| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 01/31/2005 : 22:37:18
This is terrible. I just spent 15 mintues writing a post only to have it deleted! Arg.
In any event, what I was saying was that ever since things began "clicking", that is being felt on a "gut"level--which was fascilitated in part I believe to the Schechter CDs--I have been attempting to engage in many of the things I did prior to my chronic TMS.
Case in point: this weekend I was with friends in Greenwich and I decided to go ahead and order a glass of wine. Now I was never a big "drinker"--more of a "toker"--but anytime I would drink I would spend most of my time obsessing over pain and possible diagnoses. I am pleased to say that although these thoughts did enter my mind occaisionally, I did get tipsy and was able to enjoy myself; almost like old times!
I feels so freeing to be able to experience and feel the pain/symptoms and know that everything is going to be fine and nothing is wrong, on a gut level that is.
Now I know engaging in these vices over the past week is not the healthiest way to test out my TMS progress, but it has shown that things seem to be moving in the right direction. I guess what has helped me most aside from what has now become my mantra (Accept, Surrender, Trust) is to stop spending all day thinking long and hard about possible profound psychological issues that could be causing my TMS. Rather, I save this for my quiet time, the rest of the time reminding myself that such thinking is not crucial to recovering from TMS; in fact, by overdoing it you are actually hindering your progress.
I would appreciate someone playing psychologist and helping me try and figure out something: everytime I get back a paper or an evaluation (at Sarah Lawrence we don't receive grade--I know how very progressive of us) I am almost "afraid" to look at it even though I know it is going to be positive and most of the time it is glowing. For instance today, I got an evaluation from my African Art History class that was perhaps the best to date; but I was so anxious even when re-reading it. Any thoughts? Yes I am a complete "type T", perfectionist, goodist, the whole bit.
But getting back to my main point, lets just hope I'm on the correct path and things only keep getting better from here!
Bye!
Seth |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Hilary |
Posted - 02/05/2005 : 06:48:20
Oy, Seth, you could go round in circles with this one forever.
Why not follow the train of thought through? How does it make you feel if you don't get a reply back? What if you received feedback which didn't live up to your expectations? What would that mean to you, and how would it make you feel?
....angry?? Let down? Ignored? Abandoned?
I'm just throwing some ideas out here... |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 21:51:06
I totally agree with both of you. And I must admit something: oftentimes I get aprehensive when I see that someone has responded to one of my postings. This stems not so much from fear of criticism, but rather fear of what might be said, that it will not live up to my "expectations." Perhaps I'm being dramatic, but I do get this feeling from time to time, even when I ask for advice and am given it wonderfully. I wonder why this happens? Maybe it's the TMS not wanting to be banished and thus trying to distract me from the very information that will help me?
Seth |
| mala |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 20:47:38
Yes I am a complete "type T", perfectionist, goodist, the whole bit.
I think you know that you set yourself up that way just from this sentence. You may want to explore issues in your life to do with self esteem but the good thing is that you are aware of this problem and so you can start doing something about it. Sometimes when you are good at things, you start to have very high expectations of yourself and don't want to disappoint yourself. Other times the pressure to do well comes from other sources. I'm no psychologist so I won't even begin to tell you what to do but I suggect speaking to someone who does and explore some of these issues while you are still young.
I sometimes feel the same way. I know that i do things to perfection. Others know that whatever I undertake will be perfect. Yet still ocassionally I say to myself What if...... knowing fully well that I am too harsh on myself to ever cock up. I couldn't fail if I tried.
I used to get my knickers in a great big twist over everything. Not so
much now.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| Louise |
Posted - 02/03/2005 : 11:06:34
Seth -
I think that your apprehension about your papers and evaluations could stem from a fear of criticism, which I think ties in with a fear of failure, which in turn, ties into our "goodist" personality traits. Personally, I'm almost hyper-sensitive to criticism, or any kind of negative judgments. I know rationally that I'm out of line, but it's really a hard thing to kick. I've always hated receiving evaluations at work, even if I knew that they were going to be positive. In fact, for me, receiving praise is almost as anxiety-producing as receiving criticism. Go figure. I think that it's probably all tied in to self-esteem issues. Just one more thing that I'm working on. I am definitely a work in process!  |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/02/2005 : 17:20:40
Hello?
Seth |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 17:40:39
Thanks Mala. But does anyone have any thoughts as to possible underlying emotions regarding what I described in the last paragraph? Also, during their healing process, did anyone expeprience feelings similar to what I described in my post?
Seth |
| mala |
Posted - 02/01/2005 : 05:08:45
Seth,
Glad to hear you sound so positive. Listen a glass or two of wine isn't gonna kill you and it isn't a vice. I had an uncle (my dad's eldest brother) who was a doctor and had his 2 whiskies every evening without fail after work. I never saw him drinking much more than that and he lived to the ripe old age of 88. Don't feel guilty about it and just enjoy it.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
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