| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Joy_I_Am |
Posted - 06/22/2011 : 07:37:49
I've been in such pain the last couple of days. I know why - it's because I'm due to have a colonoscopy in five days' time, and although I fully expect it to be clear - and it's just to exclude physical causes for my IBS (aka TMS) - and I feel enthusiastic about going full-on Sarno after it - I'm still so nervous that I can barely eat and am having a great deal of stomach pain, nausea, jippy tummy, etc.
So I have been doing exactly the wrong thing: surfing teh interwebs! Although the posts saying: 'My colonoscopy was a breeze!' far outnumber the horror stories ('I was screaming the whole time'), you can imagine which ones I'm focusing on... I know, I'm an idiot.
But also, I have been looking up things I can do with diet, excluding dairy, taking supplements, different medicines, yadda yadda... And it made me think: this is an old pattern - looking for 'What am I doing wrong?' Almost 'What am I being punished for?' Like, what big mistakes and wrongdoings in my life are causing my pain? Maybe I can find the right diet, the right exercise, stop drinking alcohol, stop eating wheat, exercise every day, find the magic key that will solve my problems, if I just keep searching and Do the Right Thing... 'You skipped exercise today? Bad girl, no wonder you're in pain, you deserve it. Haven't worked today? This is a disaster, you will never catch up!' Total self-flagellation.
But then I look at my journals, and I see one correlation, and one correlation only: when I am stressed, I get the pain. It is stress! IT IS STRESS! It is simply and only stress! I can eat a five-alarm chilli when I'm in a good mood, and have no problems; I can't even stomach an invalid's eggy custard when I'm in an anxious mood. It! Is! All! Stress! And therefore, of course, TMS.
So I need to get in a headspace where I exercise because it feels good to me and is fun, not because it will 'heal' things. I want to eat for pleasure and health, not as some grim medicine. I can have a glass of wine or a piece of chocolate and then stop, instead of gorging on the lot because I've 'ruined it all anyway now'. I want to work because it's good to achieve and explore things, not because some imaginary god or parent or evil teacher is looming over me and waiting for me to be 'good enough'.
So, my gut is playing up because I'm nervous. Of course I'm nervous! It's a medical procedure, it's normal to feel a bit nervous, you're not a bad person or weak for feeling apprehensive. Thanks for telling me, tummy. But you can stop now; we're going out for a walk and to think about something else... |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 09/15/2011 : 20:54:35
Yo, Golden Girl,
Yeah GG - getting moving - what a concept - it took me nearly 40 years of being American(ish) before I joined in...
And doing the yoga on an app - I completely get it. In fact, I started my yoga journey with a book when I was 18, and I did fantastically well. When I went back 10 years later and had teachers, it became much more confusing! Oh yes, and you mention Pilates: I've always made jokes about it, but it's a free class at my gym and I've been going (we just lie on the floor and sort of wave our legs around mostly) and now I have a CORE. Without really trying. I've found that the BEST method of keeping moving is joining this cheapo Golds Gym and getting a schedule of classes I like and working them into my schedule without thinking about it.
I have to say something about this: "My dad was an arse, sure, but my mum was kind and supportive" - this is the Golden Girl Standard for f*cking you up - one parent who is one way and one who is the other.
And as for how they are now... all that really matters is how they were (or even SEEMED) when you were little. Most of my patients (I've been a therapist for 30 years) are very confused when they have a good relationship with their parents now, because they feel guilty about "blaming" the parents they had when they were young. But it's not about blaming. It's about naming stressful situations and, again, the conflict that gets set up in a child's bod and nervous system when finding herself between a "nice" and a mean or distant parent is HUGE.
It's so much fun to chat with Brit gals (although anyone is welcome to join in here) and I do note your point about the gender thing. There are many different profiles for TMS - as there are for EVERYTHING.
Cor blimey, eh?
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| golden_girl |
Posted - 09/15/2011 : 20:29:26
Abigail Steidley (thehealthylifecoach - who had bladder and all sorts of "female" TMS) has written about finding the right exercise for YOU - I think this is very important! To be honest though, I have been sedentary for SO long, so it's no wonder I put on 3+ stone (that's 42lb + to you Katie, you ex-pat you  )
I am FINALLY realising that no movement = no good, so I have a yoga app on my phone (don't laugh, it's actually really good! I did a session yesterday that really stretched me - pun intended! - and it was only until the inverted headstand poses begun that I realised I was doing an advanced session!) and I'm doing, or trying to do, an aerobic DVD every other day.
I feel that a lot of people, here and in the Sarno books, are very active people - also, very active men. And it also appeared to me, that the "book cures" were men also - successful, driven men who realised "their problem" and solved it. I don't intend to get into a gender discussion - but I do feel there is different types of people who fall foul to TMS, and the active ones immediately want/need to get back to the tarmac/court/pitch etc. My TMS is not about physical activity - apart from the very act of living! - so I won't cure it by pushing weights or running - I'll cure it by bloody leaving the house!
So pilates, yoga, housework, working out, an IRONMAN competition - whatever floats your boat is important - regardless of TMS.
I am so confused of HOW to feel - "my parents were incredibly critical and shaming, demeaning and belittling" - mine weren't! My dad was an arse, sure, but my mum was kind and supportive - now my mum is still nice but a bit loopy, and my dad writes me letters (he lives 10 miles away...) with cheques in them (always there with the money...) but writes stuff like "You make me proud to call you my daughter. You bring me great joy." WTF? My boyfriend thinks it's "nice". I agree, but wtf? This from a man who ignored me at best when I was growing up, and at worst was once or twice physically abusive, and certainly said to me aged 15 "I wish you'd never been born!" Sure, I get he's old now, wants to put all his ducks in a row so to speak, and I see he's TRYING (even though he sounds like a bloody Hallmark greetings card) but WTF. If I'm angry, which I guess I must be, then I'm angry at a man 18 years ago?!
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
| Wavy Soul |
Posted - 09/15/2011 : 15:48:03
I love this thread!
When I saw this phrase" ""my parents were incredibly critical and shaming, demeaning and belittling." I checked and saw that it was written by a Brit, and that there are now 2 British gals and an American gal, and I'm a bit of both - an ex-pat Brit who has lived in the USA for 35+ years.
I was recently in the UK for my stepmother's death. My pain and exhaustion kicked into high gear. I went to several yoga classes and walked everywhere, and the constant movement seemed to keep things moving emotionally for me. That's how it works for me - I have only in recent years taken up "exercise" but I do it because I feel SO much better. I especially like stuff that gets my bod to take shapes that push the edges of what feels like its "natural" shape, which is really a kind of cowering energy formation created by trying to shield myself from parents as above-described. So dancey, backbendy things feel very good, and also my new discovery is that weights actually feel good, a bit like the kind of assertion you are describing above.
I can relate to EVERYTHING said here - including the (harharhar) near-miss on the cough syrup cure!
Please keep this thread going - it has already helped me a lot.
xx Katie
Love is the answer, whatever the question |
| Joy_I_Am |
Posted - 09/15/2011 : 06:21:37
Hi, I'm sticking this new thought on here rather than starting new threads all over the place. But. I've been thinking lately about a dichotomy - on the one hand I am trying to be more at ease with things, not on guard all the time, not over-reacting, not anticipating disasters - basically, challenging my Generalised Anxiety. On the other, I am trying to be more assertive - not accepting bad behaviour like gas-lighting, invalidation, disrespect or bullying.
These seem to be opposite approaches - react less to life, react more to toxic behaviour - but I don't think they are. I think it's about where I'm putting that reaction - outside me instead of inside me. When someone dissed me, my lifelong pattern was always to think 'Don't show you're hurt! Let that go, keep smiling! You can't let them know they've hurt you!' Whereas really, if someone hurts you, you are entitled to say so!
I know this stuff if probably Self Esteem 101, but it's been a revelation to me. It's been quite hard to stand up for myself at first, I've felt awful, sick inside; and I think people are more surprised and displeased when you've always been amenable than when you habitually stood up for yourself - they don't like you changing the pattern. But I swear that this is linked to TMS.
Verr inderesding, *strokes beard*...
 |
| Uma |
Posted - 06/30/2011 : 21:53:17
quote:
Originally posted by Joy_I_Am
But also, I have been looking up things I can do with diet, excluding dairy, taking supplements, different medicines, yadda yadda... And it made me think: this is an old pattern - looking for 'What am I doing wrong?' Almost 'What am I being punished for?' Like, what big mistakes and wrongdoings in my life are causing my pain? Maybe I can find the right diet, the right exercise, stop drinking alcohol, stop eating wheat, exercise every day, find the magic key that will solve my problems, if I just keep searching and Do the Right Thing... 'You skipped exercise today? Bad girl, no wonder you're in pain, you deserve it. Haven't worked today? This is a disaster, you will never catch up!' Total self-flagellation.
Hi Joy, nice to read you. I just wanted to say I can really relate to this! I'm sure many people can here but boy oh boy how many things I have done to the total extreme especially following restricted diets to try and control the symptoms. Guess it's part of our TMS perfectionist personality!! I soooo want to get past that.. don't really know how but hope I'm headed in the right direction. It's actually kind of hard to imagine myself not thinking I have to be perfect to be OK.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your stuff.
:D |
| Joy_I_Am |
Posted - 06/28/2011 : 03:39:53
Hey GG!
Oh yes - the lager cure for sensitive bladder! Shall we patent it?! Seriously, it is the best! Lots of lovely fluid, a mild diuretic, and a little light relaxation for the nerves. I've read that it's good because it's alkaline or something, but really, I think it's for the reasons above. I'm not a big lager drinker, but if I feel a blad-spasm coming on, I'll have a medicinal glass or two. Sorted!
I do wonder if the things we turn to in times of stress get blamed for the symptoms - like, 'I drank all that booze/ate all the chocolate/gorged on pizza because I was so stressed, and now my guts/migraine are playing up'... yeah, or perhaps it's the stress we were trying to self-medicate that's caused the symptoms? Just a theory.
Red wine is my drug of choice, but I find it hard on the stomach if I overdo it. In general, I follow the 'French-style' of eating and drinking what I like, but stopping once I'm comfortably full, even if that's after only a few bites (I'm constantly being asked by waiters 'was there a problem with the food?' because I've left half of it) I always cook from scratch, or if I don't feel like cooking, eat a simple omelette or bread and cheese with fruit. I don't have a sweet tooth, and I don't eat junk food because I don't like it. I exercise enough to keep my systems going without turning it into a marathon of pain. I drink one tea and one coffee a day, and water the rest of the time. And this is not hard, this is not a regime or diet. I figure, this is listening to my body in a good way, giving it what it wants, instead of listening to it in a hyper-sensitive, self-critical way, looking for problems. And it has taken me a long time to accept it is okay to just live simply, without having to be always striving to live 'better', and I think it's all bound up in self-acceptance.
So you're on the right lines when you ask if I feel that I can never do anything right - my parents were incredibly critical and shaming, demeaning and belittling. I know now that it was due to their own weaknesses, but still, the effects of such early conditioning take a lot of time and thought and experience to overcome. It's a work in progress for me, but I'm so glad that I'm aware and working on it. Just like TMS!
I also hear you on the exercise. I've even read that, for our cave ancestors, it would have been madness to exercise for no reason, using up precious calories - so our bodies hold onto calories that we try to burn in that way. If your cave-mates had seen you running around in the sun for no reason, they'd have thought 'Ug is possessed!' and dragged you indoors for a quick trepanning to let the demons out! But playing a sport, walking to a destination instead of driving there, playing, gardening (yay you for that, GG!) - these are all purposeful and productive, you body agrees with that. Of course, some runners get an endorphin buzz from it, and that's another good reason to do it, your reward system recognises it and makes you want to run again. But we're all different, innit?
BTW I was also beguiled by the idea of guaefenesin (sp?), but luckily not the the point of trying it - some sense must have kicked in...
Anyhoo, my main point is, I think, that there's a great difference between living mindfully and living with intense self-scrutiny, and I think TMS is often a product of the latter.
Your post was really useful to me, I've been thinking about it for a few days, but not replied because I have mostly been on the toilet pre-colonoscopy (see 'tortuous colon' post); but it was all fine, of course, and thanks for the reassurance!
Hope you're well, All besties, Joy |
| golden_girl |
Posted - 06/22/2011 : 19:28:57
Know this!! God, that magic key... I had achy knees, in fact I often have achy knees, and when I was in a really bad place, it spread around my body for about a week. So, that was the beginning of fibromyalgia, surely? I looked on the INTERNET, and sure as day there it was. The next 20 years mapped out in full on physical pain. So I found another site, where they do this 'Guaifenesin protocol'. You drink cough syrup, and it brings toxins out of your body, and it all goes away. Sure, I thought! If it carries on, I'll do that! I don't care that it's obviously a pile of b******s, other people have been cured, even though you can't buy it legally in the UK - I can be cured! (PS a woman wrote on here that she was 'cured' by said protocol, only for it to all return, and her to now tackle it through Sarno - I hope she did )
I also bought Freedom from Fibromyalgia by Nancy Selfridge IMMEDIATELY off Amazon, and read that. (Much better choice by the way!)
It is utterly ridiculous to me that I did all that now, in hindsight. And it's easy for me to tell you that when I'm not giving in to that crazy belief structure.
What I can tell you is - my whole achy body went away three years ago. My knees twinge, my lower back aches, my shoulders hurt - and I don't give a damn. My mind is not set up for pain (thankfully! Although I'd give a whole lot to have RSI et al over my current TMS - but that's not the way it works! TMS is specific, and insidious, and it gives you the worst thing that YOU can think of, and holds on for damned life!!)
You KNOW it's stress. I know 8 pints alleviates mine. I drink that, I have a bladder full of lager, and I don't give a flying monkey's about needing the toilet. I'm not embarrassed, I'm not panicking, I'm not freaking out. I deal with it. I feel I have an excuse. As I said before, I need to feel that way, sober. But I know it's stress that causes it all when I'm sober.
As do you. Everyone gets nervous before any medical procedure. It's good to get the physical out of the way before getting all Sarno on it, of course. I would always assume IBS is TMS, but there could be something else. You're getting that checked out - good for you!
When I had IBS, I gave up wheat for a year and alcohol for 6 months. All that happened was I was annoying to eat with, and a complete lightweight. The IBS went, and then later the IBladderS turned up. Quelle surprise.
You say yourself "What am I being punished for?" - IS there something you feel you should be "punished" for?! Do you feel you never do anything right? Do you feel you've never done the right thing, always got it wrong? Do you feel you should always be doing something else/doing it all better?! If yes, then look at how you can chill out, for your own sake! You aren't perfect, no one is, and you are great - just the way you are. Sappy, but it's true!!
Also, and I HEAR YOU SISTER - exercise is an annoyance, at best. I need to exercise, I need to not sit down all blooming day. I need to get out, and to move. One of the best days, physically, I've had recently - gardening. I sorted out all the weeds and rubbish by my front door and made it look, actually, really good! Everyone was surprised (I'm the girl who never does ANY manual labour...) and it was proper hard work! I think the best kind of exercise is that which is a means to an end, in a good way. Something we do when we're not doing it for the exercise value. Gardening, walking home from the shops, housework (!), playing a game with friends, and other such aerobic things(!) are far more fun and active, without running on a treadmill for 30 mins. I feel a lot of people on here with TMS are runners/weightlifters etc and I feel a bit  because I've never been like that, and am not looking to get back on the tarmac/weight bench. No worries - we do what we do!
Right, I'm going to stop wittering now, I hope anything I've said is mildly helpful. I wish you all the best with the procedure - YOU WILL BE FINE JOY! We always are
"F.E.A.R.
Forgive Everyone And Remember
For Everything A Reason"
Ian Brown |
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