| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 21:43:02
Hi, all -
I'm just wondering if anyone out there is or has been suffering from TMS related stomach pain/irritable bowel syndrome. Sometimes, when I'm REALLY under stress, my stomach starts flaring up again. Well, this past week, on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst, has been a 10!!! It seems I'm worrying about so many darn things at once, my stomach is clearly taking the brunt of it. It feels like the Alien has invaded my stomach and is tearing it up inside and trying to get out.
Tonight, I just stood in the hot shower and cried for 20 minutes. I tried to think about everything that's bothering me and it seems like a mountain of problems. My husband always says "don't add everything up," but I always do.
1. My dad's undergoing cardiac testing because of chest pains and I was awaiting a phone call today to see how he is. No answer yet.
2. My husband hasn't gotten a pay check in 5 weeks, but is plugging away at new job as a loan officer. Our whole routine has changed; he must be in bed by 10:00 at night (we always hung out downstairs and watched t.v. and relaxed all night and then I'd go up before him at 11:00. I liked the old routine). He must be up at 6:00 (yuck! I am not a morning person and can't stand listening to the blow dryer, electric razor, and all the other gadgets he's got in there. He comes home for lunch and gets on my back about what I'm doing or not doing in the home. Previously, I didn't see him all day. I like my space.
3. Our youngest daughter is being bullied in school by a horrible girl and I want to go to the principal. Our daughter insists this will make things worse (I agree) but my stomach is churning thinking about what a little b---- this kid is and how I'd like to get her expelled from school.
4. Our oldest daughter is still complaining about stomach pain and today I finally took her to the doctor who diagnosed "gastritis." I'm a mom, I have to worry about my kids!!!
5. The best friend that I tried to terminate my friendship with is still wanting to resolve things and is calling me asking me to meet her and discuss it over a glass of wine. Last week we attempted to talk for the second time in two weeks. There was a lot of shouting on her part and three times during the conversation I told her I think we need to end our friendship because it is not working and is too painful. Obviously, neither one of us knows how to just "end" it.
It felt good to write all this stuff down. Lord knows I can't keep carrying it around. I feel like I'm going to pop a cork if I have to keep pushing it down.
I've had stomach problems since I was a kid. For some reason, that is the place my body loves to hold stress. I've had every test known to mankind, except a colonoscopy and I'm ready to schedule one of those just so I can prove to myself once and for all that there's nothing wrong -- only the thoughts that are cluttering my mind.
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Now, I'm going to go take some deep breaths and try to relax.
Laura
|
| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/04/2005 : 16:18:22
Thanks, Anne. I found your post very comforting.
I just picked up my daughter from school and everything is MUCH better!!! In fact, the principal is so wonderful, he has been checking in with my daughter throughout the day. He took her aside towards the end of the day and told her that the bully, Madison, herself was picked on and bullied last year when she was a 7th grader. He apparently told Madison "You know, last year when you were being bullied you came to me and I protected you and I helped you. Now I need to do the same for Sarah, and you need to help me by being nice to her. You need to stop." My daughter had a good day and she's happy again. Life is good.
Thanks again for the support. It helped me get through it all!
Laura
|
| n/a |
Posted - 02/04/2005 : 11:17:51
Anyone - whether they suffer from TMS or not, would be in knots over this, Laura. It's the hardest thing in the world when your child is suffering and as she can't see that you are doing the right thing, that makes it doubly hard. I know it's no comfort to you to say, but she will see that what you are doing is what she needs in the long run. She is hurting badly and is taking it out on you - the person she can safely do that to. She knows that you love her and will support her no matter how she behaves towards you - she wouldn't be being horrible to you, if she didn't know that.
Take care of yourself
Anne
|
| Laura |
Posted - 02/04/2005 : 10:40:06
Hi, everyone,
I just got back from meeting with our daughter's principal. Unbelievable. I was so certain this kid would be expelled based on what she's already done. However, since she has not physically touched our daughter and since it turns out that she was not the actual person who said they were going to "kill" my daughter, then they are not going to remove her at this point. Instead, the principal is going to bring her into his office (probably at this moment as I'm writing this) and call both of her parents (divorced) and make them aware of the situation. She will be told that if she continues her behavior, then further consequences (expulsion) will follow. Also, the principal cannot just "expel" a child on his own. It must go before "the expulsion board" to determine if the behavior warrants expulsion. What a freaking mess!!!!!!
My daughter has no trust in me now and feels that she can no longer share things with me. This is very sad to me. She slammed her door last night and told me she hates me for ruining her life and this morning she said that she wants nothing to do with this and wants to simply go to her math class. We let her go to math and decided to wait and let the principal call her out if we needed her there. He will be talking to her face to face today to get all the information down and get the story straight from her mouth. The principal did tell us that it's painfully obvious that this bully, Madison, is taking the sleazy, inapproriate situation she got herself into and deflecting it all onto our daughter, Sarah. The problem is, now Madison has all her fellow 8th grade buddies making up rumors, making rude comments, and glaring at our daughter. I do not envy my child!!!!!
Thank you everyone for your support. My stomach is literally "in knots" over this and I know that is the problem. I don't handle stress well - it almost always finds it's way to my stomach. I'm going to try to think calm thoughts (meditation might be a good thing right now) and relax. It's all in the principals hands at this point. I can only hope and pray that it all works out.
Laura
|
| tennis tom |
Posted - 02/04/2005 : 07:39:02
Laura,
I'm assuming the school deputy is a police officer. Tell him about the cell phone call and give him the phone number it came from. The "vile" message could be a crime depending on what was said. It could be considered an obscene phone call or possibly a terroist threat. depending on its content. If the "deputy" does not take action to your staisfaction, call the police to either meet with you at the school or at your home. That is their JOB--that's what they do. Your daughter is being trumatized as well as other kids too, im sure. If the police don't take action, move to a community that has values rather live in one that hides in fear. Let the police do their job, that's what they get paid to do. |
| Fox |
Posted - 02/04/2005 : 07:25:04
You are doing the best thing. Good luck. You really do have a complicated situation. Let us know what happens. |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 18:45:03
Well, the latest is not good. I picked up my daughter from school and when she got in the car I asked her how things went. She said she couldn't tell me what went on because she knew it would upset me and that I would go to the principal. I said "you still need to tell me." She eventually told me that today, the bully called her a b---- several times, and at one point told her she's going to have her friends "kick your ass." That was enough for me. I called my husband after I got home and he called the school and left a message for the principal. Now we get to go to the school at 8:00 in the morning and there is going to be a school deputy there and everything. Oh, my God! What a mess! Our daughter hates us and is holed up in her room, where she just ran to and slammed the door. She is terrified of the repercussions of this and keeps telling me "You have ruined my life." I know it is my job to be her parent and not her friend. It's just that this is really painful. Wish me luck tomorrow. I think we're doing the right thing, but my husband keeps asking me "Do you think we are doing the right thing" and putting doubt into my mind.
Laura
|
| Laura |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 13:10:20
Albert,
Yes, I have spoken at great length about standing up to bullies and getting in her face and looking her straight in the eye and telling her to buzz off. My daughter feels that if she keeps doing what she's doing, i.e. walking away and acting as if she could care less about what's being said, then the bully won't have the fun of "getting to her." It's very hard as a parent to sit back and do nothing. My tendency in a situation like this is to get involved. However, we have discussed it as a family and have decided to back her up. I will see what happens today and I'm sure I'll be on here again later with an update. I really want to see this get resolved for my daughter's sake. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than blowing the whistle on this kid and removing her from the school. I agree with Fox that it probably would send a message but these kids around here are so damn arrogant and cocky I wouldn't put it past them to do exactly what my daughter thinks they will do. I mean, this punk got a whole group of boys yesterday to gather around her and she suggested that it would be "funny" to "call Sarah's mom and make up a fake story about her." One of the boys, a real loser in the neighborhood, called our home during lunch yesterday and said something vile to me about my child. They were all laughing hysterically. I would love to call his mother but she's completely unbalanced (has been arrested twice and stars in porn movies) so I tend to keep my distance from her. Besides, it might not have even been her son - I only know it was his cell phone.
In any event, my stomach is churning again so I need to go find something else to occupy my mind until school pick up at 2:00. Thanks for caring everyone.
Laura
|
| Albert |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 12:56:18
This might seem off the mark, but what would happen if your daughter stood up to that girl? Considering their age, I doubt they could really hurt each other. Chances are they won't even fight.
I still feel angry at myself for the times I didn't stand up for myself, and proud about the times I did.
But if you have her take this approach, you might give her a few pointers on how to fight. I don't mean turn her into a martial arts expert or something like that. Just enough so she isn't clueless if she fights. This was my problem with my early chilhood fights. I didn't have a clue when it came to knowing how to fight, and my early lack of fighting success really brought my confidence level down.
Also let her understand that even though the fight might seem bad at the time, it won't last forever. And she'll feel good afterwards. Much better than if she's picked on day after day.
Bullies will always be there if you allow yourself to be a victim. |
| Fox |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 11:38:38
If the bully gets expelled due to your intervention, and the friends of the bully start picking on your daughter, then it will be time to go after them one by one through the school administrators or through the new bullies' parents. Actually, I think that the friends will do nothing, at least nothing flagrantly, once they see that the school authorities are serious about their frequently proclaimed zero tolerance philosophy for bullying behavior. But, if the friends do respond openly in a negative manner, be ready to act all over again.....Now that I think about it, I also intervened with my daughter when she was in middle school -- the bully was a large female who came across as a rather dangerous person -- that bully was expelled for a day, I believe, and the problem ended. |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 11:31:06
TT,
I'll explain (and this is why my stomach is churning and feeling like it is in knots I just know it). I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. My daughter thinks that by going to the school and bringing the principal into it, then she will suffer the consquences for "tattling to the principal." This is the very thing she is suffering from now, because she has separated herself from these two girls and because she has a mom she can go to and talk to about things. She told me the sleazy thing the two girls had done. The rumor of what they did travelled throughout the entire school and even filtered through to the elementary school where one of the girls had gone. My friend received a phone call about it and she called the mother of my daughter's best friend. That mother in turn called me and asked if I knew about it and why didn't I call her (again, I had wanted to call but my husband told me to butt out and just keep our kid away from theirs). Since we forbid our daughter to be anywhere near these two kids, the one girl (8th grader) decided to rally with her lovely 8th grade friends and torment our daughter for going to her "mommy" and "telling." Meanwhile, the daughter of the lady who actually called to begin with is not suffering anything.
We all know people like this girl who is bullying my kid. They get busted for doing something wrong and they try to take the whole situation and turn it around on somebody else. That way, in their mind, it makes them feel better about the horrible thing that they did and focuses the attention on some innocent person who wasn't even involved to begin with. This bully had oral sex in the movie theater. Other students from the school witnessed it and that's how the story starting spreading around our community. This kid has no parental involvement and she's on the path to destruction. Her cousin, my daughter's long time friend, was with her when it happened. She was encouraged to do the same thing and she did it. She comes from a home with divorced parents. Her mom is permissive and her dad is a born again Christian who needs to take his head out of his Bible for a minute and see what his daughter is doing. It's a mess. I don't want my daughter to be associated with people like that. My husband and I told her "When a ship starts to sink, you don't want to sink with it."
I'm sorry. I'm babbling because I'm upset. You asked me a simple question and I never answered it. Our daughter believes that if we go to the school and involve the principal and bring her into his office and the whole nine yards, then she will retaliate even further by getting all her lovely 8th grade friends to continue harassing our daughter. And then what do we do? Expel 10 or 15 kids from school for harassment? I commend our daughter for trying to ignore it but I have told her if it gets too difficult to "ignore" then we do need to take action. Fortunately, the principal is now aware of the situation and a teacher is aware. She has a safe place to go to if it gets any worse or continues much longer. She is hoping that by ignoring it and just going about her business it will stop. I, on the other hand, and holding my tongue but want nothing more than to drive over to that school, grab that obnoxious kid by her arm and give her a piece of my mind. I'm livid.
I will keep you posted. Thanks for caring.
Laura
|
| tennis tom |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 10:35:00
Dear Laura,
I agree with Fox, I don't understand how going to the school principal about the bullying would make it "worse". That really struck me--can you explain that? Bullying has become a hot-topic issue of late and I can't imagine a school administrator not taking appropirate action.
I remember when I was in the third grade, a couple of bullies stole my baseball cards out of my hands. I went home to our family-business and my dad could see that I was shook up about something. He made me tell him what happended and he dropped everything and went back to the school yard and kicked their asses and got my cards back. The playground director applauded him for it and no one ever bothered me at that school again. That was in the late 50's, and of course, in this age of GREAT BUREAUCRATIC COWARDISM, the situation must be handled more "admistatively" unfortunately, or the bad guys get to sue your ass. I have a great respect for my father to this day for doing that and I feel he showed me a good roll model. If by going to the school it makes things worse, you get an attorney and start suing the school--that's how we handle things in this "civilized" era. |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 10:17:56
Fox,
Yes, I agree with you. This is causing me a lot of distress. Our daughter has begged us not to do anything. You can only imagine how pissed off I am with this kid who calls my daughter b----, loser, you name it. All because we told our daughter she wasn't allowed to be with this girl's cousin, who for the past few years has been our daughter's best friend. The best friend and the cousin got into some big trouble (did something very bad with two boys, in a movie theater - our daughter was home with us the night that it happened but heard all about it the next day). Our daughter told us what the girls had done and we forbid her to spend any more time with either of them. She wasn't happy about being "taken away" from her best friend, but she didn't like the cousin much to begin with so that didn't bother her. The cousin torments our daughter daily with comments like "I can't believe you told your parents what s----- and I did. Loser." Or, if my daughter is talking with her friends, this girl comes up and says "Don't talk to her. She's a bi----." She has even followed her into the bathroom and said mean things to her. I spoke with one of our daughter's teachers about it, and she said if it continues she needs to report it to the principal and the school will need to get involved. She believes this girl will be expelled from the school for her behavior, particularily since she is an 8th grader and my daughter is in 7th (harassing kids in the lower grades is considered even worse). My daughter says things will get worse if the kid is expelled because then all of this kid's 8th grade chums who are giving our daughter trouble will really be mad and will torment her further. My husband and I tend to agree. So, as it stands, my daughter is simply walking away from her and not acknowledging her. This is really infuriating her further.
Okay, as I was typing this the school principal called. He's gotten wind of the situation from our daughter's teacher and is going to be keeping his eyes open during lunch time. I hope he catches this kid in the act and she gets busted!!!!
Parenting has got to be the toughest job in the world. Your heart aches for your kids because you know what it's like to go through the things they are going through. It's got to be even tougher to be a kid now than when I was growing up. Wow, talking to the principal has lifted a weight off my shoulders. I feel a little better.
Thanks for your post!
Laura
|
| Fox |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 09:32:04
Laura -- on the bully thing, do contact the appropriate school authorities or the bully's parents directly. I have a daughter at age 14 and a son at age 11. My son has been bullied several times. He never wants me to get involved. I do anyway, and it ends up he thanks me for it later, and the situation has always been completely resolved. Also, I feel relieved and my anger dissipates. You do need to be assertive about this, and you will feel much better if you do..... When I was in high school, I was severely bullied, but I asked my parents not to get involved, so they didn't, and so of course, the bullying went on needlessly for many months, and this was very damaging to my self-esteem and, dammit, I'm still angry about it. |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 08:25:08
Thanks, Susie. Good advice. I think I've been in a negative mode for so long now I forgot that there are a lot of great things too. It did, however, feel really good to get those things off my chest. I slept better last night and my stomach feels a bit better this morning. Thank you for your positive response!
Laura
|
| Susie |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 08:08:55
Laura- I had terrible ibs and when I had the back attack it put me to bed. I have had it in varying degrees for years. When I started reading Sarno the ibs left. Sure, I get a cramp from time to time just like I get a tinge of pain but nothing major. I know what it is and just don't get that involved in it when it returns. I guess it leaves because I am totally disinterested in it. Just a suggestion with your list. You had to really stop and think about every little irritation in your life.. These are normal everyday happenings for all of us. To me,this creates alot of negative energy which is contributing to your angst. If these are the worst things on your plate, consider yourself lucky. Make a list of some of the positive things that are happening to you. I am not saying that journaling is a negative. I think it's a great tool and it definately serves a purpose to reflect backward to try and understand why we are as we are. However, I think that an every day focus on the things that didn't quite go our way is unproductive. Dwell on the positive, not the negative. The sun really does shine most of the time. We are just to involved in our problems to look up. |
| Laura |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 21:46:26
Oops! What I meant to ask is if anyone has had stomach problems/IBS and been able to get rid of them with Dr. Sarno's methods. I'd love to hear about someone who has a success story. I think I'm desperately needing some inspiration right now because I'm really feeling down.
As always, thanks for your support.
Laura
|
|
|
