
We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.
Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his / her place. Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 05:39:23
What is contributing to these high tension levels that we seem to have yet are not aware of? I am tense because of my symptoms, I am well aware of that, but this other tension -- which Sarno says is in the realm of the unconscious and thus we cannot actually feel it -- this is where it becomes difficult to grasp. I mean for us with TMS it seems like almost anything can set us off. What is totally insignificant for most people, can produce symptoms in us. How is it that something so seemingly minor can affect us in such a major way? |
| plum |
Posted - 02/03/2013 : 04:19:41
Slow down.
Each day, every day, slow down.
Sunday morning. Mahler plays softly in the background. Birds coo. The bells of St. Peters peel in the high street. The world turns more slowly today.
For me the key to slowing down is to become more sensuous, to enter the realm of the senses. Move slowly. Breathe slowly. Indulge each sense, the aroma of fresh linen, frying onions, orange peel, and real coffee. Wearing clothes made of natural fabrics, cotton and silk especially. Sleeping in cool cotton sheets. Enjoying my food shop, selecting the plumpest, ripest fruits and vegetables, relishing their colour. Noticing every detail. Cooking is wonderfully mindful.
Music. Laughter. Bathing. Bubbles. Mess. Smiles and cat-naps... |
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