| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/15/2012 : 20:10:55
I've been pain free for about two months now. It's been remarkable. I've been running, lifting, everything. A couple days ago, a few things have been stressing me out. I noticed my lower back starting to feel achey like it used to. I tried to ignore it like I always do when I feel a twinge of pain (it always works and goes away). Then the next day, for some reason I decided to try this new kettle bell workout. Lots of squatting and bending motions. This probably wasn't the smartest move. Now my back is still achey kind of like it used to be. My legs are sore as hell too, but in the good way where you worked them out. But my back being achey is not a good thing. I've been trying to continuously remind myself that it's just TMS. I've been yelling at my brain, letting it know that I am not gonna let it trick me again. Picked up on the journaling a bit more to get my emotions out. I really hope it helps, because feeling pain free these past couple months has been incredible beyond words and the thought of more extended periods of time with back pain is depressing me like you can't believe (actually I'm sure you can).
Anyway, I just needed to vent to someone. Thanks for listening. |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 15:57:21
Erica,
My wisdom comes from years of suffering, I started TMSing real bad ( had it from a young age when I think back) when I was about 22, I'm now 35 and in that time I have known depression to the point of being suicidal twice...I almost actually did it the first time. The best thing about rock bottom is that it's the bottom.....and coming up from there taught me many things. i had to in order to get my life back because I thought I was going to end up insane...seriously!
TMS is the best thing to have ever happened to me, because I'm now the strong man I am because of it!
Choose your pain Erica......it's not something you "get rid of" it's just a result of action or inaction. If you don't brush your teeth they'll rot, fall out and cause lots of pain.
If you don't allow your emotions to flow through your body youre telling your mind to protect you from them, they get stuck and rot. This throws the whole system out and you get pain.
acceptance is the first step for you.....resistance creates all suffering.
Where ever you are in your journey be cool with it....just focus on the emotions and let go of the EXPECTATIONS. It doesn't have to look a certain way.
D
Meditate twice a day....start today! |
| Artgal5986 |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 13:52:23
I think what is most frustrating to me is that you hear of all the patients of Dr. Sarno that have been "cured" just by reading the book and in two weeks they are close to pain free and for me that is not the case. I think my own anger of being annoyed that I have to do all this work (and I am not a lazy person, I am really hard-working) to get rid of this thing that has been ruining my life. I am exhausted of thinking about pain, my emotions, and trying to get rid of my stress/pain. It would seem easier if it was a physical condition to take a pill for or get surgery, etc. I guess I have to get over that and just accept that it is going to be hard, but the benefits are worth it. I wish I felt more optimistic about it.
I am right with you stevep, it is discouraging to have a relapse. Any more insight Darko? I feel like you always have pearls of wisdom...how do you do it? (and I'm not being sarcastic, I'm being sincere!)
Erica |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 12:20:15
quote:
Originally posted by lynnl
quote:
Originally posted by stevep
I think something that could really help me is if I were able to cry. I've tried a couple times these past few days, but can't really get anywhere. I squeezed out maybe a little moisture at best.
Speaking from my own experience, I think that is the one single biggest issue. Inability to let the emotions come out. My mother died in 1981. I could not cry at my own mother's funeral!
I wondered at the time, what is wrong with me. I loved my mother. Why can't I cry.
I'm all choked up and gasping and teary now as I recall and write this. And simultaneously I feel my pain instantly subsiding. But I wish I could just break down and bawl my eyes out.
Lynn
Forum member Darko suggested watching Marley and Me. I think I'm gonna try that later  |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 12:18:30
quote:
Originally posted by Dave
quote:
Originally posted by stevep
The crazy thing for me at least, is that I was totally not fearing another relapse. I kind of never even thought about the pain anymore. I was excited about life again and enjoying being able to exercise as hard as I wanted to. But then some stresses hit and BAM it's kind of worse than ever now...
This is typical. TMS is sneaky. You will win some battles but then it will fight back with a vengeance.
It is important not to get discouraged during relapses. You will lose some battles, but stay focused on the war. Use these times to reaffirm your belief in the diagnosis and address the emotional issues going on in your life that you might not be fully appreciating.
I was getting discouraged at first for sure. Big time. I'm trying to get on with it and know that this is just a reminder that I cannot be complacent again. Thanks for the words... |
| lynnl |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 11:01:37
quote:
Originally posted by stevep
I think something that could really help me is if I were able to cry. I've tried a couple times these past few days, but can't really get anywhere. I squeezed out maybe a little moisture at best.
Speaking from my own experience, I think that is the one single biggest issue. Inability to let the emotions come out. My mother died in 1981. I could not cry at my own mother's funeral!
I wondered at the time, what is wrong with me. I loved my mother. Why can't I cry.
I'm all choked up and gasping and teary now as I recall and write this. And simultaneously I feel my pain instantly subsiding. But I wish I could just break down and bawl my eyes out.
Lynn |
| Dave |
Posted - 02/22/2012 : 10:25:02
quote:
Originally posted by stevep
The crazy thing for me at least, is that I was totally not fearing another relapse. I kind of never even thought about the pain anymore. I was excited about life again and enjoying being able to exercise as hard as I wanted to. But then some stresses hit and BAM it's kind of worse than ever now...
This is typical. TMS is sneaky. You will win some battles but then it will fight back with a vengeance.
It is important not to get discouraged during relapses. You will lose some battles, but stay focused on the war. Use these times to reaffirm your belief in the diagnosis and address the emotional issues going on in your life that you might not be fully appreciating. |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 09:00:55
The crazy thing for me at least, is that I was totally not fearing another relapse. I kind of never even thought about the pain anymore. I was excited about life again and enjoying being able to exercise as hard as I wanted to. But then some stresses hit and BAM it's kind of worse than ever now... |
| BecB |
Posted - 02/21/2012 : 08:34:30
Hello,
I can relate to your post because I have had lots of little relapses and am having another painful day. I think I will not be fully cured until I don't 'fear' the relapses. That is way more easily said then done because the pain drives me crazy and makes me so mad. These emotions then fuel more pain and thus the cycle begins. Now that the pain is back I know I am starting to question physical causes again. I am thinking that there is something wrong with my teeth or nerves or jaw. It is hard not to when the pain is bad but again, that mindset will not help anything. I also think that for some, including myself, the relapses are part of the healing journey. You will get back on track. Take it one day at a time. It takes a while for our brain to unlearn this pain stuff but it will happen.
Becca |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 20:31:32
Ok, gotcha. Maybe once I'm feeling a little better I'll start going again... |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 18:42:42
Yeah don't listen to their crap.....most people aren't as evolved as us TMSers 
Bikram is fantastic, and will have an excellent effect of your emotional state which is the most important thing, but stretching will not fix your backpain, trust me I've tried that too. If you go there with the intention that it will fix your back then you'll have problems as you be buying into your brains little lie.
D |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 18:12:22
Gotcha. That's actually something that was confusing me when I was pain free. I stopped going to bikram yoga because I was afraid of the times the teacher would explicitly state that certain positions are "good for the back" etc... |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 17:51:45
If you think the massage will fix your TMS then yes you are correct, if you go to just enjoy a massage and use it to connect to emotions then that is a beneficial thing....I would think.
Change your perspective of the massage....perspective is the most important thing in all areas of life and especially TMS
We TMSers get very rigid about things and that contributes to TMS. I have tried everything and SOME of the things Sarno says not to do I do, and it works for me. I have very little pain and the only reason I do have any pain is because I'm too lazy to connect to my emotions daily.
Experiment and see what works for you.....but the focus must ALWAYS ALWAYS be on the emotions, and not treating the physical.
D |
| stevep |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 17:21:03
Marley and me is a great choice. I've been sitting here trying to think of a movie to get that going. And I'll look more into that yoga technique in a bit, thanks.
As for the massage....I love deep tissue massages. I used to get em a lot. However now that I've discovered TMS, I'm afraid I'm gonna focus on having them try to work out my physical pains, which works against the recovery no? |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 17:15:38
hahaha....if you gotta squeeze it out there is something wrong. Get a movie, Marley and me is a tear jerker, think about your loved ones and how you would react if they passed away....not nice I know.
There is another technique called Karma Yoga that I have used to tap into some powerful emotions. Does happen right away but it does happen quickly if you keep practicing
http://www.tmshelp.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=2529&SearchTerms=karma,yoga
Try it and see if it works for you. The idea is to completely focus on a small task, I roll my thumbs over each other, and think of nothing else. The emotion will bubble to the surface, but you must stay focused on the task even when the emotion comes and don't project the emotion onto anything. First will be anger then after a while sadness.....more after that.
You can always go to a body worker for a deep tissue massage. We call them body workers, as its a special massage that focuses on shifting the blocked energy. IT WORKS, trust me....I have cried uncontrollably during a session.
Basically it's all EFT.
D
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| stevep |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 16:18:38
I think something that could really help me is if I were able to cry. I've tried a couple times these past few days, but can't really get anywhere. I squeezed out maybe a little moisture at best. |
| Stryder |
Posted - 02/20/2012 : 16:01:43
Is seeking therapy giving up ?
No way ! It means you have accepted that your pain is TMS, and you are doing the emotional work to heal yourself. A therapist, like meds, can help you, but neither are the cure. They are a bridge to yourself and in yourself is the cure. If you need the bridge (as some do), its okay to take that path.
Take care, -Stryder |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:37:51
John,
I just saw that i addressed my post to Steve when it was for you.
John,
Take a look at Lynnl's advice, which is on the mark. I would like to just add a few things to it. Your emotions will naturally come out, that is the way the human body works....you just have to allow them. You will probably find that you're not comfortable feeling intense emotion. I hated intense anger because I was afraid of what I might do, and I hated the crying. Real men don't cry was my belief. These days I allow my anger I just don't have to express it uncontrollably, and I've gone even further to the point I don't really get angry much these days, it's really pointless.
My guess is you have heaps of hurt inside, and it's ok mate. Give yourself some love and allow yourself to experience what's pushed down. Sit quietly, and think about the hurtful events, and what you made them mean about yourself allow the tears to come.
I have a cry for time to time and it can get really intense, I remember rolling on the floor for 40min once! Get a sad movie and a have a good cry, once you start crying and you go with it you'll understand what I'm talking about. Terminator 2 made me cry, in the end when Arnie terminated himself.....just killed me man!
Don't have an expectation either, the point is just to get you comfortable with your emotions....DO NOT focus on the pain. Focus on the emotions!
Start meditation morning and night......it's important and helps.
The problem with me was that I generated many negative emotions, and didn't know how/want to experience them. It's a two part process, change who you're being so you don't create the negative emotions and purge the trapped negative emotions from your body.
You can experience and feel an intense emotion and not allow it to take over, this is the key! I can still get activated by my girlfriend but I don't have to go off. I just tell her "ok I'm really activated right now" I allow the anger to flow through me and observe it. I ask why am I angry during or after the event, I usually find it's because of some childish/selfish reason.
Next time you get pissed, observe it and allow it, feel it pumping through your body and how strong it is. Acknowledge it but don't ACT angry.
Hope this helps
D
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| stevep |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:26:46
Great post man. Beautifully stated. I really appreciate that, and it's actually very helpful. I see now that I essentially got cocky, if you will. I think laziness plays a part as well.
Thanks again. |
| Darko |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:23:31
You were ok then and you are ok now, however there is a practice you must do in order to maintain the life you want. Brushing your teeth is important if you want to keep your teeth, it doesn't mean anything, it's just is what it is.
You must keep a healthy relationship with your emotional side or you will get pain.....is just is what it is.
The mind will always focus on the negative and start playing those negative recordings so you start to feel bad when you have a set back like now. You gotta learn to over power that crap and take control of the mind, it's YOUR mind and it serves YOU.....not the other way around....OWN IT!
A set back is a set back in the world of performance and nothing else. It doesn't mean anything about you or TMS, it's just that you didn't do the correct performance.
Go to a mirror and have a good talk to yourself, get that negative crap out of your head and start doing the work again.
Being discouraged and depressed simply does not serve you, and you have little to zero chance of recovery as these very emotions contribute to TMS so it becomes a loop. You have to break the circuit and do something different.
D
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| stevep |
Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:04:37
I'm extremely discouraged. More than I've been in a long time. You've got that right. I think where I may have gone wrong is that I essentially stopped journaling and acknowledging my emotions while I was better. I told myself that I'm "ok now". |
