| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Whoaday |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 10:32:28
Hey everyone,
So I am trying to "master" this concept if you will. It seems to be the running theme of most people in the mind-body realm, to speak on this theme of acceptance. The reason we have pain is because of thoughts of the past, or hopes/fears of the future. If we live in the now, we heal, they say. In other words, instead of fighting, dreaming, hoping for a different reality, we accept the reality we have, and in doing so we release the tension.
My questions are: is acceptance the same as complacency? Shouldn't we all strive to be better versions of ourselves? We all have bad, destructive habits that lead us to this place, should we simply accept, or is there a way to accept while also working toward a better future without allowing yourself to fear it?
I don't like everything in my life as it stands and I do indeed fight against it often. I shy away from certain things/people. I avoid, or I do it kicking and screaming. How does one find contentment while knowing where they are is not good?
Whoaday |
| 15 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Goodney |
Posted - 12/22/2012 : 12:50:12
Steve, no matter how poorly I feel, I always feel better when I read your words of wisdom. Thank you. |
| SteveO |
Posted - 12/21/2012 : 13:00:55
One of the first things in helping them to heal is to explain to them that they are ok mentally. Menninger talked about this in his Topeka clinic that psychotic people "showed few signs of physical symptoms." As they began to come back to Earth, "they began experiencing more physical problems." I see it all around me. The crazy old person is happy and strong physically--free and active. The one with the razor-sharp mind is crippled with health problems. Choose your poison in life. I'm going for crazy.
So you could jump to the obvious and generalize that it's over-sanity that causes TMS. TMS comes from trying too hard, through worry of not being good enough. But as Jung said, "there's no coming to wholeness without imperfection." We can't be better people until we do fail, and hopefully learn from those mistakes/experiences.
It's the burning desire to be so "normal" that causes many health problems as people try to maintain superego's watch through personal tragedies and stress-filled times. We are naturally angered when someone we love dies, or leaves us. It's perfectly normal to experience these 'symptoms of loss', or 'expressions of rage.'
No one here should feel like they are flawed or that they're not healable, or that there's something wrong with them. This only adds to trouble healing, compounding the problem.
In the interview I said that TMS was "the disorder of the overly sane." I don't know when it gets published. But I was glad they asked me because it's critical to know that TMSers are indeed good people, and that they pay a price for trying so hard, and worrying about how they appear; when they're fine and ok.
Have a great holiday folks, you're good people, and mentally tough, make plans to fail more this year, and get off your own backs,
Steve |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 12/21/2012 : 12:04:15
quote:
Originally posted by SteveO
..."is TMS a mental health disorder?".... Dr. Sarno and his colleagues would be horrified by that question.
...So, accept you are ok physically and mentally, but that you're human and have normal problems in a dynamic life.
Steve
Thanks SteveO, I really liked Jung in college, I Aced Pscych 101. I remember the prof was a lovely older gentleman, Dr. Barnes. He reminds me of dear departed Donald Dubin, who was a TMS therapist in LA. He would go to NY to talk with Dr. Sarno.
As Dr. Sarno says: TMS is part of the "HUMAN CONDITION".
TMS'ers, being perfectionists, need to allow themselves to make mistakes, get over it and "enjoy" learning from them. Some American Indians, deliberately put imperfections into their craft designs, to allow the evil spirits to escape.
I liked the following quote so much, I put it in my sig:
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
Cheers
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| eric watson |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 19:25:57
steveo amazing my soul brother
thanks- |
| SteveO |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 17:55:11
Accepting that the body is ok is just one part. You have to also accept that you react a certain way. You have to accept that you fear, and that you have anger. If you deny anger you give it power, "what you resist, persists." ( CG Jung). Jung showed that by denying that you are weak in certain areas, or have certain traits, that you actually empower them over you. Accept you're ok physically, and that you have normal weaknesses and tendencies, and that you aren't perfect. Then you can use those to become better and to gain strength in new ways.
I just did an interview and was asked if these TMSers are messed up people. It was something like this..."is TMS a mental health disorder?".... Dr. Sarno and his colleagues would be horrified by that question. It's thinking like that where people begin to get worse. There's nothing mentally wrong with these people. It's the determination to be normal that causes the TMS. You could say that TMS comes from trying to be too normal in a whacky world. Steady and strong through impossible times. Their TMS allows them to cope through, to be strong, and there for others.
If the person thinks there is something wrong with them, it becomes more difficult to heal, and also to get them onboard with the diagnosis.
So, accept you are ok physically and mentally, but that you're human and have normal problems in a dynamic life.
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." CG Jung
"A normal person is someone you don't know very well." Jean Huston
Steve
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| eric watson |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 14:14:21
quote from whoaday:
.. is there a way to accept while also working toward a better future without allowing yourself to fear it?
yes-accept like dave said that your issue is benign
accept that you will heal with no doubts and if you do doubt then go back to your issue is not benign and stop doubting and do all of this with an optimistic atitude that now you have a cure....this should stop the fear of future troubles but remember im not saying this is all the steps-this applys to acceptance which is a powerful tool in our arsenol and dont forget we wont always have positive attitudes (but) go be negative and tell me what you think.....
youve tried that already-we all have-that dont work right-we accept that we can change-we dont have to be the constant worrier like our parents were-mine was any way-were all about change thats what we do-i think you get the concept |
| eric watson |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 14:04:08
quote from whoaday:we accept the reality we have, and in doing so we release the tension.
yes and no ....see you can accept that you have the pain and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and in time accept that you know you will get better.....
but if you accept that your in pain and keep a negative attitude toward yourself and your recovery ,then this is the wrong kind of acceptance......no positive thinking might not heal you but it will get you a lot closer than thinking negative-this whole program should be approached with a positive attitude-its only one of the building blocks to recovery but a powerful building block it is.... |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 11:51:52
"Attacking your TMS symptoms does not require positive thinking. While it is good to think positively and have an optimistic outlook with regard to your self and life in general, it is not positive thinking that will cause symptom resolution. If so, most of you would not be reading this. If so, there would not be an epidemic of mindbody disorders. How do I know this? Virtually everyone wants
to be well. It is the rare individual who wishes to experience pain and suffering. Most people try very hard to ignore their symptoms, to soldier on. They try to think positively; they try to put “mind over matter.” In one form or another, this is what most self-help books promote. Think positively, just do it, mind over matter are common themes. Others focus on stress management, behavioral modification and relaxation techniques. Don’t get me wrong; these are great skills to have. Undoubtedly we could all do better with stress management and could benefit from honing these skills. However, this is not what will eliminate your pain. It doesn’t require positive thinking. It requires ACCURATE THINKING. Accurate thinking means understanding
how psychological factors affect our physiology. Only when this exists can we truly heal ourselves."
--- MARC D. SOPHER, M.D. "TO BE OR NOT TO BE … PAIN-FREE THE MINDBODY SYNDROME" (Page 158 - 159)
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| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/20/2012 : 10:41:09
Mindfulness and Psychotherapy with Ronald Siegel, PsyD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5iM8aHv0ZQ
Life is right now - Jon Kabat-Zinn on Mindfulness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU7vKitN4Ro |
| eric watson |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 16:55:57
daves right whoaday and shawn hit right on when he said it went no further than that-
if you can see (acceptance) in what dave said,we can also see (acceptance) in that we dont have to be a certain way anymore-
some traits,bad ones,the ones we developed over the years while we werent paying attention or maybe we was so we could get others to act in ways we perferred can be sources of stressors that have turned into triggers that we can accept to change if we need to ,if its part of the cause behind the symptom,
in an easier way to say this-
were riding doun the rd ,a car pulls out in front of us-
our whole life we have yelled ,raved,and put a lot of tension into this thought-why would someone be so stupid as to jump out in front of me like that
and in reallity its these triggers that we have grown accustomed to as well, thats the way we are,
but were not really like that if we dont really want to be-/see -we can change.
it takes awareness to catch these triggers ,or mindfullness,
but when we catch a trait that has been causeing us tremendous stress ,we can change it through (acceptance)
its like well ok i can rant and rave all day about this person
and really who is the one that winds up hurting over it wether its emotional or physical-its us
so we (accept) that we can change this by weighing the options
on one hand we can keep on with this pressure and maybe one day have a stroke
or we can (accept) that we can change this tactic that weve grown to love
or we can (accept) that we can catch ourselves by being aware and decide to change our manners from anger to thanking god that we didnt just get killed
we can (accept) to take the optimistic view and be at peace-
see tension is over sensitized nerves along with other things
so if were going around all uptight all the time then what are we causeing-tension mentally or physically-(its a pain either way)
so we (accept) to take the higher rd and (accept) that we can change-then we (accept) that change is possible-then change occurs-
and people start talking like i couldnt have done it without (acceptance)
now i know this is a lot of (accepting)-but if ya get it and i think you do -then im glad i could help
and remember what dave and shawn said to
if this were summed up into one sentence -it would be -i couldnt have made it without acceptance-(i can use acceptance to change almost anyting)
see i can accept that the situation im in is accptable for now but at the same time im accepting that ill be working for a change-
the thing is what do we need to accept that we have to change and accept that we can do this with peace
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| Whoaday |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 12:36:59
Everyone,
Thank you. I will try to repeat that mantra, Dave. Acceptance as it specifically relates to the symptoms.
Whoaday |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 11:55:34
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
I think of "acceptance" as relating only to the symptoms. Accept the pain as a benign, normal part of who we are.
Yes, Dave, that is a good point and I agree with that..... |
| pspa123 |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 11:25:20
I don't know if the OP is referring to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) specifically, but I must say that whenever I have read about it I am just unable to understand a lot of the jargon. Perhaps it is simpler in practice.
http://contextualpsychology.org/act |
| Dave |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 11:01:25
I think of "acceptance" as relating only to the symptoms. Accept the pain as a benign, normal part of who we are. Accept that the symptoms do not indicate something is seriously wrong with us, but they are harmless. Accept that they are signaling to us that there might be something going on in our life that is affecting us on an emotional level that we are avoiding or underestimating.
I do not see "acceptance" in the broader terms that you imply as being a necessary part of TMS recovery. |
| shawnsmith |
Posted - 12/19/2012 : 10:55:01
I am not sure the language you are using is the kind TMS writers use. Like when you write, "If we live in the now, we heal, they say. In other words, instead of fighting, dreaming, hoping for a different reality, we accept the reality we have, and in doing so we release the tension"
I am not so sure of the validity of this statement, but please correct me if I am wrong. It is a good attitude to have, for sure, but whether such thinking leads to healing from TMS symptoms, I hope it will but I am not so sure.
Healing from TMS symptoms is not a of question of changing anything about yourself. By all means, strive to be better if that is your thing. But just realize that when you do so you place pressure on yourself which can generate inward rage which in turn can lead to physical symptoms. One does not stop living their lives or seek a complete personality overhaul because they have TMS, but arrive at a recognition of how these personality traits can lead to symptoms. The goal, which is the more difficult part, is to stop your brain from generating symptoms. Past Trauma does not go away, stress remains a constant in life and personality traits remain intact no matter how hard you try to change yourself. Healing from TMS, at least from my understanding -- and I am willing to be corrected -- is not about seeking to change any of these things.
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