| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| spaceladybaby |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 03:04:00
Hi Everyone,
I'm looking for some insights into some of my behaviours that can cause alot of stress and ultimately blow up in my face from time to time. I really think they are contributing to my back,neck,jaw,buttock pain which is pretty chronic for over a year now.
I tend to run away from anything that I think I cannot do or put my head in the sand. It's effecting my life especially my job. I'm journalling and meditating and this seems to be coming up. Fear. Fear of what? What am I always so fearful of doubtful about? It's strange because if you met me you would think I'm confident, funny, happy go lucky. But I think there is this constantly running video in the background doubting everything I do or what I will do. Thats alot of pressure. I think the magnitude of that pressure is pressing down on my shoulders and creeping into every part of my being.
I think maybe it's a fear of failure or it's a fear of being exposed as a charalon/fake/useless person and everyone will eventually find out. Its truly awful to be in this state of mind constantly questioning myself. As a result I think I under perform at work.
During the week I found an article on tms in french to give to my french partner so he could understand it more. I put it through google translate and as I read through it I came to a sentence which partly said "alot of TMS sufferers did not receieve the emotional support they required as a child". Wow...this line had a huge effect on me. It felt like the Child in me came to the fore and just sobbed and sobbed. I just held myself like I was trying to comfort a child. I'm still feeling a bit delicate. I wonder is the fear of failure linked to this in anyway?
I can be hugely courageous and brave and then wham baam I behave like this. Its a big conflict for me. I'm sure you guys have experienced something similiar. I also find the workplace environment hard..what people may be saying about me or comments people make that can put me off my stride. My Mother says to me I pay too much attention to how other people behave, react or what they say. I can seem very chilled out but I must be pretty intense underneath. I think I'm a right mess at the moment to be totally honest. Everything is pouring out of me and I dont know how I should handle it.
Any thoughts on this would be very appreciated.
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| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| glowgirl |
Posted - 06/29/2012 : 20:13:42
yes, thanks for pointing that out. It took someone a lot of caring to type in that list.
great quotes! very much appreciated, balto! |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/29/2012 : 11:06:53
quote:
Originally posted by glowgirl
TT i really enjoyed your quotes!
Thank you GG--but maybe you were looking at Balto's post, he was kind and industrious enough to type in that long list. If so it's a good example of how our perceptions can play tricks on us and this is a core aspect of how the TMS gremlin operates.
Cheers |
| glowgirl |
Posted - 06/29/2012 : 09:51:24
TT i really enjoyed your quotes! |
| Wodg |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 22:23:59
quote:
Originally posted by spaceladybaby
I think its in the workplace..this corrporate structure I feel most uncomfortable. The roles people play not to mind the games! How one must behave...it just feels so unnatural and fake and I'm not very good at playing the game..I can't do fake. Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. Maybe this isnt the right place to vent this but it is a source of my anxiety which is probably linked to my personality type.
I really need to chill out abit..
I'm like that, can't fake it, worked hard, didn't even know there was a game! it cost me a lot of money in lost promotions etc
Fake wins...play the game...
I started my own business as I thought that dealing with a client instead of co-workers involves less time having to spend with people who are most likely screwing you over to make them look better. It's true and you don't answer to anyone for most of the time. Suits me much better. Also if you really don't like a client you can say no. If your Boss doesn't like you he can fire you or at least make life very difficult.
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| spaceladybaby |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 09:52:47
I think its in the workplace..this corrporate structure I feel most uncomfortable. The roles people play not to mind the games! How one must behave...it just feels so unnatural and fake and I'm not very good at playing the game..I can't do fake. Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. Maybe this isnt the right place to vent this but it is a source of my anxiety which is probably linked to my personality type.
I really need to chill out abit.. |
| drh7900 |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 06:42:16
In one of the books I've read (probably SteveO's) procrastination (one of my stronger traits) is listed as coming from a perfectionist inc point of view. My first thought was "WHA?!"
But it goes on to list that procrastination is putting off something you don't want to do, and quite possibly the reason you don't want to do it is because you won't do it perfectly and if you can't do it perfectly, you just don't want to do it at all...falls in line, too, with fear of failure.
Fear of failure is a biggie for me. I want to be known as the best at everything I do...if I do something and it's not fantastic, then people won't like me as much...if people don't like me as much, they won't hang around...and if they don't hang around, then I'll find myself alone...these are thoughts I've realized kind of constantly run through my mind. Fear of failure is a symptom in my opinion...a symptom of a fear of loneliness. A result, quite possibly...maybe even quite likely, of not having my emotional needs met as a young child.
But...that's me...just thought I'd share. Perhaps it can help shed some light in your own emotional journey :-)
--
Dustin |
| spaceladybaby |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 06:12:25
Thank you guys..and yeah I need to do more exercise for sure..think there has been a bit of a build-up and too many excuses to get up on my bike. Yeah..we all tend to run away from things..so not to face things that we may not like. I must admit there has been a significant drop in my pain levels since my emotional purge on tuesday. I'm tired and drained but I feel more calm today. I think I am turning a corner and also faced some hard truths this week. Its been along time coming... |
| balto |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 05:40:23
Hi Space,
TT's post would help if you really think about it. People care and think more about themselve than they would about you. They care about how they look, how they being judge, how they perform,... more than anything. They are too busy thinking about themself, they won't have much time to think about anyone else, so don't worry too much about what other think about you.
Below are some quote from Dale Carnegie that I like a lot. I hope you find it helpful.
“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
“Don't be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most do.”
“Success is getting what you want..
Happiness is wanting what you get.”
“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. ”
“If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don't want to be. ”
“It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind.”
“Knowledge isn’t power until it is applied.”
“One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”
“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.”
“People rarely succeed unless they have
fun in what they are doing.”
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.”
“Remember, happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have, it depends solely upon what you think.”
“Even god doesn't propose to judge a man till his last days, why should you and I?”
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”
“Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours.”
“Our thoughts make us what we are.”
“No matter what happens, always be yourself.”
“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.”
“If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.”
“Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.”
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
“Let's not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember "Life is too short to be little".”
No, I don't know everything. I'm just here to share my experience. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 06/28/2012 : 05:16:04
Hi Spacelady,
Using your post as a Rorschach, I'll jump into the fray. I don't know you at all and a shrink would need at a dozen sessions to get acquainted, but this is the internet and we're at the TMSHelp forum.
Mother is always right, even when she's not--that's why our parents know how to push our buttons--they installed them. We should not care what other's think of us--but we will anyway. As long as you can keep your job and they keep handing you a paycheck, your're doing alright--it's just a job. Are you competing with your fellow workers for that promotion--no need to, the bosses son-in-law will get it even though he's a schmuck--this world's about nepotism--otherwise the Sheens, Baldiwins, and Penns of the world would be parking cars at the Brown Derby.
Having to give a French translation of Sarno to you partner sounds like you are saying that he doesn't understand you. Relationships are probably the the biggest causes of TMS tension.
Success breeds success and self-confidence, if you feel you are running away from challenges then it's saying you are not taking things head on which would build your confidence by doing. This fits in with the TMS perfectionist, procrastinator personality. Dr. Sarno says TMS'ers share in the universal inferiority complex--there aren't that many confident people on the planet. The one's that are lead the rest of us around for good or bad. Most of us are sheep, leaders are few.
If you are crying that's probably a good thing in TMS terms, a great emotional release. You are writing and focusing on the emotional in your post and not on your symptoms, another good thing--this shows you are on the right track. If you're running away from things try to turn it into a positive by running really fast and winning the race. It seems a lot of people are running away from things these days, hence the popularity of jogging, ultra-marathons and triathlons--they're also swimming and biking away from their problems--you are not alone.
Are you getting sufficient exercise to release your excess tension?
G'luck
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DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
======================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
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