| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| severson |
Posted - 05/30/2011 : 15:30:14
Hello again, have not posted in quite a while but am here to seek insight once again. My experience with widespread pain began back in 08 about six months prior to my wedding and kept up until my divorce in October of last year. By December I was back to my old self again with ZERO pain of any kind and enjoying all the outdoor activities I had given up on. In January I met a girl and we started to see each other casually and everything was progressing quite well. She invited me to her family's house for Easter. At 4am Easter morning I got out of bed and my calves were literally locked up, so full of tension that i could barely walk. I did manage to make it to the dinner, however the pain fear cycle is once again alive and well and the all over pains have taken over once again. I know a strong emotional reaction set this off and it all relates to fear. Everything in my being tells me to run because my psyche interprets this closeness with a mortal threat. I care deeply about this woman and would like to work through this but I am not sure if I can endure years of physical pain trying to beat this. On the other hand if I do not I am afraid I will never risk getting close again. Has anyone dealt with a similar set of circumstances and came out on top?
Many thanks. |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| severson |
Posted - 06/03/2011 : 15:17:25
Thanks Art, I am gaining momentum on this the past couple of days. My thinking has shifted from that of a victim to a spectator, more of a passive role, not trying to control it just observing. I have felt my nervous system calm down and it is inspiring. Read a great quote on here the other day, can't remember which member wrote it but it stated "if you resist it will persist" so true for me.
No longer will I be at the mercy of my mind and these symptoms, life is way to short. |
| art |
Posted - 06/01/2011 : 15:08:22
Those are insightful comments. I think we do use fear as a kind of talisman to keep the bogey man away. Without fear and worry, who would we even be? Sometimes I get the feeling that if were entirely fearless I'd somehow get punished for it...
You know deep down whether this is the gal for you. If you love her, and want to be with her, don't let her get away. There's no greater sadness I don't think, than letting the right person slip away forever. It's the worst kind of wastefulness.
As to your fear of pain, you have more control over this than you think. You understand that the pain is psychosomatic already. so you're half way home. Every time you start feeling afraid, take a deep breath and remember that there's nothing physically wrong with you.
It worked for you once. It will certainly work again. |
| severson |
Posted - 06/01/2011 : 13:38:31
I spoke with my therapist today and he seems to think the widespread pain is my bodies way of asking questions, such as, Is your current girl friend like your ex wife? Demanding, never satisfied, always wanting more etc.. or like your mother? Going to abandon you, mistreat you, use you to try and fulfill her own agenda? The anwers are unequivocally NO.
I guess my question is how to convey these important facts to my subconcious and get it to stop sending pain signals to every cell in my body. I'm finding eliminating fear of syptoms is so difficult after cultivating such an intimate relationship with them over the years. It seems they are protection to keep me from getting to close to anyone and becoming vulnerable.
|
| wrldtrv |
Posted - 05/30/2011 : 20:11:58
Severson, I can certainly relate to your anxiety about commitment. I wouldn't say I have dramatic physical symptoms, but certainly psychological ones, including, dread, panic, overpowering desire to escape, and finally, once I have successfully arranged such escape, great relief mixed with sadness. |
|
|
