| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Beckie |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 12:31:12
I am so confused, I had a fusion in 2009 L4/L5 but after a few months the pains started to come back again, I read Dr Sarno and other tms books and joined this forum and knew I had TMS, I have struggled as many have but seemed in the last few months to be doing really well, a lot of stressful things have been happening over the last couple of years I had a bad fall and broke my leg really badly, I have a mum and aunt I have to look after and in Sept my daughter gave birth to triplets her husband was very ill and they came to live with us so I looked after all of them too. Anyway, 3 weeks ago I pulled the dogs bed to the hall and lost control of my bowels and had the most awful pain in my back and tummy and couldnt get off the toilet for ages and then found it really hard to get into bed, I was in a terrible panic by the morning I had pain in my back like before my fusion but could move again. I have been to see my osteopath who says I have probably damaged the level above which now seems very unstable and probably have an annular tear. He says I need to really take this as a warning and do my core stability exercises or in 8/10 years time I will be in chronic pain and will need more surgery. I had an mri done last week because I got in such a panic and get the results on 27th. I really dont want anymore surgery and wish I had never had it in the first place. What do I do now I have come home and crawled into bed and just cried my eyes out I am so confused and in shock I think. I cant see a future for me, how can I look after my grandchildren, my mum, my aunt, my husband what point is there to my life, I am just a worry to everyone and now I have let them all down again by hurting myself. I am in horrible pain I cant sleep properly, I am back to taking lots of painkillers and I dont want to talk to any of my friends I dont answer the phone I dont seem to be able to get on top of all this or know the right thing to do anymore. I would so welcome some help has anyone on here had a fusion or been in a similar position. I really do believe I have TMS but I cant understand cause it seems that I have hurt myself. |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Beckie |
Posted - 03/21/2012 : 10:56:45
Thank you all so much for your support. I was a wreck yesterday but today am feeling slightly more in control. I have spoken to my best friend and received flowers this morning she was so upset to hear how I was feeling and said I must phone her anytime. My neighbour has taken the dog out for a walk and will do everyday and has offered to go to the doctors with me if I want to. I think I just went into melt down after all the things that have been going on and to hear that from the osteopath just tipped me over the top. I had to take my aunt to the hospital for an appointment today but actually that helped me get out as I really didnt event want to leave the house. Of course you are all right I need this to now be my time, I have been so caught up in all the dramas of late I never gave myself a thought I just wanted to help everyone else. I have always felt so responsible for everyone elses happiness. I go to the Hospital Tuesday and my daughter will be with me then I need to really sort myself out, as least I have finally stopped crying. Thank you all sooo very much. Beckie x |
| Joy_I_Am |
Posted - 03/21/2012 : 08:20:14
Beckie, dear girl, you sound at the end of your tether! I don't know how you got to be looking after six people... sure, babies need to be cared for, but why are you responsible for the welfare of all the adults around you? Your body is most certainly saying No! It is so sweet of you to try and look after them, but it isn't fair, and it's clear that the point has come where you have to start doing things differently and taking care of yourself.
Try not to focus too much on the investigations along the way - just collect the medical info you need, and then, as Mala says, think about taking this to a TMS doctor. Don't think that anything is 'the answer' yet, it's just stuff you're picking up along the way to help you sort this out. There is no rush, don't put any more pressure on yourself. Just gently find a way, bit by bit, for your life to work better for you.
And absolutely, do not lose touch with your friends! The worst thing to do is isolating. Even if you have to say to them 'Look, I'm having this rough patch right now, and you might need to hear me out while I work this through, but I will get stronger'. From the sound of things, you are the sort of person who will have offered lots of support to your friends over the years. True friends love to be able to repay that sort of support; you seem to get some pleasure from helping people - now allow them to have that pleasure by helping you!
Be loving and patient to yourself, Beckie! |
| mala |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 20:02:18
Becky, so sorry to hear what u r going thru. Sounds like u r going thru a rough patch.
Wait for the results of the MRI. Its good you went for one. Hear what the docs have to say to rule out anything serious. Then if you still think you may have TMS, try to find a tms practitioner who will validate that for u. We are here to give you as much support as you need BUT WE ARE NOT DOCTORS . It is important for you to get the correct diagnosis.
You seem to have a lot on yr plate. Its a great job that you are looking after so many people but it is also obvious that you are running yrself ragged both physically & emotionally. This may be contributing greatly to yr pain. Your entire focus- past, present & future seems to be looking after other people.( You may want to ask yrself why ) That's putting a lot of pressure on yrself & perhaps this is your mind/body's way of rebelling. Obviously other people have come to depend on you greatly but you need to prioritise & let them know there is only so much you can do. The pressure you are putting on yrself is manifesting itself as pain to warn you so listen to it.
If it is TMS you WILL have to change the way you think & behave if you are to get well. If you ignore the signs which are very obvious, then you are doomed to be in pain all yr life. Don't feel guilty about not being able to look after everyone. Choose who needs yr help most and ask all the others to chip in and do their bit.
And think about what is really going on.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| balto |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 18:52:10
Hi Beckie, I think you should get the whole family together and tell them how you feel and how your body feel right now. Ask them to stick together and hang tough, everyone contribute however they can and ask them to all be positive, understanding, helping, and love each other. You will all be tougher and in a much better position in a short time. Ask your church and church member if they can help out. Ask your friends, your neighbors if they can help out. I think Many people would love to help, most were just affraid to offer help without being ask for fear of offending you.
Be strong and be hopeful, it is only tms trying to fool you. I don't think your dog bed is heavy enough to cause the pain. With all those family issues to deal with, it is no surprise to have all that tms/anxiety symptoms. It is just normal, the pain will go away when you can make yourself more at peace, more acceptance.
Goodluck Beckie.
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| tennis tom |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 18:10:11
Beckie, you are depressed and have good reason to be with the family burdens you are having to deal with along with your own physical issues. I doubt you could have damaged anything by pulling your dog's bed, that may have been your TMS kicking in to protect you. You should probably get some anti-depressants from your doctor and if your health plan allows for it see a psychotherapist, a TMS conversant one if available. Discuss depression with your physician. Your story is one of the toughest I've read here.
Good Luck
==================================================
DR. SARNO'S 12 DAILY REMINDERS:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0dKBFwGR0g
TAKE THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS TEST
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Some of my favorite excerpts from _THE DIVIDED MIND_ :
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2605
==================================================
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Jiddu Krishnamurti
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Author Unknown
"Happy People Are Happy Putters." Frank Nobilo, Golf Analyst
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." Mark Twain and Balto
======================================================
TMS PRACTITIONERS:
John Sarno, MD
400 E 34th St, New York, NY 10016
(212) 263-6035
Here's the TMS practitioners list from the TMS Help Forum:
http://www.tmshelp.com/links.htm
Here's a list of TMS practitioners from the TMS Wiki:
http://tmswiki.org/ppd/Find_a_TMS_Doctor_or_Therapist
Here's a map of TMS practitioners from the old Tarpit Yoga site, (click on the map by state for listings).:
http://www.tarpityoga.com/2007_08_01_archive.html |
| lynnl |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 16:02:03
I agree totally with Marytabby and Back2-it.
Barring some severe trauma (car crash, etc.) in my opinion there's virtually no chance the spinal joints would ever require such surgery.
That's such a common theme, drastic surgical procedures which ultimately prove totally ineffective. Of course that's water under the bridge now. But since it took a matter of months before the pain returned, it's highly unlikely the surgery physiologically aggravated the problem. ...it just didn't help.
Lynn |
| Back2-It |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 14:36:04
Beckie,
Some people will help you on this board, because unlike most forums, this one is for help and encouragement and not for defeat.
YOU HAVEN'T LET ANYBODY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is part of the "goodist" attitude that gets us to pain. Just clear your mind of that. You must!
You have a very heavy burden, with all those people in your care.
Probably what I would do is see, if you can, a TMS doctor. I'm not sure is there is a listing here, but you can check TMSWiki.org, because there is one there. Or if you identify your location, people here can tell you. Get a second or even a third opinion, but see a doctor who specializes in chronic anxiety/TMS.
In the stressful condition you are in now, it might be advisable to try anti-anxiety meds for a short time and an anti-depressant. It will help to settle your mind. That is only my opinion, but I've been to screeching panic and back, and sometimes we all need help. Nothing to be ashamed of and it is not a weakness.
That's all I can offer. Others on here are more qualified and experienced and have even had back surgeries. In fact, you can do a search and see for yourself.
Read the "success" stories. They will help to change your thinking.
Answer your phone for your friends, and ask for help. When I was taking care of somebody I never did. Ask for help. It's your turn!
Prayers and thoughts.
PS, I had an MRI and wish I never did. I would never again. If I were you, with what I know now, unless the doc called you, I would not view the results. They will probably show a disc or two out of place, which is normal, but in your heightened panic, it will be translated as disaster. You don't want anymore surgery, and some doctor is likely to talk you into it. THAT IS MY OPINION ONLY. I think MRI's are only useful with traumatic crashes or accidents.
"Bridges Freeze Before Roads" |
| marytabby |
Posted - 03/19/2012 : 14:10:08
I'm not competent to reply to all of this but the first part seems obvious. You had a fusion and the pain came back. That tells you it wasn't the issue to begin with. Not sure what happened with the dog bed incident but the fact that panic set in probably set off the back again. Feel bad for you. I don't even know what an annular tear is but I think all the panic and anxiety are bringing on a lot of TMS in itself. The cure for that? Go read the books again.
Good luck. |
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