| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 03/13/2005 : 13:17:58
hey gang!
I've been reading Hay's Heal Your Life for the past few days and am finding it to be quite helpful. Case in point: Hay seriously propounds the notion of loving yourself and being aware that you are in fact loveable and likewise, deserve love. This resonated with me, in particular because just a few weeks ago--and throught the course of the past couple of years, actually come to think of it, a greater portion of my life--I found myself thinking about how I could never imagine someone being able to love me, and furthermore, how I have a hard time showing and expressing love.
This is something I've been working on in therapy, but it wasn't until after reading a few chapters in that Hay that I realied that I really must begin to change this counterintuitive thought pattern. I can see how this ties into TMS, in the sense that many of the TMS traits may stem from a negative self image. Is this something that you would say is important to TMS recovery?
In addition, remember how just the other day I was posting about how great things have been going? Well the past few days have been kind of a step backwards; something that I know is to be expected in the recovery process, but that has been getting me down nonetheless. I keep beating myself up because I have been spending time obsessing over how my headache--and other symptoms for that matter, namely the fatigue--might be caused by my rx antidepressants and nutritional supplements which I take for my skin health.
This is completely TMS and is something I have been struggling with for years. It just bothers me that I find myself going back to these thought patterns, which to this day still seem just as compelling as when the day they first entered my mind.
Also, I've been getting kind of down how I've been doing the work since the end of October/beginning of November and am still grappling with pain and symptoms. I am aware that this is just a passing feeling and am trying to stay strong. Just the other day my therapist even told me, "Seth this isn't McDonalds."
It's just that sometimes I feel as though everyone is getting better and on with their lives except me. I assume that this is something that everyone feels at one time or another. Yes, I am aware that everyone recovers on their own timetable and that oen should not concern themselves with the length of time it takes in the first place; but with my senior year of college ending, commencement, finding a job, etc. and still dealing with this painful nonesense that I've had since I was 17, I cannot help but say I'm slighly down.
But I must hold my head--and my headache--up high!  I know I'll get through this, as this whole experience is one of the most challenging things I'll have to face in my life. Sometimes though, I am just so hard on myself (classic TMS I know): for instance, if I don't run as much as I felt I should have, or not done enough TMS work in one day, I feel as though I am sabotaging myself; again, it's the gremlin at work.
Did anyone even hold similar feelings? That if they found themselves thinking physically during a TMS "low" that they were bringing themselves back to square one? Whereas in the past I was sort of "clinging" to the symptoms because they were all I knew, they were comfertable; now, I truly am ready to get rid of this ****!
But some good news! I have been really trying hard to get myself out there and start taking the steps necessary to score myself a date! I you remember, I jsut recently (this summer) came out of the closet and have had zero experience sexually to boot. So I've been going to bookstores to do my homework, becoming more confident about making eye contact, and just all around trying to put myself out there, because I can't complain if I don't take action right?
It's just that--and I know this may sound silly--but I've always been told that I ook like a model or a movie star--especially after my nose job, yes I got a nose job  --and quite frankly, this bothers me a lot of the time because it makes me even more self-conscious. Plus to constantly have people looking at you, especially when you've had so little sexual experience, is a bit much.
So I guess I just need to realize that it's ok that everything isn't gone yet, and that everything is a process, albeit unfortunately a slow one sometimes, and that vitamins, medications, or no vitamins and medication, I have to stop with this same old nonesense.
I guess I could use some advice as to how to stay focused on the here and now. I do employ the TMS principles throughout the day, but sometimes I find myself thinking about them too much. What can I do instead?
Once again, I know this is just a passing phase, as I was just starting to really see improvement just a few short days/weeks ago.
Seth |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Stryder |
Posted - 03/14/2005 : 21:30:39
quote:
Originally posted by Seth
THIS IS ALL TMS, NOT TO MENTION LUDICROUS!
"Buzzzzzzzzzzzz, <click>
The time is 7AM! Good morning TMSers!
You are listening to W T M S on your radio dial - All TMS - All the Time !!
got sarno?
<click>"
-Stryder
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| lobstershack |
Posted - 03/14/2005 : 21:20:55
I think that is exactly the boost that I needed. It's so curious, you fight so hard to get out of a particular thought pattern and once you're back in the throes of it, the urge to stay there and "schmooze" is almost irresistible.
Can someone please whip some sense into me?: I cannot seem to stop obsessing over how the handful of vitamins/suuplements and rx's can be causing my symptoms to the extent that even if I'm doing the work correctly, nothing will ever be able to abate until I stop taking them. Now I see fault with this on many levels but it's so hard to stop myself from ruminating. The amount of Wellburtrin I take (300mg) is pretty standard, although the Lexapro dosage (40mg) is a bit on the high side (recommended for depression is around 20 mg I think), but OCD often requires higher dosages than the FDA approved guidelines (and they're just that, guidelines, my psychiatrist says). But one can see how this is fertile breeding ground for gremlins...especially when the individual has always considered himself "headache-prone."
The thought of me having lyme disease even creeped back into my mind! Something that I dedicated over two years of my life "fighting" to no avail. I was even tempted to ask my doctor to order a LD test today during my physical, but didn't--a wise decision if you ask me.
THIS IS ALL TMS, NOT TO MENTION LUDICROUS!
So, when all is said and done, I know that this is TMS; and a few weeks ago just the thought of any of this would have sounded absurd, but not so much now. Please someone slap me! 
Seth |
| n/a |
Posted - 03/14/2005 : 10:36:38
A negative self-image is such a useless, difficult and truly energy draining trait, Seth. I spent most of my life up to a couple of years ago living in the 'knowledge' that no-one could possibly really want to spend time with me, even though all evidence pointed to the contrary. I was only faking my reputation as a good teacher - that's what I believed deep down.
You mention that you find yourself thinking about TMS principles throughout the day - I wouldn't worry too much about that right now - as time passes and you progress, that will settle down naturally. I was obsessed with TMS thinking for a while, but it doesn't last.
It may be that like me, you will find that everything will gradually come together - the negative self-image makes one a prime candidate for TMS - pain leads to anxiety, which leads to fear, that leads to more pain - self-image is further undermined. It was all tangled up together in my case.
What worked best for me was to practise living 'mindfully', noticing the negative thoughts as they occurred.
In 'Self-Help for your Nerves' - Claire Weekes has a list of 'do's and don'ts'. Some things she lists are worth considering in relation to what you describe, Seth -
"Accept your obsessions and be prepared to live with them temporarily. Do not fight them by trying to push them away. Let time do that."
"Do not measure your progress day by day. Don't count the months, years you have been ill and despair at the thought of them. Once you are on the road to recovery, recovery is inevitible. HOWEVER PROTRACTED YOUR ILLNESS MAY HAVE BEEN (DR Weekes capitals)."
You're on the road to recovery, Seth.
Menvert, you say that you have wasted your youth. Believing that is part of negative self-image, I think. Have you really? I bet if you make a list of what you have achieved you'll see that that is not the case.
Best wishes
Anne
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| menvert |
Posted - 03/13/2005 : 14:48:33
quote:
Originally posted by Seth
I found myself thinking about how I could never imagine someone being able to love me, and furthermore, how I have a hard time showing and expressing love. .....Is this something that you would say is important to TMS recovery?
Yes I myself have similar difficulties relating to loving myself and other people
and I think it's fairly important to deal with on the roads to recovery(for every person, not just significant TMS'ers
quote:
Well the past few days have been kind of a step backwards; something that I know is to be expected in the recovery process, but that has been getting me down nonetheless. I keep beating myself up because I have been spending time obsessing over how my headache--and other symptoms for that matter, namely the fatigue
I find it more or less becomes a skill learning not to think physically... I still have trouble with my latest area of pain, which means I can take a week to subside rather than hours or days like my familiar pain.
quote:
It's just that sometimes I feel as though everyone is getting better and on with their lives except me.
well, I have at it for at least 18 months and although I am vastly better . I am by no means cured.
quote:
with my senior year of college ending, commencement, finding a job, etc. and still dealing with this painful nonesense that I've had since I was 17, I cannot help but say I'm slighly down.
I think maybe you need to think a bit more about this previous sentence... as that is more likely why you're experiencing the setback right now, than anything else, you have said.
I actually feel like I am 30 now and have wasted my youth(lol i am 28 started this disabling pain at 23), and it certainly doesn't help . especially when might be up myself about lack of girlfriend or being able to make friends easily.
quote:
Sometimes though, I am just so hard on myself (classic TMS I know): for instance, if I don't run as much as I felt I should have, or not done enough TMS work in one day, I feel as though I am sabotaging myself; again, it's the gremlin at work.
Yes the gremlin at work.... but I think we all have I am too hard on myself personality trait. If we weren't this critical of ourselves I don't think we would suppress so much
rage etc. , and would not require TMS
quote:
Did anyone even hold similar feelings? That if they found themselves thinking physically during a TMS "low" that they were bringing themselves back to square one?
this happens to me commonly, but then I have to have a proper objective look at my life with TMS... and realise just how far I have come(our brain is not very good remembering pain) . when I realised the things I can now do that I used to not do even six months ago . but then I look back to 18 months ago and think '**** I really have made progress . even though it doesn't feel like'
quote:
start taking the steps necessary to score myself a date! ...zero experience sexually to boot..... I can't complain if I don't take action right?
yes , one day I may be courageous enough to go dating :), the whole thing terrifies me and I feel it is a major cornerstone of why I have major TMS (social anziety) . I have little to no relationship/sexual experience too and im almost 30!! It can be hard not to be myself up, and I keep positive and not give up.
quote:
vitamins, medications, or no vitamins and medication, I have to stop with this same old nonesense.
I believe vitamins and medication generally can be considered in the same boat as PT it something which keep you in the holding pattern that 'I am physically ill'
quote:
I guess I could use some advice as to how to stay focused on the here and now. I do employ the TMS principles throughout the day, but sometimes I find myself thinking about them too much. What can I do instead?
, whatever interests you and can serve as a full-blown distraction is very good when you need a rest/don't have the energy to do all the think psychologically/soul-searching work.
When I'm particularly down and focusing way too much physically . that's when I get a movie player computer game visits and friends do something that will serve as a benign distraction, so my brain could stop using its pain distraction.
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