| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Craigy |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 20:28:57
Hi, first post
I am struggling with guilt and can't seem to overcome the trigger and serious TMS backlash. Guilt for not being good enough, guilt that I could have done more for my father before he past, guilt for not saving my dog Bentlee before he passed. The list goes on.
How do others deal with guilt?
Craig |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| MichaelB |
Posted - 05/22/2012 : 23:04:21
Craigy,
I certainly believe guilt has done a trip on me. I'm dealing the best I can. Mine may be a little different than others and then-----my guilt is an ex-wife. She was a good woman but I was not as good a husband. Don't want to go into details but i was bad and regret it. Always have. Now she has passed and was chosen by her to by the executive in charge of her estate. Was it that I was the one that she trusted most or is it revenge? In either case I have felt a greater guilt and regrets, especially being there when she became sick and at the time of her death. That whole time was when my TMS really acted up. I am dealing with it and figure it is a lesson. Guilt is correct. Big trigger also.. I'll work it out.
And STEVE thank you for your book. I have it on order and expect it to arrive at any moment. Thanks for writing a manual on TMS.
Michael B. |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 05/01/2012 : 13:18:59
No worries Lynn, the print is really big and it's a TMS spellbinder. |
| lynnl |
Posted - 05/01/2012 : 13:05:56
Good grief!
How big is this book?
For me, the continuity gets lost if I take longer than a few days in reading one. 
Lynn |
| SteveO |
Posted - 05/01/2012 : 11:15:50
Craig this was an excellent question. It hits at the very heart of TMS. As Dr. Sarno insightfully noted, the large majority of his pain patients suffered because they were trying to be good people. He even used the word "nice" to describe them. They wanted to do what was right.
But there remains the residual child, or id, or undeveloped self, or shadow aspect, whatever you want to call it--a rose is a rose. This side does not like these demands of HAVING to be good, and so it rebels in equal opportunity. Trying to be good when deep within we don't want to be good creates The Divided Mind. The result is guilt because of the deeper desire to want to be good, when deep within we don't want to be--but know that we should. The total self is now conflicted and symptoms begin to bury the deep emotional conflict because we never learned how to properly express ourselves due to our upbringing.
Also, whenever we lose someone we love, or something bad happens to us the inner child will always blame self. Psychiatrist Clancy McKenzie, MD, said to me, "Steve, what child doesn't blame self?" Blame = guilt.
So over the years it became more clear to me that guilt was a major trigger in TMS, if not THE trigger; although there are no absolutes. As Georg Groddeck, MD, wrote nearly a hundred years ago, "For every human being experiences something of pleasure in suffering; every human being has the feeling of guilt and tries to get rid of it by self-punishment."
This clicked with me in the good doctor's first book when he inserted the work of Karen Horney, MD, regarding the "tyranny of the should." I should be doing this, I should have done that, I should call this person, I should have stood my ground, I should...I should...I should...I should...in tyranny.
The only way this can have any emotional impact is because of guilt. But the problem is that we already don't care deep within...but we know that we should. The good doctor referred to this part as the "don't give a damns."
That was a large part of how I healed from debilitating pain as I pieced the TMS mystery puzzle together, one shot of penicillin information after another.
Craig you finished that book fast. A man from Australia told me he couldn't sleep until he finished it so he stayed up for 2 1/2 days, so he owns the land speed record so far. Most people are taking about 3 months on average to read it. They are now on their second read-throughs and finding something new they had missed the first time.
I wanted it to be a TMS handbook that people could return to for the rest of their lives. There is a lot in there to digest. Each word was carefully chosen, and each topic has a specific reason for being there. I've heard people say it went off tangent but they don't understand why certain pieces are in there. Gradually over time they may, but I'm getting emails on every aspect that is connecting with many people in pain--so the larger message is landing.
Cathy, I have been really surprised by how many people have emailed me saying when they began reading my story their pain began to skyrocket and bounce around in their bodies. I hadn't contemplated that, but it makes sense now. Andrew Weil, MD, has stated that it has a far more powerful impact in healing to seek out someone who has healed from what you have, than to just listen to a doctor's words. I believe the deeper brain "believes" that healing will take place when it "sees" other people healing.
Words can be idle to the deeper brain which is why affirmations are useless at times if the deeper self does not believe the affirmation--more strongly ingraining falure by masking negativism. So the reverse may also be true. When someone reads about someone getting worse the deeper self will begin to match that same feeling by panicking (e.g., social contagion). At least half the people who have emailed me have said their pain initially increased but then dramatically calmed when they were done reading my story. Caveat emptor.
SteveO |
| Cath |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 08:11:58
Hi - guilt is a big problen for me too. Seems like I have been feeling guilty for just about my whole life. Similar issues to you too Craigy - guilt for never being good enough, guilt for my first marriage not working out and subsequently having to raise my son alone guilt for not doing more for my Mum before she died of cancer 4 years ago. My current guilt is for feeling trapped at home to look after my little dog. He has a lot of health issues and I have made myself isolated to look after him - it's not his fault, and I love him dearly, but I often feel resentment for having to stay home with so much. I have been working with a TMS Therapist here in the UK, and although my mood most days has improved considerably, my pain has not diminished. It's there when I wake in the morning and gets worse until I fall asleep at night. When I wake in the middle of the night, it's often difficult to get back to sleep because of it, even though I try to focus on something else.
I am trying to get an appointment for some psychotherapy, with the hope that I can resolve some of these issues. I know that I have to change, and have recently felt that I may be finally getting somewhere, only to come crashing down again with the pain taking front stage.
Incidentally - Steve O, I am currently about half way through your book, and I'm finding it truly inspirational. It's taking me a while to read it, as reading without my pain escalating is one of my conditioned responses, but I am actually finding myself almost relaxing when reading it. Your words are really hitting the spot, and when I've finished reading it for the first time, I intend to read it again, and again, until my stubborn subconscious finally gets it.
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| Craigy |
Posted - 04/30/2012 : 06:49:19
SteveO,
Thank you for your response and most of all thank you for your book! I devoured it in just 2 weeks, very very informative and helpful to me. It's been my recommendation to those who havent considered TMS as the root cause of their pain.
Craig |
| SteveO |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 22:13:03
Guilt IS the problem. My editor and I bandied back and forth, he felt it was shame, but I knew it was always guilt in me. Guilt is the antagonist in the play; that's why Dr. Sarno stated that TMSers were nice people, struggling between the shoulds and the don't give a damns--stuck in a personal conflict. The byproduct of this specific conflict is guilt due to societal construct, religious beliefs, or simply wanting to do what is right.
My entire book is based around the concept of guilt. The last page of it converges to the point of guilt. This was a great question.
I dealt with it by finally understanding that I couldn't change what was. No one in my situation, given the life I was handed, could have done better than I did. I suppose it comes down to finally learning to love yourself for who you are and not for what others have taught you that you should have been when you were growing up.
It a gnosis. If you can't forgive yourself, you can't forgive others and you end up isolated and alone.
SO |
| Marlawantstohike |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 20:46:03
I knew my guilt and anxiety were more than I could do alone and stick with TMS.
So I found a counselor that is working on me with it. She is great, she doesn't just listen, but like Sarno says you need someone engaged that will challenge you to face things.
A couple of days ago I was talking about my guilt then I went off on a tangent, she said no we have to stick with this. I thanked her because I could see then what I was doing, I didn't want to sit with my guilt and face it.
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| Busted |
Posted - 04/26/2012 : 20:39:23
I have a lot of guilt too. I wish I knew the answer. Hopefully someone here will have some suggestions. |
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